Thank you for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 begins 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions are that this poem is full of thought, all the narrative is thought, pondering and wondering, it's great and it shows shifts in mind and in thoughts from the writer - whether that is you or a character!
I love: All the above and more. Your wording is great - 'translucent blue and hopeful.' You are describing the moon as hopeful - but really you are descibing yourself - therefore descibing the moon as you - maybe in character or maybe something else - but it's great!
Suggestions: Maybe in some areas reconsider the use of words e.g. 'over the sky and my heart.' Perhaps this could be 'over the sky and over my heart.' I don't know - it's your poem, you decide
Favourite line: I mentioned it above, so I wont again, but I loved that line so much. It just grabbed me and pulled me right in
Thank you for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 begins 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions are that the freestyle layout and rhythm you have chosen suits this poem perfectly, and it must be read in a specific way to get the full meaning.
I love: IT! It has a very selfish feel about it at the beginning that slowly dwindles down to nothing, having no respect for themselves. I really love the repitition you have used throughout the poem, it adds to it all and creates a rhythm where there is none.
Suggesitons: not one
Favourite line: 'But obviously not.' This made me laugh and I don't know why!
Thank you for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 begins on 16th November, don't forget to enter!!
First impressions are that this is a sad poem, I generally just thought sad, nothing else!
I love: Your choice of words are lovely, you use just the right tone to create a picture that you wont! I also love your rhyme, it is subtle but gives the reader a rhythm!
Suggestions: perhaps to create a bit of excitment in the middle somewhere - make it pounce out unexpectedly!
Favourite line: 'Too late to alter what has become,'
This is so true.
Thankyou for entering my contest round 2 - round 3 will be starting on 16th November, don't forget to enter!
First impressions are that the use of emotion here is impecable!! I couldn't get away from it, it lingers on every word, of every line, of every stanza!
I Love: your use of metaphors, they are all a bunch of metaphors, thrown together in perfect unison, and they make the reader think, think about what you are trying to say, which makes it even more interesting to read.
Suggestions: The only suggestion I would make is that you try and create a more fluid rhythm for the reader to digest, that way it would make it more fluent and easy to take in and understand. I think it could also make it sound better!
But really that is a great poem, your word use is amazing!
Ahhhhhh, the scribbling of anything, anywhere, anytime!! That's what poetry is for! When did anyone say it had to make sense, if it looks good, sounds ok and rhymes, you're doing fine!
I love poetry, and even though I think it's more interesting to read and write, I always have a problem with reviewing in depth - yes, some poems I can do great, but there gets to a point when you think, why am I repeating myself? So that's why I am reviewing the folder !
I loved your success poem most of all. It just had the right feel about it and was explained in exactly the right way!
I also loved your crusty eyes poem. It made me laugh but reminded me of my friend - whose cat is just as pleasant as you've described, yet she seems to love him all the same !!
You are really good at writing poetry, especially the funny variety, and those (along with the spooky sort) are the very best to read and feel engaged with!
I love all your poems and if you do, however, want an in depth review on any of them - let me know (I'm feeling a tiny bit reviewy) and I'll set to!
Thanks for letting me read them,
~ ellie ~
ps. Could you explain the skating pairs thing to me - I want to enter but I don't really understand what we have to do and I saw you were a judge so...
Thanks for entering my contest, round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are that this is a very prose like poem. It has the emotions and storyline!
I love: your style. It's very laid - back and get the reader engrossed in my story feel. It has warmth and a true to day link that makes the reader feel more at home and connected with the piece.
Suggestions: I think you could for some of this, add some more powerful adjectives or try and get away from the lines which arn't built for a powerful image. But most of it is boasting with great phrases and wording.
Favourite line: 'It’s no retreat, no surrender.' The repitition here is superb.
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are anger. I think that came from the writers craft and is developed throughout the poem.
I love: your choice of words and phrases throughout. They all emphasise a point and leave no room for discussion. The stanza sequence is also good.
Suggestions: I think create a bit mroe excitement for the reader. They need a bit of deep emotion or scare factor to get their minds whirring and imagination screaming.
Favourite line: 'Like shadows ominously leering.' I love the word ominous!!
Thanks for entering my contest - round two is up - please enter!! (althought maybe with a <13+ one this time )
First impression - it has the desired effect - I think that rating it wrong. Just because someone doesn't have the guts, doesn't mean the poem is not good. In fact, if it made them feel that way, it worked - so good for you!
I love: your words and effects. They make such a vived picture, and although not nice - so brilliant!!
Suggestions: none, don't dare touch it. It's brilliant the way it is and deserves a better rating than it does!!
Favourite line: 'Tempting the raptors down from the sky.' - this is great!
Sorry I have not had time for an indepth review, I am trying to get through all the entries before time gets too long - (maybe next time I shall start reviewing earlier)
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are one of humour, although maybe that should not be. You have included a lot of serious things into a poem that mocks and disaproves!
I love: Your style. Although sometimes I had to go back on myself a few times to get it sorted, it really did inspire, it was right for the poem and it sounded right to the reader. This is an argumentative peice, which I think it needs to be!!
Suggestions: Only in some areas, to calm down the use of long words - I didn't understand some section although the use of metaphors was great
Favourite line: 'The sinister lies that filled them neatly hidden behind a patriotic sheen.' This made me laugh lots!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are of the piece being so blunt. This is perfect for the image you portray and the smallness of it add!
I love: The longer words you have used. They make the reader ponder your meanings and reach into the depths of your understandings, so they can completely recognise your views.
Suggestions: Some lines, even after close examination I still didn't understand - maybe express yourself a little more clearly or try and unjumble the lines into a more clear fashion so people can get a slight knowledge without giving the game away!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are great! I really got the rhythm and structure like I'd written it myself. It felt so clear and understandable to me!
I Love: your choice of words - they bring me an ancient egypt kind of feel that I can't quite place, but they fit so well in the poem. I don't know where your ideas began but I really enjoyed it, Your stanzas are also perfect for pause and reflection!
Suggestions: I'm afraid you are one of very few who I have no suggestions. The words just roll of the page! (OH - remember capitals!!)
Favourite line: 'awake to smell her soul's sweet
river aflame.' I love the way you have repeated the word 'Aflame.'
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are, I found, strange in this poem. The prompt you had is a difficult one to perfect and I think you have done well to interpret it.
I Love: The setting you have created, the scene and storyline. It suits the style and makes the reader push his (or her) imagination towards your line of thinking, a great way to start it off, and finish it.
Suggestions: I have not looked through your port, but I might ( or might not) be correct in saying you're a story writer (short or whatever). I think the owrds and phrases your have used would suit a story better and for a poem, more emotion and depth is required. Sorry, this section hasn't been a great help, I can't think what to say that is appropriate and hoping you understand me (not that anyone can ).
Favourite line: 'That's why I don't keep the brains on a shelf/And eat them before I venture outside.' -m humour, without the humour!
Thanks for entering my contest - round two is up - please enter!!!
First impressions are vivid. You have created a masterful picture hear for the reader to feel.
I Love: Your use of devices. Metaphors (check out my new contest, similes, rhetorical questions, repition, alliteration, personification, as well as superb stanza structure. You have created an overall, beuatiful piece!
Suggestions: Only the last line. Instead of making it fade away like the rush of the sea and frown like the rocks, you have ended on a question, which to me needs exploring more, but the sea is a repition so end it with a more substantial - full end, showing a round circle, drawing the reader back to the start.
Favourite line: 'Foamy fingers of brine
stroke the smooth cheeked pebbles,
and gurgle with laughter
as they retreat to sea.' A bit longer than a line, but I couldn't miss any out !!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!!!
This is such an adorable little peice. It has the here and there feel and also a nursery rhyme lilt.
I love: your rhymes and rhythms are great. They are perfect all the way through, which adds a lot. The wording is superb and story you have created is followed through the whole way!
Suggestions: 'tiny plot of sea and sand,' >> 'Cross the sea and to the sand.' Maybe?
Favourtie line: 'So I wait until the day I join
my lady in her sleep.' This makes the poem well rounded!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!
So powerful and unique! I can't think of a better word to descibe it! So much passion and emotion has been thrown onto the paper, into a muddle that is so strong and so readable!
I love: you emotion. It's so perfect, so willing to give everything it's got! You havn't got a fault here that needs redoing, eveyrthing is right because it came from there - your heart!
Suggestions: n/a
Favourite line: 'Give me strength to love without fear.' It's so beautiful!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!
It grabs you in - so suddenlyand so vigourosly! I don't know how you did it so well.
I Love: Your structure is great. So attractive and makes the reader tske it in exactly how you want them to. It makes the words a whole new story just be rearranging them and adding space!
Suggestion: Where none should be given, non shall be made!! No changes, I love it just the way it is!
Favourite Line: 'freely from a frank,
and generous hand.'
Beautiful, I can hear the emotions glare of the page. A beacon of light. Your thoughts however are much deeper and darker, a lovely reflection that engrosses the reader entirely!
I love: your repition of your stanza really adds to your poem, it make the point pound into the readers head - forcing your anger into them. Your start is also very powerful. The again repition of the rhythm, wording and thoughts, drive into the mind leaving no room for discussion!
Suggestion: Just a couple from my thoughts. I leave them up to you however!
'Or was it because you got scared Xand did it for protectionX{/c'
'These are my confessions,
From a once broken heart' Perhaps to 'I bare you my confessions/from a once broken heart.'
Typos: Not one in sight!
Favourite line: 'At the would of been could of been.' I don't know what it is, but it blew me away when I first read it!
Thanks for posting on my forum, best of luck with everything,
Heya, thanks for entering my poetry contest - round two is up - please enter!!!
I really like this. It's so simple yet so effective and uses the readers imagination fullt.
I Love: How much depth you have uncovered from a simple subject - how much thought you have put into the audiences mind. I also love your choice of words and phrases.
Suggestions: None I can really see. Some words arn't quite going together right but as you say. 'Without stopping to ponder/Whether the I is before the E or after/Whether this word works in front of that one.'
Typos: None
Favourite line: 'You don't want your inspiration to evaporate.' - I love this.
Thanks for entering and good luck - also check out my other contest - brand new - ellies metaphorical contest!!
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!!
This is a strange but very original poem. I do like it!!
I love: the subject you've chosen. It's not like all the other and you can make it your own. The way you have chosen to describe and write is very suitable!
Suggestions: using Archaic language doesn't sounf quite right to me. it kind of put me off a bit, but your poem - your words! I also didn't understand: 'Being mowed down by Grace.'
Thanks for entering my contest - round 2 is up - please enter!
Wow, what a poem. At first I tried to read it fast, but then I realised that wasn't the right thing to do and I sowed down, started again and it made such a difference!
I Love: Your emotions are hidden, but shown through author subtext that really makes the reader have to think and learn more. An ideal way in a poem such as this to reallt get them to understand everything in the utmost detail!
Suggestions: None, I don't want to ruin this - it came from the heart, not from your brain work!
Typos: None I can see
Favourite Line: 'Were you kind to a stranger without trepidation.'
I am reviewing your work for the Angel Army Port Raid and because I love reading other people’s work !!
This is sort of a letter - why I could not tell you, but that's the way it came across to me.
I love: Your description, your knowledge of how to write so beautifully. I love the way you use a complete opposite of the usual and turn into the readers delight.
Suggestions: Make sure each line is capped. Perhaps you could make even more expressionful by italic-ing some of the key words e.g. 'you' etc.
This review is for the Angel Army Port Raid and because I love reviewing everyones work :
I love the way you have used the criteria in this poem and the overall feel is brilliant!
Suggestions:
In the 2nd verse, 2nd line, you have put 'Keeping time at specific intervals' this line doesn't sound quite right to me and I wondered whether you could change it to perhaps 'Kepping together so perfectly well' or something like that, to tell the truth that's not very good.
I love:
The last verse shows us a real tale of truth. It's a perfect round off to the rest of the poem.
On the first verse you could change the last line to 'On a tattered guitar did he play' to make the rhyme better.
You could rearrange a few lines to make them fit better, but apart from that it's perfect. I like the way you have made him tell the story instead of you
Is this a true story, by the way, - the last line made me wonder?
Happy Writing,
~ ellie ~
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