Hi, Graham Muad'dib

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The story is emotional, it express here the feelings of a ghost while seeing his loved ones. You did well in capturing the feelings and was certainly and emotionally shows here.
I observed that every paragraph begins a place, you did well on mentioning it first - to setting up the mind of the reader.
The flow of the story is good also, and in order- it was gradually expresses.
I didn't find and dialogue here, but it just fine- cause the story doesn't need a dialogue, but I liked the method of flash back, in where it helps to reminisce the Ghost pasts. Well done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I didn't find words that can distract flow and no doubt arise. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, PureSciFiPlus

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The given title is interesting, it gives an impression about a fine day and romance.
I liked how you hooked your reader by using an interesting 'conflict the hold's your reader(me) to continue reading the story until the end.
It's good that the conflict that were used(the sickness of Tina) that were not being mentioned in detail leaves a mystery to your audience until the end.
I liked the 'focus that you've reflected, It is a romance story but its not focused in there which moderates the mushy touch of romance story sometimes, it's good that it were blended by Tina's mystery disease.
I also liked the range of language that you used, anyone can read and understand it, indeed it is for everybody. Well done!

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I didn't find any word that can distract the flow of the story, my only doubt is the use of name..
Mitch is a feminine name short for Mitchie or Michelle, you might like to change the name to a more masculine name like Rick or Rich, other than that, I have no doubts arise. Good luck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Anna Marie Carlson

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The given title is interesting, the word shocker can hook any prospective reader and create an impression that the story might be interesting.
The story is good, and it reflects lesson, and also a good romance between the two couple, and at the end they live happily with twins.
The opening part is in the 'story telling method- its good, and the prompt of the contest already stated in the opening part.
The characters are good also, you did well in introducing each their personality, bu there are part that they are blended and while reading it, I am lost which characters have that personality.
The range of language you used is also fine that can reach any readers. Well Done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I didn't find any words that may distract the flow, I just only have doubt on the way how you blend the personality of the main characters, which makes me confuse while reading it, other than that the story is good. Goodluck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, THANKful Sonali LOVES DAD

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

The Title is good, it creates a nature impression, using the Mango Tree, it reflects also a romance, it helps to set the brain for a good setting of the story, which means that 'Under the Mango Tree" signifies its important in where the story and the characters has just begun.

The Body or the Plot is good, it's simple romance and reflects also a countries tradition about married. Good to know about it.


Characters are good to, each of the characters has their own move and purpose in the story. You did well, in properly arranging them and identify their own role and range.

the conflict that were used is good too, it is simple but creates an interesting part that draws the reader to know and be curious to what will be the ending part.

Point of View that were used is also fine, this gives the generic that anyone can be a part in the story.


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I didn't find words that may distract the flow and no doubt arise, Good luck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, LightinMind

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:

at first I was curious about the title and it gave me an impression about romance- reminds me about "Romeo and Juliet.
Then when I went through the body, I first got hooked on the opening part of the story, using an interesting scene or the 'conflict already about what happened to Camila, that made me to continue my reading- you did well on that strategy- hooked the reader on the beginning of the story.
Then as I follow the scene and what will going to happen to Camila- it introducing one by one the different characters- until Francisco.
You did well on that too, on how you introduced to your reader/audience gradually and orderly the different characters in their own personality.
Until I was already fell in the story and I didn't expecting that I already had reach the end.
It's a beautiful romance story, not mushy and vulgar, the language that you've used is just fine to reach any range of reader or audience. I like your style in showing. Well Done!

MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:
I didn't find any words that distract the flow and no doubts arise. Good luck!

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!

Hi, Kåre Enga in Udon Thani

Greetings! I'm Samberine Everose and one of the judges in the

SURVEY

Quotation Inspiration: Official Contest  (ASR) Use the quote provided to write a story and win big prizes! #1207944 by Writing.Com Support

and I'm here to give you a review in your entry.
Thanks for entering in the contest.


Please note that I am not a professional reviewer, anything I say here is just my humble own opinion and views, don't forget that this will be changed by others perspective also. Take it if you like and drop if you don't like.

MY THOUGHT & IMPRESSION:
The story is emotional and the given title is poetic.
I liked how the story goes, the flow the way how you weaved properly the dialogue showing each character's personality, that is not in an obvious way.
The Plot is also simple, and the given theme is attached in there, it is a part, and it goes naturally, not forcefully.
I liked the way how you also set the setting in the beginning of the story, it makes the reader be prepared on what will be expected. Well Done!


MY DOUBT & SUGGESTION:

Thank you for your participation in the contest.
I hope to see and read more of your works again!

Just keep On smiling while stay in WRITING!