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Very cute indeed! I hope the particular girl you wrote this for appreciated it. I think it's courageous in that ABAB rhyme schemes, with lines as long as the ones you've written, they're tough to pull off (at least they are for me). I don't notice any glaring grammar, punctuation or spelling errors, so good job there...overall a nice little poem and ode to your loved one!
I thought the imagery you used was excellent. Even though it's nearing the end of summer I can clearly see a new spring day in my head. The only thing I really wasn't quite able to catch on to was the rhyme scheme. I noticed a few lines rhyming consecutively, some every other line, and some seemingly not at all. Usually I don't mind an open scheme, but I thought it took a little something away from the beauty of the descriptions because the rhyming wasn't consistent. Overall though, great job! You captured a something more than a typical spring day in your words.
Brilliant! I don't read many short stories, so I don't have much of a frame of reference, but I like to picture them as mini-movies in my head while I'm reading them, and this just fit in too well with my imagination. The only thing that really kinda threw me off was the double-spacing after every period. I know that's how I was taught to type when I was young, but I guess I'm just not used to seeing it now. That, and I'm not sure I would've rated it 13+ (but I tend to rate toward the safer side, so I would've rated this 18+, but ultimately that isn't for me to decide since I really have no problem with some of the adult-themed subject matter).
The dynamic between Barry and Cheryl could be explored further if you ever decided to make this a part of a longer piece...I'd be interested in hearing more of their backstory. Forgive me if there is more that I haven't read; I came across this piece under the "random reviews". I hope you found this helpful and encouraging.
Beautiful. I can feel the darkness physically and emotionally. Something about this item makes me wish I knew Annie personally; maybe because the narrator thinks enough of her to wear her wedding band. I don't know if this is written in any particular style of poetry, but I like way the rhymes almost seem conversationally snuck into little spaces- just enough to add a personal tone to somber reminiscing while looking at a particular piece of jewelry on the anniversary of a sad event.
Please accept this donation for "30-Day Blogging Challenge ON HIATUS" . It's a fun and engaging contest, which is as rewarding as it is challenging. I'm looking forward to participating again in January!
Count me in for September! I followed a couple of the blogs and I think this is something I would like.
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Very cute indeed! I hope the particular girl you wrote this for appreciated it. I think it's courageous in that ABAB rhyme schemes, with lines as long as the ones you've written, they're tough to pull off (at least they are for me). I don't notice any glaring grammar, punctuation or spelling errors, so good job there...overall a nice little poem and ode to your loved one!
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