I saw this posted on the newsfeed and my curiosity was peaked with the title Before It Makes Sense. So kudos on drawing my attention. This was an engaging read about our perspectives and how much they affect our existence.
Reading your essay about the boundaries we unwittingly confine ourselves was interesting because even I have done that to myself. I've found myself not trying something because others have said, "Seriously, you're not a spring chicken." I'm very aware of my age but the longing to hike on one of the trails at Red Rock Canyon was real. I didn't argue, I accepted their opinion until one day I was in a restaurant dining next to a couple about my age. I didn't intend to eavesdrop but I couldn't help myself when they were talking about Calico Hills, one of the easier trails and the hawks they saw.
I decided that day, I wasn't asking permission to explore Red Rock Canyon, I was simply stating what I was interested in doing. Like your bee, the very next morning I went and I did it. It was beautiful and like the couple I had overheard I too saw hawks. They're stunning to watch.
My daughter did lecture me but I reminded her that age is a state of mind and mine is whatever I want to state that day. I've done two more trails since day. I can't wait until I am free from this back brace and I can explore a couple more this fall in the cooler weather.
I agree not everything in life has to happen though a filter defined by age, by gender or even well meaning family or friends, it's okay to walk or run to expand those boundaries.
I thought the analogy with a bee was interesting and well written. Your ending--" that not everything that works needs to make sense first.
And that the difference between falling and flying
is sometimes nothing more
than moving…
𝒃𝒆𝒇𝒐𝒓𝒆 𝒊𝒕 𝒎𝒂𝒌𝒆𝒔 𝒔𝒆𝒏𝒔𝒆."
was a perfect conclusion to your essay. A subtle reminder to all of us that moving isn't as hard as we fear it might be.
I didn't note punctuation or grammar errors. My only suggestion would be increasing the font size for older readers like myself.
Enjoyed the imagery in your poem. I thought you gave the fireflies a beautiful tribute while reminding the reader their contribution to the hours after dusk.
Watching fireflies flitter from bush to bush winking randomly makes the evening magical.
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression:
This is a beautifully told story of a ghost-house struggling with the betrayal it felt by the family that mocked the sea captain by building a house instead of the lighthouse after the captain lost the property in a card game. The emotions of the house drew me into the story. I wanted to know more of the house's background.
What needs your attention:
The title doesn't feel quite right to me. I realize that Julian and Maya do begin a relationship but they also helped the house heal. I would find something that indicates the healing.
I didn't notice any punctuation errors or grammar issues. I thought the pacing was perfect.
Favorite Parts:
My favorite part was when Julian was standing in the storm, feeling what the house and the sea felt before drawing Maya into his embrace. The moment felt intimate to me each piece of the story finding comfort in the other.
Overall Impression:
Very beautifully written, I enjoyed it immensely. The characters felt natural from the awkward beginning to the comfortable ending. The pacing was perfect and the setting reminded me of places on the coast of Maine as well.
Congratulations on your entry in Journey Through the Genres!
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression:
Sounded so familar to me, like you had somehow saw my childhood. I liked the Gramma in the story, really listening to Libby when she needed. I've never understood why parents get so worked up over clothing and makeup, I always saw it as self expression. Everyone needs to be seen and heard and sometimes the words fail so we choose clothing or makeup to open the conversation. You did a great job showing how it can be done.
What needs your attention:
I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.
Favorite Parts:
Grandma taking a stand for her granddaughter by telling her daughter to stop trying to repaint her. Libby needed a place she felt heard and she chose the right one.
I agree the line- ‘My posters listen to me more than my parents do,' is a good opener for a story.
Overall Impression:
The author chose a coming of age theme with a girl named Libby and Grandma. Grandma wasn't taken back by the gothic choice in clothing like the mother was because she remembered her own childhood. It's a stage that youth typically explore. The pacing was good, the story was relatable and the characters were believable.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: When The Night Broke
First Impression:
I enjoyed the interesting interpretations of gothic throughout the story. Jack's military background and the comfort in his faith and the church. Cas's comfort in her exterior appearance with the black lipstick and clothing choices. And then the unknown factor when the satan avengers chose to crash the gathering. I still have a tube of black lipstick I couldn't part with from my younger days when I wore nothing but black, So Cas felt very relatable to me.
What needs your attention:
I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. I did appreciate the font size. Thank you!
Favorite Parts: Cas's intial response after seeing Jack's reaction to the situation and how he handled himself. I felt her conflicted emotions felt natural. Jack's protective instincts became clearer when he blurted out to Cas that he loved her.
I did enjoy the line bodies rewritten as statements. It made me chuckle because here in Vegas tattoos are huge and I'm always curious what statement the individual is making.
Overall Impression: Jack and Cas felt like believable characters with different perspectives trying to find common ground. I thought the pacing was good. I appreciated the setting details that helped frame the story.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: The House That Would Not Forget
First Impression:
Interesting take on the house responding to the sea. I'm curious if there was a picture prompt because several pieces in the contest involve a house connection with a gothic overtone. It sad to me how Margaret was more concerned about the family's reputation then doing the right thing. I was also sad that Clara didn't become angrier from having her mother locked up and denying her connection all those years.
What needs your attention:
I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. I would have liked a reference point in time so the storyline was clearer.
Favorite Parts:
Clara accepting responsibility for the coastal reconstruction but I did wonder what debts were involved because there's nothing in the story to answer the debt issue.
Overall Impression:
The story has good potential but needs some tweaking to get the beginning, middle and ending to connect. The pacing was okay but could've been a bit faster. Aunt Margaret felt cliche in her acceptance of locking Clara's mother up because there was nothing indicating she tried to stop Clara's father instead she was more concerned with the family image.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: The Bunchy Underwear Incident
First Impression: Not a job I would want to write about, it was amusing.
What needs your attention: Didn't note any punctuation or grammar. Please note a word count is needed in contests.
Favorite Parts: I was wedge underneath him just an inch, and his perspective was hilarious. I agree with Damon, underwear dthat doesn't feel right disrupts my day too.
Overall Impression: The story was humorous, held my attention throughout. It had good pacing and a great ending.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression: Twins are a lot of work and especially with two that manipulate all the adults in their lives.
What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything Sonali.
Favorite Parts: I enjoyed two parts. The twins conning all the parents by the gate because the principal separated them. The twins trying to fool the doctor and for their prank receiving a shot from the doctor.
Overall Impression: I felt the frustration of the teacher, the principal, and the father throughout the story. I would've liked something more to backfire onto the twins as a result of their manipulation than just the one twin falling and cutting her cheek.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression: Hi Sue, I would love to have a James of my own even an inept James would make me smile. Initially, I thought it was her father, trying to convince her to come home but then you introduced James, the ghostly butler.
What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. I will say how many life's of milk did you order made me pause then I got it. Sneaky!
Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the address confusion, the poor ghost was so confused and sad that no one bothered to mention he was at the wrong address.
Overall Impression: An interesting story with a friendly inept butler who is also a ghost residing with a college student. Talk about the odd couple!
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: The Great Coffee Catastrophe
First Impression: I had a similar morning on Friday, our coffeemaker died and it was place an order on Amazon, then head to Dunkin because there's no way to function without caffeine as you so nicely described in your story.
What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything punctuation or grammar wise but I would've liked a line describing the work space they were in not just the outside world Simon navigated.
Favorite Parts: I liked this line--And fate, being the cruel comedian it is, chose Simon the intern. Fate is cruel but Simon saluted as he took up the challenge. Nice touch--Sweet, life-saving coffee.
Overall Impression: Interesting entry, the pacing wasn't as upbeat as this reader would've liked but that's just my opinion.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: I don't speak girl!
First Impression: The descriptives setting the wife and daughter up were great. I enjoyed them immensely.
What needs your attention: Nothing, the pacing was good, the characters were relatable, nicely done.
Favorite Parts: "The pastor smiled modestly. “It’s a gift. Years of study. Careful listening. A touch of divine wisdom.” The pastors steadily growing curves, I didn't see that coming. Hilarious ending. Nice delivery!
Overall Impression: The story was a fun read with a surprise ending that made me chuckle. I enjoyed I don't speak girl very much!
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: Journey Through Genres: Comedy
First Impression: Interesting take on contest, it was an enjoyable read. You did a good job with the sibling differences and the community's view of each.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar. The small font size is challenging for older readers.
Favorite Parts: Irma's approach to the villager's problem wasn't what was expected but she did it to the best of her ability and the results were positive.
Overall Impression: I enjoyed the coming of age story of Irma who rose to the challenge of not remaining in her brother's shadow. It's not easy being the one who sees things differently.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
Official Judge's Review Title: The Haunted Doorbell
First Impression: A sweet story about two children having fun but their pranks weren't enjoyed as much by others.
What needs your attention: Nothing that I noticed.
Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the kids taking advantage of the old Bramble house for their antics on unsuspecting passersby's, I could easily imagine their giggles afterwards.
Overall Impression: The story reminded me of my childhood and the silly pranks we used to play. I thought the pacing was good but would've liked the story to be longer than it was.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression: I wondered as I read if any family supports a comedian in the beginning. Fran's concerns and her family reactions felt very realistic. Nice job.
What needs your attention: I didn't notice anything.
Favorite Parts: Fran assuming Constance was a stalker was relatable I've felt that way too when someone's approached me as I'm leaving and I'm unsure of their intent. In my area there are a lot of homeless people and whenever you leave a grocery store or get gas I'm approached.
Overall Impression: I'm glad Fran's parents accepted that their daughter has potential to be successful. The story's pacing worked and the characters felt realistic.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression: Unfortunately, there's people that treat others like in your story. I wish that it wasn't true.
What needs your attention: I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar errors.
Favorite Parts: I liked that Norman and Lucy are getting married and no one from their workplace is invited.
Overall Impression: The pacing was a bit slow for me. Nice twist with the food poisoning for the bullies. Other than that your characters were believable and the story had a nice conclusion.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng
First Impression: As I'm reading, I'm wondering where the comedy aspect of the story is because it's not clear to me with the exception of the line royalty gives me gas.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues. I did notice that you listed a prompt and when I opened it was quotation inspiration for September. ooops, wrong contest.
Favorite Parts: "I hate to eat people all the bones get caught in my teeth. I'm into fish."
"Hey me too, how am I supposed to get through that gate?" Germain asked picking up the sword. "
Unusual for a dragon to not want a human diet. He's going to need a lot of fish or maybe a whale. Overall Impression: The story was interesting but unfortunately did not meet the criteria for this month's contest.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Carly.
Title: Beware Scary Tales
What works: Treat or Treat was a challenging movie to use as a prompt for a poem and you've successfully told the story in the required form/style of Fable with the moral of the story don't blow out your Jack-o-lantern.
What needs attention in my opinion: For me, the use of and on three of the lines slowed your pacing-- the flow of the poem.
Thank you for sharing your work and for participating in 13 Poetic Days of Halloween. Just think between last year and this year's challenge you've written half of a Halloween chapbook.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Detective
Title: Sleepy Hollow
What works: You did an excellent job of retelling the tale of Sleepy Hollow in your poem. It flowed smoothly from stanza to stanza.
For only Crane can seek amused me because my last name is Crain (different spelling same sound).
What needs attention in my opinion: The part I found a bit confusing was the line to guide and gather flutter lights. I believe it would flow smoother like this-- to ward off shadow and shade with gathered flutter lights to guide the gracious good spirits.
Ps. Enlarging the font helps us older readers read your work.
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.
Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Fading Love fits nicely with the poem.
If it's a poem, can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.
Do the lines and stanzas (poem) or paragraphs (story) build upon each other? The couplets work very well here and the combination flows smoothly with each transition.
How did your piece make me feel? The poem gave me a sense of loneliness and despair from the narrator who's questioning a love that's fading.
What was my favorite part? My favorite couplet is: "But through the night my senses gleam as people lay asleep
I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep"
This reader is reminded of times when she longed for sleep but was filled with longing for her own love.
What would I change?
1. "Storm clouds gather all above as the moon shines through them all
Trees sway and lose their leaves, oh how they stand so tall." The all I slashed out slows "the pacing of your line and it's redundant because you end with all.
2. But through the night my senses gleam as people lay asleep
I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep" I slashed But at the opening of your line because Through gives you a stronger opening to the couplet.
3. Time is slipping far away as the heart beats on and on
Remember when we star gazed to worship the moon and sun? I would flip the lines in this couplet because you have in the last line in the previous couplet-- I think of you and where you are, my heart does gently weep and following it remember when we stargazed to worship the moon and sun... carries the shared memory and then let the reader feel your pain time is slipping far away as the heart beats on. And it carries better into the final couplet with the love so fading away.
Was it well thought out and well written? I think with a bit of tweaking the author's voice will be stronger in sharing the sadness of love when it fades.
Thank you for sharing your writing on WDC! Thank you for visiting my port, I thought I would return the favor. Writing poetry is a passion, I'm glad you share.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Sue
Title: The Black Hat
What works: The pacing was great and the story evolved smoothly. I really enjoyed the surprise ending when Sam realized what a snake his friend Jake really was and kicked his butt out.
What needs attention in my opinion: Nothing. Not a darn thing, Sue.
Thank you for sharing your work.
PS. I would've kicked him out way before, 6 months is too long to be a freeloading guest, even if he was helping out around the house.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Marvilla
Title: My Reflections
What works: It's been awhile since I've visited your blog. The writing is always very engaging. I enjoyed your cheesy poem, you did a great job writing it. As to your question about lettuce, yes it has gone up quite a bit. The price of eggs is still sticker shot here in Vegas.
What needs attention in my opinion:
I wouldn't change a thing other than suggest blogging more but I am biased and I do love blogging.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Sandra
Title: Sandy Supposes
What works: Whenever I read your blog it's like we're sitting across the table from each other talking and it doesn't matter how long it's been your writing has that conversational feel every time.
Do you prefer being called Sandra or Sandy? I typically go with whatever a person tells me is their first name. Like for instance I'm actually Lyndalee but I prefer Lyn. Lyndalee only comes up when I'm in trouble
What needs attention in my opinion:
Well, you know I love blogging I wish you had time to blog more. I miss reading your entries. But as to the ones you do write I wouldn't change a thing.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: T.
Title: Earn the Badge Celebrates
What works:
I thought the word choices were perfect and were an added bonus to celebrate WDC's 25th birthday. The only word I struggled finding was awardicon, I had skipped it in the initial pass and came back to it. I used to do word finds with my grandma all the time, she would have loved doing this.
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.
Hi Cheshire
Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, it works.
If it's a poem, can it be read out loud? Yes, it can and I did read it outloud.
Do the lines and stanzas (poem) or paragraphs (story) build upon each other? The first stanza sets a pattern that wasn't followed through.
How did your piece make me feel? It made me curious about the narrator in the poem, what happened ?
What was my favorite part? The first stanza because I felt the author was carrying the Hearts as a pattern emphasizing the loneliness.
What would I change?
Hearts and souls are captured.
Hearts and souls are remembered.
Hearts and souls that will be cherished, forever.
Photographs of times long past.
Photographs of when we were young.
Photographs of what once was.
Memories of all the times spent together in happiness.
Memories that will always be there in a quiet moment.
Memories of love and warmth and laughter.
Our photographs and memories
Our story needs to be remembered.
Our story of a life to never be forgotten.
Our life will never an end.
I feel the repeated pattern emphasizes the emotions. Just food for thought.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Jeffrey
Title: Known
What works: I thought the intro to the story was intriguing because I'm fond of antique store browsing so you reeled me in. I thought your word choice of handsome for an older woman interesting.
The conversation between the older gentleman and the lady felt suspicious so you did keep the intrigue going.
The painting tied all the pieces together, reminded me a bit of a scene from Mary Poppins (Julie Andrews and Dick van Dyke) where they slip into a painting.
I enjoyed you story very much.
What needs attention in my opinion: Not a dang thing.
un: 
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