|Hello, J. L. Hamrick III , and welcome to WDC!
This is an honest review. Please feel free to take what you find necessary from this review and throw out the rest!
How I found your item: I saw your piece on the Noticing Newbies list, er, page . . . thing.
First glance/How I understand your item: This story seems to be about a man and his affection for his family, plus his willingness to help others.
What I liked: I liked the plot line.
You had an interesting idea here.
What could be improved: First of all,
it would be nice if you described or, even better, showed what they all look like. Especially the girl, who I first imagined as, like, a five year old girl. At the end, however, she is sipping cocoa, which actually makes me think of a young teen. Secondly, some of the things that he is doing seems to be kind of boring. You might want to cut some of that out. In addition, it is usually better if you don't actually say how much time has passed. So instead of Five hours in, you can say 'Several hours in'.
Overall impression: A good story of second chances.
Hope this helps and keep writing!
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