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701 Public Reviews Given
718 Total Reviews Given
Review Style
The purpose of my reviews is always to be as helpful as possible. I can't promise that I'll like what you have written or that you'll like what I have to say, but I try to be respectful and encouraging as well as critical.
I'm good at...
Unless otherwise requested, I'm picky (grammar, cliches, and meter in poetry). Characters and writing style take a lot to impress me.
Favorite Genres
Sci-fi (apocalypse, post-apocalypse, dystopian, zombie), mystery, war, inspirational, historical fiction, Christian, non-fiction, contemporary, drama, comedy
Favorite Item Types
Poetry, short stories, non-fiction, novels
I will not review...
Erotica, gay/lesbian, fan-fiction
Public Reviews
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151
151
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Magdalene ! I saw this piece on the newbie page. I hope you find this honest review helpful and encouraging.

Title, Etc: Usually newbie titles don't interest or capture me – many are the same! – but your title just grabbed me, the brief description adding to the curiosity. Very well done! *ThumbsUp*

Form/Narrative & Flow: Absolutely perfect. What more can I say? This piece was a delight to read. It flowed well, it had a good message, the rhyme was flawless, and rhythm well-controlled.

I particularly like: > 'Let our song ring out loud / And our water applaud...' – You have brought joy naturally from something we would fear or shy away from.
> 'While the earth is deluged / May we learn of the truth...' – Interesting, thought-provoking.
> 'That we dance in the rain / When our lives give us pain...' – Brilliant!

Emotion & Imagery: Defiance in the face of pain, joy in the presence of hardship, unity in troubled times – this is what the poem is, the message you are sharing, how it can and ought to be.

This poem has vivid and beautiful imagery. You have painted the trials in the storms and joy in the singing with natural and ease which makes the reader think 'wow – why didn't I see it this way before?'. *ThumbsUp*

Suggestions & Typos: I'm sorry...or not...but I can only offer one suggestion:
         *Bullet* WRITE MORE! *Bird*

Overall Thoughts & Rating: This has got to be one of my favourites. When I read this, I was honestly struck. I just thought 'wow'. I went straight to Give this item an Awardicon and clicked before I even began my review.
So yes, if anyone else is reading this review, READ THIS PIECE!
(I hope you don't mind, I took the liberty to add it to "Invalid Item"  .)

I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* because I believe, as a whole, it's perfect.

Thank you for sharing this fabulous piece. It was a delight to read. Keep up the fantastic work!

~ Kasia
Fi

*Fleurdelis*Write On!*Fleurdelis*


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*RainbowL* GO SHOWERING ACTS OF JOY! *RainbowR*

"Showering Acts of Joy Group"  [E]

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He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
~ Jim Elliot

I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

(Etched on a wall in Nazi concentration camp)

*Bird* *StarDavid* *Bird*

"Invalid Item" 
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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
152
152
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hey Alexandra Jones ! I said I'd try to repay the review, so here it is. *Smile*

I hope you find this honest review helpful and encouraging.

Title, Etc: The title is capturing and very appropriate. The brief description drove away my first thoughts that perhaps this would be an unappetizing, dark piece.

Form/Narrative & Flow: I am honestly stunned. I read through this poem and at the end actually whispered 'wow'. I absolutely love this poem!
I like the old-fashioned wording – it's a welcome change from the modern meaninglessness.

Lines I like: (All of them!) 'And I will clasp the clammy cold' – This is a courageous, defiant act which speaks the meaning of the poem very well.
'You strut through lives full pomp and pride, / Stopping only to spit-shine your scythe / Until it gleams brighter even than the Son.' – This is very meaningful. I like the play on the word 'Son'.
'We quiver beside our beloved dead, / Silently pleased they fill our stead...' – Vivid.
'Take me, Oh Death, embrace me, / For past you lies the light! / Through the pause I'll swiftly fly / Into God's immortal sight.' – Just pure perfection. I love 'the pause'. That is a strong phrase.

Emotion & Imagery: The emotion is bravery, defiance, a touch of disgust and joy. The image is vivid and strong. Every line is a perfectly painted picture with something to add to your point.

Suggestions & Typos:
         *Bullet* I suggest you change the meter of the poem by adding rhythm. You already have the rhyme, and because of the tone of the poem, I advise changing it into the classical style of poetry. This wouldn't be too hard, because you already have most of it.

Overall Thoughts & Rating: A very well-written, strong poem about the weakness and powerlessness behind Death's mask and the hope of Heaven beyond the cloud.

Left me feeling victorious over Death, hopeful of Heaven, defiant, and proud to be a child of God washed in the blood of Christ.

I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar* because I sincerely think it is near perfection.

Thank you for sharing your talent in this brilliant poem. It was a delightful read. Keep up the fantastic work!

~ Kasia
Fi

*Fleurdelis*Write On!*Fleurdelis*


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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
153
153
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hey *~* Pens Thanks Anonymous *~* ,

A very windy letter asking for Gift Points and/or upgrade. I read through the whole thing because I thought you were going to make a great conclusion – I agree with much of what you say here – but found I was disappointed when you end by saying 'With an upgrade, I will create a group to store gift points—my own, and donations from other members of our writing.com family. When it reaches 1 million… who knows? Maybe I’ll shoot for 2 million!'

Where's the great cause?

I give this credit for being well-written, but I have to be honest: it seemed selfish. Why don't you accumulate millions and give them away to groups, contests, friends, reviewers, etc., and keep –% for yourself?

Keep writing!

~ Kasia

BREAKING NEWS: WRITING.COM'S BEST GROUP DISCOVERED: "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  [E]

*RainbowL* GO SHOWERING ACTS OF JOY! *RainbowR*

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He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
~ Jim Elliot

I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

(Etched on a wall in Nazi concentration camp)

*Bird* *StarDavid* *Bird*
154
154
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hey The StoryMaster ,

I didn't really want to review this piece because I know you are a very busy person, but I saw at the bottom in bold that reviews and ratings of this item are appreciated – and, even if you didn't read this, I could still rest in peace, knowing that I had given you your 'just deserves'! *Smile*

I think this is absolutely fantastic, well-written, concise and accurate!! (Your economics are brilliant.) Thank you so much for putting your foot down and standing up for the reputation of Writing.Com and protecting her from attack. I must admit the Gift Point is something which still baffles me, but I could understand clearly every word in this piece.

Just a word of praise from a fan, I think you guys do so well managing this site – which just gets bigger. We really appreciate what you do.

Thank you very much for sharing. Keep up the great work!

Cheers,
~ Fi

BREAKING NEWS: WRITING.COM'S BEST GROUP DISCOVERED: "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  [E]

*RainbowL* GO SHOWERING ACTS OF JOY! *RainbowR*

** Images For Use By Upgraded+ Only **

He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain that which he cannot lose.
~ Jim Elliot

I believe in the sun, even when it is not shining.
I believe in love, even when I do not feel it.
I believe in God, even when He is silent.

(Etched on a wall in Nazi concentration camp)

*Bird* *StarDavid* *Bird*
155
155
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


Hi Winnie Kay ! I found your portfolio on the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  [E]. I hope you find this honest review helpful and encouraging.

*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: This piece is written very naturally. I love the simple, easy-to-read style. Good job! *ThumbsUp*

I particularly like the lines: 'It was the summer of 1963 and life was good' and 'It's okay, Mama. You go ahead.' So sad and so beautiful!

*Check* Form & Flow: The form is perfect and the story flows lingeringly, appropriate to the memory style. Brilliant! *CheckB*

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: You have painted such beautiful pictures with lovely words and the emotion is very strong. The reader connects easily to this realistic, bitter-sweet tale.

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos: Either you're a great writer or I'm a bad reviewer (or both), because I can't offer any suggestions *Wink* apart from one:
         *Bird* Write more!!!

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: A sad, memorable story about a strong, beautiful mother changing. You have done very well with the emotion and writing your memory in a lovely tapestry of colour and beauty and sorrow.

The end was just perfect. I love it how you connect it to the beginning in the last sentence to give the first part some context and reason, and I also love how Mama changes, finding her last reserve of strength to be the real 'Mama' again.

I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar* because it's nearly perfect!

Thanks for sharing this beautiful piece. It was a pleasure to read – not easily forgotten.

Always keep writing!

~ Kasia
Fi

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
156
156
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here. ! I hope you find this honest review from "Showering Acts of Joy Group"  [E] helpful and encouraging.

*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: Once again, the language is colourful and unique, characteristic of the protagonist, Lou Ryan, who writes the story firsthand.

I love the way you open the story, with the phrase 'I hate early morning visitors, especially if they wear a badge'.

*Check* Form & Flow: The story flows quickly because of its undercurrent of suspense.

However, I think, personally, that there should be a little more action because at the beginning the story is building up to something. Perhaps you could create a fight in the gambling room. That seemed a little too easy for him to just walk out after shooting Lenny.

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: Brilliant – what more can I say? *Wink*

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos:
         *Bird* As stated before, you could consider creating a little more action, such as a fight in the gambling room, as the beginning is building up and that seemed a little too easy for Lou to just walk out after shooting Lenny.

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: A capturing story written with unique style. Love the language, opinions and characters (especially Lou's view of corrupt cops!).

I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* because, although it needs a bit of polishing, it's a fantastic story which I enjoyed reading.

Thanks for sharing your talent on Writing.com. All the best!

~ Kasia

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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157
Review of A Penny Saved ...  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi Ken,

I really enjoyed reading this poem. It is brilliant! *Smile*

It is so funny and I love the twist and play with words. Great job!

I just loved the last two lines 'The Penny that I saved / was now a Penny urned.' Genius!

Thanks so much for sharing this funny poem! It's great to have a laugh. Keep writing!

~ Kasia
158
158
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)

*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


Hi Sssssh! I'm not really here. ! I found your portfolio link on the "Showering Acts of Joy Garden"  [E]. I hope you find this honest review helpful and encouraging.

*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: I really like the casual and tense narrative technique you have used. I can just picture Lou Ryan writing this story! You have created his character so well, brought it out with all its imperfections and made the reader love him even more.

Brilliant! *ThumbsUp*

*Check* Form & Flow: This story flowed quickly, with suspense enough to satisfy the most suspense-less!

The plot is great and you have brought out the rough-and-ready ways of Chicago well.

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: You have used little description, and all the better – I saw every face, every movement, every scene without intruding help from the author!

Fantastic!

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos: I did see a few typos, and I'll run over the story to catch them again...
         *Bird* 'Hi, I am Lou Ryan I am...' – needs a full stop between Ryan and I.
         *Bird* '"I jumped in and told him to drive away..."' – I think this should be 'told the driver' or something, because in the flow of conversation, she is talking about Vinny and when she says 'him' it seems she is referring to Vinny.
         *Bird* 'She does have the waterworks valve...' – would be better 'She did have' or 'She had'.

So I suggest editing your story (again? *Smile* How many times must we writers do it?) and keeping an eye out for such typos.

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: An action story about a Chicago private detective, how one night a girl came in begging for help and the results of his help. Written (very well) through the eyes of Lou Ryan, the brilliant private detective, with characteristic style. A great thriller, suspenseful and even a little romantic *Wink*.

I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar*, not because of its imperfections, but because of its near-perfection!

Thanks a lot for sharing this thriller! It was a great read! Keep up the fabulous work!

~ Kasia
Fi

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
159
159
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Oh, God this is so sad. I am so sorry for this family – for you. You must have gone through a terrible nightmare.

Thank you for sharing this piece with us – it is eye-opening and our hearts go out to you and your family.

~ Kasia
160
160
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
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Hi Jaeff | KBtW of the Free Folk . I found your short story on the Simply Positive forum. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.

Title, Etc: I think the title fits the story well enough, but I liked the brief description more – it's drawing and the reader instantly wants to know more.

Form/Narrative & Flow: The length of the story is perfect – it would have been wrong if it was shorter or longer. It flowed well and quickly, without confusing sentences or bad grammar.

Emotion & Imagery: Image is vivid although you have used no descriptions – I think this is the best way. Brilliant!

The piece is written frankly but I could easily see the emotion and I think I can even see your own character shining through without reading it. This is fantastic! Good job!

Suggestions & Typos: I saw no typos and I have no suggestions apart from
         *Bullet* WRITE MORE!!!

Overall Thoughts & Rating: A story about a person receiving a mysterious and lovely gift from a thoughtful anonymous person who gave more than flowers, food, cards and two-dollar-shop gifts! Ending with a thought-provoking sentence which is very true.

I rate this piece *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar* because it's almost perfect!

You've done really well with this piece. Thanks for sharing! Keep up the fantastic work!

Fi

*Fleurdelis*Write On!*Fleurdelis*


My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
161
161
Review of On The Clock  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*


Hi Sophy ! I found this article on the Simply Positive forum. I hope you find this review helpful and encouraging.

*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue: I like the way you have laid this out, the words you have used and the short length. Sometimes it is a little dry, but articles always have their dry bits!

I particularly liked the line 'If we don't learn from history, we are told that we are doomed to repeat it, as seems to be played out regularly in world events.' Very true.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow: This piece flows well, and the form is good, but I think it would be better as a story or poem! Stories are always more interesting and capture the reader. Maybe you could write a story comparing two characters – one dwelling on the past, dreading the future and the other learning from the past, planning for the future and enjoying the present. You could put your main points into it. Just a suggestion *Smile*.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion: Although this is an article, it does have emotion in it. You have used yourself as an example and written about your own experiences. This also makes it more personal and the reader relates easily. Great job!

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos: I saw no typos and I have no suggestions apart from those already stated *Smile*.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating: An encouraging article about using time wisely. Good advice for anyone.

Rated *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*


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162
162
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi Joy,

I find these really helpful – I printed some off to read and I'm still reading through them! Thanks so much for posting these. I think they help a lot of people.

I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty to link this folder in 'Reading I Recommend' (I think the title says it all!).
 Invalid Item 
This item number is not valid.
#1735524 by Not Available.
If you don't want it in here, just say and I can remove it.

Thanks for sharing! Keep up the great work!

~ Kasia
163
163
Review by Fi
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Check out my results! They were so funny!

Osama bin laden has been captured and tried for his crimes and YOU, Kasia, have been chosen by the people of America, nay! by the people of the entire planet Pluto, to decide and mete out his punishment. The event is broadcast on every toothbrush world-wide and we wait in anticipation while you decide his fate...

You walk on camera with a(n) happy duffle bag in your hand. You sit it down and slowly turn to face the most hated giraffe of the decade, perhaps the century and beyond. You stare at him as if contemplating your opening move, then you remove something from your bag. It is a(n) silverbeat! You point it at him and announce, "I condemn you to 23 years of scrubbing the floor with a(n) hoe in the state of Wisconsin. A gasp is heard from the live audience and the world. He doesn't even flinch. So, you fetch the remaining item from your bag. It is a(n) teddy bear! Tapping him on the head with it you state, "Then following that punishment, you will kick everyone's gun until Michael Jackson is elected president of Australia. With that proclamation, Osama breaks down and cries like a knife and a keyring. "Ahhhhhhh", you say as you turn and walk away. "My work here is finished". A cheer rings out as you walk off camera and you think, Tubby or not tubby, fat is the question.
164
164
Review of Who was Jesus?  
Review by Fi
Rated: E | (5.0)
I voted God in the Flesh. May I ask what you believe about God?

Jesus Christ is the Son of God. The gospels of God's Word tell us how He took on human form and ministered amongst the people of Israel, most of whom rejected Him. They tell us of how He died on the cross and rose again on the third day to take away our sin and open a way to come blameless before the Father; to fulfill the prophecies of the ancient prophets of God.

Now mankind can repent, turn from their sin and take up their cross and follow Christ. Man doesn't have to perish in the eternal fires of Hell, but, sadly, many don't believe, scoff at God and persecute Christians. But we will persevere and in the end, our holy Guide will lead us home to Heaven and those who disbelieved on earth will perish. For eternity the wicked will be punished in Hell and the righteous will praise Jehovah in perfection and glory in Heaven.
165
165
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)

*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: This made me laugh so much! The dialogue seems so natural for a little boy and his Dad, yet such an unnatural situation!

Absolutely marvelous! *ThumbsUp*

*Check* Form & Flow: This flowed really well. You haven't exaggerated it or made it too long. Really well done!

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: The imagery is so vivid in this piece. I just loved it.

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos: No typos, one suggestion:
         *Bird* WRITE MORE!!! *Smile*

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: A brilliant piece about a boy going with his bank-robber dad to 'work'. Well written, fast-paced, and any confusion is cleared by the brief description.

Had me laughing – you know it's good when you laugh out loud!

Loved it! *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

Thanks for sharing! Added to my favorites. Keep them coming!

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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166
166
Review of Dear Diary  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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*RainbowL*Hello from the "Simply Positive Review Forum "  [E]!!!*RainbowR*


*ButterflyR*Narrative & Dialogue: Really well narrated. I didn't notice the author much throughout, which is good. Often authors step in and make themselves visible, which loses the realistic feeling of it.

*ButterflyO*Form & Flow: This flowed quickly and the undercurrent was strong, pulling me on unknowing until the end.

*ButterflyG*Imagery & Emotion: The emotion was strong and the image was great. I really enjoyed reading this.

*ButterflyB*Suggestions & Typos: I saw no typos and, fortunately or unfortunately, I can offer no suggestions.

*ButterflyV*Overall Thoughts & Rating: A very good interpretation of the Writer's prompt. An emotional and well-written warning to make the most of your life and make your decisions carefully.

Because of its near-perfection, I rate this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar*

Thanks for sharing! Always write on...

*RainbowL*Write On!*RainbowR*
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167
Review of Waiting  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
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Title, Etc: The title is good, but I thought – just a thought – something like 'Waiting for Her' or 'Waiting for the Moment' or 'Waiting in the Dark' would be better than just 'Waiting'.

Form/Narrative & Flow: Really well done with all of this – oh, the suspense! I loved the twist – absolutely fantastic!!!

Emotion & Imagery: The emotion isn't written but rather felt in the reader. I think this is really clever.

Suggestions & Typos: I didn't see any typos. No suggestions except
         *Bullet* WRITE MORE!!! *Smile*

Overall Thoughts & Rating: A great little story with a brilliant twist at the end. Fantastic!

I rated this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar* because it isn't quite perfect!

Thank you so much for sharing this! It is a lovely piece which I enjoyed a lot. Keep them coming!

*Fleurdelis*Write On!*Fleurdelis*
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168
Review of Damned to sin  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
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Title, Etc: I don't think the title is very appropriate because sin isn't mentioned in this poem. Do you think just 'Damned' or 'Damned Am I' would be better?

Form/Narrative & Flow: You have related to the reader strong emotion with clever words. The rhyme and rhythm is great too.

However, there was a line which stood out: 'Damned am I, loves most feeble prey.' I advise changing this to 'Damned I am, love's feeble prey' or something of the sort.

I like the way you develop the idea of 'damned' by concluding with 'my life is Hell'. *ThumbsUp*

Emotion & Imagery: Vivid emotion and imagery. Well done!

Suggestions & Typos:
         *Bullet* In the line 'Damned I am, loves most feeble prey' 'loves' should be 'love's'.
         *Bullet* I suggest changing that line.

Overall Thoughts & Rating: A strongly emotional poem written by a lover tormented by his/her love who left him/her. It made me feel sad and angry at the person who took this lover for granted. Good poetry – I like the rhythm and rhyme.

I rated this *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* because this piece is marvelous how it is, but needs a little polishing.

Thanks for sharing, it was nice to read! Always write.

*Fleurdelis*Write On!*Fleurdelis*
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169
Review of Shine On Me  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: This is a lovely poem with clear words and meaning. You have related your feelings to the reader well, also revealing the faithfulness of the only God Who can bring peace and joy.

I particularly liked 'I thought I could fight any force single-handed, / but I was the perfect egotist that ever landed.' Brilliant!

*Check* Form & Flow: I think this poem flowed well, although there are a few parts which seemed patchy.

This is a technique in poetry my Mum taught me. The forward slash signifies the strong beat and the dash the weaker beats. This is a clever way of finding the rhythm in poems.

So, your first two lines start: /Shine -on -me -your /mer -ci -ful /light,
/Help -me -through -the /fear -ful /night.

Then the rhythm changes: /Lift -me /God, -from -the /thorns -of /life,
-so /I -can /live -my /fu -ture -without /strife.

Do you understand what I'm saying? So I suggest running over your poem with this in mind – you can use this method if you want, I have often found it helpful. *Smile*

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: Beautiful imagery and gorgeous emotion. Absolutely lovely.

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos: No typos, no suggestions apart from those already stated.

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: A very truthful poem with a strong message, beautifully written. I see how it deserves the shiny ribbon!!

Rated *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *HalfStar* because it's near perfection.

I hope these comments help.

Psalm 34:3 – "Magnify the LORD with me, and let us exalt His name together."

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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170
Review of Hi Daddy  
Review by Fi
In affiliation with Showering Acts of Joy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*ButterflyV* Hello from Showering Acts of Joy!!! *ButterflyB*


*CheckR* Narrative & Dialogue: The dialogue is clear – the reader knows who is speaking all the way through. At the beginning, however, it was confusing who was talking to who. I thought at first the parent in the room was the Daddy, but then the girl kept talking and it didn't make sense. Then after that it all came together.

I particularly liked the sentence "I already knew you were brave, even without the medal."

*Check* Form & Flow: It flows smoothly and there are no interruptions – so much that I reached the end before realizing it (and with a slight twinge of regret!).

*CheckG* Imagery & Emotion: I love how you have simply painted a picture with these words and the emotion! Oh, Lord! the emotion was so strong and bitterly sweet and adorable! I love the girl's innocence and ignorance. Absolutely fantastic!

*CheckB* Suggestions & Typos: I saw no typos and I have no suggestions except
         *Bird* WRITE SOME MORE!!!

*CheckV* Overall Thoughts & Rating: Indescribable.

This story touched my heart. I ardently adore your characters and how you have written this, simply, clearly and with deep feeling. I'm a fan of this story!

I rated it *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* but I wish I could rate it *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star* *Star*

Thanks so much for sharing!

~ Kasia

*ButterflyV*Write On!*ButterflyB*



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Review of The Mail Truck  
Review by Fi
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi Nina,

Wow! This is truly wonderfully beautifully well written. I can see how it won the Daily Flash Fiction Contest. Thank you so much for sharing.

~ Kasia
172
172
Review of Altered  
Review by Fi
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi Goddess,

This story made me smile a lot. It's a crack up. I love how you've made Kayla so self-centred and rude. It makes a change from the perfect characters we see so often.

Thanks for sharing!

~ Kasia
173
173
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi Carl,

I will be roughly honest with you. This story was strange and confusing at times to me. Also, I didn't see the point clearly. Perhaps if you made it into more of a story, made it longer, and added some character, conflict and resolution, it would sparkle.

I hope this helps. Always Write!

~ Kasia

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174
174
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi NayNizzy,

I like reading this, although sometimes it became hard to follow. I like how you've written 'Rabid Attention Seeking Girls Sinking Lower Until They Fall'. This poem has a point, and it's true in many cases.

I don't have any tips or advice to offer. Thanks for sharing!

~ Kasia

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175
175
Review by Fi
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE NEWBIE REVIEWE...  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi Kris,

Well, I don't know what to say about this because of the short note at the beginning.

You certainly have given this piece a dreamy, nightmarish effect. A little note of inspiration: I think you should give this story a purpose, a resolution, a character. Just try it. You can always throw it away if you don't like it. Hope this helps.

Keep writing!

~ Kasia

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