Another fabulous read! I love your rhyme-it's not labored, but smooth as good chocolate. And you capture the spirits of your subjects so well, doing an excellent job of evoking the scenes and the characters. Another A+ piece! Looking forward to reading more! Thanks for sharing!
P.s. What is 'matt'? Is it a misspelling of 'matte', or just something outside my ken?
First, let me take a moment to congratulate you on a wonderful piece! Evocative writing like yours demands a response from the lucky reader!
First impressions- Perfectly charming! Good meter and smooth rhyme; excellent imagery that conjures up a mouse's little world perfectly for the reader. A+!!
Upon re-reading- I retained my first impression, except for the use of 'little' a little too often ...but that's relatively minor. I have a piece I've been working on getting the repetitious words out of for...years, really. ;)
Niggling errors- None that I found! A+!
Ultimate opinion- A charming read; this would make a good children's book!
What a wonderful piece! Have you thought about entering this into a contest somewhere? Or sending it to a nursing magazine? I think your experience shines through and colors this entire piece. My grammy was a nurse, and she typified those qualities that many of you seem to share-kindness, compassion, and a powerful nurturing urge.
Reads like you've been to a Super Wal*mart recently...If I meet a stranger's eyes in public, I'll smile-ya know, a little acknowledgement of their existence. Or looking behind to see if you should hold the door for someone-then they don't even thank you! Their eyes slide away as though you're dangerous! heheh silly creatures. Right now my grade for the human race is C-, with the notation "Doesn't work to potential." Well, maybe if we keep trying we'll have a positive impact. ;) Keep on keepin' on!
What an evocative, bittersweet story! I found it on the same cyber-shelf as my "Song of Charlie", which you may enjoy. (You may not,too-I've been standing over it with my editorial scythe for some time...) ;)
Thank you for sharing! *hugs*
A lovely, evocative piece that transports the empathetic reader to this very moment in time, where they are graciously invited to share in the simple, natural joy of being with other beings. One of the most subtly moving pieces I've read on writing.com! Keep sharing your love for the beasties! *hugz*
Wow! I keep myself to myself when I have nothing positive to say...It's an honor to have received good reviews from someone who commands such moving language...Excellent job with this piece! I am truly impressed! :)
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