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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/franksimon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/3
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229 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello sum1,

This reminds me of our house! Somewhat. This poem is a true delight to read. I was giggling and enjoying and then...the last two stanzas bring me back to reality. Bittersweet and meaningful.

I found no errors in punctuation. The meter seemed a little short at times on a few lines but is clearly not worth changing because it works.

This is a great write, thanks for posting.

TBW

52
52
Review of Prompt  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello chrislm,

I really liked this letter. It was insightful, and I'm glad you went with your gut. Reason does not always work in life. Many things are beyond reasoning.
My favorite part is: The job of our gut is to guide us to our most beneficial parallel.

Edit/change: I think the comma after the word gut in the above sentence isn't needed.
53
53
Review of Life's Reward  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Vaughan,
Returning the favor so,
Overall: Liked this poem, jut felt there needs 2 more lines. Seemed like an abrupt ending. But still, very good.
Grammar errors/spelling: None I seen.
Favorite part: I like the working hard and sweat dripping line with providing for without any row.
Add/Edit: Your rhymes were good but just need some rhymes with more lines in 3rd stanza. These are my thoughts, so take 'em or leave them.

Peace,
TBW
54
54
Review of Gratitude  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Katarina B,

Overall: I really liked this poem. It's filled with many reasons for being thankful. This in return makes them feel tingly and happy inside.

Favorite lines: It starts in the heart and spreads all around,
It's what you feel inside when someone won't let you down.

Anything to change: 2 small typo's in 3rd stanza. 1st line Remove space between Thanks giving. And the 2nd line in 3rd stanza, Catch up with your family.

This is a nice write. Good job!

Peace,
Frank

55
55
Review of Love and Drugs  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello,
Overall I liked this poem. You have drugs that grey the lines between reality and no cares. Love that's grey from pain and pleasure. (I remember those days) Both are sometimes the same.

If I was to change anything: Perhaps pressure in the 2nd line. It works ok, but sounds as though a slant rhyme. I'm sorry I don't have any advice to change.

My favorite lines are Love is for the bird and the bee. also, giving up is not trying. Good write!

Peace,
Frank
56
56
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello MJ,

I really like this poem. It flows well and tells a light-hearted view of the many things our brain holds. One of my favorite lines is the untangling of the cords and defragging the memory deposits.

I saw no grammar/punctuation errors. If there was anything to change, perhaps the 2nd last stanza. Dread and mess could be a better rhyme word. I. e. I wanted to peek inside, by golly no mess from opening my zipperhead. Or another way of rhyming with mess. Quest,stress,guess?

But as it stands, still a fine write!

Welcome to Writing.Com! May you find this place as though home.

Peace,
Frank

57
57
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hello Lissa,

Overall I liked your poem. This is a poignant view of death and the hereafter.
You had some rhymes and some lines that didn't, but the meaning is very clear. This person thinks that no one cares, but if something happened to them and they died. There's is no chance of them getting to go back and fix or change it. I truly hope this isn't you. But if you feel this way please talk to someone else for help.

I saw no errors in grammar/punctuation. This is the start of a good poem. If it is a cry for help, please call or talk to someone. Otherwise, keep on writing to help you get better.
I hope this helped.
Peace,
TBW
58
58
Review of Make me the Wild  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello n.e.sharp,
Overall I liked your poem about the wild wilderness. The words you use, and the way you use them are truly creative. The fingers and eyes being needles and acorns kind of threw me a little. I thought the first stanza made more sense if it would "beam out through my eyes", not your "teeth when I speak."

My favorite part is definitely the last stanza. It is pure poetry.

I saw no problems with punctuation or grammar errors.

You've done a fine job with this poem.
Take care,

TBW







59
59
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello M C,
Overall; I truly liked this poem. I haven't ever heard of the nonet, but it sounds challenging. I may have to attempt this myself. You have done a fine job with this form.

I didn't see any grammar or punctuation needing attention.

I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem with its flow trickling down to one syllable is what makes the poem great.

I have no advice to improve this poem as it is fine the way it is written. Good job M C!

Peace,
Frank
60
60
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Lynda,
Overall; I loved this delightful tale of the two dogs who were also thankful at Thanksgiving. This poodle and peekapoo duo are certainly hilarious in their antics. With an even funnier tale of your friends dog doing the same thing after stating their dog would never act in such a matter. Hilarious and somewhat good advice to learn by when dogs are in the house.

I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.

I see no improvements needed as this story is great and stands well by itself as you have it already.

In closing, we too have a Jack Russell Terrier, Nattie, who has treated herself to the fine dining at Thanksgiving. So I can relate very much to this great story. She is still with us, so sad to hear the dogs are gone now. But good memories keep them alive in our hearts. Thanks for sharing this piece. Great write Lynda!

Peace,
Frank

P.s. This is my first short story review. Trying to branch out from poetry and try writing my own short story soon. I'm hoping from reviewing short stories I will be better prepared to write one. Hope it helped you out? I enjoyed this very much.

61
61
Review of Goodbye  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hello Kat Von,
Overall; I really liked this poem. It's sad, but has a very poignant view.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation problems needing attention.

Improvements; I really think this would be better if it was broken up into quatrains. every four lines would help the form. Also, line 6 and 8 don't rhyme as every other line in the poem does. If you would like, I will re-read and re-rate this piece after you have made adjustments. I'm not taking off for the 4 lines, that is my personal thought. But if you would like to edit your poem for the rhyme, I would gladly do so.
Nice write Kat, I truly enjoyed this poem. Just needs a little polishing up and will be great. I hope this helps?

Peace,
TBW
62
62
Review of Ouroboros  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Ashen Sunflower,
Overall: I truly love this poem. Very well written in the pantoum form.
I didn't see any errors or editing needed for grammar/punctuation.
My favorite is the 2nd stanza. It just resonates with me.
Fine write Ashen!

Peace,
TBW
63
63
Review of New Day  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello waterlilly,
Overall: I Love this poem! Beautifully written and pardon the pun, pure poetry.

I only seen one vowel that needs changed I believe. The fifth from the last line. I think you meant to write; 'begun' Back to the place she had begun. Which also rhymes with 'run'. I have a question about the 6th line also. This is more of an opinion or option. Does 'shift their hue' sound better than 'shifter hue'?

Other than those little boo boos, no big ones seen here. Wonderful.

Favorite part: the Whole thing. It all melds together forming a tale that returns to form another day. Awesome write waterlilly!

Peace,
TBW
64
64
Review of Just Be It All  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tim,
Overall I really liked this poem. Kind of short and sweet, but still pretty good. The meter seems off just a little in places, but your rhymes are good and don't sound forced.

1st stanza first line has 7 syllables, while the 3rd line has 9 syllables. 2nd stanza first line has 9 syllables, while the 3rd line has 7 syllables. The rest of the lines and all of the 3rd stanza have 8 which seems smoother.

I didn't see any grammar/punctuation errors or anything that needs attention.

The last two lines of the first stanza kind of seemed to me as though they didn't belong with this poem. But that is my personal feeling there.
My favorite part is the 2nd stanza. It reminds me of a love poem and is certainly good advice.

A fine poem here Tim, I think it could use a little polishing up and be an outstanding poem. Keep up the good work.

Peace,
TBW
65
65
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ann,
I believe you have a pretty cool song for Christmas written here.
Overall I liked this piece, the way it flows. Slant rhymes are best for writing lyrics. But I did see something I would prefer changed.
The title is, 'Let's Put Back The Clock To Christmas'. But in your song you say, 'Let's put back the clock to a Christmas'. I would prefer you drop the 'a' and replace with 'our', or drop the 'a' altogether.

If you want to shorten your work you can also just put Refrain and repeat Refrain if you care to?
These are my thoughts, so do with them what you will. I hope this helps you out?
It was nice to read about Christmas and think of cool or cold weather. We've had low 90's return for another week in Kansas.
Good job Ann!
Peace,
TBW

66
66
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello BEAR,
Overall, I loved this poem! You did a rocking awesome job at telling this light-hearted tale.
The 11-8 scheme works very well and is smooth helping the reader also.

The only grammar/punctuation note I have is in the 8th stanza, last line. Thought I seen an extra space between the last two words. 'I knew'. Just check it out, I'm not exactly sure so I won't be lowering the rating.
I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem together is what makes it stand on it's own.
Excellent write, I see now why it won the contest.
Peace,
TBW
67
67
Review of You Said  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ash,
Overall I loved this poem. It's a fine mono-rhyme about lost love. The ending sounds as though the person is moving on with their life. Which is always good for the body and mind.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation errors that need attention.
I hope these words aren't deceiving, or misleading. (sorry couldn't resist) You have a good poem written here. Fine job Ash!
Peace,
Frank
P.s. Welcome to the WdC! You are off to a great start. This was my pleasure to read, and since your new, I am re-gifting your points back to you. Lol
Regards
68
68
Review of Shadows of Life  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jokermask,

I like your poem you've written about your dog. I prefer rhyming poetry, but this one had me at dog.
It is written well and the reader can understand the point being made easily. Overall a great poem and fine tribute to a pet.
I didn't see anything that I would change or edit to improve this piece.
I don't really have a favorite part, as the whole poem stands together.

I hope to think Wolfie would be very happy by your kind thoughts.
Peace,
TBW
69
69
Review of Shaman's Trance  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Perhaps,
(sounds kinda funny) But hello, I am giving a review for this piece, Shaman's Trance.
I like the poem overall, but have this to say needs editing. I would lose the 3 periods following Relinquish. So it reads Relinquish awkwardness etc.
I usually read rhyming poems, so free verse is a little difficult for me. See what others think, but I do like this mesmerizing read.
I hope this helps you out.
Peace,
TBW

70
70
Review of Number “13”  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ber-brag,
These are my thoughts for this poem;
Wonderful job on this poem! The lines rhythm are spot on.
The rhymes are fine and don't sound forced or slanted.
Nice read from beginning to end.
If there was anything to change- possibly the last line of the 2nd stanza.
To change the words 'in' and 'panic' around so the line reads as follow.
That brings panic in to our minds. See what others think or say it out loud.
Do what you see fit.
Overall:
This is a great poem about the lucky/unlucky number of 13. Fine write!
Peace,
TBW


71
71
Review of The First Time.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Adamouadam,
I really liked this love poem from beginning to end. It flows fairly easily and rhymes are good. My favorite part was the 2nd stanza that truly shows how much you are in love with this particular girl.
If I had to change anything might be to add a word between; Loving, devoid... in the last stanza. These are just my thoughts. You can change this if you want or keep it the same.
Good write.
Peace,
TBW
72
72
Review of Blank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Anne Joseph,
I liked this poem overall. I usually don't respond to free verse poems, but seeing the title I knew I must read.
I too have had little notes about nothing coming through the head down the arm to the pen on paper. But alas! You have written something, and it is a fine job. I don't really have a favorite part, because all of it together makes it work.
Keep on writing, and welcome to the Wdc!
Peace,
TBW
73
73
Review of Autumn  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Barnaby,
These are my thoughts for this poem:
I felt the meter was off a little, but rhymes were good. Overall a fine poem about one of my favorite seasons. (except for my allergies) I liked your use of words- Acorns are "cone shaped provisions". Also, insects are "winged frog food". Good choice of words to bring your poem together!
I didn't see any grammar/ punctuation problems.
I hope this helps and hope you're enjoying your time here.
Great job Barnaby!

Peace,
TBW


74
74
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello elizjohn,

This is an awesome poem! I like the way you decribe getting lost in a poem or story in this matter. You give a vivid view of how many of us can relate to.
The only thing I didn't care for was the lack of a title. This is why my rating is a 4, would have been a 5.
A person once told me that a poem without a title is like a baby without a name.
These are my thoughts and I hope it helps you.
Wonderful job on this one, just wish it had a title.
Write On.
TBW
75
75
Review of Silent Stones  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Margaret,
I love the imagery you've used with these "Silent Stones" as tombstones.
I don't often read non-rhyming poems.But this was written very well.
I liked this poem overall and wouldn't change a thing.
TBW
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