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126
Review of cries of worries  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Intermingle

Title: cries of worries

What works: The fears shared are heartbreaking. I'm saddened to read about the struggles in Kenya.

What needs attention in my opinion:
It's obvious English is not your first language by the variance in tense and some word choices.
I'll begin with the first stanz. You begin with in my motherland but the next line you should simply say desperation is everywhere because the has is weak and covered is redundant when you say everywhere. Where asks in what place will come the saviour, instead it should ask when like in the time will the savior come?
Since is a filter word in the next stanza and adds nothing to the sentence. It's a stronger beginning with The cost of living.
In the third stanza you mispelled when
4th, 5th are good but then there's the added spacing between the 5th and the 6th.
6th, 7th and 8th stanza are fine.

Thank you for sharing your work. I will add you and yours to my prayers.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
127
127
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Foxtale

Title: Young Adult Writers and Classic Writers

What works: It was very informative and engaging to read. The suggestions were well researched and with events the reader could relate especially about the addiction to social media. I've noticed that in way too many young people.

What needs attention in my opinion: I didn't note any punctuation or grammar errors.

But I would make one suggestion older readers the smaller print is challenging for an older person. I had to use touch screen to read those areas,


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
128
128
Review of Outlook Express  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Don Two

Title: Outlook Express

What works: I enjoy learning new forms and this one looks interesting. A different perspective in each stanza that flows to the final stanza where the piece concludes with what everyone hopes they have in abundance.

What needs attention in my opinion:
The first two stanzas fulfill the requirements for the form parallelogram de crystalline 3-6-9 but the last wo do not. A smile is only 2 syllables and lifestyle is also only 2 syllables.

I don't know if you're familiar with this site but it comes in very handy for counting syllables in poems that require specific counts.

https://www.howmanysyllables.com/syllable_counter/...


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
129
129
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Joy,

Title: Death Waiting by the Door.

What works: Interesting response to the prompt, Joy. I was amused thinking of death as an absentee landlord lurking by the door. Good visual imagery in the beginning and middle until the line I noted in what needs attention. Every other line works perfectly for me. I thought the cadence was good reading it outloud.

What needs attention in my opinion: What throws me and feels forced you'll direct me to a beauty. I really think you'll inpsire me to beauty works much better. Just food for thought.

Everything else has good pacing, visual imagery and an interesting perspective on death.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
130
130
Review of At.  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: St Francis II


Title: At. I had to read the piece a second time to connect why you chose your title.

What works: The narrator is speaking freely about the challenges of four, twelve and sixteen. Interesting age spans for comparison.

What needs attention in my opinion: This reader felt there was a lot of telling and not enough showing. By showing I mean giving the reader glimpses of the narrator's life. You said the image of the tv on you was burned into your head. It would have been nice if you described the size of the television, a reminder of a four years old's actual size.


Thank you for sharing your work. Welcome to WDC!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
131
131
Review of She's Me  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Hi Emiline,

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? She's Me fits the poem.

Can it be read out loud? Yes it did. I suggest you read it out loud as well as if you were presenting it in a poetry slam than my critique will make sense.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The author has established a rhyming couplets in her stanzas. Some flow very nicely and others feel forced. The rhyme isn't natural. There are a lot of filter words that slow the cadence of the piece as well. I'm going to share in the comment below.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. There's a change in the girl, maybe a bit more confident than she once was.

How did your piece make me feel? Reminded me fo other self-reflection poems I've read on WDC. It needs tweaking to reach perfection but for a beginning foundation it has potential.

What was my favorite part? The second stanza reminded me when I struggled to manage my own unruly hair.

What would I change? I'm going to begin with the opening stanza because this is where your first hook your reader.
In the reflection, a girl meets her gaze,
A journey taken, imperfect but ablaze.
It took some time and she's not flawless, you see,
But here she is, a testament with glee.

In the reflection, a lingering gaze
Recalls the journey, imperfect but ablaze
Iime said, she's not flawless... simply me
A standing testament of glee.

Less weak words like meet, tell and filter words sometimes, some time, here, which, that, yet, a, in,

this line in particular feels forced Mom warned of imperfection, yet love stepped in

try- Imperfections aside, love checked in

The last stanza where the author really wants to leave an impression shouldn't feel forced as this wording choices make it feel.

Try- Hey, reflection of old
Satisfaction behold
The woman who yearned to be
Not perfect, simply me.

It brings the beginning and ending full circle and leaves the reader remembering the narrator wanted to discover herself.


Was it well thought out and well written? The author has laid a foundation to build but still hasn't found the pacing to deliver it to the next level.

Thank you for sharing.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
132
132
Review of BROKEN REFLECTION  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Broken Reflection works for the piece.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can easily.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? Yes, the stanzas flow smoothy from the beginning to the end.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax.

How did your piece make me feel? I felt empathy for the narrator.

What was my favorite part? The first stanza invited images to this readers mind setting a stage.

What would I change? In the first stanza serene and dream closely rhyme, in the third strife and life also rhyme, and in the fourth sworn and scorn do. So my question is why in the second stanza did you choose not to rhyme and follow the pattern established with the other three stanzas.

Was it well thought out and well written? I believe it was thought out but still needs a bit of tweaking to make it a five star work.

Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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133
Review of The Coffee Wars  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Evan

Title: The Coffee Wars

What works: The family dynamic works in your piece very well. Amber and Sophia are the core of the story in my opinion. Their personalities are what adds the dimension and amusement to the holiday gift wrapping.
I know when my children were younger I would ask for a cup of coffee and immediately regret asking. I drink black coffee but I assure you a lot can still go wrong.
My eight year old son saw the coffee stain in my cup so he decided to wash it but his rinsing left a lot to be desired because my coffee tasted like dish soap.

What needs attention in my opinion: I noted quite a few places where a comma would be helpful.
Like foe instance, this sentence On the other hand, I had only used this cup maybe once before and thought perhaps it could just be a little thicker than the others.
Reading it out loud as I typically do when reviewing I paused here at before. Usually before the word and a comma is placed to separate independent clauses.


Thank you for sharing your work. It was amusing and reminded me of times with my own children. A day without lots of coffee to me is inconceivable.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
134
134
Review of November...  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Writer Rick

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: November


First Impression: Amelia is feeling introspective. I enjoyed the mirror images of Norway's hidden promise and that of November's hidden promise.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors but I did notice some of your sentences are very long winded which when I read out loud became almost monotone. I suggest tightening them up so they're not as wordy or connected with and.

Favorite Parts: The realization that her writing like Dickinson's gave her immense joy.

Overall Impression: It was an interesting read. I felt the author met the requirements for the quote and then some.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
135
135
Review of Green Dragon  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Amethyst Snow Angel

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Green Dragon


First Impression: Interesting storyline but the scene breaks didn't feel natural to me.

What needs your attention: There are a lot of long winded sentences that need to be reworded to help the pacing of the story. Like this one: As it was obvious her corner of The Villages wouldn't quiet down again for some time, she went to her kitchen, prepared coffee and sat down with the Daily Sun. She frowned at the gossip column, tossed the sports section aside, and put on her glasses to read the international news. Her corner of the Village wouldn't be quiet again for some time. We don't need as it was obvious because you're telling us. She went to the kitchen, prepared coffee and sat down with the Daily Sun. How important is it to the story that she frowned at the gossip column, tossed the sports section aside. Instead you could say She put on her glasses and read the international news ignoring the gossip and sports sections.

Favorite Parts: That was a wise move when the driver wanted the packet she was carrying. Quick thinking can be a life saver.

Overall Impression: I think the story has a good foundation, just needs some tightening up by cutting some of the non-valuable information. As for the prompt, I feel you successfully met the criteria.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
136
136
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Anna Marie

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Strayed from Normalcy, Never Went Back


First Impression: To the reader it feels like Barry and Sarah step outside the box on a regular basis in their chosen career.

What needs your attention: There are a lot of long-winded sentences that drag down the pacing. Try mixing up the length and using less before's and and's. I'm curious if having Barry be the narrator would improve the pacing.

Favorite Parts: The live puppy felt to me like the best possible solution after using the interactive pieces earlier.

Overall Impression: The story was interesting but did feel like it dragged from the long sentences which when reading out loud gave it a monotone sound. The story did fulfill the requirements for the prompt, kudos on that.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
137
137
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Pure SciFi

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Space Horrors: "What is Normal Now?"


First Impression: Sci-fi, curious how this going to tie into the prompt. The story is interesting and delivered the prompt as required.

What needs your attention: It was a tad confusing to this reader on whose side Collenna was. Hancron's story would be better served if he was introduced sooner and then it would be clearer that Collenna was defending him and didn't know he would betray her to further suit his needs. Hancron's refusal to negotiate in the end felt predictable.

Favorite Parts: I thought naming her the Deathbringer was an intriguing and added tension to the story.

Overall Impression: The pacing worked through most of the story. I did feel the ending was predictable. I think with some tweaking you have a good story to draw out.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
138
138
Review of Morgan  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Evelyn

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Morgan


First Impression: Wow, 207 words. Let's see what Evelyn has delivered. Morgans are bigger framed horses if I recall right. Ahhh, getting the mane braided must be a time consuming process.

What needs your attention: This reader felt some of the sentences were choppy and abrupt which disrupted the pacing of the story.

It's helpful to a judge if you put the prompt at the top of the page.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed the different personalities of the horses and their reaction to different stimuli. My sister has horses and I was shocked what a sweet tooth they have. She handed me oatmeal cookies and told me to put them in my coat pocket. The mare, Cinnamon followed me outside and kept nudging my arm to get to the pocket. Once my sister opened the gate she told me to reward Cinnamon with a cookie. I couldn't believe how quickly she went right back to my pocket for another. We repeated the process for the remaining 4 horses.

Overall Impression: I enjoyed the story very much. It tied into the prompt nicely.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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139
Review of Hard to Come by  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Wake Up and Live

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Hard to Come by


First Impression: It's been a while since I've read your work, I'm looking forward to seeing what you wrote. A man that understands women, ah send him my way.

What needs your attention: This sentence reads awkwardly. At first, he thought he only was a sensitive lad, susceptible to what women needed because of the family with three sisters he was born in. It would flow smoother if written like this. At first, he thought he was a sensitive lad, susceptible to what women needed because of his family. He had three sisters. Only isn't necessary nor is born in because we know that information by the word family. Also breaking up the length helps with the pacing.

Favorite Parts: Chris lived a long life. Typically twins have that kind of connection so I enjoyed a different approach.

Overall Impression: I was sad that he forgot his unique talent for a while. His wife and children would have benefitted from his unique talents. The story fulfilled the prompt requirements, kudos for staying on track with only 407 words.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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140
Review of Second Chapter  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Sumojo

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Second Chapter


First Impression: Good title choice. The story lived up to the title and held my interest from beginning to end.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any punctuation errors nor did I expect to find any, I've read your work before.

Favorite Parts: I enjoyed Jessica's transformation immensely. It reminded me of when I first got my computer back in 1998 and I was fascinated with all the different groups that I had no idea existed. Like Jessica but not a dating app but in an online writing group is how I met my hubby. I was glad she discovered Alstair though I hope she changes his career choice.

Overall Impression: I have to say it was a fun story to read. Jessica was a believable protagonist that grew as I read and fulfilled the prompt requirement naturally.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
141
141
Review of My Reality  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi J.R.Pete

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: My Reality


First Impression: I didn't expect to read a non-fiction piece in the contest. Kudos for breaking the mode.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors. However, I will make one suggestion. I'm an older judge and I found the font size challenging. Please keep that in mind when you're entering contests not all judges are young with great eyesight.

Favorite Parts: My favorite part was when you joined WDC and found your people. I can relate because in my everyday life no one I know is interested in poetry let alone writing it.
I'm happy to see you're enjoying this wonderful place where we're not judged by our disabilities. It's awesome how you worked Van Gogh's challenges and your own challenges into the prompt. Awesome!

Overall Impression:

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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142
Review of Normality  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Kare

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Normality


First Impression: I enjoyed your approach to the prompt. Death befriending the protagonist was nicely done.

What needs your attention: I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: You know I'm a huge cat fan so I was pleased to see you included a cat named Pete. Sometimes, I've wondered if Macavity and I were together in a different life like your protagonist and Pete were. Pete nipping and keeping him alive despite the situation.

Overall Impression: Death comes when it's ready not when we are, so true. The story was woven nicely around the protagonist and his friend Pete who is now a cat. The pacing was good throughout the peace. The narrator's voice with its nuances of frustration and reluctance to think ahead helped fulfill the prompt requirements.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
143
143
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi The actual Treasure

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The Girl Who Cried Fireflies


First Impression: Interesting take on the prompt with the girl and the fireflies.

What needed your attention: Reading the rules of the contest and including the word count are important. I find it helpful as a judge to see the prompt at the top before I begin reading so I'm in the right mindset to give my best. I didn't note any grammar or punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: The girl overcoming her fear of the forest and following the fireflies to the hidden waterfall. She stepped out of her comfort zone to help the villagers and that fulfilled the prompt requirements.

Overall Impression: The story flowed smoothly with good pacing. There was a nice mix of sentence lengths to help keep the pacing. It was an unique storyline that I hope to see entered in other contests.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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144
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Kevster

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Quotation Inspiration (November 2023) entries

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Eternal Echoes: Aria's Banishment


First Impression: This was an enjoyable read. I felt it fulfilled the prompt requirements and then some. Kudos!

What needs your attention: It was so sad to see there wasn't a word count included because this story was in contention. I didn't note any grammar or punctuation issues.

Favorite Parts: Aria building a sanctuary for herself after the rulings against her. Her determination was well written and believable. I felt sad for her when she realized it was all gone but then proud of her for simply letting herself go into the unknown.

Overall Impression: Aria's story was fun to read and held my interest throughout with good pacing and a likeable protagonist.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
145
145
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Let me introduce myself, my name is Lyn I'm a writer just like you. Everyone has opinions, aren't we lucky! Feel free to take or leave my suggestions.


Hi: Matthias

Title: The Secrets Nobody Tells You About LOve

What works: There's a lot of information offered but I think it would be better served if you broke it down into sections so the reader can digest the information. I've explained more of my thinking in the next section not so much as it needs work but there is more room in the template I'm using.

What needs attention in my opinion:

I'm going to begin with my pet-peeve. Not everyone on WDC is young with ideal eyesight. Thank goodness I had a touch screen which allowed to adjust your font size because the size was too small for me.

In the paragraph Anxiety and Love

noises become louder& the world seems like it's out to get you. Is there a reason you used an ampersand instead of the word and?
your nervous system & reduce stress and anxiety same thing ampersand versus and


What I would suggest is breaking your work down so it's easier to process but also so it loses the feeling of the author telling instead of showing. You only used one example of showing with person 1 and person 2.

Like for instance, explain anxiety better than offer examples how it undermines relationships.

In the paragraph but discussing personal issues with others but not with your partner is good advice but the way you presented it feels again like the author is telling not showing examples that the reader may have experienced and see the value in doing it differently.

The reason I gave it a four instead of a five is because I feel you've done the hard part now it just needs tweaking to help it feel more engaging and less telling.


Thank you for sharing your work.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of Detectives  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Mesonali

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Dectectives


First Impression: It fulfilled the requirements for the contest with an added surprise the gift of family teamwork.

What needs your attention: Nothing caught my eye, I was enjoying the story, Sonali.

Favorite Parts: The fortune cookies made me chuckle, I never thought of taking 3 and picking the best fortune. I felt the children's disappointment.

Overall Impression: The story had good pacing and held the reader's interest from beginning to end. It was creative and amusing.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my immense pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review of The King's Man  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi LightinMind

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: The King's Man


First Impression: I felt there was a lot of technology details that slowed the story's pacing.

What needs your attention:I didn't note any punctuation errors.

Favorite Parts: The two men, Joe and Peter's enthusiasm once they were able to identify a photograph of the man in the turban at earlier royalty functions. Clearly, the man had connections but from who and why and most importantly what was his name.

Overall Impression: The title came full circle in the ending. Good job on that. In a short story one has to deliver the pacing different than in a novel. I felt that less information about the technology would allow the pacing to stay consistently moving forward.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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148
Review of Seventeen Deaths  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: 18+ | (3.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Spacefaction

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Seventeen Deaths


First Impression: Wow, there's a lot of characters with unusual names in such a short piece for the reader to keep track. This reader found it distracting.

What needs your attention: He used his eyes and upper body to examine Brandov from every possible angle. How can someone use their upper body to examine from every possible angle?

Favorite Parts: The premise of the story was interesting because jealousy and insecurity drove Pavicca to commit 17 murders.

Overall Impression: This reader found the unusual names and that there was so characters involved (7 plus the mist) that it was distracting from the actual plot line.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
149
149
Review of Ill-Timed  
Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.0)
“Who wants to become a writer? And why? Because it’s the answer to everything. … It’s the streaming reason for living. To note, to pin down, to build up, to create, to be astonished at nothing, to cherish the oddities, to let nothing go down the drain, to make something, to make a great flower out of life, even if it’s a cactus.”—Enid Bagnold

Hi Alice

My name is Lyn and I am doing a review as a judge for WDC's Journey Through Genres contest

As a writer, I know what it feels like to be reviewed! Please take what you feel is helpful and disregard the rest. Only YOU know what is right for your writing!

Title: Ill-Timed


First Impression: Wow, I didn't see that coming atall.

What needs your attention: There are some wordy sentences I suggest tightening up other than that it looked good.

Favorite Parts: I have to say when Ms. Jones got the text saying I hope you take care of my baby. That was well delivered.

Overall Impression: Interesting story about a woman abandoning her baby and another woman discovering the baby. The mother placed the baby knowing who would save her baby and do the right thing. That was definitely a surprise ending.

Thank you for letting me read your work. It was my pleasure! Lyn




*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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Review by Lyn's a sly fox
In affiliation with Blog City ~ Every Blogger'...  
Rated: E | (4.5)
As a lover of poetry, and short stories and not a professional reviewer, I hope you take my personal opinions in the manner that they are given, my goal is to be encouraging and give you something that will help you grow as a writer.

Is the title suitable to the poem/story? Yes, the title works.

Can it be read out loud? Yes, it can.

Do the lines and stanzas build upon each other? The lines do tell a story in the one stanza.

Does the story have an introduction, a middle and a conclusion with a suitable climax. Non-applicable

How did your piece make me feel? Excited because I've tried this form of poetry and it hasn't gone as I hoped. Your poem reminds me it can be done.

What was my favorite part? I enjoyed the way each detail reminded how serene a natural beautiful place can be.

What would I change? I really wished there had been more than one stanza. Each stanza fulfilling the palindrome but elaborating the story.

Was it well thought out and well written? Yes, I know how challenging this form can be.

Thank you for sharing your work, Jim

Lyn


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .
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