Lyn's a sly fox's (elusive4lyn) Reviews

#4744227

Review of Scrivenings of the King-Beyond-The-Wall

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Jeff, yup scoping out the competition

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Scrivenings of the King-Beyond the Wall

First Impression: You've written a lot for the Game of Thrones thus far. I think you might be in this to win. I read a few of your pieces and I'm hoping you draw them out further as static items. Fantasies and Fairytales number five I think wants to go longer than what is written. Stolen artifacts number five also feels like the story has just begun.

What needs your attention: I see nothing. Like Joey says no spag issues.

What part I liked best: New Orleans number one. That poem says so much more than the thirteen well chosen words. It reminded me of my best cheerleader with my writing was grandson. He died in a dirt bike accident in 2019 at the tender age of 13. But before his passing, he was asking about poems I had written about Halloween. He always wanted more. He's on the other side and I'm here, trying to honor him. He would have liked your mirror mirror prompt 2 a lot.

Overall impression: The author has been very productive in the Game of Thrones.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? I'm not ready to bow, yet.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4744135

Review of Poetry Review Garden [on hiatus]

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Gervic

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Poetry Review Garden (on hiatus)

First Impression: Wow, there's a lot of information on the forum to take in. The graphics are awesome but you already know I think you're amazingly talented. I noted some of the authors involved and saw some familiar names.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything punctuation or grammar wise but I will say the long list of invalid items is distracting among all the other beautiful graphics.

What part I liked best: I like that you've listed some really good poetry contests. Two of my favorites are Dark Dreamscapes and Shadows and LIght Poetry Contest. I was so sad when Dark Dreamscapes closed. I hope Darlene returns soon.

Overall impression: The incentive option is interesting, not many forums have that available to keep activity from becoming stagnant. I was sad to see the forum hasn't been updated since 2022. We can't blame Gaby ~ Keeper Of The Realm

for that, can we.

I believe this forum offers a lot of good reviewing opportunities and would serve the WDC community well if it was open again.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????

#4744117

Review of Poets' Practice Pad

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Joy

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Poet's Practice Pad

First Impression: This is wicked cool, how did I miss this addition in your port. I thought I had snooped a lot already but I guess I wasn't thorough enough. Poems with prompts is something you and I share in common. I love conquering the challenge of the prompt within a poem structure.

What needs your attention: The explanations are good so I wouldn't change a thing. Going to steal Joey's phrase no SPAG issues.

What part I liked best: The variety in prompts is awesome. You should use some of them for prompts in Blog City as well. I really Images in the Dark and the animal one {Poe's raven) both sound really interesting to me.

I also noted the list of other poetry forums. Thank you for mentioning Love Shouldn't Hurt. I need to open that, it's been awhile actually since Johnny died. I'm finally in a place where I am triggered less.

Overall impression: This is the perfect place to challenge ourselves in poetry and get our work out there in the poetry forums. I see a couple I didn't know were out there. Thanks!

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????

#4743846

Review of Survival of Cultural Childhood Conflict

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Survival of Cultural Childhood Conflict

First Impression: Yup, I had to look it up. Spero che tu soffochi" I'm going to remember that gem the next time I argue with hubby. I never thought myself blessed as a child, but this is definitely something I'm glad I missed. I only had one year of school with a nun because there was a shortage of teachers so she covered my third grade year. My only memories of that year are of putting my hands on the desk and her whacking my butt with a paddle. Did your school have the same hit the child to educate them?

What needs your attention: Looks good.

What part I liked best: Italian grandma the flower of Italy adding her two cents to the picture which should have been between your parents. Did your French Meme have something to add to the conversation about your schooling.

Overall impression: Multi-cultural war summs it very well. It's just the opposite now, children with multi-language skills have more opportunities in life. I enjoyed the family dynamics. I wish my grandmother I taught us Irish. But I am thankful to have missed the religious part.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? review 10 of 10... Door 13 complete.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743826

Review of Hey! COME BACK WITH MY KID!

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hey, Come Back With My Kid

First Impression: I bet the retelling of that story was the highlight of many a family gathering. I chuckled reading and was reminded of my own children's moments of fame in family conversations.

What needs your attention: Nothing, you're definitely an awesome writer. I hope someday someone says that about my work. We all dreams, don't we?

What part I liked best: The family going to the cable-car office to aid the father in his pursuit of the car with his pre-teen daughter on board. The screaming man on the brink of an aneurysm running behind their car was hilarious. I could envision that in my head as I read it. I actually re-read that paragraph to my husband because he was wondering why I was laughing. I know in the moment it was funny but after the fact it definitely is.

Overall impression: Another fun read about a family excursion that had a mishap that would later become a highlight of strolling down memory lane. The pacing was good and the caharacters were realistic especially the panic-stricken Dad. Kudos for another awesome writing piece.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? 9 of 10

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743742

Review of No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: No Good Deed Goes Unpunished

First Impression: I've done the sojourn more than once to clean my mother's home. It was exhausting and my children were far from amused with hauling all the crap off to good will and the dump only to return six months later to see she had accumulated even more. The woman had a lawn sale addiction.

Yes, I agree good deeds do get punished and then some.

What needs your attention: Nothing needs changing. But I will mention my pet peeve, you're killing me with the font size. I know, go away!

What part I liked best: Swimming in the pool sounded awesome but I knew after a hard day at cleaning that wasn't happening. Your poor son had to deal with four sisters, too. He's an angel!
I hate they put the water valves behind the washing machine, our overflowed and I had to pull the washer out to shut it off while worrying I was going to get electrocuted.

Overall impression: Another interesting glimpse in Webbie's world. The story flows smoothly. I felt tired and I didn't any of the cleaning at Grandma's Nicely done, Webbie.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? review 8 of 10
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743731

Review of TAKE YOUR PARTING GIFTS ON THE WAY OUT!

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie, wasn't it so sweet of Gaby to inflict your port with all these reviews.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Taking Your Parting Gifts on the Way Out.

First Impression: I didn't realize you had four daughters. I knew you had children but mentally didn't process daughters. I thought raising one was difficult enough, I can't image four of them. I chuckled at the well planned departing gifts for birthday and Christmas.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything punctuation or grammar wise but then you know I don't usually look either. I'm here for the read.

What part I liked best: I love the I'll show them mentality as each departed home. Little did they know that was the bigger plan.

I made my children pay 25.00 a week after high school for room and board until they moved out. We gave it back to them and added some to it to cover their rent deposits. And I made darn sure they emptied their rooms. I was so over hard rock posters and black lights.

Overall impression: This reader found this an amusing read about the bigger plan with the author's four daughters. Good job, Webbie.
Being a grandma makes it all worth it.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Review 7 of 10
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743639

Review of One Long Day in Chicago

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: One Long Day in Chicago

First Impression: The footnote at the end was perfect, I know the location and the year the story is happening. Lou and Gloria again hot on the heels of a murderer to get Gloria's hard on his luck brother. I had younger siblings and I was always bailing them out for one thing or another.

What needs your attention: Thank you, doll for the larger font and better use of white space. I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation issues. Kudos.

What part I liked best: Lou's falling for Gloria, ahhh. That didn't take long for that old softie. I thought it was a nice touch with us learning the rest of the story by his conversation with Gary on what not to telll Gloria.

Overall impression: Webbie has a collection of detective stories that appear to be in the 30's with the protagonist Lou Ryan and his secretary Gloria who appears to be a crime magnet. This story introduced to Gary, Gloria's brother and some of Lou's low life connections and a murder that Gary was arrested for but didn't commit. His sister believed he was innocent and he was.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? 6 of 10 I don't think I'll get all 10 done tonight. I'm exhausted.
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743636

Review of No Appointment Necessary

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie, yup I'm back again.

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: No appointment Necessary

First Impression: Apparently, I don't read enough detective stories because I had no idea what gams was until I reached the part where Lou was lying on the floor checking out Gloria's legs.

What needs your attention: There's a lot of white space at the end, is there more coming to see this piece? This reader wishes there had been something that put us in the setting so we had visual reference to put us in the right mindse,
My only complaint is the font size, us old folks don't have 20-20 vision anymore. I had to expand my screen to read your detective story.

What part I liked best: Gloria distracting the clerk to help her boss get to the judge. Men seldom have plans, let alone a back up plan so Gloria made it happen.
I wish I could say the judge being on the take was unlikey but I can't. Our legal system is a joke.
IN the story Lou and Gloria worked well together as a team.

Overall impression: The dialogue felt natural and the character's actions were believable. The pacing of the story was good. Nicely done.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? 5 of 10
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743631

Review of Totem Wolf

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Totem Wolf

First Impression: The narrative poem gives the reader the opportunity to learn from the author about her spiritual journey. Did you also do shadow work during your self-discovery journey?

What needs your attention: Narrative poem or as some others call prose poem tells a story

Nothing needs changing.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the whole poem but I was drawn particularly to the part about being shown another way existed and that the narrator hadn't reached their true potential. My husband is always telling me I haven't fulfilled my potential yet... he believes I was meant to do more. I don't see what he sees but I do appreciate being loved and believed in. Maybe like the narrator I let time dwindle as well because I got lost along the way.

Overall impression: A nicely woven spiritual journey, Webbie. Spiritual discovery and then learning all we can about ourselves and our spirit guide to make wiser decisions for the future is something everyone should do.
I felt the flow was good and the word choices work.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? 4 of 10 Did you know you're lucky door 13...
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743434

Review of Instincts of My Inner Animal

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Instincts of mY Inner Animal

First Impression: I can see you as a wolf but my spirit animal to me is questionable. Mine is a moose. Don't laugh. Moose supposedly symbolize courage, authority, power and self-confidence. Their awkwardness symbolizes they need to withdraw sometimes to focus on inner strengths whereas a wolf is often mistaken as aggressive when in fact they're clever, intelligent, loyal and protective of each other. It's an interesting way to discuss your spirit animal.

What needs your attention: I did note an unusual rhyming pattern that doesn't seem to follow typical abab or acac or adad forms.

What part I liked best: The forest is mine, I can see you staking out your space and making sure it stays that way. The story unfolded with glimpses of a wolf's existence and what's important for their survival. Nicely done.

Overall impression: This four stanza poem introduces the reader to not only the wolf but the concept that we all have spirit animals. There's no doubt in this reader's mind the author's spirit animal is the wolf. She loves and protects her herd fiercely and wisely.
I value her friendship very much.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? review 3 of 10
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743393

Review of White Balloons

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: ASR

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: White Balloons

First Impression: My whole life I've found peace in cemetaries but that changed when my grandson died. It was a wake-up moment because I hadn't thought there were children inside cemetaries. Your poem reminds me that children die unexpectedly every day. I like the bold single line question that makes the reader pause and be in the moment.

What needs your attention: The free style narrative works for this reminder that children are dying too soon.

What part I liked best: The image of a loved one looking down on their loved ones trying to cope with the loss.
There are never the right words for the person to let go.

Overall impression: I don't know when it became popular to release balloons but for me it's littering because once the balloons break the pieces will end up somewheres. I'm in favor of creating a garden or contributing to a park project in their loved one's name would be more lasting.

That's neither or there. I'm reviewing a peom the author shared about an experience she witnessed and the thoughts that crossed her mind while observing. The poem brought us in to be witnesses as well for a child taken too soon.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743358

Review of I Don’t See The Juncos, Anymore

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Webbie,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I Don't See The Junco's, Anymore

First Impression: We share a common interest in bird-watching, who would have guessed. I love how the poem tells the junco's story for someone who may not know anything will appreciate them.

I don't see the slate-colored juncos I saw in Maine and in New Jersey. The Audobon Society says Nevada has gray-headed juncos but I haven't seen yet. I miss watching their antics. We used to have about 20 a day when we lived in New Jersey.

What needs your attention: This free style poem works, I don't think changes are necessary.

What part I liked best: In the fourth stanza about the juncos resting before having to search for food after a storm. I used to keep a bucket of seed that once I shoveled I would sprinkle fresh seed for them. The juncos would swarm the seed.

Overall impression: A beautiful tribute about juncos, a spunky little bird species that every reader will want to see in their yard. The free style verse works here very well. I agree with the author looking for them and then realizing how much you miss them. I've been lucky to see different species of birds but none of them are juncos.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743209

Review of Chasm

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi KingsSideCastle

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Chasm

First Impression: This was scary reminder of what can happen when you hike alone. It's important to let someone know where you're going to be, even if it's a note inside your car on the dash. Rangers do check those things.
I didn't hike very often but I did manage to get myself turned around and needed help getting myself back out In Acadia National Park. I had left a note on the rangers bulletin board noting what trail I was taking.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any grammar or punctuation errors. Kudo.

What part I liked best: I thought Alexis reliving moments in her life would be something any one stranded would do. I chuckled when she got to her Mom. I've told my children the same thing life is hard, nothing comes easy and no matter the struggle it will be worth it.

Overall impression: The author gave a realistic reminder of the hazards of climbing alone. We as the reader had a first hand glimpse of her struggle once she fell into the sink hole and how she overcame the obstacles. The pacing is good. Alexis felt realistic.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
Image #2315526 over display limit. -?-

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743198

Review of Game of Thrones

for entry " Nobody"

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Kristina

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Giovanni's Body

First Impression: Nicely woven story for the prompt 28 in the Game of Thrones. Giovanni's prompts appeal to me the most among all the offerings in the North Remembers. I hope you're enjoying the writing as much as me.
I'm so sorry about your husband Kristina. I remember when you used to blog anddiscussed your husband being in and out of the hosptial. I'm so glad you're back on WDC.

What needs your attention: I didn't notice any punctuation or grammar issues. Kudos.

What part I liked best: Old man Hawkins amused me when he remarked another parolee indicating there have been a few. His coming over to the table and asking if she saw him then explaining the little boy's background story. So sad.

c:borange}Overall impression: The author wove a tale about the first meal and inmate had after being released from prison. Those first interactions on the outside were nicely written. The comment between the guards about her being a nobody was great foreshadowing for the story ahead. I thought you did an excellent job placing us in the moment. The pacing was good and the characters felt believable.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Yellow case review # 9
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743139

Review of I have a different dream today

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Happy to Write

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: I have a different dream today

First Impression: Martin was an impressive man, father, public speaker and pastor. His beliefs were inspirational then and still apply today.

What needs your attention: "However, the struggle has changed some in the last %0 nor so years since" I believe you intended 50 or so years.

In the first paragraph the author states the dream is reasonable. Four sentences later repeats the dream is reasonable. It's redundant. The second time doesn't add to the discussion.
that children with limited abilities is a new sentence beginning That should be capitalized

What part I liked best: The author wants us to remember equality issues still exist for many. Martin opened the door partway but it's not fully opened yet. We have a responsibility to each other to make sure everyone is equal regardless.

Overall impression: The author should revisit this piece and organize the pargraphs to address one concern and then move onto the next paragraph with a separate concern. It will help organize the author's thoughts and make the message clearer and not simply a ramble. There's potential here, it just needs tweaking.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Yellow case # 4
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743137

Review of Marriage

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Dorianne

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Marriage

First Impression: In the description the author wants the reader to know some marriages are easy. By the word choices, it is clear English is not your first language. No prejudice intended simply noting the stiffness of the poem.

What needs your attention: In the description, so people should be so many people make marriage look easy. There are some stanzas with sentences and others that aren't. Consistency helps. Like for the second stanza. The first two lines work well together. "Listen to what the other says
and keep cool. Avoid a heartless fight." Avoid a hearless fight is a declarative phrase not a sentence. I suggest changing it to this Listen to what the other says and keep cool to avoid a heartless fight. It matches the rest of the stanza and flows smoother.
In the third stanza any before close-mindedmess slows the pacing.
Treat in the fourth stanza doesn't feel right as it used. Simply moving the words around How you treat each.. will show a unified marriage.

What part I liked best: I sense the author believes in marriage and hopes that others do as well. The poem itself is a reminder in respect that couples should mutually show.

Overall impression: Marriage is a commitment that should not be taken lightly. Couples that have mutual respect for each other are the ones that make it look easy.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Yellow case #3
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4743117

Review of Dismissed

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Sandra

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Dismissed

First Impression: I agree with Millicent the elderly are dismissed way too often. I know unfortunately first hand after witnessing an accident. The police asked the younger people standing there and walked by me totally ignoring me when I said, officer.

What needs your attention: Nothing other than a pet peeve of mine. I'm not a younger person so I find it challenging to read something that has minimal white space. It would me much easier on older readers if you added a space between paragraphs.

What part I liked best: I have a cat themed purse. That's hilarious. I guess, I'm living up to the old lady imagery. I'm hoping she has a good time with that wad of cash. I thought Officer Goodfellow's name was amusing. Sadly, all the officers behaved just like law enforcement we're accustomed to everyday. They don't listen, they just want everything to be just so and not really solve a crime. (Sorry, I've had some unfortunate mishaps with the police so I'm not fond of them.)

Overall impression: The pacing is good and the characters were believable. The story focused on the scene after the robbery and a good Samaritan who tried to do the right thing but was ignored. Bonus, she got a wad of money for her time.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? 1 yellow case

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#4742900

Review of Garden Of Ideas

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blogging Circle of Friends

Rated: 13+

| (4.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Gaby, lady of surprises

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Garden of Ideas

First Impression: Guess I should have peeked in your port when I need a prompt for Blog City. Secrets out and when I overwhelmed, I will return. Writers can't keep drawing from the same well, they need inspiration too.

What needs your attention: I didn't see anything I would change. I'm surprised you haven't advertised it on the newsfeed.

This prompt did confuse me, or maybe I'm just GOT fogged.

What if you (your character) walked into a bookstore/library and see all the characters walking around. What do you do?

I get I'm the character but I see all the characters walking around. All the characters from what, the books or the book I'm also a character.

What part I liked best: The forum not only invites you to help others find inspiration but offers a place for you share your writing one of the prompts inspired. The requirements are clear and the forum is inviting. A chance at different merit badge is sweet too!

Overall impression: I added it to my favorites there's a merit badge that appeals to me so I need to review a couple of the stories shared. I didn't note any word count requirements but after game of thrones I'll be used to knocking out 1500 plus.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? review 7 almost got those 10,000 pts.
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#4742798

Review of Inner Demons

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 18+

| (5.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Keeper of the Realm

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Inner Demons

First Impression: I welcomed the darkness with the author. Darkness is a place I feel safest. I've raised a glass more than once welcoming the demons knowing I'm stronger most the time and when I'm not I know there's a thin line that I'm not ready to cross.

What needs your attention: In the sixth stanza in this line Where have you been?! You have an exclamation point after the question mark. I think the question mark works best.
The opening line of the third stanza feels out of place for this reader. There's no other indication of sparkle to balance.

What part I liked best: This author found the full circle of the poem with all is calm. We all desire calm within our self imposed walls but it's a struggle. I'm all too aware of the keeping facades in place because life isn't fair. It sucks.

Overall impression: The author created movement from stanza to stanza allowing the reader glimpses of the struggle with her demons. The only line that gave this reader pause was noted above. The opening stanza and the end stanza being the same served the poem well.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Review 1
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#4742506

Review of The Scheme

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes. Seriously, I'm not a stalker though it may feel like it right now.

Title: The Scheme

First Impression: I chuckled reading this flash entry because it reminded me of conversations with my sons when they were younger. Always looking for a way to make fast money.

What needs your attention: I did note this sentence didn't sound like an eight-year old boy.
“All you have to do is use your employee discount when customers are paying, make them pay full cost, and keep the leftovers. No one will even notice,” he informed her with a grin, extremely proud of his criminal plot." The dialogue is too stilted for a child.

It can easily be fixed by breaking it into smaller segments. Mom, use your employee discount when it's a customer. No one will notice, he said beaming.

Then the Mom can think to herself I'm raising a criminal
Just food for thought.

What part I liked best: Newspapers suck. I want to deliver chaos. That made me laugh. It sounded so much like an eight-year boy talking there in your story.

Overall impression: Nice! I enjoyed the reliving memories of my sons scheme about money.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4742504

Review of The Last Fifteen Years

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Last Fifteen Years.

First Impression: Narrative works very well for you.

What needs your attention:

I think instead of natural light sunlight would set your apocalyptic story up better. Nighttime is also natural light.

In the last stanza in the third line you can ditch the first but, it's not needed and with the second but in the same line which does fit the first but is redundant.

There's only place I feel the rhyming was forced was in the second stanza mother and smother.

What part I liked best: I enjoyed the imagery in the different stanzas because it gives the reader a clear image of the girl's existence and what she's endured to stay alive without her loved ones.

Overall impression: The form works very well and the imagery flows smoothly from one stanza to the next. The rhyming worked well with the exception of the one place I noted above. The story was a good reminder on how far we've come.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say????? Welcome to the Games, Elizabeth of Mormont
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#4742500

Review of The Journals of Mary Brownstone

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Elizabeth,

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: The Journals of Mary Brownstone

First Impression: Elizabeth really likes long sentences. I wonder if anyone has suggested reading Save the Cat, Writes a Novel by Jessica Brody. It's a good read that helped me a lot with understanding pacing and how not to use long winded sentences which I noticed a lot of in this story.

What needs your attention: I'll use this sentence as an example of how easily you can change up your sentences.
I am not allowed an original thought in my head, and instead I am left clacking away at the typewriter to record Mr. Livingston's most interesting and original ideas.

I'm not allowed and original thought. Instead, I am left clacking away at the typewriter recording Mr. Livingstons's most interesting and original ideas.

It's not necessary to say in my head because we all know that's where our thoughts come from. We don't need the word and to bring us into the next sentence nor is it necessary to say to record, recording covers it.

What part I liked best: I reviewed earlier a story in ♥Hooves♥

port about cows. You should consider collaborating on a story together about cows taking over Memphis. Cows do tend to spook and I thought your description of their grazing all over the place was nicely done.

Overall impression: This reader remembers all to well when more men covered any news than women did. Women have come a long way from the times of your story. I'm glad Mary Brownstone took the initiative to write an article when the opportunity mooed her way.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4742493

Review of Hello There

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: ASR

| (4.0)

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

A Review from "The Iron Bank of Braavos" !

Hi Elizabeth

My name is Lyn, I am one of the sly foxes.

Title: Hello There

First Impression: I wish I could say I've never experienced insomnia but unfortunately I experience it more than I care to say. I enjoyed how the poem talked to the clock and the mattress like they could respond back.

What needs your attention: Okay I think this poem would benefit from some tweaking.
1. first stanza- you're asking a question in the third line that the fourth line could answer.
Why am I here when I should be in bed?
Instead there's too many ideas in my head.

2. second stanza this sentence slows the pacing
I like you, but I don't think we can stay friends
You can easily reword it and pick up the pace.
I like you but we're not friends.

3. third stanza Beginning a line with and also slows the pacing
And if I said I liked you, I would be faking

If I said I liked you, I would be faking.

What part I liked best: Is the poems direct approach to circumstances all too many of us have experienced.

Overall impression: I disagree with the author's description, this isn't a silly poem. It acknowledges a real problem that exists.

The views and opinions on this review are mainly the things discovered by the reader and therefore, do not reflect necessarily to the group, activity and/or event being affiliated herein. This is only the opinion and suggestions of the reviewer and it is still up to the author of this piece to consider this review as a corrective action or otherwise. Thank you for allowing me to read your work. It has been my pleasure.

What does the Fox say?????
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

#4742488

Review of Night Terrors

Review by Lyn's a sly fox

In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)