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126
Review of Sole Survivor  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine a few days ago and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I really enjoyed reading this. It was very final, that's for sure. I also thought it was well-written; the story flowed well, and the circumstances surrounding this particular apocalypse revealed themselves at a nice pace. The descriptions were vivid and on-point; it wasn't hard to see the devastation and the isolation.

Keep up the good work!

Respectfully,

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I think this piece may have some promise, but it needs a lot of work. I think the most significant thing you may want to review is the validity of the problems and solutions that come up in the story. For example, other than the fact that the uncle refuses to pick up or rescue the main character, you don't provide any information as to why the uncle might do that. Maybe he is strict? Maybe he believes that the girl should learn from her mistakes? What is the normal nature of their relationship to begin with? Are they always at odds? So far, there is nothing in the story that answers those questions...and this is important because I have no empathy at all for any of the characters or the situations.

Another example would be when you wrote that the main character had driven 200 miles in the wrong direction. Unless this is a comedy, driving 200 miles in the wrong direction is at minimum a four-drive; the character could not realize that she was going the wrong way in about a half-hour??? An hour, tops??? It makes the story hard to believe and hard to follow. Even after she gets the truck fixed and is riding with Fern, they wind up going another 200 miles in the wrong direction. By this time, you're 400 miles from your original destination. It doesn't make sense.

Additionally, there is too much explaining of things that are already obvious. For example, you wrote: "And my job was transporting the jellybeans from point A to point B. And from there it goes to point C which is out of my jurisdiction, but whatever anyway." I think that it's clear that once the niece has done her job of getting the merchandise from point A to B, it's not her business what happens to it after that. And yet, you wrote that in as if the reader would not be able to understand that. I think you need to watch out for those kinds of things.


These were just a couple of things that I saw. However, please do note that these are just my opinions. Use or discard them as you see fit. Keep working and revising; you may soon have a masterpiece on your hands!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello again!

Actually, you recently reviewed two of my pieces of work, so here is my second review of yours to say thank you!

I think I like this poem even better than the other one that I just rain. I thought the imagery here was lovely and I agree with the sentiment that is being shared. We never know how are thoughts and actions and deeds are affecting people, lives, things, the universe, but it is in fact something miraculous to wonder upon.

Keep up the good work and write on!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review of There Is A Secret  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello--

You reviewed a piece of mine recently and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. Without actually ever knowing what the secret was, I did in fact enjoy this little poem. I loved the flow the verse, and it made me think of all the things that we repress or keep from our true selves, locked away, but not necessarily forgotten if not remembered.

Keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of Family Matter  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there!

You recently reviewed something of mine and I wanted to return the favor!

I liked this poem, it was pretty dark and tragic, but perhaps also very just. The poem has a very good rhythm and flow and was very easy to read. Actually, I loved that this poem told a story (those are my favorite kind of poems!)

Keep up the good work and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of Firefly  
Review by elizjohn
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello--

You recently reviewed something of mine and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I found this poem to fun, light and extremely whimsical. I think many people will appreciate the sentiment you are trying to convey.

On a more technical note, I would suggest that the last line of of he second stanza reads a bit awkwardly. I read it a couple of times and could not find the rhythm. Also, the rhyme scheme of the last stanza differs from the other two; this felt like an abrupt change to me and it flow less smoothly. I'm not sure it's something you can change without completely re-writong it, though, bit it's just a thought.

Keep up the good work and write on!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. Although I understood the gist of your poem as a testament is about someone's sadness in a relationship, I think that there are some unnecessary elements in this piece that could be edited or removed, particularly the last two lines. The whole premise of the poem is sadness, so to end the poem by saying that this "is now sad" is, I think, unnecessary and repetitive. The reader should understand that already, so there's no need to repeat it. Rather, I would humbly suggest that you state what happens to the person once they are underwater: do they drown? Are they able to rescue themselves? Are they drowning in hate instead of water? Probably not the best examples and maybe even a little bit cliche, but I'm sure you get the gist.

Regardless, these are just my opinions. Please use or discard them as you see fit.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
133
133
Review of Thunderstorms  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!!!

Thank you for sharing your work. I liked your poem very much. Short and to the point and you did a great job sticking to the rigor of the form. Actually, I thought your poem evoked some strong imagery--beautiful imagery in my mind--which is an added bonus.

Keep up the good work and write on!!!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review of All the Above  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi there!

You recently reviewed something of mine and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I like the rhythm and the rhyme scheme of this poem. It flowed very well. Additionally, I thought the last stanza was the strongest--it resonated with me the most. Keep up the good work!!!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review of No Time To Scream  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi Angus!

Thank you for sharing your work--you crafted a hell of a tale! I thought the story was in fact excellent; but I really liked some of the descriptive passages in the other one just a bit more. I guess they spoke to me. Regardless, you still really did a great job with this story. I loved how you let it unfold and how it all eventually came back to Corey--tragically so! Keep up the good work!!

Elizabeth


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review of Officer Knise  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello--

Congratulations on your win today! You had some stiff competition there, but I really loved, loved, loved the description in your passages. I thought everything was really crisp and clear, and I could very easily see the action and the images as the story unfolded.

I also liked the nature of the conversation between Richard and the officer. I thought that it came off as pretty natural; it rang true to my ear as any typical conversation one might have with an officer of the law in a similar situation.

In any case, keep up the good work and don't be a stranger to the Slice! We are always looking for more good stories to read!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review of One Last Time  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier this week and I wanted to return the favor. Thank you for sharing your work. This piece was very interesting--certainly, as a mom myself, I can relate to this, as I am sure many other parents can as well. Because of that, I think this piece will resonate with many readers, especially the ending. Very sweet and poignant.

Keep up the good work.

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of You & I  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (2.5)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor. Thank you for sharing your work. This poem was interesting, however, it felt as if it was presented more as a journal or diary entry than as a poem. At the beginning, everything read like a statement of fact as opposed to something lyrical or fantastic; I felt that perhaps you could open the beginning of this poem with something other than "You and I met for the first time." I don't know if that's enough to pull the reader in, but that is just my opinion. In the middle of the poem, it seemed to get better, and I think the ending was good.

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
139
139
Review of Sail Home To Me  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hello--

You reviewed something of mine earlier and I wanted to return the favor!

Thank you for sharing your work. I thought this was lovely, and I could picture the woman waiting for her lover to cross the sea to her, and it seemed very romantic. I thought the style of language you used was exquisite; certainly, this little poem will long stand the test of time in both sentiment and style.

Keep up the good work!

Elizabeth John


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
140
140
Review of Midnight Angel  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi Angus!

Well, this one is certainly different! In all honesty, I'm not sure how I feel about this one. At first I thought it was going to be kind of a "joke" poem, and I really thought the ending was going to be a cat, but it didn't...I feel like this one is a little unsettling without being outright scary, but perhaps I'm over-thinking it. I feel like I am left with more questions than answers, with no resolution in sight...

In any case, I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's good news. I know this review was kind of vague and bizarre, so I apologize for not being more clear.

Elizabeth
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Bridge  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Angus!

Well, well, well, that wasn't very nice! Poor new kid--bummer! But I won't say too much because I don't want to spoil it for anyone who hasn't read it. In any case, another good use of your three hundred words, and again, I think you do a very good job of setting up the story and describing the scene. It helps put the reader in the right frame of mind, which of course, is essential. I thought the imagery was on point and I could really see both the meadow and the bridge. Good job with this one.

Keep up the good work!
Elizabeth
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Ribbit  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hello Angus--

Thank you for sharing your work. Very good use of your 300 words! Short and sweet, but very tight and concise. Not a wasted word in the whole lot. I thought the background that gave to set up the situation was really the best part of the story; I was immediately engrossed and wondering who the killer was and what he was up to...although I figured it might be Paul. I think it might have been more a surprise if it had been the bartender. But in any case, it's still a well-written story. And I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, and as you well know, that's always a plus!

Write on!
Elizabeth
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The Gift  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I loved this poem. It is really beautiful! I love the descriptions, and the fact that you told a story in your verse---I absolutely love that!! The tone and the language of the poem was also very high brow, which again, I absolutely love because it gives the poem a sound and feeling of timelessness; I always feel strongly that this particular tone of poem, although I don't necessarily have a name for it, can stand the test of time. To me, the voice is that mature. Sometimes rhyming poems can sound "mother-goosey" but because it has such a high-brow feel to it, it just sounds lovely and very mature.

I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation, so that's always a plus!

Good job with this one! Write on!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
144
144
Review of Witches Brew  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I really enjoyed reading this poem. I love prose poetry, and this one was just grand. You had a great rhyme scheme, and the poem had great rhythm and flow. I also think this is very imaginative. Dark, scary poetry to me is the best kind, although I would humbly suggest that this is dark without being scary, not that there's anything wrong with that. I think this would be fine for children, I think it would go over very well with a younger audience. In any case, the imagery was concrete and clear, and I didn't see any errors in spelling, grammar, or punctuation.

Keep up the good work!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. I really enjoyed your piece. I like scary, dark, and Halloween-like poems, and this one fit the bill perfectly. I thought the rhyme scheme was very good, and each was very descriptive. I could completely relate to the fear involved in being alone in a big, old creepy house. It's never fun, is it, and I'm an adult!!! Also, the other thing that I liked is that this is really like a story, prose poetry and that, even more so than just scary poetry, is hands-down my favorite kind of verse. As such, I liked how the story moved as the narrator makes their way to and from various parts of the house, hoping to shake off the fear. Good job!

Keep writing!

Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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146
Review of Breaking Point  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. This story was simply amazing. It was horrifyingly beautiful. You need a fantastic job developing the characters in this story. Both Abby and Beth are well-rounded, dynamic characters with rich histories. I could easily see Abby, the committed nurse, an older woman with red woman (don't ask me why, I just feel like she has red hair!!) who really lives the job. I think we have all known someone like that. And Beth, the tortured soul. I work with teenagers in my regular life, and I really felt like you captured that certain kind of troubled kid with all their pain and strife, and where before they could be irresponsible and careless, now has to bear the weight and the horror of their selfish actions. The ending was very strong, and not only resonates, but I think will stay with readers long after they've read this story and moved on.

Keep up the good work!
Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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147
Review of wasted beauty  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.5)
Hello there--

Thank you for sharing your work. Of course, this is another of your "zombie poems" and you requested that we reverse the rating scale, so I will. For intentionally bad poetry, there is actually some good stuff here, and so I kind of got the impression that the "badness" is kind of forced--a little weird, I know. I actually really liked the first stanza; you met the form requirements for a haiku and wrote something with strong imagery appropriate for the topic matter. I thought the fourth stanza didn't quite make as much sense because you had two elements that were in complete contrast to one another in terms of texture, so that stanza seemed a little off. But perhaps that where's the "bad" in this bad poem comes in????

In any case, a fun read. Keep up the good work!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Undead Comedy  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (2.0)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. Well, this was certainly interesting, and per your description, kind of bad, and I mean that in the best possible way! Interestingly enough, it was actually very descriptive, and I was very able to see and imagine the audience and the scene as described, and I was able to imagine the horrid smell coming from the theater---and it wasn't pleasant, let me tell you!

Because this is intentionally bad poetry, it is kind of hard on how to critique it in order to improve upon it to make it worse--kind of an oxymoron, of sorts. So it was an interesting read, and we'll leave it at that!

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of And She Must Play  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. As I started this, I understood that this was a series of different stories for the 31 days of Halloween contest, so I read through only the first two. In "And she must pay" this story had an interesting premise. I liked the idea that the girls wanted to go back and finish their last performance, despite what had happened (I don't want to give it away). However, I did not feel any real emotional connection to them that to me, would give the story some punch. It's hard for readers to empathize with characters if they don't have a reason to care about them.

In "Meet the Deliverer", I thought you did a better job of creating a story line and a circumstance in which the reader is more invested with your character's plight, and so the story was more interesting, and the ending was more satisfying.

Of course, these are just my opinions, please use or discard them as you will.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
150
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Review of Horse  
Review by elizjohn
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello--

Thank you for sharing your work. This piece was very interesting. I thought you did a good job with your narrative and your descriptions, and there did seem to be a kind of ethereal beauty to this story plot. I really got a sense of freedom and joy and peace; I hope that was what you intended! I think many people would wish their own lives to have that kind of finality, without pain or sorrow or regret, so I'm sure that even though in this instance you are talking about an animal, many people will be able to relate to this.

Keep up the good work.

Respectfully,
Elizabeth John
** Image ID #1958447 Unavailable **


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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