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Review of My Poetry  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!

Me again--I'm in a reviewing mood this evening! It's because of the three-day weekend! Woo-hoo! Anyway, I really liked this one. I think it is spot -on, because it touches on the fact that as we write, we really do reveal so much of who and what we are. A friend of mine has been reading some of my stuff for me lately and was able to point out a recurring theme that I myself had not seen. When we talked about it, his response to me was, knowing me, he expects to see these things pop up in my writing. I was surprised, but I couldn't deny that it wasn't true. So to then come home and read this poem only a few mere hours after my conversation with him...well....well.

Good job with this one!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of The Daisy  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

I got drawn in by your question: "Does anyone even say this anymore?" so I had to read. It made me smile.

I think I only have one critique, and that's the last line of the second stanza. I don't think it matches the tone of the rest of the poem. Even though the lines of each stanza are very short, there's still a kind of eloquence exuded that is not matched with the word "crazy". Actually, I was thinking that you might reference the fact that when a person pulled the petals off, wherever you were in the mantra when you got to the last petal would "dictate" your lover's feelings toward you. As such, it was really as much of a gamble as spinning a roulette wheel. My point is, it might be worth it to touch upon that aspect....but anyway, these are just thoughts and observations. Use or disregard as you see fit.

Anyway, keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Love#1  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Love, love, love this poem--I can so relate to this!

I've written two poems for myself about this very thing, so I can absolutely appreciate what you have written here and I feel the emotion in the words. From a more general standpoint, I think this type of writing pulls in many readers; from my own experience, I am often amazed how many people respond to poems about loves lost and regret, and when it's well-written, than all the more, all the better.

Thank you for sharing your work--this was really a good one.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of An Empty Nest  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there--

I like this poem very much, because it reminded me of two little empty nests in two different trees in my own yard; your poem effectively evoked the emotions that I experienced when I would spy those two little nests, especially the last stanza. One of the nests had a baby bird that was fiercely defended by its mother; every time my husband would walk by, the mother bird would actually attack! It was funny then, but then one day, my husband found the little bird had died--oh, he was so upset! In any case, I guess the mother bird flew away, but of course, the nest stayed long after..."just an empty nest..." in our backyard...

Thanks for sharing!

Elizabeth John
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Review of Forever and More  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

I think this poem is just lovely and it speaks to a very common human experience that I think many readers can relate to: being hurt and putting up those defenses that sometimes keep us from taking a second chance at love and happiness. The single best stanza in this poem is the last one, bar none. It absolutely hit home with me, and the last line was powerful and moving.

Thank you for sharing your work. It was a pleasure to read!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
206
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Review of Stranger  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

I really liked your poem. This is going to sound a little weird, but I really, really loved the title as it related to the topic matter. I found it so appropriate--who is death, if not a stranger who comes into our lives for a moment and then is gone the next? Additionally, the word itself leads such an air of mystery...which is then amplified as you read the poem. I thought your descriptions were spot-on and my favorite lines of the poem were the first two. Loved the wording!

Thanks for sharing!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Time  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there--

Just taking a mental break from a class that I'm taking and I saw your poem. I really liked this! It was cute and fun, and yet, very poignant. I thought you very deftly hit upon all those traits and characteristics that make 'time' what it is, whatever it is. The pace and the rhythm of the writing and the verse was very quick, making it a very easy read, but also made it flow nicely.

Thanks for sharing your work! Good job on this one!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Pretend  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work! I really liked this poem. It seems that it is a "spin-off" of your other poem "Memories", but for me, this one really hit the mark, I guess because it appealed to my sense of sadness and tragedy. I think it touched upon exactly what I felt was missing in the first poem. I felt a lot of emotion in this poem, and it reminded me of my emotions about something I like to "pretend" about, so good job with the triggers! I think you did well with this one!

Good job!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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209
Review of Memories  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there--

Thank you for sharing your work! This was interesting. I read it because I think that you are onto something with "memories" and certainly, within your poem, I felt that you hit upon something that everyone can relate to, and that is the magic and the power of memories. They have the ability to help us of course remember and relive quite possibly some of the best moments of our lives, especially since they are the only way that we can travel back in time.

My critique of your poem would be to expand a little more on this topic. Right now, the piece is very short, and there is a lot of redundancy in the piece. My other suggestion--although take this with a grain of salt--would be to touch on the good and the bad memories in our lives, and how they affect us, but of course, you don't have to. It's just a thought...my mind typically stays in the dark, and so this is where that suggestion is coming from! *Smile* You're probably not nearly as dark and twisted as I am!

In any case, I hope this was helpful, but please disregard anything that you disagree with or that you feel is unmerited.
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of The Door Into  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there!

I just wanted to see what today's winning entry with the prompt, and man, I wasn't disappointed!

I thought you did a fantastic job with this prompt, but for me, it was mainly because the writing was superb. Your sentences were short and concise, devoid of fluff, but still, very vivid and I had no trouble imagining the scene before me. I liked the character you created, how she came to terms with the demise of her relationship. Actually, what I thought was cool was even if there hadn't been a mysterious door that would take her to her truest desire, your character demonstrated a kind of resilience and inner strength that would have eventually led her to her heart's desire--that was what I took from your story. A strong, fabulous woman on her own and finding herself.

Congratulations on your win today, it was well-deserved!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Prayer  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

I was just passing through looking at people's entries today, and I thought I would let you know that I really liked this one. I thought you took this idea of prayer and conveyed its importance in a profound and exceptional way. I thought it really rang with some eloquence. Of course, you also seemed to meet the structure challenge very well.

Good job with this one! I thought it was lovely and showed real depth of meaning.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Canada Geese  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed a piece of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! This was an absolutely cute poem--I loved it! I thought it was very light and carefree, even as you told the story of the very bad geese and their mischievous ways. The rhythm/rhyme scheme stayed pretty tight, and as a result, the poem flowed very well. I only have one criticism. You wrote:

I never thought I’d ever be

Rescued by a fox!

I think this is the only spot where I had a little stumble with the rhythm. Perhaps you could do something like this:

But I never thought that I would be
Rescued by a fox!

But that's just a thought. In any case, a very enjoyable read--keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Walk Tall  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there--

You reviewed a piece of my earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

I liked this because it spoke to my own personal experience, so I could really relate. Even the description, which for all intents and purposes, has nothing to do the with the actual writing of the piece but still drew me in as part of the words you wrote.

I think you portrayed the emotion accurately, given the nature of the situation that the man was in. When all is said and done, really, what more is there to do other than "walk tall"?

Good job on this one!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
214
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Review of Life The unknown  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (3.5)
Hi there--

You reviewed something of mine earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor!

This was very interesting, but as you stated, it's not yet finished. Only based on what you have here, I think you do have a good beginning, but it's kind of hard to judge because you're not done. One thing I will tell you is that there are one or two misspelled words. Additionally, I'm not sure about the setting of your poem. At first I thought it was the beach, then a lake, then I just wasn't sure. I think it might be good to tighten up the setting as it seems kind of critical to a poem entitled "Nature". I don't think you have to come right out and say "beach" or "forest" or something like that, but just enough concrete clues to nail down the setting for the reading. But that's just a thought.

Okay, well, thank you for sharing what you have so far. Good luck on finishing this poem!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Danse de Vie  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there--

You reviewed a piece of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you so much for sharing your work! I thought this was lovely, tender, and of course, bittersweet. Simply, it told the story of romance, love, life and of course, unfortunately, death. It was not a difficult poem to understand--which I greatly appreciate!--but still very eloquent in its verse and wordage, which I loved.

I also thought the title was very aptly named; I speak French so I understand the title immediately and when I read the poem, I thought it was very apropos.

Thank you again for sharing!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi Max--

Sorry it took me so long to return the favor--holiday shopping and all that....

Anyway, I actually did start reading this a few days ago, but it was really late (like well after mid-night) and my eyes were fighting me to stay awake. So on the first read, I got half-way through it. On the first read, I guess because I was so tired, I missed the connection between the Puchner girl and Duane; I only knew that I liked the sound of the story and the movement.

On this second read, I feel even more strongly about the movement, the pace, and the tempo of the story. So far, I also like the main character. He's seems generally like an all-around good guy, but with his issues and quirks no different than anyone else. I did notice that he's ultra-neat; a nice personality trait unique to him. Makes me think of someone very rigid, very orderly. And given his issues with the new secretary, I think that holds true.

I only have one criticism so far, and that is with Bregas' character. In the beginning, when she is introduced, she has a "faint" Spanish accent. However, as the conversation goes on, there are points where you seemed to make a particular effort to focus on her accent, which of course, is in contrast to the initial description. For example, somewhere she said grad-you-ation or something to that affect. Because of the emphasis here (and a few other places) I didn't get the impression it was a faint or light accent, in fact, it felt and sounded pretty heavy to me. Of course, the easy solution to this problem is just to remove the word "faint" from that initial descriptive tag, and then you're good to do.


In terms of writing, I spotted a few things here or there. I'm sure you want to catch and correct them early so you don't have to be bothered later.
You wrote:
"It's a woman , sir.

My suggestion:
Eliminate the space between the comma and woman.

You wrote:
"My problem!" Her voice changed...

My suggestion:
I would change the exclamation point to a question mark. When I read it to myself, I heard it as a question.....

You wrote:
if he says he's one of them homo-sex-uals.

My suggestion:
Divide homo into two syllables, and put homosexuals in italics. I think it will give more emphasis.

You wrote;
Lola's one of them faggots what tempted him to stray from Jesus."

My suggestion:
I think you meant to say:
Lola's one of them faggots THAT tempted him to stray from Jesus."

You wrote:
Debbie looked up from where hunkered over her keyboard at the receptionist desk

My suggestion:
I think you missed a word:
Debbie looked up from where SHE hunkered over her keyboard at the receptionist desk

Anyway, I think you have a really good beginning here that will captivate the reader's interest and keep them engaged as the story rolls on.
Thanks for sharing!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Momento  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hey there--

I was just randomly looking at the poems here and I happened upon this one. You really did a good job with this one, especially given the very strict format that you had to follow. I'm not particularly into these really strict forms and syllable counts, but this was cool in the way you wrote it and presented it. And it was softly, dreamily romantic. Made me wonder what was in the photo!!!

Anyway, just passing through! Thanks for sharing your work!

Elizabeth John
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Review of Seeds of Change  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there--

Thank you for sharing your work! I came to this contest to see what it was all about, and I decided to take a peek at what others were writing so I could get a feel for it. I happened upon your poem, and I have to tell you, I loved it! I loved the narrative that you wove using verse, but beyond that, what a profound and deep message! Even if I thought I wanted to try this contest this month, after reading this, I think I'll wait! *Bigsmile*

My only criticism would be that there where one or two spots that I stumbled a bit over the rhythm, but as I frequently have that problem in my own writing, for me, it's not a big deal.

Lastly, I LOVED the ending. That hint of the cycle starting again, that all of this goes 'round and 'round, on and on, was intriguing to me, and will help me remember and continue to think about your poem long after I have finished this review.

Thanks again for giving me some insight on what to expect for this contest! I think I may just have to head for the hills with great writing like this!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Copper and Silk.  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

You reviewed a poem of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work! This was very interesting. In your description, you stated that this poem was about a man you hated. First of all, I appreciate the darkness of that sentiment and that you wanted to put it into verse. And I think that in your poem, you mostly convey that emotion. In the first couple of lines in particular, I think that you are on point with what you are trying to saying, as well as with the last four lines of the poem. My only concern is with lines 7-9. They threw me off a little, mainly because I keep wondering what kind of suit--even symbolic--is made up of copper and silk (ironically, I did love the title of this poem, Copper and Silk)? I got the impression that it was worn to provide the narrator with some sense of protection from this man, but I wasn't sure how if he could so easily penetrate it and destroy her defenses...?

In any case, that's just me. Otherwise, as I stated, I do like the overall feel of this poem, mainly because it's dark. And I love dark. *Smirk*

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi there!

Thank you for sharing your work! I thought your story was very interesting, and certainly, you met the challenge of the prompt very well with the premise of your story. I thought the plot you created was very clever, and the writing was easy to follow. I was engaged in the story from beginning to end.

I did have a few issues with the plot, though. I think your basic premise is solid, but there were a few things I found difficult to believe, so for me, it detracted from the story. The main thing for me was the notion that the ten-year old daughter was the villain of the story, mainly because of the physical limitations that would be involved for a young child committing these kind of vile acts. Given that it was the daughter who killed the mother, I really just couldn't see a ten-year old managing to cut off the hands of a corpse. I would think it would just be too taxing for a child. Likewise, I couldn't fathom her being able to overtake the brother, put him in a chair. and then tie him up. It seemed like a stretch. I wonder, perhaps, if you couldn't reverse the roles of the characters of the story? Make the brother the villain and the girl the innocent. She could still invite him over to play tea, but it would be an invitation he was waiting for, an opportunity, and then the story could follow your plot guidelines as already created. That would be more believable to me.

In any case, these are just my opinions. I hope they were helpful, but please disregard anything you disagree with or you find unmerited.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of " Anna's Dolls"  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi there--

Thank you for sharing your work. Your poem was very interesting. Certainly, I liked the nature of your poem--the darkness of your narrative--and the plight of Anna and her dolls.

However, for me, I found the poem difficult to read. I think you have an overabundance of commas that are not being used correctly so for me, it interrupted the flow of your verse. Additionally, I think the rhyme scheme was a little erratic and inconsistent, if in fact, you were going for one.

My humble suggestion would be to reorganize your stanzas a bit, making the sentences a little longer in each so that you have a greater appearance of a narrative style poem, which is what your poem appears to be. For example:

You wrote:
All alone and with her
Dolls,
Anna stares upon her
Walls..

Late at night, she lies
In fear,
From the voices that
She hears.

My suggestion:

All alone and with her dolls,
Anna stares upon her walls
Late at night, she lies in fear,
From the voices that she hears.

I think that this would also help with the written presentation of your piece as well and make it more pleasing to the eye.

In any case, these are just my opinions. Please use or disregard them as you see fit. I think you have the makings of a great poem here, so I would like to wish you continued success with your writing!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review of Silent Night  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | N/A (Review only item.)
Hi there!

Wanted you to know that I really loved this litttle piece. For me, it was soft and melancholy, warm and bittersweet. I think what I liked most was how their loved still endured, despite the passage of time, and how Tim kept coming back year after year to wish a Merry Christmas to his beloved. It was not unlike a dream, where one is sometimes visited by their loved ones long-dead; they're no longer with you in life, but their essence stays with you long after their passing.

The writing of course, was spot-on; actually, I would say more so than usual because of the brevity of the piece. You really have to have a tight control of your pen to craft a story such as yours that will hold so much emotion, so good job there. I didn't see any errors in grammar, spelling, etc, so that's always a plus!

Thanks for the lovely late night read!
Elizabeth
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Review of Evan's Puzzle  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there--

Per our email conversation and the fact that this based on an assignment that you did for school about a bizarre youth tragedy, I'm changing my rating. Based on the prompt you had to follow, I think you did a great job!

Elizabeth John
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Review of I Shutter  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I wanted to drop by your port and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work! This was an amazing poem! The first stanza was so dark and gritty and visceral...and then there was the blow of the last stanza. It was much like you described: a kick in the stomach, a blow to the head and it really left me reeling...as intended, I'm sure.

Also, I wanted to say I thought you painted a pretty graphic picture of the emotional turmoil going on with the narrator, which I appreciated, becuase it allowed me to see and experience the trauma, as well as feel it, so great job there!

I didn't find anything wrong with the syntax, or any errors in spelling or punctuation either, so that's always good news! As a side note, I can't believe you don't remember writing this, is that true???? I don't think I'd forget something so raw....

In anyb case, great job with this. Continued success with your writing and welcome again to the site.


Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there!

Welcome to WDC! I noticed that you were new to the site so I wanted to drop by your port and give you a quick review!

Thank you for sharing your work! I thought that this was a very lovely poem. It ranf of both truth and strength, of someone in a battle of sorts to find his or her through the barrage of naysayers and detractors out to deter that person from their true path. I thought you expressed your message with conviction and certitude and even though it's a poem, it didn't feel like fiction, if you understand what I'm saying. It felt true, so kudos on that.

In terms of the writing, you do one or two errors so you may want to review your poem. In one line in particular, you wrote "plea" but it should be "plead".

In any case, I hope you find this helpful. Continued success with your writing endeavors!



Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
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