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Exceptionally written!!! It sounds like it could be lyrics This is really a cool poem and I would suggest others here read it too for it displays alot of emotion that cannot be hidden from the light that glows from these words
I am happy to welcome you to WDC and I hope that you like this place half as much as I do
You can walk a reader through many different textures and terrains at a whim and this is a quality that is shown in every written peice of your work I have had the pleasure to read
Your an artist one that uses words as your colors the you richly blend upon the paper that serves as your canvas...
I have always known you to be a person of great talent and gifted.. And it is the reader that is fortunate enough to unwrap this gift you present us with, each and evertime we make a desision to read your storys.
Im am very fortunate to be someone you consider a friend... Thank you Judity. Your words and interactions with me help me to know the feeling of being blessed
John
I am humbled by your words of insight. I never could color within the templates they tried to place upon my heart and soul. I was an outcast it would seem... after 45 years I took my pen and my paper and found true freedom... without astericks or threads to tie me down... I thank you for this wonderful poem of purpose... for now I see there is purpose in many things that didnt seem to conform to the norm.
I have been in your port several times and I just found my way stubling around like I do to this fantasic folder... Guess while Im stumbling around I should wear my glasses but every now and then they fall off
While your message is conveyed adequately... It disrupts the readers attention due to the lack or meter... the syllable count per line that is to say...
I find that you try very hard to follow your rhyme but this is a part that hinders the flow... Let me see if I can show you what I mean...
Past thoughts are all I possess,
None of them happy… all of them bring distress.
This is a couplet which basically means a pair of lines that rhyme...
The first line has 7 syllables
and then the next line comes back with 11 syllables..
for a nice meter (flow) you need to not make the reader stretch out to catch the rhyme and allow it to come to them...
Check this out now
Past thoughts are all I possess,
All of them bring distress.
At this point your first line has 7 counts and the second has 6 many that I have met will even want it to be strictly 7,7... Its hard to do sometimes but it can be done...
I enjoy writing poems alot more than short stories or long stories...
I hope this helps a little
John
Welcome to WDC Hope this will help some...
I chose the secret societies... Unfortunately many cant seem to see what is already plain as the nose on their faces.. Everyday we get closer to the New World Order.. If you dont think so check out the pictures in the Denver Airport... Its all about money and greed... and those that control it... Anyone that doesnt see this is blind of live in bliss..
Thank you for the link
Your friend
John
As a whole this stands out in my mind as something that shows insight that some dont find within themselves to experience and if they do then they dont think to put it down...
I like the way you entice the reader to see dreams for what they are at times
Dramatizing the experience in reel--- I might be wrong but I think "real" is what you mean...
We are wont to forget dreams when awake--- perhaps it is just me but the wording here seems forced...
I love the originality and the way you told the story!!! I like the nice touch of instructions on the moves of the different peices.. Chess I have been told can be learned in one day.. but strategy of the game may take you a lifetime... I had to read this as I enjoy a good game of chess from time to time...
The deeper into this site I get the more deeply I am touched... This touches me in places that I dont allow other to see or even know is there for the most part.
I was discussing life with a friend the other day and she was miserable and I dont even know where this came from but perhaps it was something I was actually saying to myself... The two things that causess depression in this life is fear and guilt... fear of the unknown... this is a truth that I feel is quintessetial to our understanding our own selves...
I guess in theory we are basically agreeing with each other...
I understand the concepts that you have described so aptly and agree with your perspective... I applaud your efforts to convey these thoughts
Hello its me again Im glad you got the folder thing going your way
I have read and written a few Haiku's and you have done this very well. This is the first time I believe that I have seen so many put together to present your message and It does send a very nice message...
I always just wrote the 5-7-5 and thought that was as far as I could take it... I had never considered adding several together on a common issue
Thank you for this post. It says so very much about your beloved
What a fantastic way to welcome our newbies here... Good thinking Gabriella
I am glad there are people like you to help those and welcome those to our site and I for one would like to make a donation for the next or this round if you dont mind
I havent been here in a while but Im glad I took the time to stumble around in your port some
Your friend
John
Very nice poem!!!
I like the way you include the darkness to be a part of not only your lover but your time he comes to you!!!
I like the style your incoporating as well It shows insight into a facet of yourself that you impart to those that read this wonderful poem
Thank you for this post and welcome to WDC I alway enjoy meeting new people here!!!
It is indeed a fitting tribute to someone that you lost but then again found... I dont but rarely give a five star rating but this is one of those special tributes and one of those special times that I do it joyfully. I see you are new here Welcome Pablo to writing.com and I hope to enjoy more poems and your words in the future. Again I thank you and welcome you to my home on the web.
Hmmm Nice start to a story that are in many dreams... I like the creativity that you have shown along with the imagination that it takes to write something of this quality
I will return to your port at a later time to stumble around aimlessly and hope I find a sequel or something of this calibur that you have posted here then
I hope you find the time to rate a review a few of my humble assembled words of prose... I like that you took the time out and the stand you make on the issues that you do... So many I feel use the reviews as a ladder... I do not accept this type of reveiw for instance to step on anothers attempt how ever poorly written or eloquently written to be able to put themselves upon a pedastal of their own making...
I like the way you emphasize your point about breathing.. I am not much on short stories or novels but I do understand the parallel your drawing here and I applaud you and your efforts to express this area
Nice very nice style and form
I like the way your shedding the light here
It is quite appealing and yet uncompromisingly there
Keep on writing and I'll keep on reading my new friend
I like your style and the depths that it takes as you portray your message
John
Its rare very rare that I give a five... But this definately deserves it
I love the sing song style that enhances the activities that you have portrayed here so eloquently!!!
You did a fine job on this poem and I hope to read more of this quality.. You have a gift dont use it sparingly... share it with all that choose to enter your port my friend
Your new friend
John
Welcome to WDC
I am glad to see that you have been busy since you got here
I like the fantastic use of words you have poured into this post and I am also glad I stumbled around in your port!!! I didnt see one typo or misused part of grammar
Keep on writing and Ill keep on reading my friend
Your new friend
John
How funny I get calls all the time but for me it is for me to get a free dish tv system... I tell them send me the dish I can sell them up north for a new type of snow sled and they generally want to ask me how many TV's I have... I tell them thats kind personal... wouldnt they rather me just give them my visa card number.... I tell them I would rather not tell them how many tv's I got because If they knew they might turn me in for owning too many...
I dont have a "hold" I can put some one but I think Ill ask them if they mind me putting them on hold and then hang up LOL
Thanks for sending me this link
John
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