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26
26
Review of MRE  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


Woah...I very interesting piece of writing.

Best Points...


*Flower4* "What does MRE mean?"
It sounds so much like MRI, it reminds me of the medical test lol! It's a very interesting topic for writing. Sometimes 3 simple letters can really be life changing. You've managed to express that well here.

*Flower4* Plastic, cardboard, foil.
Enough to put anyone off their food. Focussing on materials here is very effective. They make the reader think that the food must in some way be similar to this.

*Flower4* It's amazing how we're so spoilt when it comes to food. When was the last time you ate something disgusting? As children we sometimes have to eat things we don't like, but as adults we get totally spoilt, picking and chosing for ourselves. I think it would do us all good to have a MRE every once in a while...make us appreciate how good we have it.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* Your style of writing jumps around a lot. Sometimes you have short sharp sentences - a few words that fit on one line (which work best, especially as this is poetry) and other times, you have a single sentence stretching over 3 lines. It sounds like you're telling the reader too much. Try to be more concise, you do it to great effect...more of that will make this a brilliant piece!

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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27
27
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


A fascinating insight into a little talked about subject.

I can't give blood, because I'm too skinny. I have no idea about bone marrow though. I'm a Muslim, so for religious reasons organ donation is out - but I seriously don't see why more people don't give blood etc.

Best Points...


*Flower4* I just got back from the Base Hospital after giving the first seven vials of blood.
An interesting opening. It's direct and to the point. Your story works backwards, but that works well. We immediately see where this is going, and also why you've written about it in this "no big deal" matter-of-fact way.

*Flower4* I wish I could say that my family, friends, coworkers, and loved ones have been supportive thus far, but that would be pretty untruthful.
I appreciate your honesty. I hate pieces that skip over the details, and paint the picture they think others want to see. Not every decision in life is going to be supported by the people we're closest too. But, people seem shy to admit this.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* Back in 1996 or 1997, I think,
If this is a record for you, exact dates are important. Otherwise, we don't really care exactly which day of the week it was lol *Wink* Keep these details general. I think people are far more interested in how this impacted on your life.

*Cut* No real details on why people need bone marrows, how does it save someone's mommy? Also, how do they extract it, and how will this affect your life? Why are your family not supportive? All important questions that should be addressed in a journal of this kind.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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28
28
Review of Stripping Down  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


My mum used to be a nurse. I think I would have been one too, but I was raised on a hundred stories to put me off for life. I think it's one of the hardest jobs there is!

Best Points...


*Flower4* Peeling off the smiley-face smock,
What an amazing line! I'm sure anyone who works with the public can totally relate to this. That big smile makes the world of difference to those who are unfortunate enough to land up in hospital...but it must get draining sometimes.

*Flower4* They buried Coretta today.
She was one of your patients? This line clicks the whole poem together, like the last piece of a giant puzzle - it all makes sense. The way you have chosen to write this piece works really well, the last line contrasting with the rest brings home the tragic nature of your everyday job.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* nine insistent orifices.
I didn't understand this line. I looked up "orifice" in dictionary.com (orifices isn't there) and it means opening...can you explain more?

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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29
29
Review of Nature's Gifts  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


I love nature too. I am so amazed by the intricate beauty of flowers, the soothing sound of rain falling at night and the delicate changing of autumn leaves.

Best Points...


*Flower4* For nature’s beauty cruel and kind
I was most taken aback by this line. People rarely give thanks for the power of God through nature...they see it as something to be rid of, as though it serves no purpose. I, however, love to watch the power of God. When I watch a storm, the sounds the flash of lightning, it reminds me that we're so small, compared to the power of God - that all our worries can be insignificant, if we want to view them as such...

*Flower4* Solace in the treetops,
Friendship in the wind,
And like Indians of old
The creatures are my kin.

This is a good example of a stanza that flows well. The syllable count (although my counting can be off) is 6,5,6,6 - this is tight, interesting, and holds the meaning well. Wind and kin don't strictly rhyme, but you may get away with that...

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* The waters purify;
The wonders of nature
Only poetry can describe.

The rest of the poem rhymes, but purify and describe don't. This can really throw a reader off. When I put "purify" into www.rhymezone.com it doesn't come up with any matches - maybe you should change that word?

*Cut* I find peace
Amidst the outdoors--
Peace with myself, the world,
And resolution to finish my chores.
Again, I'm not keen of the different line length. It works a little better here, because I can see the emphasis is on the "peace" - but nevertheless, I still think equal length lines work better. Also, the word "chores" sticks out a mile. It's so different to the rest of the piece, and maybe a little too simplistic again. Yes, nature inspires us in many ways....but using that example sounds almost comical - sorry....

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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30
30
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


Well written - an unusual story. I'm sorry it's taken me so long to review this, but it's been highlighted in my port for ages, and in This Week's Item for review for longer than a week - so hope that makes up for the delay...

Best Points...


*Flower4* I was young once.
What a delightful opening! Those few words say so much. It's amazing how when we look at the elderly, we're almost immune to the fact that they have a history - that they were indeed young once.

*Flower4* That day was a Sunday, the cold and cloudy sort of Sunday that makes me look forward to working the next day.

You've used the weather well to capture the sombre, sad mood of this piece.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* There I stood, nearly crying under a willow tree in a cemetery I didn’t recognize, and everything was okay.

What do you mean by "everything was okay?"

*Cut* My mood was considerably more sour than usual due to the fact that I’d just seen Die Fledermaus, an opera

You could put the name in italics - {i}text{/i}

*Cut* She hardly needed to speak. We held each other for a long moment, and when we parted I almost felt embarrassed that I was crying and she was not.

Maybe I'm a bit cynical, I just can't relate to strangers hugging each other - I do live in London though *Wink*

*Cut* But I do know that at my funeral, as friends and family say their final goodbyes, they will do so amongst a display of flowers and stones.
An unusual conclusion, and I'm not sure I understand it. Does she want to be burried on Vienna? Or, has she told her friends/family that she wants to be burried in this way.

*Cut* This is a nice piece of writing - no doubt...but, there isn't much of a story here - where's the conflict and resolution? The main character seems rather cold. Are we supposed to believe that that the day at the funeral changed her? I'm not convinced at all *Frown*

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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31
31
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


I love gazing up at the stars! There are three/four in particular that form a line that I always look out for. It's a pity I live in a city - all the lights drown out this glorious natural beauty! *Frown*

Best Points...


*Flower4* I love your choice of words here:
"majestic", "enchanting", "splendor","glistening" etc.
They really describe stars in a wonderful way!

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* In the incredibly enchanting Milky Way.
This line seems out of place in the stanza. Maybe it would read better if you wrote "In the incredible, enchanting Milky Way." Just a thought.

*Cut* Glowing beams against blackness fashion the sky into light.
This line seems too long - it's beautiful, but interrupts the flow when I read it.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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32
32
Review of Simply Rain  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


I love watching the sky for rainbows, after the rain. Spotting one is like finding gold! *Bigsmile* I can watch it for ever!

Best Points...


*Flower4* The short sharp lines work very well. The poem moves along quickly. To me it also symbolises the sudden change - like a sharp April shower, it's there one minute - gone the next.

My favourite line:

Rain meant.

It's amazing how people can tell the difference between normal clouds and rain clouds - I never can. I think some cultures are trained to do that, we just look at the weather forecast lol!

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* The last stanza gave me some problems:

Colorful rainbow,
Sky tame,
What occurred?
Simply rain.

The first line seems too long, compared to the rest of the poem.

The "What occured?" is interesting, but I would have expected a question mark at the end of the last line. Are you not trying to suggest that it is more than just a rain shower?

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana

P.S. My item {item: 985304} is on a similar theme *Smile*


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33
33
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


A very impressive folder - it's a treat coming into a port like this *Smile*

Best Points...


*Flower4* I love the way you present your work. I think everyone can learn something from this. We all just open up our writings (that we slave over) as they are, without thinking about presentation at all. The image, poem etc. all decorate your work beautifully - someone who takes this much care over presentation must have something worth reading...that's what I think when I walk into here *Smile*

*Flower4* An impressive array of ribbons! From what little I read, the look to be well deserved!

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* None (again! You're on to a roll!) *Smile*

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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34
34
Review of A Day Spent  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


There are so many layers to this - the reader is lost in a maze of wonder!

Best Points...


*Flower4* Your writing is very usual - I mean that as a compliment. *Smile* In your other poem, I felt the flow was a bit off - I find the same with this piece...but I think it's your unique style. The words roam free - sometimes arranged, but mostly flowing as though they're tummbling straight from your mind on to this page! It makes for very interesting reading.

*Flower4* It's such a bright, hopeful piece - beautiful! My favourite lines:

I laughed for the first time
Wow! That sounds like a precious moment!

watched babies with eyes
the color of flowers.

A very unique description. I love babies - this makes me love them more! Their eyes are already little windows to another world!!!


Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* All I can say is that at times, the piece goes over my head. I can't make sense of what's going on, or what you're trying to convey. Some writers like that affect, it leaves the writer to make up their own mind - if that's what you're after...then great *Smile*

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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35
35
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Awww - this is a delightful poem! I think our writing is even better in our youth. We're so full of life, the words seem to just dance off the page!

This reminds me of my love of rainbows - whenever it rains I'd watch for rainbows, and I'd get my sis and friend to do the same - so they'd always report back. I once noticed that overhead projectors create a "rainbow" - it certainly brightened up my uni lectures imagining all the rainbows trapped inside! *Laugh*

My favourite line:
Soft and elusive
Very warm - fuzzy, and true!

The only slight problem:
Although it always seems
Never to be moving
When I read it, the flow kind of gets stuck at this point. Not sure why that is.

A beautiful poem though - full of hope...I love it!

Regards,
Farhana

P.S. I'm also crazy about having the sun on my face, watching the rain fall and seeing the snow flakes shine! *bigamile*
36
36
Review of Stand Up  
Review by Farhana
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


An important message.

Best Points...


*Flower4* I agree that our basic freedoms our being erroded - even this side of the pond (UK). Have you heard of the new anti-terror laws over here? A British citizen no longer has the right to present evidence when America wants to extradite them over there. So, even if they are totally innocent, and can prove it - they can't even provide basic evidence to block their extradition. The shocking thing is, this law doesn't work both ways. American citizens are still allowed to block their extradition to the UK by providing evidece in their defense.

I'm talking about
With protests
With petitions
And with writing

A very important point. Have you tried this? It's so hard to rally people to get our leaders to change. I've tired writing to members of parliament - all you get is a cut and paste reply. Do you think it's effective - I know the opposite certainly isn't...so what choice do we have?

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* I'm not much of a fan of a poem that switches between rhyme and non-rhyme - it doesn't flow well when I read it.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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37
37
Review of Beloved  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


Although the obvious message of this poem is the hope of finding someone to share your life with, is there something more to it? It seems almost like a personification, but I can't think of what?

Best Points...


*Flower4* I don't like fantasy much, but you've weaved it in here so subtly, even I was impressed!

*Flower4* though the world smolder to ashes all about
in your quiet strength i will
rest in the safety our our cocoon
My favourite part! The contrast between the ashes and the cocoon works very well.

*Flower4* A beautiful opening! Immortality is always a fascinating idea...simply because it's impossible. Human beings are always in awe of the impossible.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* The copyright info. already appears on w.com

*Cut* I think it would look neater if you capitalised the first letter of each line?

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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38
38
Review by Farhana
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


This is a very unusual topic you've chosen to write about. I think death is far too taboo a word, we should talk about it more often.

Best Points...


*Flower4* Let the rain wash the pain away
I love watching the rain, and being caught in it - if it's warm. There is something very cleansing about rain, it does seem to wash away worries and pain.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* While their bodies forget to mourn
And their eyes to weep.
Let them receive the cruelty of life
The meaning behind this poem is a bit of a mystery. I can't figure out if you want their pain to be numbed out by the harsh weather - or if you want it to be hightened by it?

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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39
39
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (2.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


This piece is also wordy...but it's also very confusing. I didn't really get the message at all! *Frown* Care to explain?

Best Points...


*Flower4* If "necessity is the mother of invention"; then
may "vanity be the father of extravagance", thereby creating the "offspring"

It's an interesting idea. I think what you're trying to say is that we are all made up of a combination of needs (necessity) and wants (vanity) - am I right?


Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* You seem to be trying to map out your ideas in a kind of list form - but I'm afraid they are probably lost on most readers. If you could explain them better to me, I'd be happy to suggest an alternative style for presenting them.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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40
40
Review by Farhana
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


You have created a lot of tension in your opening chapter, it works very well. The reader is instantly thrown into a unique and complex situation. You do well to describe what is going on, without giving the game away...and a great ending completes the picture.

I'm not a fan of highly rated pieces, and as always I find the 18+ references unnecessary - aside from that though - you write very well, compelling reading!

Best Points...


*Flower4* You describe the surroundings in great detail and it really helps the reader see all the sights, sounds and smells - well done.

*Flower4* The most interesting part, I found, was where the main character describes what he sees is wrong with the world. I find myself agreeing with many of the points - particularly about hypocrisy. You make many statements here, and I find it not only insightful, but also highly entertaining - given the context for this little speech. I wonder, is this an insight into the author's view of our crazy world?

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* The facility in which I now called home is kept at a teeth chattering, chill bump inducing cold.
You may have tried to create an impact with the opening line, but I think you might need to work on this. You use past (called) and present (now) tense in the same sentence.

*Cut* The bed I sleep on is a twin and way to small for my near seven foot frame.
too

*Cut* The ceiling is chipped and in spots what appears to be Styrofoam, but for all I know it could be asbestos.
Maybe you could add "peaks out" after Styrofoam - this sentence otherwise seems incomplete.

*Cut* Excuse me for it seems that I have rambled on.
comma after excuse me.

*Cut* You have to commend them on their efforts to afford the coming doctors every once of safety.
ounce

*Cut* So if religion could be used to rule the world who could it not be used to destroy it?
how

*Cut* I'm a bit confused as to who is speaking near the end. And, what does he wish to do - create a new religion to rule the world?

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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41
41
Review by Farhana
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


A sweet piece! It's warm, entertaining and kind of makes you smile inside *Wink*

Best Points...


*Flower4* I'm not really one for making "real" friends on-line, so I'm always intrugued by how people can do that. It seems like you've found a second home on here, the love you feel for these people really comes across.

*Flower4* I love the message behind this piece. It's different to other "convention stories" in that it has lessons, real life lessons, that both the writer and the reader can share in. I agree that we should seize every opportunity to push ourselves, and not waste time when we could be appreciating our blessings. I hope you achieve this lofty goal.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* I knew I'd be surrounded by friends, some close enough to consider family.
I would re-phrase this to read "to be considered family"

*Cut* The laughter of the children carried on the wind to my car,
I thought it's carried in the wind?

*Cut* Is your poem in your port? If so, you could link it.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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42
42
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


A cute little inspirational poem *Smile*

Best Points...


*Flower4* I take a quick vacation to Bermuda often, in my backyard.
The brief description really grabs the reader! I love the idea behind this "vacation". I firmly believe we can go to places we have never even heard of (let alone seen!) in our mind. I love doing visualisations to boost my positivity. The creativity here is wonderful!

I'm anywhere now
I want to be:
Thinking like this
Sets my mind free.
I totally agree! It's the thinking that matters. Some other people would still just be in their backyard. They might focuss on the flies, or a lawnmover in the distance - but you've chosen to set your mind free, and think about your lovely garden as a tropical retreat. Well done, it's not always easy - but we can but try and use our resouces to their max. When I pray, I imagine myself to be in Mecca (in Saudi Arabia, where Muslims go on pilgrimage). I can see the millions of people prostrating in prayer, the heat radiating of the marble, the mellodic recitation of the Imam - all as I stand on my prayer mat! Depending on how it's used, it's a wonderful technique for gaining confidence, relaxation and even increased spirituality.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* I'm not sure about poems that half rhyme, and half don't. I'm no expert at poetry, so maybe it's a perfectly acceptable technique. But I don't enjoy reading it as much.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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43
43
Review by Farhana
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


I'm a Muslim, and I agree, there is a problem. Sadly though, you've missed the point by a million miles. You almost make some intelligent points, but your completly biased article is wrecked further by some of the most laughable statements I have ever read about Islam.

I hate to tear anyone's work to shreads, so I apologise that my suggestions section is so long. But in this climate of fear that we now live, you're doing the world no service by using your talents in such a counter-productive way.

In reply to one of your public reviews:

There is no compulsion in religion
Quran: chapter 2, verse 256

Best Points...


*Flower4* Not every Muslim is bad, and there are many peaceful Muslims.
I'm glad you mentioned this at the start.

*Flower4* You use a lot of statistics and give your sources, well done...not many people do that, but it is essential to any proper article.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* What your statistics have failed to even touch upon is the state-sponsored terrorism that occurs daily throughout the world.

Northen Ireland/IRA killings

More than 1,800 cases, half the total number of people killed during 30 years of the Troubles, remain unsolved.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/432735...

Israel

The intifada claimed more than 4,500 lives. Three out of four were Palestinian, and a good many of those were children.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1...

17 is the approximate number of times the 13-year-old Palestinian girl, Iman al-Hams, was shot by an Israeli army captain as she walked towards an army post in Gaza in October 2004

http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1...

Check out other guardian articles. There's also the story of the rabbi arrested for trying to stop a Palestinian man from being used as a human shield by the Israeli army, the psychological toll on Palestinian children...etc etc...

Iraq

Civilians reported killed by military intervention in Iraq (minimum) = 22353

http://www.iraqbodycount.net/#position

Afghanistan

A Guardian report in February estimated these casualties at between 1,300 and 8,000 deaths. A Guardian investigation into the "indirect victims" now confirms the belief of many aid agencies that they exceeded the number who died of direct hits.

As many as 20,000 Afghans may have lost their lives as an indirect consequence of the US intervention. They too belong in any tally of the dead.

http://www.guardian.co.uk/analysis/story/0,,718635...

This is just a selection....statistics, although useful, can also paint a biased perspective.

*Cut* “…up to 900 were decapitated…”

The incident you refer to is one in which a Jewish tribe who had made a pact with the Muslims of Madinah, then betrayed them and joined the enemy against them in war.

I think you may agree that it is then defined as treason:

Violation of allegiance toward one's country or sovereign, especially the betrayal of one's country by waging war against it or by consciously and purposely acting to aid its enemies.

http://dictionary.reference.com/search?q=treason

A leader of the banished Jewish tribe then went secretly to the Bani Qurayzah, another Jewish tribe still in Madinah, and convinced its leader to break their agreement with the Muslims and join the Makkan alliance.

http://www.theislamproject.org/muhammad/muhammad_1...

Could they possibly have been influenced into the beheading method of murder?

You're reasoning here is flawed in my opinion. Who cares how they choose to kill these innocent people? Their actions are totally against the Prophet Muhammad's teachings and the Quran. The fact that you're using an isolated incident of how the Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him) dealt with treason to say that he influenced these cold blooded murders is completly illogical? If they had used guns, would that mean that they hadn't been influenced?

*Cut* The Koran was finished and written mostly by Abu Bakr, Mohammed’s successor.

This is the most absurd thing I have ever read in relation to the Quran. You'll have to define "finished" for me please? What I think you mean to say is that it was compiled, i.e. all the chapters were collected together (people had memorised it, but it was feared the message would be lost) and written down. By no stretch of the english language does that mean that Abu Bakr (peace and blessings be on him) finished (The entire Quran had already been revealed to Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him) the Quran or written (He did not write it, they were not his words, he compiled the already existing revelation in the written form) it.

*Cut* It was here that his luck changed. He converted the masses, became powerful, and it was here that his teachings (suras) were to change as well.
Suras means "chapters" and they refer to the chapters found in the Quran. These never changed, once revealed they were memorised exactly and then later written down. The Quran still exists today in its exact original form.

*Cut* And it’s certainly time for us to get along and accept each other’s beliefs.
An ironic closing statement from someone who wishes that Islam itself was changed to suit their viewpoint.
I welcome any dialogue to improve tolerance between us.


Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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44
44
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Salam,

General Thoughts...


Welcome to writing.com! Who is Imam Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali? I've heard of him, but can't think where. The ideas mentioned here seem to be related to Sufism, is he a sufi leader?

Best Points...


*Flower4* This is a lovely story to share with people, it reminds us of many key things that we often forget.

*Flower4* Some of the beloved accompany the lover up to the brink of sickness and death and others to the gate of the graveyard. All of them return and leave them alone. No one goes into the coffin with them.
This is a very poignant remark. I totally agree. I'm amazed at the things people worship...money, fame, time etc. and the time we waste in this world hating each other and loving things that will be of no use to us. This is also a point made in the sixth benefit.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* Some beleive in honour and power lies by appropriating the welath of others, doing injustice to them and shedding their blood.
believe and wealth are typos here.

*Cut* I'm a bit confused as to who our main characters are, how they are related to each other etc. What you haven't explained is how Hatim learnt all this from Shaqiq.

*Cut* You could put the quotes in italics, and the benefits in bold. Just write {i}text{/i} for italics and replace the i for b if you want bold.

*Cut* Zabur is the Psalms of David, you should add that for non-Muslim readers.

Write on!

Wassalam,
Farhana



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45
45
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


I have never heard of this poet, and was wondering if the title was taken from one of their pieces. A quick google search later, and in fact the only piece it lists is....yes, you've guessed it, yours!

Best Points...


*Flower4* I love the objects you've chosen to focus on. I find so much beauty in nature, but being a scientist, it's order that fascinates me more than the disorder. Snowflakes and leaves are my favourites!

*Flower4* You know I love your writing. I can't pick out a single line, words like "meandering", "fragile" and "pounding" all bring this piece wonderfully to life!

*Flower4* I love the use of colour. If the piece had been less well written, it may have been distracting, but as it is, it works really well.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* A link to an example of Walt Whitman's work to show the reader what style exactly, you modeled this on.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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46
46
Review by Farhana
Rated: ASR | (2.5)
Hi there SM!

This is brilliant place for people to come and get reviews of their work. Having all the review forums collected together is undoubtedly of great value to the site.

There are some features of this page though, that make finding a review forum far harder than it should be.

*Bullet* There are five forums that state that they are closed (It would be great if these could be deleted from the board by moderators)

*Bullet* There are at least 2 links that are not valid.

*Bullet* The last post was made over one year ago! *Shock* I couldn't believe my eyes, but it's true! A lot happens in a year, people get busy, life moves on. I'm sure review forums have a lot shorter life-span (judging by the many closed forums at the top of the list), so really, this page needs to be much shorter.

Thanks for reading my suggestions *Smile*

Regards,
Farhana
47
47
Review of False Hope  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


This is a really sad piece of writing *Frown* I hope that your final sentiments won't last long.

By the way, why does your case show up as grey even though you have items in your port?

Best Points...


*Flower4* You write from the heart and so close to such a terrible time in your life, your words are full of anguish and pain. The reader can instantly empathise with your suffering.

*Flower4* I wish I could hear her soothing, melodic voice
I have a very good memory when it comes to sounds, and I guess in our darkest times, our recollection of familiar sounds helps us through...or offers false hope, as you describe here.

*Flower4* I love the title. It offers the reader a very uniuq insight into this painful place of death and suffering. I would never have thought of it like this.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* It's a vey personal piece, so I won't offer any.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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48
48
Review of Lost  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


Lots of layers to this, I've taken a guess as to what I think it's about.

Welcome to Writing.com!

Best Points...


*Flower4* Tears make moist trails as I try to resist
I like the description you've used here. I find it quite difficult to describe crying in a unique way.

*Flower4* The voices are gone
But so is mine
Very interesting. If I understand you right, you're describing times in our lives when we're dictated too by other people to the point where even when they stop telling us who we are, we are still controlled by them, having lost our own identity. Am I right?

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* Please R and R
Let your last words stay with the reader, this distracts from your writing. Everyone posts work with the hope of getting reviews.

*Cut* No longer who I was or who I want to be
comma after "was"

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana



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49
49
Review of What If  
Review by Farhana
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


For such few words, an amazingly insightful piece of work!

Best Points...


*Flower4* The basic logic behind your writing is very profound and looks at an angle of religion that I have never previously examined. It makes me realise that "religion" is not often called "faith" for nothing. To believe in the unseen does have a far reaching consequense, as you've broken down in your writing here.

*Flower4* I have to agree that if we knew absoloutely that God exists (or the opposite), the world would be a very different place. The fact that we can not see God is the biggest challenge of religion; there is no certainty, only faith. I believe that life is a test, and the test starts right here, in this simple argument you've looked at. If everyone knew that God existed for certain, there would be no heaven, hell or Earth...at the end of the day, only the doubt that God may not exist leads man into evil. If everyone knew that God existed, there would surely be heaven on Earth?

*Flower4* So in the end, it is the not knowing that makes our minds, faiths, and intellects thrive. Perhaps to find out the truth would be the end of us all.
A wonderful conclusion! I would have liked to have seen more of this. The reader wants you to answer some of the many questions you've posed. You started that here, but a lot more can be said I'm sure - but you have to have the courage to voice your opinion.

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* Would people like Hitler or Napoleon ever come to rise again. if we were to discover that God truly exists?
Change the comma to a period.

*Cut* Just another testament to how crazy I really am
I would re-write this. It draws the reader in, but is it foing justice to your writing, or your right to have opinions?

*Cut* Add a few spaces between paragraphs and a few more answers to your own questions should follow every new argument.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana




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50
Review of Speak Up Child  
Review by Farhana
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Hi there,

General Thoughts...


WOW! This is a really powerful piece of writing, about a topic which is so subtle, yet so profound - it needed to be written about. A friend of mine has been battling with this very issue. I hate the position she's in. I tell her to talk to me more, but that still doesn't compensate for the fact that she can't talk freely to the people who matter. Thanks for speaking up *Wink*

Best Points...


*Flower4* Your poem opens in true style. You don't mess around, but lead us straight to the action.
piling up and scrambling over each other
Just one of the great lines from the opening, it reminds me of people trying to get away quickly from a fire or similar harm. Their effort is huge, yet also futile.

*Flower4*you think I've finally come over to
your way of thinking
This is very insightful. When I speak to people who insist that they must speak their mind (even though they get branded as a trouble maker), they always say, if I don't, they'll think I agree with them. I tend to believe that what they "think" and what actually "is" are too very different things. Let them think what they want, I say, I'm far too concerned with self-preservation.

*Flower4*to a day when my words will flow freely
be welcomed and cherished
Another great point! One of my friends is going through a phase where she's constantly saying "I have foot and mouth disease" (It's a disease that affects animals - but you can see why she chooses the name) - I look forward to the day when my friend and I, and the rest of the people who have to think too much before speaking, can talk to people who hang off their every word!

Suggestions For Improvements...


*Cut* You jump from rhyme to non-rhyming. Not a style I like particularly, but I'm not going to mark you down for it - this is still a great piece.

Write on!

Regards,
Farhana

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