*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
Creative fun in
the palm of your hand.
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/franksimon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/2
Review Requests: ON
212 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 ... Next
26
26
Review of I Remember Grey  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello there,

First of all welcome to WDC. That said, this is my review on this piece.

Overall: Loved it! A solemn write about a pet bird that starts out slow. But then comes to life chatting up a storm that permeates your ears to this day. Until, that one day he sang his swan song. This is well written because I can sense the feelings of a lost friend.

Grammar/ punctuation: The only thing I seen would be to remove the word 'the' at the end of the 8th line. What you do is up to you. This is a small suggestion, it can stay the way it is too. Whatever you wish.

My favorite part: The internal rhyme of ...song he played for ears in my ears...

This is a good write and fine remembrance of a friend. Sort of an elegy really.
Keep pushin' the pen from what comes within.

Peace, and welcome again.
TBW
27
27
Review of Rain Fell Tonight  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Harry,

These are my thoughts on your piece, Rain fell tonight.

First I need to say, I usually like rhyming forms, but this caught my eye. I felt the same way you have about rain, and our ancestors and predecessors. Yet I am thinking, "Hooray! We got rain." then, "now I'll have to push the lawnmower again!" Lol.

Overall: A very insightful glance at what we have become, and where we came from. Well written and thought provoking.

Grammar/punctuation: I saw no errors, or anything needing attention.

Favorite part: The 4th stanza about listening to their advice. Also, the final sentence of, "I ache to once in my lifetime..." Well done Harry!

Take care, and keep pushing the pen that which comes from within.

TBW
28
28
Review of The Angels Crying  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ken,

These are my thoughts.
Overall; This is a beautifully written song/lyrics. I don't think I would change a thing. I would like to hear it play, but can make out a tune in my head. Meaning the words help the reader out.

Spelling/ punctuation: Nothing noticed.

Favorite part: The entire piece. Great job Ken!

Take care,
TBW
29
29
Review of My new students  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Hannah,

Overall:
This is a great poem Hannah! The story you tell is vivid and keeps the reader drawn in. Wonderful job.

I saw no grammar or spelling errors. Though noted, I like the way you used the other past tense word for learn, instead of learned in the second last line.

Favorite part: The 5th stanza. Ditching pics and partnering up the kids to look at themselves. This is where the story turns around and begins to increase your confidence.

Wonderful job Hannah, keep pushing the pen from what comes within.

Take care,
TBW

30
30
Review of And Shadows Dance  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Brittany,

These are my thoughts and review for this poem.

Overall; Beautiful poem about Nature. The shadows from the remaining sunlight and the dance that enfolds. Well written, painting a picture that calls one to listen closely as well as use their sight.

Punctuation/edit; The first stanza starts out as a 7-8, 7-8 syllable count. The 2nd is a 9-8, 8-9 count. The 5th stanza has a 7-6, and then 8-7 count. I believe if these were all consistent the meter or flow would be a little smoother. The last stanza has 8 for all four lines making it read easier. This doesn't mean you have to change your poem, to me it would sound better if tightened up a little. I saw no errors in spelling or grammar.

My favorite part; the whole 2nd and 4th stanzas are awesome! I love Nature poems the most.

These are my thoughts, you can take into consideration or leave it as is.

Take care, and keep on writing.
TBW
31
31
Review of Claimed  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Oliver,

These are my thoughts and review for this poem:

Overall - A good poem about longing for love that will never be obtained or reached. This is a good poem, but I just feel you should have 1 or possibly 2 more lines in the last stanza. Something that wraps her eyes, her voice, her hair, and your desire all together.
Then I would still use the last line to be last again. These are my thoughts, if you're happy with it, you can keep it the way it is.

Punctuation/edit - I saw no grammar errors, and any editing was mentioned above if you wish to change.

My favorite part - The fourth stanza. It resonates of true love and passion. This is a good write Oliver.

Take care,
TBW
32
32
Review of Missing You..  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Surya,

These are my thoughts and review of his poem:

Overall a lovely poem about wanting the air to be brought back.
I can feel the heartache in your lines. Great job!

Spelling and punctuation;
The end of the 3rd stanza reads, "I felt like an empty frame where my picture away." I think this may be something to consider?
...an empty frame With my picture...See what you think.

My favorite part is the firrst and last stanzas. Beatiful.

Nice job Surya!

TBW
33
33
Review of A Child Loves  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Angel,

These are my thoughts, and my review;
Overall, a beautiful poem that is sad, and yet filled with hope.
Although some of the rhymes need a little polishing up.
The 1st, 4th, and 5th stanzas are fine. The 3rd stanza needs attention the most. The rhymes don't go well and the last two lines sounded confusing. "Only You can see the whole The picture complete again. Do you think 'can see it whole is better?'

Spelling/punctuation is fine.

My favorite part; The last stanza. Especially the "only Him that can reach inside the adult...That's the Hope, things will get better. Well written, and with a little polishing can be a great poem.
If you would like, I will rate now. Then after you are through editing I will re-rate this piece?

Good write Angel!

Take care,
TBW
34
34
Review of BECCA  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Salau,

These are my thoughts and review;

Overall, A good poem that has fantasy, then turns tragic. The woman is everything except, the most important part. A mind. Great lines overall especially when describing your girl of your dreams.

I saw no punctuation errors/edit; none needed. I do like the alliteration throughout the poem.

My favorite part; Dark and daring, caramel and soot in accordance.

Good write Salau!
35
35
Review of Sacrifice  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello David,

These are my thoughts on your poem;
Overall, I liked this poem very much! It's well written and I interpret the circle of life here. One must die so a new one can rise. Very good write!

I saw no punctuation or spelling errors.

There is nothing to change/edit, it stands on it's own as is.

My favorite part;
The whole thing, but mostly the last stanza. It resonates with me.

Great job, keep on writing.
TBW
36
36
Review of Flossie  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Pony Tale,
I really enjoyed reading this poem about your horse. They are one of the most magnificent animals, that are domesticated.

Overall; I like the format and 6 syllables per line. This helps the meter flow well. Rhymes sound good and not forced. Good job!

I didn't see any errors in punctuation or spelling.

My favorite part is the last half. The way you bring the horse and the seasons together is fabulous!

Great write!
TBW

37
37
Review of Victory Lap  
Rated: E | (4.5)
James,

These are my thoughts after having read Victory Lap;
Overall, this is a great write James! I don't prefer free verse,(rhyming)
but this is well written using a great choice of words.
Very poignant view making it easier to follow with.

Spelling and/or editing;
No spelling errors, but need you to look at 2 things in the same line. The last line of the 4th stanza, A casualty of caused by your love... Was wondering if dropping the "of" sounds better?
The other thing was the last two words. 'being first best.' Does being first and best sound better? Or is this intentional?
These are the only things needing attention that I saw. The rest is good.
My favorite part; The very last line, and the 3rd stanza.

These are my thoughts James, Good job and write On!

TBW



38
38
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello sum1,

This reminds me of our house! Somewhat. This poem is a true delight to read. I was giggling and enjoying and then...the last two stanzas bring me back to reality. Bittersweet and meaningful.

I found no errors in punctuation. The meter seemed a little short at times on a few lines but is clearly not worth changing because it works.

This is a great write, thanks for posting.

TBW

39
39
Review of Prompt  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello chrislm,

I really liked this letter. It was insightful, and I'm glad you went with your gut. Reason does not always work in life. Many things are beyond reasoning.
My favorite part is: The job of our gut is to guide us to our most beneficial parallel.

Edit/change: I think the comma after the word gut in the above sentence isn't needed.
40
40
Review of Gratitude  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Katarina B,

Overall: I really liked this poem. It's filled with many reasons for being thankful. This in return makes them feel tingly and happy inside.

Favorite lines: It starts in the heart and spreads all around,
It's what you feel inside when someone won't let you down.

Anything to change: 2 small typo's in 3rd stanza. 1st line Remove space between Thanks giving. And the 2nd line in 3rd stanza, Catch up with your family.

This is a nice write. Good job!

Peace,
Frank

41
41
Review of Love and Drugs  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Overall I liked this poem. You have drugs that grey the lines between reality and no cares. Love that's grey from pain and pleasure. (I remember those days) Both are sometimes the same.

If I was to change anything: Perhaps pressure in the 2nd line. It works ok, but sounds as though a slant rhyme. I'm sorry I don't have any advice to change.

My favorite lines are Love is for the bird and the bee. also, giving up is not trying. Good write!

Peace,
Frank
42
42
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MJ,

I really like this poem. It flows well and tells a light-hearted view of the many things our brain holds. One of my favorite lines is the untangling of the cords and defragging the memory deposits.

I saw no grammar/punctuation errors. If there was anything to change, perhaps the 2nd last stanza. Dread and mess could be a better rhyme word. I. e. I wanted to peek inside, by golly no mess from opening my zipperhead. Or another way of rhyming with mess. Quest,stress,guess?

But as it stands, still a fine write!

Welcome to Writing.Com! May you find this place as though home.

Peace,
Frank

43
43
Review of Rain  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello David,

Overall I truly liked this poem! Waiting, chaos, and confusion, turning into sense and seeing how simple and yet beautiful life is.
I saw no grammar/punctuation errors.
My favorite lines are: Each drop falling to it's destination.
Everything falling just as it should.

Wouldn't change a thing David.
Great write!

Peace,
Frank

P.s. I have one if you care to read.
 Listening to the Rain  (E)
A mild Kansas thunderstorm...use your senses.
#1315502 by Thaddeus Buxton Winthrop
44
44
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Lissa,

Overall I liked your poem. This is a poignant view of death and the hereafter.
You had some rhymes and some lines that didn't, but the meaning is very clear. This person thinks that no one cares, but if something happened to them and they died. There's is no chance of them getting to go back and fix or change it. I truly hope this isn't you. But if you feel this way please talk to someone else for help.

I saw no errors in grammar/punctuation. This is the start of a good poem. If it is a cry for help, please call or talk to someone. Otherwise, keep on writing to help you get better.
I hope this helped.
Peace,
TBW
45
45
Review of Make me the Wild  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello n.e.sharp,
Overall I liked your poem about the wild wilderness. The words you use, and the way you use them are truly creative. The fingers and eyes being needles and acorns kind of threw me a little. I thought the first stanza made more sense if it would "beam out through my eyes", not your "teeth when I speak."

My favorite part is definitely the last stanza. It is pure poetry.

I saw no problems with punctuation or grammar errors.

You've done a fine job with this poem.
Take care,

TBW







46
46
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M C,
Overall; I truly liked this poem. I haven't ever heard of the nonet, but it sounds challenging. I may have to attempt this myself. You have done a fine job with this form.

I didn't see any grammar or punctuation needing attention.

I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem with its flow trickling down to one syllable is what makes the poem great.

I have no advice to improve this poem as it is fine the way it is written. Good job M C!

Peace,
Frank
47
47
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lynda,
Overall; I loved this delightful tale of the two dogs who were also thankful at Thanksgiving. This poodle and peekapoo duo are certainly hilarious in their antics. With an even funnier tale of your friends dog doing the same thing after stating their dog would never act in such a matter. Hilarious and somewhat good advice to learn by when dogs are in the house.

I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.

I see no improvements needed as this story is great and stands well by itself as you have it already.

In closing, we too have a Jack Russell Terrier, Nattie, who has treated herself to the fine dining at Thanksgiving. So I can relate very much to this great story. She is still with us, so sad to hear the dogs are gone now. But good memories keep them alive in our hearts. Thanks for sharing this piece. Great write Lynda!

Peace,
Frank

P.s. This is my first short story review. Trying to branch out from poetry and try writing my own short story soon. I'm hoping from reviewing short stories I will be better prepared to write one. Hope it helped you out? I enjoyed this very much.

48
48
Review of Goodbye  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Kat Von,
Overall; I really liked this poem. It's sad, but has a very poignant view.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.

Improvements; I really think this would be better if it was broken up into quatrains. every four lines would help the form. Also, line 6 and 8 don't rhyme as every other line in the poem does. If you would like, I will re-read and re-rate this piece after you have made adjustments. I'm not taking off for the 4 lines, that is my personal thought. But if you would like to edit your poem for the rhyme, I would gladly do so.
Nice write Kat, I truly enjoyed this poem. Just needs a little polishing up and will be great. I hope this helps?

Peace,
TBW
49
49
Review of Ouroboros  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ashen Sunflower,
Overall: I truly love this poem. Very well written in the pantoum form.
I didn't see any errors or editing needed for grammar/punctuation.
My favorite is the 2nd stanza. It just resonates with me.
Fine write Ashen!

Peace,
TBW
50
50
Review of New Day  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello waterlilly,
Overall: I Love this poem! Beautifully written and pardon the pun, pure poetry.

I only seen one vowel that needs changed I believe. The fifth from the last line. I think you meant to write; 'begun' Back to the place she had begun. Which also rhymes with 'run'. I have a question about the 6th line also. This is more of an opinion or option. Does 'shift their hue' sound better than 'shifter hue'?

Other than those little boo boos, no big ones seen here. Wonderful.

Favorite part: the Whole thing. It all melds together forming a tale that returns to form another day. Awesome write waterlilly!

Peace,
TBW
117 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 5 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/franksimon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/2