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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fourfootlocks
Review Requests: ON
45 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of No Title Yet  
Review by Abby Gayle
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a really good start to the story. I enjoyed it quite a bit. Amazing showing, not telling. I only have one suggestion: write more!!! Seriously, at the end of what I read, I couldn't help feeling like I needed to read on. I MUST find out what happens next! Good job.

--Abby Gayle
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Review of Keep it Secret!  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Really like this story. I did spot a couple mistakes, though. (Okay, where's the irony emoji? *Laugh*)

For one, whenever you end a quote after a dash, it ends up pointing the wrong way. Also, the word "Mom" needs to be capitalized if it's used as a name. For example: "my mom said" vs "Mom said". Another capitilization thing: I think where you said "writing ML", it should be "Writing ML", with the "W" capitalized. Not quite as sure about that one, though.

Happy writing!

--Abby Gayle
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Review by Abby Gayle
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi!

This is awesome! I love this poem a whole lot. Did you have some sort of experience with this when you wrote the piece? *Laugh*

--Abby Gayle
4
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Review of BFF  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Great job on this story. I enjoyed it. However, there were a few mistakes I found.

First of all, the more normal form of the name used for the main character is Barbara, although Barbra is a variation. I understand you were trying to transform it into a sheep-like way of saying the name, but you might consider changing it.

You wrote: "Hey! I protested.
You forgot: the end quotation mark after the exclamation point.

Other than that, you did an excellent job.

--Abby Gayle

5
5
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Tinker , I am reviewing your item for the I Write activity. I hope you find my comments helpful.

Good job on the rhyme. I liked how it sounds and looks. *Star*

Nice use of the prompt words. You fit them in well and naturally. *Star*

I don't see anything wrong or missing. Of course, I'm not a poetry master or anything, though. *Star*

Good job and good luck in the contest!

--Abby Gayle
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Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Good job on your poem, Carly - BLUE?!!

I did have to look up cathartic (although may be it's just my low-ish vocabulary). I like how you used the prompt words . . . and how you were able to avoid the forbidden ones! The "dragons" were well-incorporated.

I couldn't see any mistakes. That, of course, may be from my little experience with poetry.

You have a cool poem (in my professional opinion, at least).

--Abby Gayle
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Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Cheri Annemos !

This is an honest review. Please gather what you find necessary and throw out the rest.

How I found your item: As a part of the I Write activity, this is my item to review.

What I liked: I like how freeing this sounds. A lovely poem.

What could be improved: I noticed that 'quietly' is three syllables,
not two. Perhaps you could use a synonym, such as softly or faintly, or something else, depending on the feeling you want here. Other than that, I couldn't see any mistakes.


Overall impression: A great poem. Good job!

Keep writing!

--Abby Gayle


A dragon reading a book by candle light


Please check out my new contest.
FORUM
Historical Fiction Short Story Contest  (13+)
Interesting prompts to keep you interested in history. CONTEST CLOSED
#2143467 by Abby Gayle
8
8
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello, Kate , and welcome to WDC!

This is an honest review. Please feel free to take what you find necessary from this review and throw out the rest!

How I found your item: I saw this on the Noticing Newbies list.

First glance/How I understand your item: A cute story about a rabbit and her friends.

What I liked: It was a cute story that definitely could be turned into something bigger.

What could be improved: As I just said,
you could try to stretch this out. Perhaps include some dialogue and showing what they look like or some trouble even Champ has a hard time getting through. Also, you only need to say that the eagle's name is Fred. Everywhere else, you could use either just 'Fred' or 'the eagle'.


Overall impression: I like this cute story.

Hope this helps and keep writing!

--Abby Gayle


Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Please check out my new contest.
FORUM
Historical Fiction Short Story Contest  (13+)
Interesting prompts to keep you interested in history. CONTEST CLOSED
#2143467 by Abby Gayle
9
9
Review of Christmas Joy  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hello, J. L. Hamrick III , and welcome to WDC!

This is an honest review. Please feel free to take what you find necessary from this review and throw out the rest!

How I found your item: I saw your piece on the Noticing Newbies list, er, page . . . thing.

First glance/How I understand your item: This story seems to be about a man and his affection for his family, plus his willingness to help others.

What I liked: I liked the plot line.
You had an interesting idea here.


What could be improved: First of all,
it would be nice if you described or, even better, showed what they all look like. Especially the girl, who I first imagined as, like, a five year old girl. At the end, however, she is sipping cocoa, which actually makes me think of a young teen. Secondly, some of the things that he is doing seems to be kind of boring. You might want to cut some of that out. In addition, it is usually better if you don't actually say how much time has passed. So instead of
Five hours in, you can say 'Several hours in'.

Overall impression: A good story of second chances.

Hope this helps and keep writing!

--Abby Gayle


Click to go to WDC Power Reviewers


Please check out my new contest.
FORUM
Historical Fiction Short Story Contest  (13+)
Interesting prompts to keep you interested in history. CONTEST CLOSED
#2143467 by Abby Gayle
10
10
Review of The Pot 'o Gold  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Great story. I like the use of the prompt phrase in this piece. The solution was good, and I like the idea of a runaway (or renegade) rainbow! I always thought the rainbow was a guide to the treasure, so your story was a clever twist on that.

No mistakes could I spy with my little eye!

However, I was a bit confused most of the way through it as to who was who. I can't see how to make it better, though.

Anyway, nice story and congratulations on the win with it!
11
11
Review of Eowyn  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello, Cheri.

I am reviewing you as part of I Write.

A nice poem with a few rhyming lines. I did notice that many of the lines you were trying to rhyme didn't quite make it. I don't think 'girl' and 'world' quite rhyme . . . However, the love shown in this poem almost makes me forget those tiny mistakes.

Other than that, I can't see any mistakes. I'm not really experienced with poetry, so take what you want and throw the rest out. *Smile*

Have a nice day!

--Abby Gayle
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Review of My Eureka Moment  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
QueenOwl --

That sounded like a hard time for your sister. It's really too bad she didn't go to the doctor right away. I'm glad she was one who trusted Jesus.

I didn't really understand some of the medical words, but I think I got most of it.

You have a really good moral there, too.

Just wondering, how long ago did this happen? You don't have to answer if you think it's too personal.

--Abby Gayle
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Review of Chewed Out  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Nice of you to include Bobturn like that, even if it was just a mention.

I didn't really understand the ending. Is the still getting dental suppose to be funny? Because if so I don't get it or maybe I just don't really think it's funny.

--Abby Gayle
14
14
Review of Battle Royale  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Good job, Genipher, I like the story. I didn't spot any mistakes, spelling, puntuational, or otherwise.

I did notice that you talked about violence, even if it did sound like trees that were fighting (was it supposed to be?), and about 'slaying' Kind Holly and ending him. Would this make it 18+? I don't really know.

Other than that, great job!

--Abby Gayle
15
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Review of Dear Friends  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I think I kind of like this. It is still weird, but it turned out funnier than I thought it would be. Good job on that. There was one typo I found. At least, I think it was a typo. Maybe you meant to put it there. You wrote '...and gave the kitten a stern talking too'. I think the 'too' should be 'to', shouldn't it?
16
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Review of Bah, Humbug!  
Review by Abby Gayle
Rated: E | (4.5)
Ha! I love this! Did notice one thing, though. Mic is the shortened form of the word microphone.
17
17
Review of Guardian  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Nice job! You got it in right on time!

I like how you describe what the characters look like.

It appears you did some research with this. I had to look up what 'woaded' meant. I also like how you diversified your verbs (stretched, elongated, etc.)

Actually, at first I thought you were parodying (is that spelled correctly) the David and Goliath story.

However, there was one thing that I was wondering about. You wrote 'Morak found the site disturbing'. Did you mean site (like a campsite or some other place) or sight (seeing something)?

Overall . . . I really like the story! Good job on it.
18
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Review of The Rescue  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I like the ending, how it turns out that Shirley is a horse! It's quite fun and funny at the end.

I couldn't find any grammatical, spelling, or punctuational errors, except, of course, what you did on purpose.

I think you did an excellent job. Keep writing!


A dragon reading a book by candle light


Check out my new interactive story!
 Comic Book Superhero  (13+)
When Emily opens a comic book, she gets sucked -- literally -- into the story!
#2140201 by Abby Gayle
19
19
Review of Beachcomber  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
I like your story. It was quite interesting. At first I thought that the words in italics was something she was writing, but when she started saying she was walking, I figured it was her thinking.

I like how you gave their history together without simply stating it.

I can't see any grammatical or punctuational errors in this piece.

Well done. Keep writing!

--Abby Gayle


A dragon reading a book by candle light


Check out my new interactive story!
 Comic Book Superhero  (13+)
When Emily opens a comic book, she gets sucked -- literally -- into the story!
#2140201 by Abby Gayle
20
20
Review of The Fairy Tale  
Review by Abby Gayle
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I like your story. You wrote in the description that it was probably done before, but I have not seen anything quite like it. I enjoyed the story.

I can't see any grammatical or punctuational mistakes.

I think it's cool that the dragon can make himself look like a knight. It's an interesting ability that I don't think I've ever read about for a dragon.

Good job.

--Abby Gayle

A dragon reading a book by candle light


Check out my new interactive story!
 Comic Book Superhero  (13+)
When Emily opens a comic book, she gets sucked -- literally -- into the story!
#2140201 by Abby Gayle
21
21
Review of Nightmare  
Review by Abby Gayle
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting story. Towards the end it sounds like a romance.

In the third paragraph, I don't think 'flame of fire' really flows, or is grammatically correct, or something. Something seems off about it.

Overall, however, I really enjoyed the story.
22
22
Review by Abby Gayle
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is an interesting story. I'm not very experienced at reviewing yet, so I may have missed a few things. However, you did write "and after about 30 minutes or so", and I think "after" and "or so" describing the same thing is redundant.
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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/fourfootlocks