Hi, R.E. Pete   , 
I'm Samberine Everose  your friend here in WDC, and I'm here to give you a review, as you requested.
 Please remember that I'm not a professional or an expert in reviewing, anything I say here is just only my humble opinion and thought as a reader who just like to read and appreciate the uniqueness of others thru their works. You can chew and just ignore it, if doesn't fit to your taste.
 THE TITLE
The given title is not common, It state and describe there a person with the name Thane, attaching with the adjective Crawling- your reader will automatically curious who or what will be this all about. The title gives an impression to be a person, my first impression is I linked it first to super hero, like Super man or The Man in the iron mask, these titles pointing up to a person, it same as yours.
THE BODY-
Below are my comments in every element of a story that I reflect while reading this piece of yours.
CHARACTER The characters are few, it centralized to two person, mostly the building of the character here goes to the main character- Thane, and its fine how you introduced him to your audience/reader. I think its not yet complete on how you introduced your character here, a part of him that you've showed here that creates some interesting facts that may like your audience to follow and to know.
SETTING - The setting has not been totally see here, Its just only a glimpse, like stating an era or a time, the way they dress, but it just fine, maybe you should add or emphasize some more detailing on it. I wonder what kind of ship Thane have, I just assumed maybe its made up of wood by mentioning about a cabin door, or like the olden days, how about the climate, its the season summer, how about the surroundings.
Like on this scene:
When Thane opened the door, there stood his bride to be. She was taller than most men and gaunt with brown hair that was styled in a way that was popular among the nobility in Clivos a century ago.
The way how the sequence of the scene here in the story is too fast, you need to include or you can add it here some detailing of the setting to make your audience be intact and feel that they are in the story too.
Example:
When Thane opened the door, there stood his bride to b.,She was taller than most men and gaunt with brown hair that was styled in a way that was popular among the nobility in Clivos a century ago. He find it that she is alone and he saw around that the ground is really dry because of the hot summer. It needs to be rained he thought.
I sense some metaphorical part here, things that were hidden, but they are not blend which make your audience to find more about it.
Like on this part:
She spoke in a lilting voice that had no discernable source: "Let me in, love." Part of him knew that if he let her in he would not survive the night. He would not die, not truly. She would make him crawl and beg for death. That blessing was not in her power to give.
discernable should be discernible-
On that part that I underlined you gave a more interesting view or facts to your reader to find out why, but sometimes it creates a confusing statement.
MY FINAL THOUGHT :
Thank you for sharing this good piece of yours, and the happiness and enjoyment I feel while looking and reading it.
I am looking forward to read more of your works again.
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| (4.5)
| (4.0)
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to you for being so awesome here in WDC.
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