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Hi, kiya:
First of all, let me express my sympathy for you and the plight you were put into recently that changed the direction of your life's journey. I'm sad to know that this interruption has changed the course of your destiny. My heart goes out to you and to those who are going through the same or similar ordeal.
Now that you're back in your homeland, perhaps you can look forward to coming back with proper documents that will enable you to be here permanently and resume where you have left off...
Don't drop the ball. Hold it and carry it to the basket. You can do it. I'm sure your wdc friends would love to see you back!
Now, for the reviewing part. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. I say this in anticipation of your intention to publish a memoir. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.
*Content
I came to the States in 1996 on a visitor’s visa; to help my older sister who had just been involved in a car accident that almost left her paralyzed. With three young children, there was no way she could take care of them, and I was yanked straight out of high-school to come to the ‘land-of-the-free’ to make something of myself…and of course help with the raising of the kids.
Looking back now, there were so many things we could have done differently in the process of getting my status changed. Either way, I was able to get a social security card, have a Georgia ID, driver’s license, and everything else; all legally, which also included the process of becoming a citizen.
So, after over thousands…thousands of dollars spent in my quest to become a citizen, it all came down to that day: 10th January 2018.
According to your own admission, it sounds to me that although you came in legally (with a visitor's visa), you, your sister and whoever helped you had the intention of keeping your stay in Georgia permanent. Were you aware at that time that visitors visas are usually for three months only? Did you ask for an extension after your three-month stay was up?
The documents submitted on your behalf to help you obtain a social security card, a Georgia ID, driver's license and whatever else must have been questionable when being looked at with a magnifying glass. So that's how INS (now ICE) authorities singled you out for deportation. Once you're within their radar, they are brutal.
After you've been arrested and jailed for the first time, your chance on becoming a citizen became null and void. Your only way to get there would have been to find a gentleman who would marry you and petition for you.
Your plight is unfortunate. I feel bad for you because you have already acclimated to the western way of life. It has become your life. Then to be yanked out and sent back with no hope of coming back is beyond frightening.
Please take heart. With your connection to the outside world, you might befriend some kindred soul who will be your "Knight with a shining armor" to rescue you. Think positive. Be proactive. I can see you are with your postings here. Then, pray. God hears the prayer of the afflicted and downtrodden. God, in his mysterious ways, will find a way of escape and healing for you.
*Mechanics
*Syntax
*Punctuation
Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need fixing:
This is the American conventional way of writing numerals for times of day
3:30 am 3:30 A.M. (or PM)
4:00am; 4:00 A.M. (or AM)
5:00am, 5:00 A.M. (or AM)
6:30am. 6:30 A.M. (or AM)
Understandably you're upset. But, if you want to submit this for publication, I suggests you clean it up and make it calm and rational. Discard gutter and obscene language. Show the world you got class.
two in the goddamn morning
I guess being ravaged with the flu the week before shit hit the fan, should have been an ominous sign.
Use of Ellipsis
Consider minimizing the use of ellipsis. Agents, editors, and proofreaders frown on the overuse of the dot dot dot when it's unnecessary.
*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.
*Over-all take away
I fervently hope and pray that you will find a way back in the USA with proper documentation in the not too distant future. Couldn't wait to wave a Welcome Back banner here at WDC.
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