I can't help but like this...sorry. "I am; therefore I think", indeed...lol. I am terrible at reviewing the work of others.
I give myself a C_ in every case. So, am not looking for any 'thank you's for my expert opinion, etc.'
But, I do have to state I like this very, very much. Happy Halloween. Jackie
All of the above criteria you list for a good review are valid.
However, as a person who writes Form poetry based on a lot of study beforehand, I find it exasperating to have someone critique my poem as to its "rhythm", for example, when they do not know an iambic from a tetrameter!
How can one honestly 'critique' what they do not understand and know nothing about? I ask this because
my latest Shakespearean Sonnet, written in great earnestness with the iambic pentameter meticulously rendered was 'graded down' due to its 'rhythm'. Frustrated, I became quite 'uppity' and responded to my reviewer in an unkind way and asked if they understood and could write iambic pentameter themselves. They admitted they could not! They stated they were 'just looking for some way to grade it down' and so decided to use that basis! I find this type of critique frustrating and a waste of time and energy and feel like my 'reviewer' only in a hurry to make another 250 points for themselves.
Frank and Beans, indeed! I really like silly stories like this; your "get-right-to-the-point" and "tongue-in-cheek" attitude amusing. Interesting, the way you built up a little 'suspense' before you gave us our dinner. Ridiculous and enjoyable.
I thought this was very well written and showed your knowledge of American History. This type of poetry, of course, forces you to be well-schooled in History.
I was not, unfortunately, interested in history when I was a kid in school. Now, I find it interesting and want to learn more. I have probably read more about the Civil War in the last few years than any other part of our history.
Blessings to your for a job well done! I really enjoyed reading it. Jacqueline Casey
Well constructed. Well done. A short story with depth.
As a cops wife, I understand the need for expediency, but pause at the means one may use to gain a successful end in the interrogation room.
It is strange that our hero left me somehow feeling empty for his less than truthful use of facts in order to manipulate the villain. I was resentful and felt 'deluded', almost siding with the Terrorist. Yet, one cannot argue with success, all Photoshop aside. The investigator has learned to fight fire with fire.
I remember my detective husband and others in the business of being a cop did suffer from a hardening of the heart as they experienced life in that particular business in order to survive. "It changes you", said he.
The job itself wears a man's 'morality' down and he comes away somehow psychologically damaged by the company he keeps.
"For posting as bitem link, type out the parentheses and fill up them with bitem:xxxxxx, where xxxxxx is the item ID no."
Your instructions may be confusing for some, especially those new to writing.com.
Perhaps you should write, instead:
"For posting as BITEM LINK, type out the parentheses that look like this: and fill them up with
Invalid Item This item number is not valid. # by Not Available.
, where XXXXX is the ID number."
"Please note that each of the above two stanzas has a 7-6-7-6 format [seven syllables in first and third lines and 6 syllables in second and fourth lines]. Your quote is in error.
First line , first stanza syllable count is 8; not 7.
Am excited to see this contest will stress traditional approach to composing poetry.
Could you explain what your first line means? let me see, if I turn the sentence structure around, what I think you are saying is:
"a resurgence (or new energy)? into loss is what I have known before? Not sure what you are getting at here.
Could the line mean "a rush into loss; I've known that before" . But rush and resurgence are two different things! Is violences a word?
I see a lot of lovely, BIG words "the VASTNESS of this empty blackness", etc. BUT, could you reword so you SHOW me what you are feeling instead of so intellectualizing (TELLING) me? Could you rewrite this poem and SHOW me? Speak to me in terms that I can SEE, hear and feel. If you confuse me, I will tire of your poem quickly, right? can a "hushed, harmonious space" be an agonizing Hell? If that is true, for you, anyway, IN THIS POEM, then you must show me why that is; otherwise, your statement is nonsensical and just a lot of words.
Kathie: Ah, how I wish I could get them to listen with 'quiet respect', lol. Your imagery wonderful. Word choice superb! 'peace, cold, fade, slight'. But the 'body' of your thought, here, so telling. How do you get them to really read and respect?
I think people FEAR poetry like they fear death. I have to admit, I lose patience when the poet is so
vague. I give up and don't continue to read. I put my latest poem out there on Facebook for my family, friends. Not one responder! Worked hard to make it 'readable', (A Conversation with Job). Yet, the word, poem seems to scare them away. It IS poetry and not prose. So, where does one find their audience? You have found the perfect place, lol.
May I have your permission to place your poem and my review out there on facebook for my friends to read. It would be placed under my "notes".
Nice rhyme; nice tempo. Very enjoyable read. I especially like your use of imagery. The reader "sees"
the procession as it winds itself along the street. Then, there is the touching theme itself when you make us 'feel' a mother's love. Such a nice reminder of what Easter is all about. Just beautiful! I hope you win this contest! Casey
Ah, my dear. I have finally found someone who describes me better than I may describe myself. I have become nothing but a bunch of old shoe boxes. I doubt any of my children will want to bother with them. Sad, but so, so true. I have enjoyed your poems immensely, though some of your references I cannot find or have not the education to research or understand. You have talent and truth on your side. Why are all your entries 2008 until today when I found you entering the "Poem a Day" Contest, March 21, 2012? Best to you. Jacqueline Casey
Your work here with imagery is just so perfect, I had to remark on this poem. What you have stated here is similar to what a photographer would be aiming for in his depictions of the desert. What you have suggested here through your excellent use of words is the scene set for a romantic movie. A very enjoyable read! Write on.
I am so disappointed that I can find nothing wrong with this poem! The rhyme is just beautiful and I understood every line. There are no punctuation errors. The form fit the subject matter so well. I am sad to say this is a Perfect Poem! I would encourage you to write on !
As sunlight broke the fasting of the night,
in twilight, twixt dream and reality,
Lovely, the sonnet form. And you have some lovely imagery here. When sunlight breaks
the night, is it not "morning"? Can't quite figure why you used "twilight" here.
Another suggestion: I think it is more exciting if you say "her footsteps ECHO" in my dreams. Putting it in past tense slows the passion. Just my humble opinion.
I can see and hear your horses moving about in your little poem. That is a good thing.
Each word counts but I think such a little poem also needs a strong subject to really work well,
so your chosen subject especially good.
I enjoyed reading your story about the woodcarver and his "but first do no harm" attitude to nature or man. Your wood carver has great character and seems Christ-like to me. Your meter is perfect. (I looked and could find only l line where you were just l little syllable short!) Over such a long poem, this is difficult to sustain! You are a carver of well-made poetry.
The character in your story seems strong and courageous in the path he takes to redeem
himself after letting his pride get the better of him. The "turn" (as I see it ) in your poem is very nicely done and the line is especially poignant: "He spent his years tending the glade/ choosing quiet obscurity".
So many souls; so many couplets, each with a different story. I really love the form chosen here to express your thoughts and sentiments. Well done, grammatically. Perfect, of course. My English teacher heart gives you an A+. But even better is the true, heartfelt sympathy for those souls, long forgotten now, to which you pay homage. You have such a natural gift for expressing emotion; it touched my heart. Thanks for sharing.
Jackie
Re: Poem a Day Review: "The Circus Church of Today"
I like this poem because it is Visual and Auditory. I can see and hear the barker at a church carnival. I think you are a little "tough" on the cinematic preachers. I agree that some are quite ridiculous and boring or manipulative, but I have been touched by one who seemed sincere enough. You did a great job expressing your opinion here.
My only suggestion is you could rewrite some lines so each is a balanced iambic pentameter.
Some of your lines are only 7 syllables.
My favorite couplet: " He tickles your ears with what you want to hear
And then he pulls your strings like a puppeteer... "
So, if each person were required to read your 'Guidelines' before they write EACH review,
things would be a lot different around here, lol. But, seriously, maybe a flag and a link to read (a pre-review requirement) or a reminder to : "Please read before taking the journey".
It is not that most of us want to write an improper or useless "review". It is because most are poorly trained in this "art" and it is an art. I have received a lot of "I really liked your blah, blah, blah". One sentence. End of review.
A review can also be a dangerous tool in the wrong hands to purposefully damage someone. In certain cases, perhaps the reviewer needs to be reviewed to establish that this was not the case?
I have been on writing.com for only a year and one thing I have learned. If they do not LIKE your poem, they will not take the time to review it! Though I may have many 'hits' on the same poem, not one person will respond to it! This is rather amazing. It was interesting to many people, but deserved no response! Thanks for listening. Jackie C.
Anyone who has ever loved a pet will love your poem. I like the fact that you cover a lot of time, from age 5 onward and how you still see those loving, brown eyes staring back at you. He is no longer a cute little puppy, yet you still see him through the eyes of love.
Well, of course, I cannot agree with the politics of your poem. Life is too, too precious
and I see no 'beauty' or 'joyfulness' in the act of taking it. It is a gift. So I will argue with you there is nothing 'romantic' or 'beautiful' about swinging by your neck, alone, and hearing the gurgling, choking sound you are most probably making, lol. A true loss of dignity for the soul?
This poem, I guess, is a sort of poetical "love of death"? But, Ken, I do not believe you! The words and phrasing are great; you are a very able writer, but I do not believe the speaker in this poem.
Thanks for listening. Jackie
This poem could be improved by more attention to each couplet. First, decide upon some particular meter. Here is example:
Thoughts that were tame and quiet, (7 beats )
now unleashed wild and frantic! (7 beats)
Python desperation squeezes at the throat (11 beats)(Python squeezes at the throat)(7)
Heart pounding like a racehorse. (7)
Sweat forming perverse rivers seeking (9) (sweat forms, perverse rivers seek) (7)
every crevice of the body. (8) (out crevice of the body) (7)
Or, here would be another way to write it: (iambic pentameter)
"Tamed, quiet thought unleashed a frantic storm: (l0)
A python squeeze at throat means to do harm. (l0)
Racehorses plunge through rivers of my mind (10)
Body sweat streams rivulets by design. (10)
I like this poem. It is light, airy, simple. The imagery is excellent and took some "thinking through", didn't it? The colored prism of broken glass is now only black and white since you know he does not love you. "The robin's lonesome song is full of woe" might make a little more sense here. Unrequited love is a very sad, emotional, mental state and you said that well with your "tangled thoughts".
I feel this is a short story in five paragraphs. It might be better presented that way. Understand I am ONLY one opinion, but I do want to be honest with you and tell you what I am really thinking.
I'll admit I am somewhat of a purist and looking for some sort of "form" in poetry. And I will admit I do not understand free verse as I should. So, I go to Walt Whitman (an early free verser) and try to understand your style. From what I can learn, "free" verse does not mean total randomness: " throw- it- against- the- wall- and let us see what happens", or does it? Is that what "modern" free verse is? Sort of like giving the monkey a bucket of paint and brush and let him go at it?
Your premise is interesting. Alcohol and madness and suicide are related and form a part of the whole. Do you read Walt Whitman? I would like to see your story repainted in his style. Might be very interesting.
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