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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/erynb
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122 Public Reviews Given
Review Style
Reader-reflected and imagery. I review according to the way the writer writes and the affect it has on the reader...does the story grab my interest, or is it lacking something? Plus, I am honored to be called a WDC Power Reviewer.
I'm good at...
Making the author think by asking reader-reflected questions, giving out suggestions, and comparing the author's writing with the rules of grammar and spelling, as well as dialogue and speech, and the overall impression. I am well-rounded--I encourage and point out lines I love just as much as the ones I see need improvement on. In short, I give the kind of review I would like to receive, which would be a review containing notes of improvement, respect, encouragement and correction.
Favorite Genres
*Star* Fantasy, Young Adult, Emotional, Action/Adventure, Mystery, Thriller/Suspense, and I am okay with a slight Horror/Scary and Romance genre, as I tend to write it myself at times.
Least Favorite Genres
LGBT, Erotica, Death, and I am not the comedian so I'll exclude Comedy too.
Favorite Item Types
Books and static items
I will not review...
Erotica and Gay/Lesbian genres, and my rating limits are E, ASR, and 13+
Public Reviews
Previous ... -1- 2 ... Next
1
1
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Deck the halls with boughs... , I'm Khariyya and I'm here to give you a review!


First Impressions. When I started reading your story I was feeling a little lost and in over my head...but that was because you used flashback technique. If you're unfimiliar with this, click here . Personally, I like this technique and use it all the time in my own writing. So my first impression was definitely a little confused but excited to get to the bottom of the story. In other words, you kept me reading.

Characters. There are several people in the story, I'd say only about 5 or so characters named and acknowledged. First of all, the main character which the reader knows hardly anything about. No name, descriptions, you tell me. However, what shines in this story and probably the whole point of it is the main character's personality and character. She (assuming the character is a girl) is compassionate, from what we read. She let the bug be free even though part of her wanted to keep it to win the prize.

Grammar/Spelling. I only caught one grammar error in the story. The line: "Winner got three scoops, second place two, third place at least got one." is NOT a full sentence. My suggestions are either make it a full sentence or use a semicolon (;) to connect the previous line with this one.

What I Liked. I thought the setting of the story was very different and interesting (in a good way *Wink*). I also liked the main character's personality and the consistency that flowed through the story.

What I Didn't Like. I would've liked to find out more about our main character! At least a name, age, or a little something. That was the only thing I found missing from this story.

-----------------

Well, thank you for sharing your work and I hope this review was helpful!

Keep writing,
Khariyya

*Pencil* Blasting through with a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review.



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
2
2
Review of Dumpster Diver  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hey River ,

I'm Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 and I'll be giving you a review for your story "Dumpster Diver.

First of All:

Before I go on to say anything else, I want to say that you followed the prompt very well! You not only included the line in your story, but you also continued the theme throughout, and that's what I look for in good stories: consistency *ThumbsUpL*.

Grammar/Spelling

I didn't spot any mistakes in your piece. Very well written and you used great language that told the story well. Again, I spotted great consistency within the piece.

Overall Impression

So there's a man who is obviously poor. He can't afford his own meals, and so he takes what other people have dumped out. By the language used, the description and setting, I get the feeling that he may be poor for a reason? Or that he has gotten himself into some trouble in the past, maybe.

The story has kind of an eerie feel to it, which is what gives me that feeling. It's consistent, which gives me new ideas about this character.

The story is short, but that didn't take away from the goal you're trying to achieve: to let the readers know what this man's goal was. To find food for himself.

Not much is revealed about the character, which is another reason I find him kind of mysterious and mischeivous. But in this case, not much has to be revealed.

Characters

There's only one important character in the story, which is the man. He has no name, but we know that he's poor.

He is definitely believable, yet mysterious.

What I Liked

Again, I loved the consistency! You never switched tenses, genres, feel, etc. which made the story fun to read and easy to follow.

I like how you stuck to your prompt so well, instead of just throwing it in there once and then forgetting about it. Instead, the prompt was the story's entire theme, as it should be.

What I Didn't Like

At first look, the story was kind of hard on my eyes. The prompt ran directly into the first scene, which kind of bothered me (this is a personal and somewhat strange opinion, don't feel pressured to change anything). I like to usually have the prompt kind of set off, like in a smaller font, a different color or in a dropnote.

Besides that little quirk of mine, there's nothing else that I disliked! Keep writing, you're doing a great job!

Thanks for sharing your piece,
Khariyya

*Pencil* A "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review.

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3
3
In affiliation with Teens Corner  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, ♥HO HO HOOves♥ ! This is Khariyya with a review from "Teens Corner .

This story is very funny and creative, keeping the reader's interest. It's simple yet a good read, and a very creative way to interpret the saying "I ate my words." There were no grammar or spelling issues I found, but I would suggest combining some of the sentence-paragraphs into one paragraph (a paragraph is minimum of three sentences). That's just to make the story more readable and organized, as it was a little hard to read. The story is short but provides the reader with enough information necessary. Job well done and keep writing!

Khariyya

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4
4
In affiliation with Teens Corner  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
*Pencil* Corrections & Suggestions/ Hi! First, let's start off with a few corrections and/or suggestions. First and only: When reading this, I find the fourth line a little choppy, and the flow is interrupted. A little revision done here and I believe this could be a great line!

*Pencil* Reader Reflection/ I think this is a very unique and original piece of poetry! I am convinced by your great description and creative thinking that you actually experienced this! If not, well, job VERY well done! Just by reading this my emotions are the same as the characters, which are the students--stressed, rushed, and more. You've taken me on a roller coaster!

*Pencil* Overall Impression/ This is a good poem, that with a little revision to the fourth line would be close to perfection. The line length is consistent, and so is the rhyming, which is great! Job well done.

I hope this review has provided you with some help, and always continue writing and doing what you love. Thank you for sharing this piece of writing with us all and allowing me to review it. You're an amazing writer, and I'm looking forward to picking more around your port!

Write on,
Khariyya

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A review from "Teens Corner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
In affiliation with Teens Corner  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! ! This is Khariyya with your 3rd review included with your auction win!

*Pencil* Corrections/ I have a few corrections to give you, but not much. First off: When you were giving Samantha's siblings' ages, you wrote them using actual numbers (1, 2, 14, 56, etc.). When writing, actually write out the numbers (one, two, fourteen, fifty-six, ec.). Second: All flowed well until the third paragraph, when the narration changed a bit. Suddenly I spotted some "I"s and "us"s and the story was then being told in first person. If you are going to write in third person, make sure the whole story is written that way *Wink*.

*Pencil* Characters/ The main character was Samantha, and there were a few mentions of the minor characters. However, whether they are believable or not is debatable. Not much information was given about any character, therefore I can't go into much detail in this section.

*Pencil* Reader Reflection/ While reading this, it was a little hard for me to really get into the story and "feel" something. It was narrated briefly, which suited the purpose of the story. I was, however, interested in what the mystery was and what was going on, but left a little disappointed with the surprise ending of really no ending. However, the setting of the story was a creative idea and I was satisfied with the description you gave of the family.

*Pencil**Pencil*Overall Impression/ Overall, I think the story is creative and a good idea, but would like a little more from it. It just doesn't seem finished yet and missing something. 512 words for a mystery story is not much, and I would encourage you to add on, as I'd love to continue reading!

I hope this review has helped! Remember these are my opinions and you're writing is entitled to your kingship and authorship. You are a talented writer, and keep writing.

Write on,
Khariyya

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A review from "Teens Corner


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review of Things Forgotten  
In affiliation with Teens Corner  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, amyjo-Keeping it real and fun! ! This is Khariyya and your 2nd review included in your auction win!

*Pencil* Corrections/ The story is very well-written. I found no problems with the piece, it flowed well, grammar and spelling were used properly. Job well done!

*Pencil* Characters/ The characters are believable and easy to comprehend. Job well done on that. The story is being told in first person, leaving Callie the narrator. For a short story, not much character creation is needed, and this definitely is satisfying.

*Pencil* Reader Reflection/ As a reader, you got me hooked from the very beginning. The way you start off a story is the most important part, and you definitely nailed that. Reading this, the emotions I feel are very mixed--excited to find out what the letters hold, how Callie responds, and more. It was a roller coaster of thrill, which is what you want from a reader. Also, the ending is another vital part of a story, which you TOTALLY rocked! I love the ending--full of suspense, and it left me wanting more. I was disappointed at not being able to find out what Brad actually thought and did about it and how things ended up, but in a good way.

*Star* Overall Impression/ I loved the story, it was original and something new. I loved your grammar use--misued grammar is a pet peeve of mine *Laugh*! Like I said it is well-written and very "tasteful." Keep writing!

I hope this review was helpful and I intend on continuing to read and review your writing. You are a gifted writer, and use your talent to the best of your ability!

Write on, Amy Jo!
Khariyya

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A review from "Teens Corner .



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, ChloeFR ! Here is the review you requested!

First of all, I'd like to start with my corrections and suggestions.
Orange = Suggestions
Red = Corrections
Pink = Things I Like
Black = Things You Said

There nothing I could do to stop it. - There IS nothing I could do to stop it.

"Who said life was fair:? - "Who said life was fair?"

"Can I tell you a secret?? - "Can I tell you a secret?"

"I bet the CF is too,? - "I bet the CF is, too," Note that I also added an extra comma before "too" *Wink*.

In all my nineteen years,
I had never loved anyone more than I loved her. - Make sure to bring this second line up, so that way it is connected with the first.

Someday, somewhere, she would free. - Someday, somewhere, she would BE free.

The only thing I suggest that you do based upon my opinion as a reader is double space the paragraphs. It is a little hard to read because of the formatting, but that can be fixed by leaving a double space in between the paragraphs. For example, hitting the 'enter' key twice to separate the paragraphs.

What I loved most about this story is the theme. I think it was really creative, and definitely original. I love how you created this sisterly bond between Mackenzie and Analia, and even mentioned the twin Anika. Job well done!

Thanks for sharing your work and keep writing!
Khariyya

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*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Kara!

Khariyya here! This is a wondeful poem, and an interesting fact that you were inspired by a dream catcher. It flows well, and I only have one suggestion for you. When writing, try not to use numbers (1, 2, 15, 132, etc.) Instead, write them out (one, two, fifteen, one hundred and thirty two, etc.). My suggestion is changing "100 dreams" to "one hundred dreams".

I loved reading your writing and keep the pencil moving!
Khariyya
9
9
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Julie ! Khariyya here! Now I will be reviewing your story, "The Really Wild West.

What I Liked. I really liked this story! It was entertaining and kept my interest. I love the beginning and how it starts with dialogue. This is my favorite way to start off a good story!

Reader Reflection. First of all I'd like to start off by saying, thanks for the introduction *Laugh*! I like reading things and knowing its history *Wink*. As the reader, I had NO idea of what was coming next! I was constantly wondering if Rodrego would survive, if not, where Isadora was going, if they'd ever see each other again... and all my questions were answered at last! The Geico thing at the end made this story even more interesting!!!

Areas Needed of Improvement. I saw no problems with this story. It is very well-written, a good story, and it definitely hooked me! I found no grammar or spelling issues and the vocabulary was used greatly.

Favorite Lines. The ending lines in italic still crack me up! I love it *Heart*! I also like the characters' dialogue and how you made them speak. You were constant with your western theme, making two words like "want to" into one. Great work!

Characters. The characters are well developed. Their traits are made obvious. They are also very believable while at the same time dramatic, which I love *Heart*! I think my favorite would have to be Rodrego!

Thanks for sharing your work here on WDC and I enjoyed your story and reviewing this! Remember...

                   Write for others,
                   Write for yourself,
                   and Write for the sake of writing!


Write on!
Khariyya

*Pencil* This is a "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group review. Keep writing!

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10
10
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Keaton Foster! I'm Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 and I'm here to review your prose (affiliated with the "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group.

First of all, I want to say just how much I enjoyed reading this. It was great, well-described, and written in fine detail. The protagonist's feelings and setting is displayed wonderfully and left me wanting to read more. No confusion, no questions, just keeping on reading. What a lovely effect it had on me!

This piece of writing is filled with beautiful vocabulary and the words are well chosen. When I read it the experience of the protagonist just comes to life. This is amazing!!!

Grammar, spelling, wording, and everything else was great. I have no corrections for you, just encouragement to keep writing and I will be reading more of what you have created.

Overall Impression: This is a brilliant piece of writing. Job well done and I hope to read more from you. Keep writing *Thumbsup*!

Write on,
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247

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11
11
Review of Writing.com  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
This is a very creative and excellent poem about WDC. Thank you for sharing your work! Here is a review.

Wording

1. I see a lot of good wording in this poem. One thing that did catch my eye is one of the first lines:

Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination vents.


These two lines are good and true, but I would suggest a word change. (Remember, this is just my suggestion for better wording.)

Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination invents.


2. There are a few paragraphs that repeat what earlier paragraphs have stated. I would suggest cutting some and/or replacing them with new ones. Repeated words, sentences, paragraphs, etc. tend to allow the reader to "drift away."

Grammar/Spelling

A lot of people say when you write, ignore the rules. And I highly encourage all writers to do that...leave the editing to the editor (if the editor isn't yourself) and the reviewing to the reviewer. When you write your main focus should be on your creativity and flow, not on the grammar and spelling errors.

Key Words here: when you are writing. Everyone makes grammar and spelling mistakes, which is OKAY!!! So, here's a few corrections. The first one is for the paragraph above:

You Wrote:
Factual writer's who write from events.
Fictional writer's who's imagination vents.


My Corrections:
Factual writers who write from events;
Fictional writers whose imagination vents.


Now, I hope you noticed the small changes I made...less apostrophes. You should use apostrophes when you want to turn "___ is" into "__'s" or when someone owns something. In this case, the apostrophes on the end of the word "writer" should not be there, because you are not saying "the writer is" and the writer is not owning something.

The second change I made was on the word "who's." I will give you two examples, one of "who's" and one of "whose."

1. Who's that? (Who is that?)
2. The writer, whose imagination, ...


Hope those examples help!

Creativity & Flow

This is a very good creative poem and the flow is great! Keep up the good work!!!

Overall Impression

Overall Impression: This is a great piece celebrating the creation of WDC and the accomplishments of many writers. Thank you for sharing this with us all. You are a great poet, and this is a great piece of poetry and I enjoyed reading it.

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12
12
Review of Night Predator  
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is wonderful!!! Amazing work on this! What an awesome piece of poetry you have written!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
13
13
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, S.z.kamoonpuri !

This is a wonderful and beautiful piece! You did a great job on organizing your paragraphs, which can be very tricky sometimes!

What I Liked:

*Check4* You matched your genres well
*Check4* You think outside the box!
*Check4* You chose to rhyme, and you stuck with that choice
*Check4* You have a very attractive title
*Check4* Your brief description describes the poem well
*Check4* You express not only the scenery but yourself
*Check4* Your grammar, spelling, etc.
*Check4* And More!

Suggestions I Have For You:

*Check4* Capitalize the beginning letter in all your title words, not just the first word
*Check4* When you create the item, where it says, "Item Type: " and then there's a dropbox, select "Poetry" so that everyone knows this is a poem

And that's all the suggestions I have! What a wonderful piece!

Keep writing!
Khariyya



*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow this is great! Thanks for sharing your work with us all and keep writing!!

Khariyya
15
15
Review of Edge of Sanity  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Doctor Dirt!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your item, 'Edge of Sanity.'

This is definitely a dramatic piece, as said in your genres...thank you for sharing it!!! It is written with very good detail, and you were great with your wording!

Thanks & keep writing!
Khariyya
16
16
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, ElfinDragon!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your appendix, 'Greek Dragons & Their Legends.'

I LOVE dragons!!!!!!!! So, I LOVED your appendix!!!!!! My main advice for you, is to keep writing what YOU like to write! I can tell that you put a LOT of effort into this. I also noticed that you must love dragons...even your pen name/handle has the word 'dragon' in it. You wrote what you love to write, and as long as it makes you happy and you enjoy it, keep writing!

This is overall a great, interesting piece to me. I'm adding you to my favorites!!! Thanks for sharing & keep writing!
Khariyya
17
17
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Christopher Nagle!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your essay: "Plunder:Species War Against the Planet." This is a great piece. I enjoyed reading it. It gives a lot of culture facts, war facts, and more. Thanks for sharing!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
18
18
Review of Little Angel  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Kings!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your poem, 'Little Angel.' This is such a heart-touching piece of poetry! It is also very true, and those are things I love about your piece. You wrote it short and simple, but completely amazing, and that's what I love to read!

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya
19
19
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Yellow Rose KNOWS what you did!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your poem, "21 Steps of the Watchers.' This is a great and creative poem. The reader really has to think while reading, which means that this poem is QUITE creative!!! I enjoyed reading this poem and can't wait to read more from you!

Keep writing!
Khariyya
20
20
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Steve!

I'm Khariyya ~ Jadu`i Phatakom, and I read your short story, 'Love, Life, and Lilacs.' I love your story. It has great detail and the characters are all described well. You did a great job with this! I only found a few grammar mistakes where you need to add a few words.

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya
21
21
Review of Olivia  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, I Love WDC! Cissy❤ !

I'm Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247 and I read your "Olivia" poem. Wow! This is a great poem, and I'm sure Olivia is very grateful for this.

WHAT I LIKED ABOUT YOUR POEM: that it's dedicated to your good friend. that you're sharing this with others so that they can get help as well. and it is just a lovely poem all in all.

Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece & keep writing!
Khariyya
22
22
Review of Enough, I'm out!  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Fire Quill !

I'm Khariyya and I read your "Enough, I'm Out!" poem. Wow! This is a detailed poem. It expresses the 2 characters greatly and shows each ones' feelings. Thanks for sharing your work with everyone here at WDC!!! I hope to read more from you.

Keep writing!!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247
23
23
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Yellow Rose !

I'm Khariyya, and I read your "The Wonder of Diversity" short story. This is a very true and creative piece. Thanks for sharing it!!! It is very true and a very creative idea. It's very interesting and exciting to read!

Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247
24
24
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Brittany L. Engels !

I'm Khariyya, and I read your "My Christmas Rhyme poem and have a review for you!!

WHAT I LIKED ABOUT THIS POEM: It has great detail, and it's so true. This is an excellent poem that's strong and true. Thanks for sharing your work & keep writing!

Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247
25
25
Review of Six word stories.  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, JSS1585 !

I'm Khariyya, and I read your 'Six word stories' item you wrote. Wow! What an idea! I'm impressed. I've never known of anyone else who has had this idea. Thanks for sharing your work with everyone at WDC!!!

Thanks for sharing & keep writing!
Khariyya Jia Li ~ Studying 247
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