First Impressions: You have put a lot of meaning into this poem, it shows your feelings. My first impressions though, wern't that simple. I think that what you have here is good, but I still think you could improve it, and that's why I am reviewing it ! I Love: Some of the wording you have chosen is perfect. I think that, within a poem or prose, and sometimes, even within stories though not as much, the way and choice of words is crucial to the picture it creates and the flow of the writing. If it doesn't flow, it won't work!
I also love how you have staged your poem. When I first read it, I wasn't sure, but as I re-read it really sounded good, and that second read was vital to understanding the poem. Suggestions: But even as you have used a lot of words well, some I don't think are quite right; e.g. 'so we can fit like a glove' , the use of dreams 3 times in the last few lines. Twice is good! Not three!
Apart from a few little alterations, you've done a really good! I really enjoyed reading this, thank you for entering and good luck!
I completly agree! Our earth is so specail, so special in fact it's the only one we have! I'm really glad you picked this day to highlight out of many others to represent, it can change peoples minds and show them what we can do to preserve this place.
On a slightly different note - I love the banners and pictures! Especially the one at the top , I might have to check out your sig shop again, I haven't for a while.
Here's a poem I wrote that seems quite fitting, it's fairly old, but written for the cause exactly -
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First Impressions: It tells a story of old, but translates it into a modern day reality. Like you are trying to say something in a parable, sort of, if you understand me? . Never mind! The way they are so old, but can rekindle there youth is something we look for in the future. I think to myself sometimes, I don't want to grow old, but old is what I'll become, and I will use what time I have here to do what I can! This is what I see in this poem. I Love: The meter, suggested in the description, it works really well, and you have kept to it all the way through. I love the choice of words also, they suit the time, age and theme of the poem, making it easy for the reader to grasp, adn helping not to mix two different ages. Suggestions: Only one little thing. 'Since the clock on the wall keeps on moving towards when.' The 'towards' could be changed to 'to'. The line would flow more like this I think!
Looks brilliant!! Acme pointed it out, and with good reason! One question. Above it mentions stories, but does not say it has to be stories, can I write in poetry or prose, or will I have to stick with stories? Don't worry if not, I'll probably give it a shot anyway!! Thanks,
Hello Tessa and welcome to WDC , I review with what first comes to thought and put it down, therefore you get a good idea of what people love or needs to be improved! Please don't take any offence if something I write is not done so well!
First Impressions: It covers a topic that is widely known and expreienced by many people and can be put in many different ways. You have done this well as you have not gone into too much depth but left it open for the reader to paint as his/her own story! It is a story of longing and disappointment to, not just distance which helps the audience to grasp the emotional side well, and not just focus on one section.
I Love: I really like the free verse you have chosen here. It suits the poem and theme well, and leads the reader to read it at their own pace and take in the words and purpose at their own speed and dictation. Your use of long and short sentences, or phrases, keep the structure of the poem well, and make sure the reader does not loose interest throughout, it also means that you can use different devices with great effect, as you seem to have done here!
Suggestions: Onto the more serious stuff!
In line three you have used 'wanna' - this I think should be 'want to'. It sounds more mature and serious as this poem is supposed to be! Try not to use slang in writing unless purposefully!
Perhaps the maybe, accidental rhyme in line four made me go back over. You could change the wording slightly and it would be perfect
Last thing, maybe to add a bit mroe punctuation on, so as to lead the reader, show them what you want them to read and they can adapt! Other than that, I have no further suggestions! It was great!
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'And they're our worlds' - this and the following lines had a very realistic feel to them. I like it a lot!
First Impressions: I am writing a poem probably for the exact same cause (part of the angel army?)!! So I know how hard it is to start a poem that is for someone else! I think that is the hardest thing to do as it is not coming from your own heart. But when I read this poem, it didn't have that emotional appeal, or reaching out effect, it just asked politely for someone to read and respect it.
That's what first struck me . I Love: The use of different devices you have used. The acrostic part of it starts the reader knowing what the poem will contain and makes you delve deeper into it's meaning. It also came as a big 'woah' at the end when you came out with the 'Heal-thy heart' thing! That is really good, I never would have thought of that! I also love the continuous flow of the poem which reflects well the constant need of a pumping heart. Suggestions: My only suggestion though, come with this flow. I think maybe you need to add some more imagery and simile/metaphors into the wording of this poem, cause it describes so well the heart, it didn't sound as 'poemy' as maybe painting more of a picture! It's your poem though, so do with it as you will!
Favourite Line/Phrase: Whether it's part of the poem or not, this has to be my favourite line - 'You have to make your own choice to Heal- thy heart'!!
First Impressions: A strange but wonderful take on love. So personal and unique it has a 'I couldn't change a thing' feel. So I leave no suggestions whatsoever! I Love: The different techniques you have used. Repitition, lists, direct address, short, simple sentences, metaphorical phrases etc! Especially the caried use of the word 'poem'. Catches it's attention, drives it into the mind of the reader, forces them to understand! The direct address is really powerful! It scares at first, but then relaxes, only in the last line! It shows that the writer is in control, but gives no clue as to why the poem was written and has no compliments or direct flattery till the very end. Overall the structure was my favourite part, weaving in and out of the words, here and there, all over the place but staying well in control! Suggestions: As I mentioned earlier! Favourite line/Phrase: I couldn't pick one! Definitly a poem for my favourites, all the lines were equal in my eyes!
Sorry for the blunt reviews I've given you, I just write what comes to mind, I think these are the best type of review! If I've caused any offence, I apologise!
Best Wishes,
First Impressions: My first impression of this poem was that it flowed in a very strange way, but as I read it again, I realised this was a very good way of creating the feeling of hope. I don't know how, but it really does. I didn't quite know, but this poem looks like it's in a particular style? If it isn't, sorry! I Love: The starting lines, they have no relevance to hope at all, no hidden dark meaning, or cryptic messages and this helps to draw the reader in, get them thinking 'What on earth?'
I also really love the use of 'almosts' and 'believing' and 'trick' and 'all'. They caused uncertainty and built up a message of hope. It is a really strong short poem that expresses a lot in simple words! Suggestions: I think at th end of the lines commas should be added because it would create stops and starts, more uncertainty. This is only a suggestion though as it is your poem and your decision Favourite Line/Phrase: 'I could almost trick myself' - I love this line! It says so much about hope and what it means, where it comes from and how you can recieve it!
First Impressions: I love the way the poem flows, it mirrors your words, echoing exactly what you are trying to portray. It really helped the poem come to life and fill my mind, as a poem should do in my opinion. I Love: How you knew where the poem was going, it was a poem that just rolled off your tongue. The words and structure were ver fitting, drawing in the reader and showing its purpose. The repeat of the word 'impossible' is effective. Drives the word home unlike just the use of the word once. I think you have done well to only use it twice though, a third time would have ruined the effect.
*not4*Suggestions: I don't think you should have included 'No rhyme or reason' in your poem. It is a well-known phrase that fits perfectly, but as I already knew it, just took that edge off the poem. Maybe edit that so that it says the same thing, but in your words! Favourite Line: 'There is a need' - I loved this line. It told the reader what to think, didn't suggest or ask, that's why it's so powerful!
First Impressions: You have youself a very telling little poem here. As I read it I drunk up it's meaning and I enjoyed every second. I really think I've found a great poem here, it shows a lot through some simple little words!
I Love: The rhyme and rhythm here are what makes this poem live. They capture the essence and really drive it home. It flowed like a water over rocks and I can see exactly why you chose the words you did. The metaphors here empahsise your points with a passions. 'the circus of life' - this was one that i really liked. It gives a new aspect on each thing you mention, throwing on it a new light and a new way of thinking.
The questions at the start engaged me from the word go leading me from one point to the next, a bit like a structured arguement but with no room for another side! I found myself looking deeper and deeper into each word and discovering new levels of complexity!
Suggestions: I leave you with none. Usually as I read a poem I find the more I drink it the more of it falls to distaste. And then, I find a gem from time to time. And this is one of them. The more you read it, the more you can't fault it!
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'We only dance once
before we go home' - it made me smile, but more to the point, it made me think. Away from the poem and into my own life and mind!
Thank you for sharing this poem with me, I enjoyed every second!
First Impressions: It has a movement to it, that falters, but not in sense of the poem, in sense of what the poem creates. That is why I love it so much. From the beginning to the end it just spoke.
I Love: The first section talks as 'I', concentrating on what they give and what they feel. Then it moves onto 'you'. This is where you see this difference and it makes the poem come to life, shows two sides of the story but from one person.
I also loves the words and atmosphere you created. I think in love poems it's hard to create an atmosphere but here you have done it well!
Suggestions: 'Un-leveled voice' It flowed well but as I re-read it, I didn't think this 'un-leveled bit fitted in. This does not take away from the poem at all, so I leave it up to you to choose what to do with this suggestion!
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'Love Unrequited' and then 'unrequited'. The repition at beginning and end gives it twice the emphasis for the start and finish are the two most important bits of a short poem. And here you have repeated yourself!
First Impressions: The simplicity of this works a treat. It has all the right phrases, words and flow to it. And the subject is one where this can combine to make an excellent poem.
I Love: The rhetorical questions here. We all know the answers but we won't to avoid them. They add a depth to the poem that is hard to create in such a short work. I also love your last line. It leaves it hanging but not hanging. Like death you wonder why and yet, you are still here wondering why, although your mind ahs wondered from death itself!
Suggestions: Only this little phrase caused me much bother; 'Another day,' I just didn't understand what that was suggesting or meanign in this context? But it's your poem so do with it what you will.
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'Is this normal' it makes you wonder what normal really is. Comparing yourself with everyone else, or with yourself?
First Impressions: I loved the style. It's really simple and explains so much. The offhand narration gives it a voice that made me laugh, even though there was not much to laugh about!
I Love: How you showed a way of getting through simple situations but explained them using poetic language and mataphorical terms. 'give yourself some wiggle room' it made you see yourself, wiggling about, making people move out the way! That particular image made me laugh!
I also love your free verse here. It let's the reader think at their own pace, drink it all up and think about it. Your use of full stops (or not in some cases) was very well done!
Suggestions: I have no real suggestions, the only thing I didn't understand was the 411 bit. But that may be because I am not American . You can explain that to me if you like!
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'expect the unexpected' this well know phrase fit's perfectly in the context. It doesn't sound as though you have taken it form someone else and I think you did so well.
This is great, the build up to the end really captured me! The christmas theme worked really well and you managed to keep each stanza separate with it's wording and different aspects! This is a very strong contender in the running! It has a flowing rhythm, imaginative words, a very clever ending stanza (I even had to look back and make sure you wern't cheating !!), and the Frech-ness was there!
Thank you for this entry! It was really funny! All the Frech characteristics rolled up in the poem! The way the last stanza works is great, I also like how you've mamaged to fit in the 'three french hens' in without a longer last line!
Thank you for this brilliant entry! It really is just that! I think your 3 harmonious pieces really give a meaning to what they symbolise, and after reading Prosperous Snows essay on it, it really does the desired effect, you should add the essay bit onto the end, it would work really well with this! Then image is lovely as well, you have obviously spent a lot of time on this!
First Impressions: You wrote this as though you were scolding yourself, this meant you could put all your resolutions into the text by telling yourself what you had done wrong! I thought this was really clever!
I Love: The continuous telling off narrative. It gives the letter a humorous edge as well as the slightly serious undertone! You have orientated your wishes around writing, and that gives us ideas too about what we can do better!
Suggestions: I think as well as the writing, you could add in some things about your normal life! But just a suggestion, it's up to you!
Favourite line/phrase: 'You really slipped in 2007, Judity' it gives it a funny beginning, a vital way to in attracting the reader!
Sorry for the delay, I've been so busy, but as I promised, I'm here!
I really enjoyed this peice, it kept you reading on and on till the very end. You really want to know what it is, all that suspension!
I loved: The way you built up tension, got the reader engaged and also made the characters emotions build up even more!
Suggestions: I only have the suggestion, that at the end you haven't really told the reader what it is (I mean the build up about). II don't know whether this is intentional or not, maybe that could be made clearer!
Favourite line: 'but maybe someday' that in itself is a powerful line!
First impressions:I really liked this short piece! It had a lot to say in it's little content, but a lot it does say! It had those emotions and description that it needed and it said so much, I can imagine myself how you wrote, all sad and negative being so much easier than being myself.
I love: The vocabulary and use of words is great, it doesn't just paint a picture, it creates a story and it's your story, not one put on a plate in front of you! The way you had it in perfect paragraphs really helped pace the read. I think paragraphs are the most important bit of punctuation (even more important than full stops) they can change a bit of writing phenomenally!
Suggestions: Only one wee suggestion, in one of the paragraphs, one second, paragraph 4, you used the word 'me' a few too many times. It just caught my eye, not that it was really bad r anything
Anyway, thanks for posting on my forum - it hasn't been a great success and I might just use it as a chat forum for my 12 days of christmas contest!
Thanks,
~ ellie ~
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I'm reviewing this for the angel army scavenger hunt!
First impressions are that you have highlighted the beauty and not the feel, this creates more of an picture not an image, but there's more to it!
You have mentioned flowes in your picture, and flowers create not only colours 'hues' as you've described but also a fragrance. We probably all know a flower frabgrabce that we love and a place - for me the bluebell woods in spring down my road a way! That is what it makes me think of therefore I am painting my own picture and with it the image I described!
Suggestion: 'That we sigh,' I didn't quite understand this, is it what we sigh at or something else - I think either change the sentence or explain it more!
Favourite line: 'shimmering puffy gown,' makes me think of seeds and newlife!
Heya, I am reviewing your item for the angel army scavenger hunt!
First impressions are that it is using humans to depict spring - I like this original way of thinking!
I love: the fact that you are double describing - you use colours and adjectives to create a bond between the two different stories. I also like your stanza shapes, they start and stop a bit like nature if you think.
Suggestions: I didn't like the word digit you used in stanza 3 I think, it sounded like it wasn't supposed to be there but I can think of no alternative straight away!
Favourite line: 'I cannot catch your words.' This sounds so longing, it hold the reader in anticipation!
Heya, I'm reveiwing this for the angel army scavenger hunt!
First impressions are that you have created the rhythm really well, it sounds a springy rhythm - alive and wakening.
I love: the phrases and expressions you have used to describe spring, they are fitting and make you create a vivid image of your own that depicts spring for you. I alos love how you start with silence and build up the noises of nature with the lines that proceed it.
Suggestion: Only one suggestion, the word adventurously I don't think is used in the right context, you could perhaps just pick a thesaurus and find a synonym that you like!
Favourite line: 'A deer trod through the light fluffy snow,' reminds me of holidays in the woods - seeing a deer flit past!
Thank you for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 begins 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions are that I love your rhythm to this poem - it flows so well with the hint of freestyle. You can clearly see her in your mind - a great use of imagery!
I love: IT! I don't know exactly why it has been so strong with me - but the words and creation are so vivid. The angel makes you think of all the right things in the world and her blowing away all the bad, the wind she holds in her hands!
Suggestions: I would suggest that you change it to this> 'Hope flickers as an amber flame,' for use of alliteration and imagery and also 'The gentle breeze she blows' it could be although it is your decision to make!
Favourite line: 'Forlorn is she,' sets off the whole modd, creates such fantasy!
Thank yuo for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 begins 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions were that it was very well suited fro young 'uns and has a lilt to it that is happy and fairytale-ish!
I Love: the rhyme, rhythm and meter are all lovely, they produce a lovely read and help the audience take it in easier and quicker so as to flow fluently.
Suggestion: Just a couple that I picked up on: 'I would love to dance with you.'
'As they glided 'cross the ground.' but maybe because you have used this further down it wouldn't work?
Favourite line: 'beneath the jewelled skies.' I lov the jewelled bit, it reminds me of fairytales again!
Thank you for enterign my contest round 2 - round 3 begins 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions are that you have written this so well. It captivates the reader entirely, just like a painting would, holding you still, eyes fixed!
I Love: your metaphorical description, it all fits together, one bleeding into the next like a waterfall, it's so brilliant.
Suggestions: Only one, on the last staza you have used tha word 'fat'. On the first stanza you also used this word and it didn't quite sound right, so it stuck in my mind, and when you used it again, it just sounded even less right as I was reminded of it! Maybe find a more subtle alternative
Favourite Line: 'Draped in a patchwork of light and shade' this was the one that got me, so this one I place here!
Thanks and best wishes,
~ ellie ~
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First Impressions: You have put a lot of meaning into this poem, it shows your feelings. My first impressions though, wern't that simple. I think that what you have here is good, but I still think you could improve it, and that's why I am reviewing it 
!
I Love: Some of the wording you have chosen is perfect. I think that, within a poem or prose, and sometimes, even within stories though not as much, the way and choice of words is crucial to the picture it creates and the flow of the writing. If it doesn't flow, it won't work!
Suggestions: But even as you have used a lot of words well, some I don't think are quite right; e.g. 'so we can fit like a glove' , the use of dreams 3 times in the last few lines. Twice is good! Not three!
. Never mind! The way they are so old, but can rekindle there youth is something we look for in the future. I think to myself sometimes, I don't want to grow old, but old is what I'll become, and I will use what time I have here to do what I can! This is what I see in this poem.
Favourite Line/Phrase: 'And they're our worlds' - this and the following lines had a very realistic feel to them. I like it a lot!
If I've caused any offence, I apologise!
. You can explain that to me if you like!