Witchy Woman's (elusive4lyn) Reviews

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Review of The Cat's Meow  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sophie review 2 of 2

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Cat's Meow

First Impression: I couldn't pass this by, I'm a huge cat fan. I can totally relate to Dugan's reaction about having a dog invade their space. I'm not a dog hater but I'm not a dog fan either. Many of my friends have dogs and I will pat them at their house but I never volunteer to dog watch.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. Kudos

What part I liked best: I thought it was awesome that Dugan could hear Sunny. I believe animals regardless of their breed can communicate.I thought it was heart warming that Dugan was worried about Sunny after hearing the noises in the kitchen.

I have two ginger tabbies and when they're in the catico the hummingbirds visit. The cats make this interesting churling sound and the birds hover and make shrill sounds. I close my eyes and try to imagine what they're saying to each other. Neither cat makes an aggressive move toward the hummingbirds which I've always thought odd but let one of the desert geckos come inside their enclosure and all bets are off.

Overall impression: The story began with two elderly ladies Maddie and Evelyn. They were spending time together before Evelyn was leaving on a
month long trip. Maddie generously offered to watch Sunny, Evelyn's dog much to Dugan's dismay. Dugan ruled Maddie's house and he wasn't thrilled about sharing.
The story took a turn when a burglar appeared and Sunny became quite resourceful.
The story had good pacing and entertaining furry personalities.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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152
152

Review of Back in Time  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Sophy review 1 of 2

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Back in Time

First Impression: Interesting prompt with a weekend required writing involved with very specific details. My initial thought was that's really restrictive but as I read I noted the prompt details actually were helpful because they kept you from wandering too far off.

What needs your attention: I didn't see any punctuation or grammar errors. But I am curious why you chose to use and here instead of or "And there I sat, for who knows how long, trying not to cry and scream because right after this spot follows and wondering if I'd lost my mind and was really in some mental hospital somewhere and this was my psychotic break. This is a very wordy sentence with a lot of ands. I would suggest changing the first and to or. Then ending the sentence after hospital somewhere. Then changing This was my psychotic break to Was this a psychotic breakdown? It invites the reader to think as well about her state of mind.

What part I liked best: Ciggie lighter and ciggies, reminded me of a high school friend she always called them ciggies not cigarettes or smokes. I found your inventory of supplies hilarious. Airplane peanuts are the worst.

Another day or two or year, that added tension again.

I wished entry four had been a bit longer but maybe you'll come back to this piece again.

Overall impression: This was an engaging read with good pacing and comical commentary as well as the moments of panic. Your character felt believable in the setting and situation.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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153
153

Review of LIFE UNDER PRESSURE  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi D.J. Venson

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Life Under Pressure

First Impression: I read this all the way through with tears streaming down my face. I wish I could say I can't relate but I can. My middle son and his wife were having their third child and there were complications. The placenta ruptured and the mom was bleeding out. My son had to make the choice if the situation arose and sadly it did. He chose his wife as I'm sensing your doctor did.

What needs your attention: I didn't note anything needing attention except maybe a suggestion to have tissues nearby.

What part I liked best: I found the last stanza profound because it forces the reader to be in that moment with the doctor. It also reminds us to consider the hardest decision we've ever made. Not everyone can say they've been in such a difficult situation. For me, trying to be supportive in a horrific situation knowing that both of them would struggle with the decision. And the horrific reminder that they had already buried a child because their second child was a still birth.

Overall impression: The poem is thoght provoking and a profund reminder that no matter what is happening in our world something worse is happening in someone else's. We should always be grateful for every blessing.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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154
154

Review of Strawberry Jam  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Words Whirling Around

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Strawberry Jam

First Impression: Strawberry Jam reminded me of when I helped my grandfather pick strawberries in their huge garden. My grandfather used to complain about the varmints all the time. I chuckled when your varmints ending up being Maddie and Emma.

What needs your attention: I'm not sure what the author intended by 40-acre truck farm. I took Mr. Crumps property to be agricultural not mechanical.

What part I liked best: I thought the author did an excellent job with Maddie and Emma's individual personalities. Maddie wanting to be trusted by her parents to be a good baby-sitter and Emma with equal determination to get the strawberries she wanted in Mr. Crump's garden.
Mr. Crump scaring the daylights out of Maddie because he had snatched Emma when she went through the fence was heart wrenching at first then heartwarming when Maddie discovered her sister eating strawberries with cream and sugar. I've enjoyed many a bowl of strawberries like that in my life.

Overall impression: A delightful story to read with good pacing and believable characters. I was pleased Mr. Crumps was an old softie in the end.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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155
155

Review of Hare Trigger  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi B.D. Mitchell

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hare Trigger

First Impression: My interest was immediately peeked with the opening line. Kudos! That's what an editor wants from any author.

What needs your attention: I didn't note anything punctuation or grammar wise that needed attention.

What part I liked best: I loved the description half-prowling, half-loping gait. I could see that image in my mind of large hare. I raised Checkered Giants while my children were at home. We didn't eat them but did use their poop for fertilizer in my gardens. I had one huge vegetable and seven flower gardens that thrived because of the rabbits.
In West Forks, Maine there is a general store named Berry's. The owner has a jack-a-lope, he had a taxidermist mount his antlers from a spike horn deer he had killed to a rabbit he had also killed during hunting season. The odd looking creature sits on a shelf behind the counter where tourists can see it. He tells these whopping tales about these mysterious jack-a-lopes that appear every spring after the snow melts. If you see one, it's supposed to bring you good fortune. Gordon, the owner is quite the storyteller and lots of tourists take his picture beside the jack-a-lope.

Overall impression: I enjoyed the story's ending with the amusing twist of Happy Trails. Your story brought back some awesome memories for me. Thank you.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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156
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Review of Trapped! Escape the Tower!  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (3.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Trapped! Escape the Tower!

First Impression: The first paragraph is awkward the way it is worded. The story feels like the narrator and the author's voice override each other which is distracting.

What needs your attention:
"The waves were rough, the wind was strong and the temperature was freezing. I was on a boat heading towards a haunted old tower with some creepy looking old man, my sister Erica, my best friend Jayden and with 3 girls similar to my age. It wasn’t one of those really nice luxury boats. It was more like those medium-sized rowing boats that were brown and old fashioned looking."

My fellow passengers and myself were tossed about in a boat by the rough waves and strong winds. We, that is my sister Erica, best friend Jayden and other three female passengers who appeared our age. The only outlier was the creepy old man. The temeprature is freezing, I wish a luxury boat had been available instead of this medium sized rowboat to take us to haunted tower.

The opening is less wordy and gives the reader the necessary information while arousing their curiosity.

What I've noticed reading you have used passive voice a lot which slows the pacing in your story.

"“Pay close attention to the eyeball.” The man warns. He then lifts up the middle cup revealing an eyeball. Maybe that’s why he’s wearing an eye patch. He then lowers the cup, preparing for the fun bit. He soon jumbles up all of the cups until he is satisfied."

This is an example of the author's intrusion. How would the characters in the story know the preparation is for the fun bit.

What part I liked best: The final room challenge was interesting. It felt to this reader Amanda was your strongest player throughout but in the final moments it was Timothy.

Overall impression: The story core is intriguing but the pacing is slow because of all the unnecessary words. I suggest reading your story out loud to yourself. It's amazing what we skip over reading silently.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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157
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Review of Account Anniversary Cnotes  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Gervic

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Account Anniversary Cnotes

First Impression: It's a shame we can't give a review of all the c-notes in one post because you have an awesome selection to choose from. I decided to check out the account anniversary and the birthday c-notes because they're the ones I will be needing during the games.

What needs your attention: I am a loss here trying to think of something that would improve your shoppe. But I did note the wording on Birthday card 2 is confusing Let your all dreams be on fire... didn't you mean let all your dreams be on fire.

What part I liked best: They were colorful and the messages were engaging. Birthday card number six's message is my favorite. People need to be reminded that they deserve happiness and time to have fun because we all get into a work, work mindset.

Overall impression: I found your graphics delightful in each of c-note sections, I just wanted you to know I did explore them all. I think the ten choices with each unique message is awesome.

Do you offer customized c-notes like for a death of a loved one that isn't worded my thoughts and prayers are with you? Just asking for future reference, I'm not a huge teddy bear fan.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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Review of Broken  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Taylianna

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Broken

First Impression: I noted this was written 19 years ago, this reader is hoping the author's life has found the peace it needed.

What needs your attention: Free form was chosen by the author and thus it doesn't require any specific line count or stanza repeats. But this author did find the short abrupt lines didn't serve the author as well as longer lines in a free-style prose poem would.

What part I liked best: I thought it was interesting how the author chose to add 4-01-2005 at the bottom of each stanza which is also their anniversary on WDC. There must be some significance to the connection.
My favorite stanza is What have You Done to Me. I could envision myself seeing the situation through the author's eyes and relive my own destructive relationship. My first marriage was to a very abusive man with a child involved.

Overall impression: I wondered why the author chose to make all the sentences short. This could easily be a prose poem and the longer lines would deliver more impact than having the reader pause so frequently.
Thank you for sharing a difficult time with us. May you always have peace in your life.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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159
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Review of WHERE'S THE EVIDENCE?  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Bubba. Happy WDC anniversary!

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Where's The Evidence?

First Impression: The author clearly knows the history of our government and all it's flaws. Sadly, there are more flaws than I realized.

What needs your attention: The content flowed smoothly but for this reader the small font size was challenging not all of us are 25 year olds with 20/20 vision. I also noted that the author chose not to use white space between paragraphs. This use of white space shows the author is giving the reader time to process the paragraph read before moving onto the next.

What part I liked best: I remember reading about the grandmother struggling to keep her home because of a situation she had not knowledge about. Her grandchildren committed the crime and should be held accountable but their names are not on the deed to that property.
It would be no different if for instance I offered my friend a place to stay until she got back on her feet but unbeknownst to me she sold drugs out of my home, I shouldn't lose my home for being a good Samaritan like the Grandma was.

Overall impression: I found the writing informative and presented in a manner the reader could easily follow though I did need to use my touch screen to make the font easier to read. Thank you for reminding me again how important it is to be actively involved in our political situations today.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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160
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Review of Lost in Thoughts  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Naveed

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Lost in Thoughts

First Impression: First, I'm going to say you're missed in this round of Game of Thrones. I'm saddened by the tone of this story. I wish life becomes different for the protagonist in this emotional piece.

What needs your attention: I understand wanting to make sure the reader knows the day's heat is unbearable.
"Today was, perhaps, the hottest day of the year. The intensity of the sun was at its peak, and the scorching rays of the sun were certainly too much for anyone to bear."

May I suggest: Today was perhaps the hottest day of the year with the scorching rays of the sun.

It removes the redundancy and gets the point across to the reader.

Here I'm wondering why the author chose a passive voice instead of using stronger verbs to make the reader feel the fear the parents wanted their children feel. "Parents, who are having a tough time controlling their children, point out at me so as to show the children that if the don't behave, an old, ugly and scary man will come to kill them or something. The irony is that the same parents criticize for objectification based on looks...sigh. "

Parents point their finger at me, and recount possible scenarios of my life. Ask them is this how you see yourself? What if this man decides to kidnap you? Make you suffer, too!

You have the same prejudice based on appearances.

What part I liked best: I've read many poems and wondered the same thing about pain and suffering. Do they really know how it feels to be poor? I'm not even sure I do but I do know what's it like to be beaten, to bury my grandchildren so I can relate to some of the pain the protagonist is feeling.

Overall impression: "Poetry, it seems, is like a breeze in a person's good times." I stopped writing for a while after my grandson was killed in 2019. Sometimes I still find it painful to put my feelings on the page.
One can carry the pain inside their head and not face any judgment but once it's out there, it's open to well-meaning critics.

This is a very thought provoking piece, Naveed. I pray you are well. You are missed. I'm sorry I didn't notice sooner that it's been a while for you on WDC.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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161
161

Review of You'd Think  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Quotefreak97

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: You'd Think

First Impression: You'd Think reminded me of a heartbreaking time in this reader's life when her son called to tell her his son, her grandson had died the result of a dirt bike crash. I knew when the phone number displayed on my cell phone it was bad news like in your song. The pain is unbearable. I'm sorry for your loss.

What needs your attention: In the chorus this one one line doesn't really deliver the impact desired: "You’d think your heart breaking would ring the louder than anything" May I suggest You'd think your heart breaking,
would implode like a firework display. The definition fits the emotion needed: end or fail suddenly or dramatically. The reader or listener needs to feel the pain the singer feels.

What part I liked best: I thought the stanza about the struggle of each new day. The rehashing what could have been done different. Did they know how much they were loved? Did they die instantly or did they suffer?

I don't know about you but the expression God will never give you more than you can handle rankles me to no end.

Overall impression: It's clear to this reader the author suffered a loss in their life and needed to stop carrying all the pent-up emotion inside. The song lyrics were relatable and flowed smoothly from beginning to end.
Sadly the ending is right on... it happens every day, somewhere there's some one in pain.

I hope you're still trying.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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162
162

Review of A Really Lousy Poem  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
House Florent Image for G.o.T. "Game of Thrones"  "The Iron Bank of Braavos" 

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !


Hi Dad

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: A Really Lousy Poem

First Impression: The title attracted my attention and I was curious so here I am. It made me chuckle because not very often does someone use old English in poetry. I'm sure Dickens could have fun with this.

What needs your attention: I didn't note anything I would change. It was funny and as the author noted it was written in five minutes so the work isn't seeking critical acclaim.

What part I liked best: The opening stanza set the story up nicely putting the reader right with the narrator deciding on what was coming their way. The second stanza delivered the event that caused all the problems. And the third stanza told us the fate of the cheating husband. His life would be hexed. Wives are good at cursing just saying.
The way the poem unfolds could easily be the prologue to a short story with the man and wife and their life before the maid and after. Just something to think about.

Overall impression: The rhyming worked very well and the stanzas flowed smoothly together. It was a humorous poem that made this reader laughed. I don't think its a lousy poem as the author noted but it did accomplish getting my attention so maybe that makes the title a success.


The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.


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163
163

Review of Old Ball Game  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Damon

Title: Old Ball Game


First Impression: Wow, this story unfolded in directions I didn't anticipate. Kudos!

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors. But I would like to make a suggestion, not all of the readers on WDC are 20 years with great vision. Please keep that in mind and make the font size just a bith bigger.

Favorite Parts: Tim seeing the game with his Dad, reminded me of baseball games with my granddaughters. Football games with my grandsons later, since they weren't baseball fans. The memories are priceless as you show us later in Tim's life. A life well-lived is all one can ask for in life.

Overall Impression: This story had good pacing as it showed us memories of the protagonist at different points of his life. The interesting part with a few tweaks it could easily unfold in the Vietnam era or even know with Iraq or Afghanistan. The love of baseball lives on.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of The Cutting Edge  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Steph. I'm getting a refresher of your writing before the games begin.

Title: The Cutting Edge


First Impression: My favorite event to watch in the winter Olympics. I enjoyed reading your story involved Yuri and Alyssa.

What needs your attention: There were several typos that I noted. 1. She began to purse him, but the other athletes I believed you meant pursue not purse.
2. finished tying her shoes. I believe in this context, skates would be more appropriate because she immediately after went onto the ice.
3.The other female skaters come onto the ice and skated several laps. I believe in this instance came works better than come so the tense is the same as skated.

Favorite Parts: Yuri inviting her to sit with his coach regardless of their country's history. Then his looking around before his skate anxiously especially after the rumors flying around about their skate.

Overall Impression: Interesting story about two skaters from opposing countries during the Olympics in Sochi. The characters were believable and the pacing was nicely delivered.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Rude Awakening  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Beholden,

Title: Rude Awakening


First Impression: The words as written felt like I was at a concert feeling the drums, guitars all rocking the audience into a frenzy. The pacing was perfectly delivered.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors though I will note some of your sentences are quite wordy.

Favorite Parts: When Jim mouthed back to Terry, "You bastard you wanna lead, you go right ahead.” That comradery between band members comes across on stage making the experience even stronger for the audience. I found myself wondering if the author played in a band because the writing feels like he has inside knowledge.

Overall Impression: The story was fun to read and delivered on the prompt. The pacing was perfect and the word choices complimented the story perfectly.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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166
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Review of Not In The Bathtub  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Sonali.

Title: Not in the Bathtub


First Impression: At first I wondering where the sports or music were in your entry but then the bathtub aka Hurly Burly Buss appeared.

What needs your attention: I realize English isn't your first language so I'm overlooking finis -finish and buss-bus.

Favorite Parts: The mother thinking all the conversations were about her daughter when instead involved the car. The young bride to be is right being interested in her future mate's life pays off in the long run.

Overall Impression: It was an engaging glimpse into your culture with an arranged marriage and the costs of things as they become acquainted more before the wedding. The young man pushing his car to the finish line said a lot about his integrity.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




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Review of Ride with me  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi LIghtinMind

Title: Ride with me


First Impression: We are introduced to the protagonist Gaius after his winning the chariot race. He made the acquaintance of Junia, daughter of the host Senator Scaurus, And from there the story unfolds similar to Romeo and Juliet, star-crossed from the beginning.

What needs your attention: There are quite a few long winded sentences that could easily be worded differently and disclose the same information. I grabbed this one to show you what I mean: "You are a plebian among patricians, judging from your blue eyes and blonde hair you are German, so a foreigner, but at least you are not a slave. You're a plebian with blue eyes and blonde hair among patricians. Are you German? Perhaps a slave? Not as wordy and says the same thing.
There are a lot more sentences like the one I chose that could easily be shortened.
Here's another one She held out her hand which had elegant long fingers and was smooth to the touch. She held out her hand exposing her elegant long fingers. He noted their smoothness.

Favorite Parts: Gaius going to the race with another team of horses and winning the event. Instead, the story focused again on Junia and Gaius consummating their unfortunate relationship.

Overall Impression: It was appalling how his previous horses were treated but that didn't warrant discussion. I found that disappointing. I wished the two had argued for the mistreatment of the horses.

I found the pacing was slow and wandered to much for my reading enjoyment. It has potential just needs some editing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Chance of a Lifetime  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Carly, it's been awhile since we've crossed paths.

Title: Chance of a Lifetime


First Impression: The story felt familiar to me, like I've read this before in your port, maybe an earlier version because I did note 2024. Unusual name of your protagonist, quite pretty. I wanted to linger at the lake with Alessia too, it sounded so delightful.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. Kudos.

Favorite Parts: I chuckled that Austin doesn't allow booing. Dani seemed nervous to the reader at first because she noted Austin but once the performers took the stage, she sang along with them. She appreciated the nerve it took to get on stage.

The barkeep came across like many I've met over the years, he was going to snatch the 50 bucks. Men so predictable.

Overall Impression: The story fulfilled the contest requirements of music. I thought the pacing worked and the characters felt believable.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Striking a Chord  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Emerick

Title: Striking a Chord


First Impression: Baseball or Music especially when your father is precariously living his dream through the son. I wasn't sure until that moment at bat if he was going to make a choice. It's hard to defy a parent.

What needs your attention: This was an exceptional piece. The characters felt natural and it had good pacing throughout. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar issues.

Favorite Parts: Wilson choosing his passion and the father seeing him with an open mind. I agree parents and children more often than not have differences but it's important to keep communication open.

Overall Impression: The story fulfilled the music requirement of the contest but unfortunately didn't have the word count. The author did an exeptional piece, this reader looks forward to reading more of the author's work.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of A Journey Through the History of Music  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
“Writing is a lonely job. Having someone who believes in you makes a lot if difference. They don't have to makes speeches. Just believing is usually enough.” ~Stephen KIng

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through the Genre 2024 entries Hi Joseph

Title:


First Impression: This was an informative read, that easily could fulfill a high school or college entry music appreciation.

What needs your attention: I'm not sure how this applies to the contest. The first requirement was short story, although this is informative it doesn't fulfill the contest. I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors. Kudos.

Favorite Parts: I found the jazz and blues era appealing because those are my favorite types of music.

Overall Impression: As an educational piece it was well thought out and informative but as an entry in Journey through the Genres it didn't fulfill the contest requirements.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of cries of worries  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Intermingle

Title: cries of worries

What works: The fears shared are heartbreaking. I'm saddened to read about the struggles in Kenya.

What needs attention in my opinion:
It's obvious English is not your first language by the variance in tense and some word choices.
I'll begin with the first stanz. You begin with in my motherland but the next line you should simply say desperation is everywhere because the has is weak and covered is redundant when you say everywhere. Where asks in what place will come the saviour, instead it should ask when like in the time will the savior come?
Since is a filter word in the next stanza and adds nothing to the sentence. It's a stronger beginning with The cost of living.
In the third stanza you mispelled when
4th, 5th are good but then there's the added spacing between the 5th and the 6th.
6th, 7th and 8th stanza are fine.

Thank you for sharing your work. I will add you and yours to my prayers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Young-Adult Readers & Classics, Really?  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Foxtale

Title: Young Adult Writers and Classic Writers

What works: It was very informative and engaging to read. The suggestions were well researched and with events the reader could relate especially about the addiction to social media. I've noticed that in way too many young people.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors.

But I would make one suggestion older readers the smaller print is challenging for an older person. I had to use touch screen to read those areas,


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Outlook Express  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Don Two

Title: Outlook Express

What works: I enjoy learning new forms and this one looks interesting. A different perspective in each stanza that flows to the final stanza where the piece concludes with what everyone hopes they have in abundance.

What needs attention in my opinion:
The first two stanzas fulfill the requirements for the form parallelogram de crystalline 3-6-9 but the last wo do not. A smile is only 2 syllables and lifestyle is also only 2 syllables.

I don't know if you're familiar with this site but it comes in very handy for counting syllables in poems that require specific counts.

https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllable_counter/...


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Death Waiting by the Door  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Joy,

Title: Death Waiting by the Door.

What works: Interesting response to the prompt, Joy. I was amused thinking of death as an absentee landlord lurking by the door. Good visual imagery in the beginning and middle until the line I noted in what needs attention. Every other line works perfectly for me. I thought the cadence was good reading it outloud.

What needs attention in my opinion: What throws me and feels forced you'll direct me to a beauty. I really think you'll inpsire me to beauty works much better. Just food for thought.

Everything else has good pacing, visual imagery and an interesting perspective on death.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of She's Me  

Review by elusive4lynMail Icon
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Emiline,

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? She's Me fits the poem.

Can it be read out loud? Yes it did. I suggest you read it out loud as well as if you were presenting it in a poetry slam than my critique will make sense.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The author has established a rhyming couplets in her stanzas. Some flow very nicely and others feel forced. The rhyme isn't natural. There are a lot of filter words that slow the cadence of the piece as well. I'm going to share in the comment below.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. There's a change in the girl, maybe a bit more confident than she once was.

How did your piece make me feel? Reminded me fo other self-reflection poems I've read on WDC. It needs tweaking to reach perfection but for a beginning foundation it has potential.

What was my favorite part? The second stanza reminded me when I struggled to manage my own unruly hair.

What would I change? I'm going to begin with the opening stanza because this is where your first hook your reader.
In the reflection, a girl meets her gaze,
A journey taken, imperfect but ablaze.
It took some time and she's not flawless, you see,
But here she is, a testament with glee.

In the reflection, a lingering gaze
Recalls the journey, imperfect but ablaze
Iime said, she's not flawless... simply me
A standing testament of glee.

Less weak words like meet, tell and filter words sometimes, some time, here, which, that, yet, a, in,

this line in particular feels forced Mom warned of imperfection, yet love stepped in

try- Imperfections aside, love checked in

The last stanza where the author really wants to leave an impression shouldn't feel forced as this wording choices make it feel.

Try- Hey, reflection of old
Satisfaction behold
The woman who yearned to be
Not perfect, simply me.

It brings the beginning and ending full circle and leaves the reader remembering the narrator wanted to discover herself.


Was it well thought out and well written? The author has laid a foundation to build but still hasn't found the pacing to deliver it to the next level.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .