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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/franksimon/sort_by/r.review_creation_time+DESC/sort_by_last/r.review_creation_time+DESC/page/3
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213 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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51
51
Review of New Day  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello waterlilly,
Overall: I Love this poem! Beautifully written and pardon the pun, pure poetry.

I only seen one vowel that needs changed I believe. The fifth from the last line. I think you meant to write; 'begun' Back to the place she had begun. Which also rhymes with 'run'. I have a question about the 6th line also. This is more of an opinion or option. Does 'shift their hue' sound better than 'shifter hue'?

Other than those little boo boos, no big ones seen here. Wonderful.

Favorite part: the Whole thing. It all melds together forming a tale that returns to form another day. Awesome write waterlilly!

Peace,
TBW
52
52
Review of Just Be It All  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tim,
Overall I really liked this poem. Kind of short and sweet, but still pretty good. The meter seems off just a little in places, but your rhymes are good and don't sound forced.

1st stanza first line has 7 syllables, while the 3rd line has 9 syllables. 2nd stanza first line has 9 syllables, while the 3rd line has 7 syllables. The rest of the lines and all of the 3rd stanza have 8 which seems smoother.

I didn't see any grammar/punctuation errors or anything that needs attention.

The last two lines of the first stanza kind of seemed to me as though they didn't belong with this poem. But that is my personal feeling there.
My favorite part is the 2nd stanza. It reminds me of a love poem and is certainly good advice.

A fine poem here Tim, I think it could use a little polishing up and be an outstanding poem. Keep up the good work.

Peace,
TBW
53
53
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Ann,
I believe you have a pretty cool song for Christmas written here.
Overall I liked this piece, the way it flows. Slant rhymes are best for writing lyrics. But I did see something I would prefer changed.
The title is, 'Let's Put Back The Clock To Christmas'. But in your song you say, 'Let's put back the clock to a Christmas'. I would prefer you drop the 'a' and replace with 'our', or drop the 'a' altogether.

If you want to shorten your work you can also just put Refrain and repeat Refrain if you care to?
These are my thoughts, so do with them what you will. I hope this helps you out?
It was nice to read about Christmas and think of cool or cold weather. We've had low 90's return for another week in Kansas.
Good job Ann!
Peace,
TBW

54
54
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello BEAR,
Overall, I loved this poem! You did a rocking awesome job at telling this light-hearted tale.
The 11-8 scheme works very well and is smooth helping the reader also.

The only grammar/punctuation note I have is in the 8th stanza, last line. Thought I seen an extra space between the last two words. 'I knew'. Just check it out, I'm not exactly sure so I won't be lowering the rating.
I don't really have a favorite part, the whole poem together is what makes it stand on it's own.
Excellent write, I see now why it won the contest.
Peace,
TBW
55
55
Review of You Said  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ash,
Overall I loved this poem. It's a fine mono-rhyme about lost love. The ending sounds as though the person is moving on with their life. Which is always good for the body and mind.
I didn't see any grammar or punctuation errors that need attention.
I hope these words aren't deceiving, or misleading. (sorry couldn't resist) You have a good poem written here. Fine job Ash!
Peace,
Frank
P.s. Welcome to the WdC! You are off to a great start. This was my pleasure to read, and since your new, I am re-gifting your points back to you. Lol
Regards
56
56
Review of Shadows of Life  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Jokermask,

I like your poem you've written about your dog. I prefer rhyming poetry, but this one had me at dog.
It is written well and the reader can understand the point being made easily. Overall a great poem and fine tribute to a pet.
I didn't see anything that I would change or edit to improve this piece.
I don't really have a favorite part, as the whole poem stands together.

I hope to think Wolfie would be very happy by your kind thoughts.
Peace,
TBW
57
57
Review of Shaman's Trance  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Perhaps,
(sounds kinda funny) But hello, I am giving a review for this piece, Shaman's Trance.
I like the poem overall, but have this to say needs editing. I would lose the 3 periods following Relinquish. So it reads Relinquish awkwardness etc.
I usually read rhyming poems, so free verse is a little difficult for me. See what others think, but I do like this mesmerizing read.
I hope this helps you out.
Peace,
TBW

58
58
Review of Number “13”  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello ber-brag,
These are my thoughts for this poem;
Wonderful job on this poem! The lines rhythm are spot on.
The rhymes are fine and don't sound forced or slanted.
Nice read from beginning to end.
If there was anything to change- possibly the last line of the 2nd stanza.
To change the words 'in' and 'panic' around so the line reads as follow.
That brings panic in to our minds. See what others think or say it out loud.
Do what you see fit.
Overall:
This is a great poem about the lucky/unlucky number of 13. Fine write!
Peace,
TBW


59
59
Review of The First Time.  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Adamouadam,
I really liked this love poem from beginning to end. It flows fairly easily and rhymes are good. My favorite part was the 2nd stanza that truly shows how much you are in love with this particular girl.
If I had to change anything might be to add a word between; Loving, devoid... in the last stanza. These are just my thoughts. You can change this if you want or keep it the same.
Good write.
Peace,
TBW
60
60
Review of Blank  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Anne Joseph,
I liked this poem overall. I usually don't respond to free verse poems, but seeing the title I knew I must read.
I too have had little notes about nothing coming through the head down the arm to the pen on paper. But alas! You have written something, and it is a fine job. I don't really have a favorite part, because all of it together makes it work.
Keep on writing, and welcome to the Wdc!
Peace,
TBW
61
61
Review of Autumn  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hello Barnaby,
These are my thoughts for this poem:
I felt the meter was off a little, but rhymes were good. Overall a fine poem about one of my favorite seasons. (except for my allergies) I liked your use of words- Acorns are "cone shaped provisions". Also, insects are "winged frog food". Good choice of words to bring your poem together!
I didn't see any grammar/ punctuation problems.
I hope this helps and hope you're enjoying your time here.
Great job Barnaby!

Peace,
TBW


62
62
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hello elizjohn,

This is an awesome poem! I like the way you decribe getting lost in a poem or story in this matter. You give a vivid view of how many of us can relate to.
The only thing I didn't care for was the lack of a title. This is why my rating is a 4, would have been a 5.
A person once told me that a poem without a title is like a baby without a name.
These are my thoughts and I hope it helps you.
Wonderful job on this one, just wish it had a title.
Write On.
TBW
63
63
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hello Keaton,
Wow, what a poem! Maybe that's the only way to get fiber! Lol That's what separates us from the primates, a palette. What's good and what tastes like crap. Seriously though, A very profound way of telling a true story with your skills as a writer could make this come to fruition. Overall I liked this poem. Near the end, just a typo, the 'C' and 'H' in Christ need turned around. No other grammar or punctuation problems I saw. Personally though, in reference to God, 'him' and 'his' should read 'Him' and His'.
Great job Kevin and here's your quick Amen! Lol
Write On!
TBW
64
64
Review of Silent Stones  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Margaret,
I love the imagery you've used with these "Silent Stones" as tombstones.
I don't often read non-rhyming poems.But this was written very well.
I liked this poem overall and wouldn't change a thing.
TBW
65
65
In affiliation with  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Bruce,
In my opinion, this works fine. I liked the flow of the poem and the way you describe your journey for the days work.
I liked the whole poem, so don't really have a favorite. Punctuation is fine, might suggest a comma in 4th stanza in 1st line. "The engines ready, time to go."

If you prefer to add more I would suggest using or describing some of the tools in the bag bought at the store lying on the loco' floor. But I do think this stands fine by itself.

On behalf of the Copenators Crew, this is a great poem.
66
66
Review of Music to the Ears  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Tim,
I liked your poem about music. The first stanza sounded good, then the next 3 stanzas were all shorter.
I could get used to the "beat" of the poem easier. I wish the first stanza was either shorter and flowed better as the latter 3 stanzas did. Or adding to the latter 3 to make it more comparable to the first lines.

These are my thoughts on this piece. You can change it if you want, it's yours to do so with.
On a lighter note, it spoke well of how the different kinds of music may suit ones own activity at the time.
I like nearly all kinds of music, if I'm in the mood! lol Today's country sounds more like glorified pop to me.
I like older stuff, 60's and 70's mostly. To each his own, but music can cross so many boundaries!

Again, these are my thoughts, but you still did a good job Tim.

TBW
67
67
Review of "A Benny Saved"  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Harvey,
Great poem, great lines, nice ending.
I would not change a thing. I'm glad Benny was told to, "Man up," etc, and keep on trying. If not Babette, perhaps someone new. She may be out there yet. More fish in the sea and one is sure to make Benny happy.
Nice job Harvey.
TBW
68
68
Review of Dead Poets  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello PaulZ,
I like the way you've written this piece. My favorite part is the 4th stanza, And I feel alone...
I like your rhymes and meter in 6-5, except my favorite part, the 4th stanza. But this doesn't
deter from the poem.
If I were to have you change anything, it may be the word grope in last stanza.
But it does work as is. Remember it's your work, you change it if You want to.

Good write,
Frank

69
69
Review of This Moment  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Hello Susan,
This piece is also set to a song, hence the lyrics label. But it is also written well. I like verse 4 and the end the most!
It is a somber piece but fills the heart with ease as the words relay to look to the future while learning from history.

Fine job Turtlemoon.
Frank
70
70
Review of Follow the Music  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
Osiyo Susan,

Having trouble with our computer, pc. But this laptop is helping me finally return to review your two other items.

This is a light-hearted rhyme that easily makes the reader want to carry a tune while enjoying the words.
At first I thought the ;ast stanza was a little off on the rhyme. After reading a second time, it fits fine.

Well done, and well written.
Frank

71
71
Review of Circle  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Lucy,
This review is merely my thoughts.

This is a very well written piece about love. These could be read as wedding vows.
I wouldn't change a thing. Good job.

Welcome to the WDC family! Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Peace,
Frank
72
72
Review of November Rain  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hello Deadlegend,

These are merely my opinions, take them or leave them.
I would lose the word 'that' in the 3rd line and the question mark
at the end. Other than that, it's a dark poem that hits home!
Well written, keep up the good work and welcome to WDC!

Peace,
TBW
73
73
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi JStory,
Gotta go with the dragons dude because they have magical power according to someone. Haha Chinese I believe.
Check out the pants Jimmy Page wore with the colorful dragons in the mid 70's. (Led zeppelin)

Vampires are the bloody undead.
Hammer the stake while in bed.
Werewolves hate to see full moons.
Shoot a bullet from silver spoons
But dragons always mystify.
Spitting fire but yet also fly!

Took about 20 minutes for that rhyme. Thanks for unplugging my writers block!

Peace,
Frank
74
74
Review of My Dad  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Mara,
Welcome to the WDC family!

This story is rather poignant, and satisfying.

I did not see any grammer or punctuation that needed attention.

Overall: a wonderful story about being happy for who you are!
Keep up the great work!

Peace,
Frank
75
75
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hello Ginger,
Welcome to the WDC family!

This made me chuckle several times and, I feel sorry for you. Haha

When the 2nd line where the Female starts talking; "You know the one, it comes in a box."
should have a "?" after box. That's the only punctuation or spelling that needed attention
in my opinion.

Overall: A good story that was different than I expected. Keep up the good work!

Peace,
Frank
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