First Impressions. When I started reading your story I was feeling a little lost and in over my head...but that was because you used flashback technique. If you're unfimiliar with this, click here ▼
. . Personally, I like this technique and use it all the time in my own writing. So my first impression was definitely a little confused but excited to get to the bottom of the story. In other words, you kept me reading.
Flashback Technique is used when you start your story/chapter/etc in the middle of a scene. The reader has no knowledge of how the characters got there, why, when, where they are, etc. Basically, you make them feel a little overwhelmed by dropping them into the story.
But, it's called Flashback technique because later on you explain what's going on, when the reader can understand. In your case, you used flashback technique when you dropped me into the story in the middle of a scene, but explained what was going on in the second or third paragraph. Great use of it!
Characters. There are several people in the story, I'd say only about 5 or so characters named and acknowledged. First of all, the main character which the reader knows hardly anything about. No name, descriptions, you tell me. However, what shines in this story and probably the whole point of it is the main character's personality and character. She (assuming the character is a girl) is compassionate, from what we read. She let the bug be free even though part of her wanted to keep it to win the prize.
Grammar/Spelling. I only caught one grammar error in the story. The line: "Winner got three scoops, second place two, third place at least got one." is NOT a full sentence. My suggestions are either make it a full sentence or use a semicolon (;) to connect the previous line with this one.
What I Liked. I thought the setting of the story was very different and interesting (in a good way ). I also liked the main character's personality and the consistency that flowed through the story.
What I Didn't Like. I would've liked to find out more about our main character! At least a name, age, or a little something. That was the only thing I found missing from this story.
Well, thank you for sharing your work and I hope this review was helpful!
Blasting through with a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" review.