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I love this poem ! I wish you'd start by rescinding your apologetic description of this poem :) This is a very fine serious, remarkably timely, poem that is especially poignant in light of what we've learned about our ecology and how monumental an effort is needed to begin to address the known threats to the future of our environment. Our legislators are such important players in making change. This is vitally important. Thanks so much for sharing your poetry and for championing this defining cause !
This is a very well constructed,
beautifully articulate poem !
You paint your writer's canvas with
such glorious descriptons. I
read this poem over twice. It's
really lovely, deeply touching,
and very powerful. You write fine
poetry, Kippeake. Congratulations
on having been named our newest
"Rising Star."
This is a sad poem written about someone,
who is clearly very special to you,
growing old. It's heartbreaking to
think of having to hide the signs of old
age to protect those troubling features
you mentioned from being seen.
Sophia, this is a well constructed,
nicely written poem. It's message is also
well communicated. It's true that
we all suffer over losing
vitality and to some degree our
youthful good looks, Still, I recall
almost nothing more beautiful or
touching than seeing my grandmother
the last summer we spent together,
sitting out on her stone terrace early one
beautiful warm morning in late June, her pure
white hair still wet from the
shower blowing around her shoulders,
her face shiny and pink from the
hot water...and her eyes so blue,
twinkling as she spoke. I still
have the snapshot I took of her
that morning. She is radiant in that
photo....but then, I loved her
so, I'm not sure how much of her
radiance is a reflection of my
feelings for her. Thank you for
your poem. And a warm welcome to
W.Com. I hope you'll enjoy the forum
as much as I have. Please feel
free to get in touch if there is
anything I can do to help you
during this time of getting settled.
Warmest best, Gabriella
These are powerful words,
and 7 memorable lines, Kurst.
I found the poem wrenching,
sad, and deeply
moving. The pain you were
clearly feeling is adeptly
woven around each word.
I have just a couple of tiny
suggestions I hope you'll
consider:
TRAMPELED is spelled trampled
CRYS should be cries.
Otherwise it's a fine poem.
Good luck with it.
Looking forward to seeing more of
your work !
Warmest best, Gabriella
Sherri, this poem is beautifully articulate. It describes what every woman experiences in a relationship at one time or another. You've
found the words to express it with such depth
and perception. You have a real gift ! I'm so
impressed by the breadth of your capabilities.
You have much to give and share. That you
find time to help and encourage budding writers
is the ultimate gift, which is why you've become
such a beloved friend to so many here.
Congratulations on having written another beauty, Sherri. You poetry is flawless. I have much
to learn. Your writing serves as a gorgeous
example of what is possible. Bravo, Sherri !
Caz, this is a delightful
greeting to the W.Com community.
I love your poem. It feels
beautiful and genuine. It's nicely
structured and very well
written. I hope you'll go
on to post your second poem
very soon. You have real
ability. I'm looking forward
to reading more.
A warm welcome to the forum, Caz.
I hope you'll sing out if you
need a little help with anything
as you settle in.
Harshal, you write beautiful love
songs with your poetry ! What woman
alive wouldn't love to be on the
receiving end of these loving poems.
You have a spark and real ability.
Keep on writing. Soon, you won't be
able to say you're not a poet anymore.
You're developing a wonderful body of
fine work, Harshal. As always, it's a
pleasure to visit your portfolio.
Warmest best, Gabriella
A warm welcome to W.Com. I hope you'll
enjoy the forum as much as I do. It's
a wonderful resource with much to
offer including very special supportive
mentors and new friends.
I see from reading your poetry that you've
struggled with a debilitating illness, one
that you've experienced as overwhelming and
enormously difficult overcome.
This poem reveals a beautiful spark of hope, of love and warmth against those cold isolating
feelings of hopelessness:
"Showers of trouble slowly fall
Threatening to end it all."
And then, we discover small glimmers of hope:
"Clouds roll by, blue clear sky
A single ember struggles to survive.
Hope prevails, fans the flames
A sign of better days."
You've captured your experiences with
wrenching beauty and clarity. I hope
you'll continue on to write more, Candy.
Poetry gives wings to your past suffering
and what we hope will be future happiness.
The hope that emerges most clearly in your
poetry is your talent and potential.
Thank you for sharing your struggles
with such grace through your poetry.
I look forward to seeing more of your work.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I read through this poem twice.
I found it very moving. You share
your pain with such an open heart.
Whatever happened to take your love
away, it must have been very sudden.
You were clearly robbed of an
opportunity to say your precious
goodbyes to your beloved. The loss is
obviously great. The poem conveys your
sadness with wrenching clarity. I'm
deeply touched by this poem. My heart
goes out to you.
One tiny suggestion: In your
eighth line, I think you meant;
I dreamt you were
only away.
I hope you'll continue on to write more.
I look forward to seeing your posts.
In the meantime, a very warm welcome
to W.Com. This is a wonderful forum.
Please ask if there is anything I can
do to help while you're getting settled
in. Warmest best, Gabriella
I wish I were a poet too, Mars !
Though I believe you are well on
your way. This is a lovely poem,
beautifully expressive, so
delicately drawn..it's sweet and
uplifting. I can't imagine changing a word.
I particularly enjoyed:
"I wish, lines of light
my pen would write,
words fluttering like butterflies.
I wish, a summer breeze,
an autumn leaf,
my words could bring alive."
Thanks for sharing this with us.
I'm looking forward to reading more.
This is a lovely start.
Warmest best, Gabriella
Ann, this is a beautiful tribute to the memory of your sister. What a loving description of your life together. These are precious memories, including all of those touching sibling moments, from shared fun to flaring tempers and those very special private moments when you needed Betty to hold your hand. In the end you held her in your hands. What a loving way to document the love you feel for family, and the life and times of your beloved sister. This poem is sweet and sensitive,
and deeply touching. Thank you for sharing it with us. You have real ability. I look forward to reading more
of your work. Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a good story-an intriguing, nicely written
"horror" submission for Highwind's monthly contest.
It's clear and very straight forward. I like that
your central character sees the stone as red while
it looks black to everyone else. You created a
very cool twist in your story. This is truly a horror story without violence, which is quite an accomplishment. I enjoyed the story and your ending. It wasn't immediately obvious what would happen to this stone. Well done, M ! It's a beautifully conceived story that keeps readers in suspense throughout. I was engrossed to the very last word :) Thank you for sharing your story with us. I hope to get back to read another story very soon. I can't suggest any changes. It's always a delight to read a piece that has been gone over carefully before posting. Keep on writing, M. You have real ability ! Warmest best, Gabriella
You tell a great story, Tri.
I enjoyed reading this one from
start to finish ! I was
intrigued by the story you
laid out, watching and wondering what
might happen between this man
and woman on the bus together.
You kept my interest throughout.
You have a first-rate ability to
keeping your readers wanting
more ! I hope you'll continue
on to write more. You are a talented
writer. Your stories are
quirky and interesting, always fun to read.
Congratulations on having been
named a "Rising Star"...it's
much deserved. Warmest best,
Gabriella
This poem is sweet and traditional.
It's nicely structured and your
message is clear. It's old fashioned
charm is its simplicity. It speaks in
broad terms about the variety of
ways we use poetry to express ourselves
as we see in these first two stanzas:
"Poetry is words,
More meanings than one.
A way to express,
The things we have done.
Words of love,
Life, hopes and fears.
Make you laugh out loud,
Shed those silent tears"
I've enjoyed taking this opportunity to
visit your portfolio. I hope you'll continue
on to write more poetry. You're off to a good
start ! Enjoy the forum. Don't hesitate to
be in touch if you need help with anything.
Tom, you had me in the palm of your
hand, reading line by line, hoping
that you'd be able to pack a punch
with these 250 words ! I'm impressed
at how well you did. You've got a
real gift for writing mystery stories.
I found this small piece delightful
and entertaining. It's a great carrot.
Now, I'm going to have to make a return
visit to read "the adventures of Tom
Fish, private detective." I look
forward to it and seeing you post
new work in your portfolio, Tom. Best
of luck with your detective stories and
your writing. Warmest best, Gabriella
Mary, this is a wonderful outspoken
poem, anticipating our planet's
demise should greed win out. You're
a fine sensitive writer. I admire
your ability and sensitivity. I
doubt that I'd have been able to
write such a fine poem at age 14:
"The sky is falling. The clouds are
crushed and trampled on. By busy,
anxious, selfish feet. The air is
thick enough to choke oneself,
And cause the Earth's lungs to collapse,
Like a canopy under pressure.
Without this sky, then where,
Oh, where will we dock the stars?
What abyss shall we gaze up into,
When all has gone wrong, and all has,
Forsaken us? The sky is falling,
And blue has stained the earth.
This is a good poem, Mary ! Thank you
for sharing it with us. I'm proud
to pass along your message. It's an important one.
You've much to be proud of. Keep on
writing, Mary. You've got real potential.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I'm so pleased you've been selected
as a "rising star." Your poetry is
beautiful. This is one of my favorite
of your poems, Harshal. I love this stanza:
"I don’t understand those eyes,
followed my thoughts for miles.
They still do.
Green and lasting, sailing me to the
blessed isles.
Beyond everything, Pure and rising, they
take me to the heights above skies.
Dream in my dreams; let it come true;
that I am forever lost in your Eyes."
You write so well, Harshal. I hope you've
framed this poem for your lady friend. What a
beautiful tribute it is. Keep on writing
poetry. You are remarkably talented.
Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a wonderful intriguing poem,
Sas. I'm enjoying this return visit
to your portfolio. You've posted some
fine work here. A couple of small
suggestions for this piece:
1) Under "Touch"
"thats" should be that's
Think about placing
a comma after "lingers"
This is a simply stated small poem.
Your structure is pivotal. Thanks for
sharing this poem. I'm delighted
to see you doing well. Warmest best,
Gabriella
This is a beautiful poem, Sherri !
My heart ached reading it. We've
been slovenly in our treatment
of this planet and our relationships
with other countries. If birds could
speak, they would surely
echo your sentiments, dear Sherri.
This poem is beautifully structured
and articulate. Its message is
compelling. I can't imagine changing
a word ! Thank you for sharing this
wonderful poem. It's always a treat to read
your writing. Warmest best, Gabriella
This is a stunning poem, recounting your experience watching the soldiers arriveand the magnificent "Iron Bird" flying in and out of the military post in Iraq. We're glad you're here and hoping you've been able to return home. You poem is nicely structured, beautifully written and a wrenching reminder of the war being waged in Iraq, a "dry and thirsty land." I particularly enjoyed:
"Sometimes I see at twilight, when I gaze up from the chair, that I drag outside to try and enjoy the briefly cooling air.
Your shadow crossing over, seen against the tower and light, before you’re hidden, deeply, in the fast enfolding night."
The picture of you dragging your chair outside to breathe the cooling night air watching the "iron bird' fly in and out of the base, releasing supplies and troops onto the barren ground, is so vivid.
I can't imagine making any significant changes to your poem. The one small suggestion I have is to eliminate "and stuff" from your first stanza. The poem is really wonderful ! Thank you for sharing it. I hope you continue on to share more of your experiences in Iraq. We so appreciate hearing from our sons and brothers in the trenches. Thank you for your service, brave Knight. Warmeest best, Gabriella
I am deeply touched by this poem.
It is a beautiful tribute to the
memory of your child. It is your
wonderful way with words, your profound
strength, and your spiritual compass that
carried you through and produced
such a remakable poem. I read every
word with much admiration and joy
for the beautiful memorial that
you've created with this sweet
beautifully crafted verse. Thank you
for sharing it with us. You have my
deepest condolences and heartfelt
best wishes, Gabriella
This is a wonderful memoir, Rainbow. I'm
deeply touched by your story and the paths
you've chosen as you've sought to build
a life, navigating a difficult disability
with obvious grace and a beautiful positive spirit.
I recommend this piece to all of my W.Com
colleagues. It's not only inspiring, it's
beautifully written. I am particularly moved
by these words:
"My disability experience has asked different
things of me at different times in my life.
It has been a great and patient teacher. Gifted
me with insight, empathy, compassion, and a
'second sense' about the humane side of people.
Sometimes, the seemingly most ordinary and
everyday tasks have seemed frustrating and soul-destroying."
You have much to be proud of, Rainbow. I hope
you continue on with your writing. You're
a talented writer. Best of luck with this poem
and your writing. I've enjoyed my visit to
your portfolio. I'll get back to read more
very soon.
This is a sweet poem, Katrinia.
You create a beautiful drawing
with your poem. The picture of
'little pink toes' in the water
is captured so well. You manage
to sustain the sweet dream-like
feeling throughout this small
poem. I have one small suggestion
for you. You'll decide if it
seems reasosnable. In your last
stanza, you write:
Little pink toes
drip little drops of rain
that scatters and splashes
down below.
Little pink toes is plural.
So you might consider changing
"that scatters and splashes"
to: that scatter and splash
back down below.
You have real ability. I'm glad
you're here and delightedd to
see you've been writing regularly
and doing well. Have a great weekend,
Katrinia, and keep in touch.
Warmest best, Gabriella
I'm a hiker and landscape photographer
a serious fan of the outdoors :).
Last year I moved from the city to a beautiful
spot in the country, about an hour
outside Philadelphia. We're
surrounded by woods and we overlook
a gorgeous river, which we can see
clearly now that the trees have
shed their leaves and we have an
unobstructed view. It's not surprising
that I was drawn in by this piece, Mrs. H.
I read every word with such pleasure.
You write beautifully !!
I particularly enjoyed "I let my mind go
free and blocked all that might hinder
my earnest search for the serenity necessary
to calm my tired spirit and soul".
I am deeply touched by your sensitive
heart and your lovely poetry. This is a 5-star
piece of writing. I can't imagine
changing a word. Congratulations
and warmesst best to you, Gabriella
Ann, this is a deeply moving piece. It's also very well written. I'm impressed that you're able to recount this terrifying story with such clarity and maturity. You remind us that it's natural for kids to respond to that level of family trouble by keeping it secret. Kids come into this world with healthy instincts. Even at that age, you knew that your dad's behavior was anti-social and alienating. This must be a deeply disturbing memory. You describe how little you had in common with your sister beyond these horrible riveting experiences in the life of your family. I wonder if children who live with parental abuse are more likely to share the kind of a relationship you describe with siblings. Thank you for sharing this piece of your family history, Ann. You have a the ability to move traumatic experience from gut to paper with such apparent ease. I read this piece a while back. I am so glad to have been able to seize this opportunity to reread it. It's a story I won't forget, it touched my heart, Ann. You are a strong talented writer, Ann. I hope you'll go on to write more about your growing-up experiences. Best of luck with this story and your writing, Ann. Warmest best, Gabriella
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