As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.
Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Broken Reflection works for the piece.
Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can easily.
Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, the stanzas flow smoothy from the beginning to the end.
Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax.
How did your piece make me feel? I felt empathy for the narrator.
What was my favorite part? The first stanza invited images to this readers mind setting a stage.
What would I change? In the first stanza serene and dream closely rhyme, in the third strife and life also rhyme, and in the fourth sworn and scorn do. So my question is why in the second stanza did you choose not to rhyme and follow the pattern established with the other three stanzas.
Was it well thought out and well written? I believe it was thought out but still needs a bit of tweaking to make it a five star work.
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.
Hi: Evan
Title: The Coffee Wars
What works: The family dynamic works in your piece very well. Amber and Sophia are the core of the story in my opinion. Their personalities are what adds the dimension and amusement to the holiday gift wrapping.
I know when my children were younger I would ask for a cup of coffee and immediately regret asking. I drink black coffee but I assure you a lot can still go wrong.
My eight year old son saw the coffee stain in my cup so he decided to wash it but his rinsing left a lot to be desired because my coffee tasted like dish soap.
What needs attention in my opinion: I noted quite a few places where a comma would be helpful.
Like foe instance, this sentence On the other hand, I had only used this cup maybe once before and thought perhaps it could just be a little thicker than the others.
Reading it out loud as I typically do when reviewing I paused here at before. Usually before the word and a comma is placed to separate independent clauses.
Thank you for sharing your work. It was amusing and reminded me of times with my own children. A day without lots of coffee to me is inconceivable.
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Writer Rick
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: November
First Impression: Amelia is feeling introspective. I enjoyed the mirror images of Norway's hidden promise and that of November's hidden promise.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors but I did notice some of your sentences are very long winded which when I read out loud became almost monotone. I suggest tightening them up so they're not as wordy or connected with and.
Favorite Parts: The realization that her writing like Dickinson's gave her immense joy.
Overall Impression: It was an interesting read. I felt the author met the requirements for the quote and then some.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Anna Marie
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Strayed from Normalcy, Never Went Back
First Impression: To the reader it feels like Barry and Sarah step outside the box on a regular basis in their chosen career.
What needs your attention: There are a lot of long-winded sentences that drag down the pacing. Try mixing up the length and using less before's and and's. I'm curious if having Barry be the narrator would improve the pacing.
Favorite Parts: The live puppy felt to me like the best possible solution after using the interactive pieces earlier.
Overall Impression: The story was interesting but did feel like it dragged from the long sentences which when reading out loud gave it a monotone sound. The story did fulfill the requirements for the prompt, kudos on that.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Pure SciFi
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Space Horrors: "What is Normal Now?"
First Impression: Sci-fi, curious how this going to tie into the prompt. The story is interesting and delivered the prompt as required.
What needs your attention: It was a tad confusing to this reader on whose side Collenna was. Hancron's story would be better served if he was introduced sooner and then it would be clearer that Collenna was defending him and didn't know he would betray her to further suit his needs. Hancron's refusal to negotiate in the end felt predictable.
Favorite Parts: I thought naming her the Deathbringer was an intriguing and added tension to the story.
Overall Impression: The pacing worked through most of the story. I did feel the ending was predictable. I think with some tweaking you have a good story to draw out.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Wake Up and Live
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Hard to Come by
First Impression: It's been a while since I've read your work, I'm looking forward to seeing what you wrote. A man that understands women, ah send him my way.
What needs your attention: This sentence reads awkwardly. At first, he thought he only was a sensitive lad, susceptible to what women needed because of the family with three sisters he was born in. It would flow smoother if written like this. At first, he thought he was a sensitive lad, susceptible to what women needed because of his family. He had three sisters. Only isn't necessary nor is born in because we know that information by the word family. Also breaking up the length helps with the pacing.
Favorite Parts: Chris lived a long life. Typically twins have that kind of connection so I enjoyed a different approach.
Overall Impression: I was sad that he forgot his unique talent for a while. His wife and children would have benefitted from his unique talents. The story fulfilled the prompt requirements, kudos for staying on track with only 407 words.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Sumojo
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Second Chapter
First Impression: Good title choice. The story lived up to the title and held my interest from beginning to end.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors nor did I expect to find any, I've read your work before.
Favorite Parts: I enjoyed Jessica's transformation immensely. It reminded me of when I first got my computer back in 1998 and I was fascinated with all the different groups that I had no idea existed. Like Jessica but not a dating app but in an online writing group is how I met my hubby. I was glad she discovered Alstair though I hope she changes his career choice.
Overall Impression: I have to say it was a fun story to read. Jessica was a believable protagonist that grew as I read and fulfilled the prompt requirement naturally.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi J.R.Pete
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: My Reality
First Impression: I didn't expect to read a non-fiction piece in the contest. Kudos for breaking the mode.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors. However, I will make one suggestion. I'm an older judge and I found the font size challenging. Please keep that in mind when you're entering contests not all judges are young with great eyesight.
Favorite Parts: My favorite part was when you joined WDC and found your people. I can relate because in my everyday life no one I know is interested in poetry let alone writing it.
I'm happy to see you're enjoying this wonderful place where we're not judged by our disabilities. It's awesome how you worked Van Gogh's challenges and your own challenges into the prompt. Awesome!
Overall Impression:
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Kare
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Normality
First Impression: I enjoyed your approach to the prompt. Death befriending the protagonist was nicely done.
What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.
Favorite Parts: You know I'm a huge cat fan so I was pleased to see you included a cat named Pete. Sometimes, I've wondered if Macavity and I were together in a different life like your protagonist and Pete were. Pete nipping and keeping him alive despite the situation.
Overall Impression: Death comes when it's ready not when we are, so true. The story was woven nicely around the protagonist and his friend Pete who is now a cat. The pacing was good throughout the peace. The narrator's voice with its nuances of frustration and reluctance to think ahead helped fulfill the prompt requirements.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Mesonali
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Dectectives
First Impression: It fulfilled the requirements for the contest with an added surprise the gift of family teamwork.
What needs your attention: Nothing caught my eye, I was enjoying the story, Sonali.
Favorite Parts: The fortune cookies made me chuckle, I never thought of taking 3 and picking the best fortune. I felt the children's disappointment.
Overall Impression: The story had good pacing and held the reader's interest from beginning to end. It was creative and amusing.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi LightinMind
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: The King's Man
First Impression: I felt there was a lot of technology details that slowed the story's pacing.
What needs your attention:I didn't note any punctuation errors.
Favorite Parts: The two men, Joe and Peter's enthusiasm once they were able to identify a photograph of the man in the turban at earlier royalty functions. Clearly, the man had connections but from who and why and most importantly what was his name.
Overall Impression: The title came full circle in the ending. Good job on that. In a short story one has to deliver the pacing different than in a novel. I felt that less information about the technology would allow the pacing to stay consistently moving forward.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Spacefaction
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Seventeen Deaths
First Impression: Wow, there's a lot of characters with unusual names in such a short piece for the reader to keep track. This reader found it distracting.
What needs your attention: He used his eyes and upper body to examine Brandov from every possible angle. How can someone use their upper body to examine from every possible angle?
Favorite Parts: The premise of the story was interesting because jealousy and insecurity drove Pavicca to commit 17 murders.
Overall Impression: This reader found the unusual names and that there was so characters involved (7 plus the mist) that it was distracting from the actual plot line.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Alice
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Ill-Timed
First Impression: Wow, I didn't see that coming atall.
What needs your attention: There are some wordy sentences I suggest tightening up other than that it looked good.
Favorite Parts: I have to say when Ms. Jones got the text saying I hope you take care of my baby. That was well delivered.
Overall Impression: Interesting story about a woman abandoning her baby and another woman discovering the baby. The mother placed the baby knowing who would save her baby and do the right thing. That was definitely a surprise ending.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.
Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title works.
Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.
Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The lines do tell a story in the one stanza.
Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Non-applicable
How did your piece make me feel? Excited because I've tried this form of poetry and it hasn't gone as I hoped. Your poem reminds me it can be done.
What was my favorite part? I enjoyed the way each detail reminded how serene a natural beautiful place can be.
What would I change? I really wished there had been more than one stanza. Each stanza fulfilling the palindrome but elaborating the story.
Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I know how challenging this form can be.
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer. Some times, it's not what we want to read but it is offered with encouragement to keep trying.
Hi Jinxx,
Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title does fulfill the poem's message.
Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can but there feels like some redundancy as I do.
Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The poem is in a free verse form with only one stanza. Those was repeated six times and in the title which thisreader found disappointing. The author has the opportunity to be more creative.
Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. The author introduces the reader by saying it's not to late but the theme didn't vary so it failed to demonstrate a middle. It did conclude with the question Do you love me?
How did your piece make me feel? I felt the author's unhappiness.
What was my favorite part? Do you love me?
What would I change? This reader feels the author missed the opportunity to really share her feelings in a more creative way.
Was it well thought out and well written? It takes a lot of guts to share one's work, so I'll acknowledge that. I truly believe once the author is feeling more confident it would be a good investment of time to look at each line and find ways to make each one more creative and powerful.
My name is Lyn and I'm reviewing your work, Proof of Life. The word count indicates that this may have been written for a contest. I hope you had fun writing it.
The story had good pacing and each character was clearly distinguishable. I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.
I only noted this sentence because the word choice feels awkward. I would use pounded instead of beat because it rolls smoother off the tongue when reading it out loud. The word pounded also had emphasis to the point George was attempting to make to Nate.
"You beat that horse all the way from Andromeda." You pounded that horse all the way from Andromeda.
My name is Lyn. I'm reviewing your work. Feel free to use or ignore my suggestions.
“It’s really dark in there.” The young man, dressed in jeans, sneakers, and a blue and black plaid flannel shirt stood outside the house, peering inside.
It makes more sense to begin your story with a clear speaker like this:
The young man dressed in jeans, sneakers and a blue and black flannel shirt standing outside peering inside said, "It's really dark in there." Now, it's clear one of the characters is male and speaking because the way you have introduced the reader to the story it's not clear who each character is initially.
The pacing once Van Rossum looks in the window works very well.
Your title is Antagonist but there's not enough information for this reader to determine who is the Protagonist (the main character that the reader wants to become invested in as they read).
It would have been more helpful to this reader if I understood why it was important they retrieve the information. I didn't feel that indicating it meant more than one can imagine in a take over.
Thank you for sharing your work. I hope my suggestions are helpful.
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Graham
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration contest
"I've always loved the first day of school better than the last day of school.
Firsts are best because they are beginnings."
-- Jenny Han
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: A Mouse for Spring
First Impression: I enjoyed your approach to the quotation with the story unfolding from Vesna's eyes.
What needs your attention: In the beginning shouldn't it say in a litter of six instead of to a litter of six. It just sounded odd to me. I didn't note any other grammar or punctuation issues.
Favorite Parts: Vesna realizing the difference in her fur color and the potential risk. Vesna also noted that Iryna was different too and wondered if it was dangerous for her as well. Together, they would make quite a team.
Overall Impression: The pacing was good, the characters were interesting and I felt the quote evolve in the story.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Deb
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration contest
"I've always loved the first day of school better than the last day of school.
Firsts are best because they are beginnings."
-- Jenny Han
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: New Beginnings
First Impression:A little confusing, I went back and re-read the rules because I didn't feel like there was enough of the quote in the story. The instructions stated it wasn't necessary to have it all but for me I would have liked more emphasis on the new beginning.
What needs your attention: The paragraphs flowed smoothly carrying the authors thoughts as the story progressed. I didn't note anything needing correction.
Favorite Parts: When she recalled something similar happening in Chicago. That put the story into perspective for me because initially I wasn't totally sure what was happening. I smiled when it became personal and she wanted to dance with Grandma May, that made the ending for me.
Overall Impression: I felt the story was interesting with the different name drops but as I noted I would have liked more of the quote. Like maybe the first time she danced with Grandma May and then ending it with how excited she would be to do so again.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Anna
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for Quotation Inspiration contest
"I've always loved the first day of school better than the last day of school.
Firsts are best because they are beginnings."
-- Jenny Han
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Suzette Higgenbottom's First Day
First Impression: The title indicated first days but in the story you chose to bookend it with the first and then the last day. I realize titles are the most challenging for any work. School Year Dilemmas would have offered a more accurate portrayal of your story. (just a suggestion) What needs your attention:It was important to her that she graduates. It was important that she graduate. We are talking about one individual.
Favorite Parts: The paragraph with Mrs. Whitmire's approach to comedy. The lipstick and the mare or colt was very engaging.
Overall Impression: The story was divided into two sections both parts were descriptive and entertaining but easily could have been two separate pieces meeting the quotation inspiration and still match the title.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Sumojo
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for Quotation Inspiration contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Not for the first time
First Impression: I didn't see the ending coming. Awesome! The story took a different approach than the the others in this contest which I enjoyed immensely.
What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation issues.
Favorite Parts: Serena watching the ocean. That's one of my favorite things to do. I was surprised she swam out with any regard to her own safety.
Overall Impression: Interesting and well formatted story that held my interest from beginning to end.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
Virtual convention works for me this year, traveling is a bit challenging for me still. But if I did venture to Canada, I would definitely find my way to you. You've always been one of the people I've wanted to meet in person.
When I'm feeling better, we need to do another virtual vacation. I'm thinking we should check out the planets, maybe even do some moon walking.
This was very articulate and fun to read. I agree Storymaster and Storymistress are the heart of WDC and we're all the beats that keep the blood moving.
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Sonali
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: Zippers
First Impression: Interesting storyline, not at all what I expected in an action/adventure contest.
What needs your attention: I thought the pacing of the story could be faster. We have details about Mrs. Sadarangani's height and generous spirit and the use of her own funds that really aren't necessary. I thought it was much better learning about her generous nature later with the fussy baby. Letting details unfold naturally are always better or as I'm always told in my own writing show don't tell.
Favorite Parts: Toufiq was a stranger to the five women as well yet Mrs. Sadarangani trusted him with the secret of the pillows. That could have easily gone the wrong way. It was very kind of him to assist.
Overall Impression: The unique design of the pillow and the hidden zipper was interesting but didn't fulfill my expectations for action/adventure.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi LightinMind
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: From Russia with Motorbikes
First Impression: Nicely paced and entertaining.
What needs your attention: It may be just me, but there were a few and's that dragged some of the sentences down. I suggest eliminating some of them this helps mix the sentence length up reduces the stagnancy that the word and tends to add.
Favorite Parts: Sarah choosing to assist Bill instead of her brother. That was risky on her part considering the brother supposedly was helping the Russians.
Overall Impression: The story flowed smoothly throughout. The characters were well developed although I would've like Mia to be a bit more feisty especially after hearing about her previous reaction. Just food for thought.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold
Hi Elephant Sealer
My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest
As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!
Title: It Takes a Boy
First Impression: The story is about a boy struggling with the loss of his parents and his need to have time without his nanny/lannny as he calls her. I'm not sure this title reflects the story as the author needs it too.
What needs your attention: There's a lot of redundancy that could be eliminated to make the story sharper. Here's one example: As he watched the old man in the mirror, his eyes felt heavy and heavier until they closed completely, sending him into a deep, deep sleep. He watched the old man in the mirror. His eyes felt heavy and he fell in deep sleep. Same message with less words. You have quite a few sentences written the same way with the repeated words that don't add to the story.
Favorite Parts: The boy remembering why he was living with Lannay was an effective pivot point before the ending.
Overall Impression: There's a lot of unnecessary repetition that could be excised with the addition of stronger verbs adding more drama to the child's story.
Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn
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