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126
126
Review of Thinking on paper  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, Whiskerfaceiswritingfction:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
For clarity and readability, observe proper formatting. Readers read for enjoyment and entertainment. With that being said, reading one blurb is onerous and taxing to your reader. Paragraphing and spacing are essential elements in writing (whether formal or informal) to be understood and to be taken seriously. This is especially true if your goal is to be published one day.

Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well.

*Content
Content is good. What it needs is polishing and observing standard rules in formatting.
Keep writing. And don't neglect to read other writer's work to familiarize yourself with formatting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten the loose ends relating to the formatting standards in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You're doing the right thing by plunging yourself into writing. It's the only way to find out whether you can make a go with your goal to write your heart out. We have to develop a thick skin or pretend to for exposure to the writing community.

Write on is the first step. Rewriting and revision is the hard part but they will pay off, I promise.

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127
127
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Connieann:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, the title of this submission from random Read and Review arose my curiosity. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
They say dealing with a mother-in-law is nothing like any other. My grandmother used to say, "treat your mother-in-law with tender love and care because you have deprived her of her love for her son." I tend to agree with that. Thank goodness, I never have to deal with a mother-in-law or a father-in-law because they were long gone before my husband and I got married.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of basic American usage:

Jessica rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone. The kids and Andy were already waiting in the car when [Jessica had remembered her babysitting money.] She should never have answered the ringing phone. She grabbed her tote bag, looked around one last time, and headed to the car. [What's the point in mentioning the "babysitting money" in this scenario? I don't see any relevant meaning in mentioning this unless there is a need for it. Perhaps you can expand this a little bit; otherwise, scrap it. On second thought, maybe you have mentioned being a babysitter or hiring a babysitter from Jessica's Story - Lesson One that I missed?]

Chloe and Ethan were squabbling in the backseat as usual, and Andy looked ready to explodeuntil she told him his mother was on the phone and that was what held her up.
I see you're using ellipsis in the middle of the above sentence. Let me share with you what The Writer's Digest' Grammar Desk Reference says about the use of ellipsis for future reference:
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.


*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. It gives life to the story and makes the reader a part of the interaction. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Am I right on the money when I get the drift that Jessica is walking out on her husband and children in the middle of an outing? I'd like to hang out and read lesson Three. My curiosity is getting the best of me on this cliffhanger.

Write on, Connieann.

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128
128
Review of Baby Steps  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loaf:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Friday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Not knowing the content of the first nine chapters of this story, I have a few unanswered questions floating in my mind. But I'll forego those questions and just deal with what is in this chapter. Fair enough? Albeit, I'd like to read the first nine chapters of this work in progress.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Everyone knew about his social life, who [is][his] friends were, interests and hang out spots, but nothing really surfaced when it came to his family background. [This looks to be a typo]

"Because my brother is full of [quit wit] today," he grumbles.[Educate me: What's a quit wit? Did you mean quick wit or dry wit? I'm not familiar with this slang or cliche.]

Justin is sitting on the [ouch] with London in his lap.[Did you mean couch? A typo?]

she wasn't [creaming] or showing real struggles.[Did you mean screaming?]

[we][We] all turn around to see their mother elegantly walk into the room with a fierce yet charming smile on her face.[Always use upper case for the beginning of the sentence.]

colour [color] [Just pointing out the nuance in spelling between British English and American English.]

Recommendation
Some typos are unavoidable because SpellCheck has a mind of its own. It helps to take extra time in proofreading before hitting Send to avoid unintentional misspellings.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Dialogues give life to your characters and make the story move.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I don't like to repeat myself but I just have to tell you your employment of dialogue has given life to this chapter and made it move. Great job, Loaf.

Keep writing. You're good for it.

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129
129
Review of Who is it?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, unforgiven:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. I would have I stopped reading after the fifth sentence but I persevered to give me a chance to make recommendations in this area. Setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn-off. Be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read your work.

*Content
This is a great way to spell out your introspections. It's a catharsis for your pent-up emotions hiding in the inner recesses of your heart and soul.

As far a *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observing standard rules in formal writing. This first example has something to do with the use of ellipsis:

"I was spending my nights with tears...and hope started to fade out from my life and left."

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

These two whole blurbs I copied and pasted below have something to do with the muddled reasoning or rationale of the author. It sounds like "loneliness" never left the narrator as these nine lines indicate. Yet, the next lines say the narrator "learned to live without" this entity called loneliness. You need to make a distinction between these two interwoven situations: Loneliness was once in: Loneliness left: then, loneliness wants to get back in. You need to fix the dichotomy of this realization.

"I found him every corner that I walk by. He was always around me while I eat, when I took a walk and even while I sleep. He was hugging me all night and never let me go. I could see him when I look [in to][into] others eyes. I never realized before that he was just with me all my life. What is it? Ohh you want to know his name? He is loneliness. I live with him now."

"After all [this years][these years] why did [u][you] knock my door? Why come back? I have learned to live without you. I can not let you in. I will not let you come back to leave me shattered again."

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
A little revision can make this piece sizzle and dazzle and hum. Take a closer look and clean it up. It's worth all your effort.

Moreover, write on. The more you write, the better you will be.


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130
130
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, K5Rakitan:

It's an honor to be picked to read and review your work. I'll do my best to give you an honest and unbiased take away for this manuscript.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Conflict/Climax
A story is not a story without conflict. Solving the conflict makes the climax.

In this chapter two individuals seem to be one and the same person: Is Mokuba and Mr. Kaiba one and the same? Try to connect the dots between these two persons to alleviate confusion. [I see down towards the middle Mokuba and Seto are brothers. Was this relationship spelled out in the introductory/preceding chapters? In that case, the reader can follow. I must have missed it from the previous chapters.]

Joan [fell][felt] still and let fear dance in her eyes, [Is it a feeling or a fall?]

She spotted triumph creeping over [Seto's] features and swiftly flipped him onto his back. Joan leaned over Seto, long wavy hair forming a curtain beside her face. [Who is Seto? Is he Mr. Kaiba? I'm lost here. This bedroom scene was only between the prostitute and Mr. Kaiba, I gathered. How did Seto come into the scene?]

[The scene that follows confused me more because I see more people in the room not just the prostitute and Mr. Kaiba. Is there a crowd in the room watching the action? You might do some tweaking here to clarify everyone's role. Too many individuals named in one scene makes it confusing for readers to follow.]

Seto woke to [panicked][panick] knocking and an arm draped over his torso.[Change the tense]

AS far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I see no glaring violations to speak of. I'm impressed at how skillful you are in this area.
Well done.

"Hello, whore." [Is Mr. Kaiba that rude to address Joan that way? As the story moves along, I see Mr. Kaiba really treating the prostitute as a prostitute! Must be his wealth and pomposity that makes him arrogant and disrespectful.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It moves the story and humanizes the characters to allow the reader to be "in on the action."

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Thank goodness this is fanfiction and not reality. I would hate to see wealthy and prestigious people acting the way they're portrayed here. On the other hand, your creative mind could have captured the reality of how people act on their fantasies.

Keep writing, K5Rakitan. You have demonstrated your creative mind so well.

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131
131
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, :
Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Re: Paragraphing - Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well. In your case, each subtitle should be separated with a space from the last sentence or paragraph.

*Content
This is an interesting concept but cumbersome to exercise. Finding the time to do it is nearly futile when you're employed full-time. Let me tell you. I was walking to my parked car at the parking area of Stater Bros. once and I spotted a $20 bill right in front of me. I picked it up and handed it to a panhandler who was standing behind the door of the grocery store. Now, with your story, I wonder if someone intentionally dropped that $20 bill for me to pick up and watched what I did with it? Interesting.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Despite high profiling possibilities in today’s age of social media, the bad guys are still at it and the outright theft of donated funds continues, as Sixty Minutes has shown examples of[it] this year.[Insert]

...this activity has some entertaining and rewarding benefits [where buy][whereby] everyone is a winner.

[HEARS] HOW IT WORKS[Replace: HERE'S]

farmers markets [farmer's market] Possessive noun.

Pennies from Haven Project [Is the spelling for "Haven" here intentional? There's a difference between "heaven" and "haven." If it's from the sky, it's heaven; if it's a place for safety, refuge or asylum, it's "haven" such as "haven of rest."

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This idea may work for some people but not for most. It's a wonderful gesture of compassion and empathy for the downtrodden and needy. More power to you!

Write on, Jayson.

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132
132
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, DRSmith:
Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed that was a black period in world history when six million Jews were annihilated because of who they were. What atrocity! We hope and pray it never happens again.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, your work is almost flawless, except for what I'll point out below for clarity and readability:

SOBU, VE Day, SS etc.:

How to treatAbbreviations
*Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

*Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.

I hope you don't mind me taking half a point for this minor flaw.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this article.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This is a well-written piece. It's educational, informative as well as entertaining. I like the historical value of your solid walnut armoire. The auctioneer was right in pronouncing it as "a buy of a lifetime." Indeed, Lot 342 was something far more sublime, like— a priceless Tabernacle for forty-one lost souls of Eibergen. Thank you for sharing your discovery.

Keep writing. You're a fine wordsmith.

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133
133
Review of Puzzle of Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, falconclaw105:

Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
He did the right thing by leaving an unhappy home environment. Did he make something for himself by singing? That was a success in its purest form but he had a dream so elusive: He wanted a place called home. He did arrive home but not the home he dreamed of. How sad and tragic. Did I get the story right?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

He [know] [knows] in the deepest corners of his heart, that he could be more [then][than] this place. [Replace with than]

A sign showed him where to go and he went, a man [to]told him to sing and he did.[Delete]

Until one day he found himself in an alley having stumbled out of the bar he found a man.[Either this sentence needs punctuation marks in the right places; or, a word is missing to make a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
This story is too generic and skeletal. You might try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues break the monotony of straight narrative. They also make characters alive and can make your story sizzle and dazzle and hum.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
How sad and morbid from beginning to end. All he needed was a little spark to carry him to better situations. Instead, he fell in the hands of evil that ended his life.

Carry on with your writing endeavor. It's a great start.

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134
134
Review of Creepy Christmas?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi,J. Robert Kane:

Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Holy cow! Are you obsessing in finding all the negativity of the happiest time of the year for children and adults acting like children to promote your dream as a horror writer? That in itself is pretty scary and creepy.*Smirk*

Indeed, anyone can find the dark side of everything good when one seeks it and pursues it. On the contrary, we seek what is good and ideal out of bad situations in our desire to have a positive outlook in life.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the American standard writing practices. These four examples below are about the use of ellipsis:

It looks as though I’m going to have to ask this holiday to step out of line and empty its pockets...

I’m sure the faceless holding company that owns the mall carefully investigates the background of all it’s seasonal, part-time employees...right?

My guess is they would likely have had Krampuses (Krampi?) sicked on them…

This fourth example is done correctly as it is used in a direct quotation:
“When a pet dies, like Old Yeller…”

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I'm glad you redeemed yourself with your non-creepy conclusion. *Smile*

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135
135
Review of COMMON SENSE  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Crow:

Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed, I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment that "using good judgment and common sense can make the difference between life and death."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I find
this manuscript flawless. Very impressive work. I can tell you have spent the time to make your work clear, concise and to the point.

If anything, I would refer you to Formatting which in this manuscript, I would point out spacing and paragraphing - if you're considering it for publication.

Formatting
Following general rules to make Layout and look professional, here are pointers for future reference:
Use 12-point type
Use a serif font; the most common choice is Times Roman/Double-space manuscript
No extra space between paragraphs
Only one space between sentences
If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line.

*Dialogue
You could have employed dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Be that as it may, the lack of it does not lessen the value of the content. It flowed smoothly.

*Disclaimer
There's nothing I can add, remove or modify to improve this article. Keep in mind, though, that this is from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. Other readers may have suggestions to consider.

*Over-all take away
Great article. Have you considered submitting it for publication like op-ed?

Keep writing. You're good for it.

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136
136
Review of Multivalence  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Dan Sturn:

WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Multivalence was a foreign word to me until you introduced it here for readers like me to mull over and learn. Thank you for increasing my word power today. I like your exposition of this phenomenon. It's informative, educational and enlightening.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of our American standard writing rules.

While learning to read and write Poetry ising[using?] a methosd[method] called “journation” where you “listen to the Muse,” Dan Sturn started observing a phenomenon that reminded him of Charles Jencks architectural theories. Interestingly, the Poems that seem to come directly from “the Muse” had an ability to present many different meanings. Different people would gather different opinions as to the meaning of these poems. It was as if a message came to Dan Sturn meant for others, and the [others . . . the Readers . . . understood] the message based on their own perspectives.

After that . . . . well . . . it was Walt Whitman who became addicted to the pruning process.

Let me talk about the use of ellipsis in as much as I see them being used in this essay as shown above.

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.]

journation
journatation
[These are both unknown words in the standard dictionary.]

A reciewer whomwrites about drum circles sees the book as a chronicle of a person’s spiritual transformation. [A reviewer who writes?] [see] [These look like minor typos that spellcheck did not recognize, right?]

One more thing: I'm not sure if it's necessary to use upper case on nouns such as Artists - Reader - Readers - Muse: unless you are referring to a definite person or persons and not a general concept. Just a thought. I need to brush up on that.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this essay exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I love this statement or phrase: "...simplicity of craft is often accompanied by [the] complexity of meanings."

Write on, Dan Sturn. I would like to visit your port and read your poetry. Indeed, what the poet expresses in his/her poems may expel or evoke a totally different perspective to the reader. It's the beauty emanating from multivalence, right? (Did I use that word properly?)

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137
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Review of Culture Wars  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Djinn:
Dream catcher raid signature
It's WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group "Celebrating Indigenous People Review" Raid and I picked your submission to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I see a potential for this story to develop with drama, controversy, and action which are essential to storytelling. This is a good starting point.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in harmony with American standard rules in writing:

persons ribs [person's ribs- insert apostrophe for possessive noun.]

She feels compelled to say something, anything, just so long as it puts an end to the insanit[y... but ]for some reason she can't allow herself to even open her mouth.

Use of Ellipsis: Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose. If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period. If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.


Here are two examples of writing violations which are easy to fix. I noticed quite a few of them as I continued to read. Always begin the first letter of the first word in a new sentence in upper case.]

[hide somewhere, in a few hours I want you to crawl out the basement window and run to your uncle Luke's house, ok?][

Bang! Bang! Bang![ her][Her] mother slams the door shut,

"Alright! enough! hold this piece of shit up, he's got some explaining to[ do".][Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

*Recommendation
Try to pay attention to mechanics such as when to use capitalizations and application of punctuation marks where needed. Many a reader or editor for that matter will look for another material to read when they see your manuscript loaded with mechanical violations, albeit minor because they are distracting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Like I said at the outset, this story has potentials. What is needed here is cleaning up to please your reader, after all, we write to be read, right?

Keep writing, Djinn. You have the knack. Hone it to your advantage.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Renee:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a cute and delightful story of your first day of school. I like your conversational style of writing.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, you have a good command of the written word. I'm impressed.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Action speaks louder than words and there are instances in your story that calls for quips and repartees. Ride on the opportunity to make direct quotations.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
There is one recommendation I'd like to offer you as far as the title of this story. You might want to modify your title because the body of the story really tells more than just the first day of school. For example: Did you bring your own lunch on the first day of school or after you saw scenes that were embarrassing on the first day of school? Also, how did your classmates know to raise their hands when they were done and you didn't?

One more thing: "I think I was considered the weird girl from then on. But from then on, the boys would play with me, and that to me was a win." ["...from then on" gives the connotation of a span of time longer than a standard K-Class in one day.]

In the alternative, tweak some narrative to clearly show all activities happened on the first day of school to avoid confusion.

At any rate, write on. Like I pointed out at the outset, I like your conversational style of writing. Some revisions can make this story sizzle and dazzle and hum. Carry on.


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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, BlackAdder:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Good story development. I like the twists and turns leading up to the climax. The side shows did not distract the main theme; they gave the story the necessary spice of life.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

ASIC
RAM

Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.]

Not even when I became [of] the CEO of "Silicon Dream",[delete]

"Silicon Dream", [Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on quotations.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues give life to the story and make the reader get involved in the interaction.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I am impressed with your determination and persistence. What a sweet moment indeed.

Write on, BlackAdder. You have what it takes to be a writer.

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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, T-Writer:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Judging from the behavior of the couple who were supposedly spiritual pillars, your story portrayed them to be charlatans. Cursing and cussing do not live up to the expectation of their calling. How despicable and sad.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in harmony with American standard application of rules:

She immediately [become] defensive and belligerent, [Change verb form to becomes]

At the end of this ensemble were the powder blue shoes, made of some sort of [fabric…Probably] additional fabric from the hat and dress-suit.

She simply [gave-up...She] choked down her tears and then accused me of being disrespectful, (a passive act).

In the above two examples I cut and pasted, I want to point out the Use of Ellipsis according to the American standard application.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose. If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period. If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

I confirmed that he was hearing the voice of the threatening [women.][Replace with singular form - woman.]

Her pantyhose [were] also powder blue, [Replace with singular form - was]

*Dialogue
You could have employed more dialogue to demonstrate action where there was the opportunity to show it.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an amusing and entertaining piece. You have a great and keen observation of people's behavior which you aptly captured in this manuscript.

Write away, T-Writer. You got what it takes. Hone it.


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141
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Review of Anthrophobia  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi,Wes Koch:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
So the child had anthophobia and presence of the flowers at her deathbed jolted her dead body to react ferociously to them? How bizarre!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

anthrophobia [anthophobia] An abnormal fear of flowers.[Misspelling]

"This should[be] enough to put her to sleep." [Insert]

"...every [world][word] was rehearsed forty times..." [misspelling]

would be dead from exhaustion.. [Remove second dot]

The daughter's death meant the physician's; no matter what. [Remove semi-colon]

she should've died much before. this.[Delete period between before and this.]

The physician looked into the [girls eyes] for any sign of improvement.[girl's eyes] [Possesive Insert apostrophe]

and almost exaggerated[, ]wail, the Duchess fell across her poor daughter. [Delete comma: exaggerated describes wail.]

preachers turn [preacher's turn-Insert appostrophe]

"For a beautiful as she once was" [ "For as beautiful as she once was"]

"...he half hastily threw the flowers on the suffering child. The daughter's eyes screamed before she did. Life did not return to her face but it gained a horrifying electric energy that contorted her dead face to echo a restless shriek. [This is a bit confusing and awkward because wasn't she already dead? Tweak this for clarity and readability.]

*Dialogue
You might want to let your dialogue stand out by starting a new paragraph for each speaker.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Such a bizarre scene. This almost reminded me of The Exorcist. At any rate, the flowers at the graveyard may have been carried by the birds and the wind as is nature's way of beautifying the earth.

Write on, Wes Koch. You're a creative writer I can see.


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142
142
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, K5Rakitan:

Thanks for your confidence in me. I'm honored to be picked to do a review of your work.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This review pertains to Chapters 1 and 2 only. I run out of time to finish the whole manuscript.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks, and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:
But first, let me say I'm impressed at the way you handled your punctuation marks with dialogue tags. They are flawlessly done.

Joan swallowed. “It makes it look like you’re developing an otome game, which is something I’d play, but you’ve got a . . . what’s it called again?” [Somewhere in the body of this story, you need to explain, make a reference or suggestion as to what this game is all about. Don't let your reader guess or consult the dictionary for unusual or unfamiliar words as they read. It interrupts the reader's line of thought. The reader might find it annoying and close the book to look for something else to read or do.]

“A MOBA based on Duel Monsters,” the Asian stated. [You might want to identify what this abbreviated word means to keep your reader reading .]

“Big brother!” (Why the open and close quotation marks and exclamation point?)

Roland remained stock still.[Did you mean stuck or is it intentionally spelled that way?]

Kaiba, Mokuba Kaiba [This is an unusual foreign name. Are your characters in Silicon Valley a mixture of Asians and non-native Californians? What nationality is this name associated with?]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue shows your characters interacting with each other. Your story is in your dialogue. This makes your reader participate in the action and conversation. Well-done, K5Rakitan.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Your story is engaging and moving well. Just as Chapter Two is ending, you left a cliffhanger for your readers. Well-done.


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143
143
for entry "May 24. 2019
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing, Chris. What a wonderful testimony of how God has changed the direction of your life leading you to Christian ministry.

You're an overcomer because you found Christ. And you're using your life experience as an example of how lives can be redirected towards the path of redemption. May our good and mighty God continually bless you and your ministry in finding the lost and bringing them to God's throne of grace.


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144
144
for entry "Feeding Body and Soul
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Indeed, we’re all prone to neglect in feeding our souls with prayer and reading God’s word daily because of time restraints that pushes us the moment we wake up to bedtime. The busyness of taking care of children and working outside the home always gets in the way of our spiritual nutrition.

Feeding our souls daily is a tall order. I do my best but my best doesn’t measure up to God’s standard.

Therefore, I come before his throne on bended knees, seeking his grace and mercy. And he always comes through for me.
145
145
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for this well-researched essay. This is very informative, educational, and enlightening to those who have no care and no clue about the health epidemic illegal immigration ushers in.

Indeed, the most pressing problem illegal immigration creates in our country is the spread of diseases that will devastate our local communities and the country as a whole. When foreign nationals come in illegally, they are not monitored and they roam around bringing with them health problems unchecked and unsupervised.

Political correctness has given birth to all the ills illegal immigration brought in. Our politicians have lost their common sense in their pursuit of maintaining power in Washington D.C.

I hope to God some miracle will give sanity back to our run-away politicians soon. Otherwise, this country is doomed to perdition. God forbid.

Please continue to write about these kinds of problems besetting our neighborhoods and the nation as a whole. And submit as an op-ed in local and national papers.

Thank you, once again, waynemart.





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146
146
Review of I Want To Go Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, E.M. Gale:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I am comforted that this is only a dream. You might have some unresolved issues that haunt you unmercifully. Thank your lucky stars that this is fantasy and not reality. Imagine if it was? You could not run away from yourself! How morbid and horrific! Indeed our imagination can run wild. It can go to places we never imagined it would go.

Here's a thought: Go to your mother and tell her about your recurring dream. Apologize profusely to her for not listening. Once you make your confession and apology, this dream might retreat and stay away for good. This might be what it means for you to want to "Go Home." How about it?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the American Standard English usage:

It plagues my [ever][every] thought and controls my every move.

But it wasn't. Not even close. [These are fragments. Tweak them to make a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue with your internal conversations to show your interaction with whatever or whoever unknown character your facing. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author making the reader a participant in the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good writing exercise. Do more exercises like this one. Just pay close attention to minor infractions like the examples I pointed out above.

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147
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In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi AngelPi:

I'm encouraged to know that there are a lot of Christians who are members of the Writing.com community like you and me.

You have demonstrated your faith in the life after death as proclaimed in the Scriptures by publishing IICorinthians 4 with subtitle, "Afterlife Manifestation Proof."

May I invite you to join the Christian Blog Group and Christian Blog Forum? This was a group started by Chris Breva which he transferred to me recently as he cannot attend to it any longer because of other ministries he is involved in, in addition to his college courses.

Do let me know if you're interested. You're most welcome to join. We're starting small but hope to gain membership as time rolls on.

QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
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148
148
Review of Life Matters  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Lone Cypress Workshop:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I am with you all the way with this great exposition you presented. Yes, all the way - until I bumped into this paraphrase:
"...and I am not sure it has anything to do with any gods, so I will paraphrase; There, but for the grace of, shall we say, destiny, go I."

Here's my over-all take-away: For what is the grace of "destiny" but what God has predestinated each individual who has walked on earth. All I can say is your boldness in expressing your opinion is tempered down by a taint of political correctness in this paraphrasing.

As far as*Mechanics, *Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I find this manuscript flawless. I looked here and there, perchance I could find something to nitpick. Fortunately for you, this is well-written, well-thought-of writing.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this essay.

*Over-all impression on the craft of writing
Very impressive work. As I said, I agree with you totally, except for your disclaimer on the power of God to work in us and substituting it with "destiny."

How about submitting it as an op-ed? (Or, have you done that already?)

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149
for entry "Happiness and Joy
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Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a beautiful testimony. Thanks for sharing your joy in knowing the Lord and his saving grace. We can let our light so shine before family, relatives, and friends so they may see our good works and glorify our Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16


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150
150
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Lazywriter:
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
The month of May WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I like the way you picked unique names for your characters and places. It's truly a fantasy.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English usage:

Sometimes, the rainfall was so heavy that the skycities would become waterfalls in the sky. And the people. They were always so helpful. [Fragment is highlighted. It's not always wrong to throw in a fragment now and then because at times, it gives a special flair. I am merely pointing this out in the event you need to modify or revise.]

Here's another fragment: For her wings.

Nuance in American standard spelling vs. British spellings:
colour [color]
practising [practicing]
realised [realized]

That isn’t going to happen if you end up killing yourself! she thought. [One way of showing internal dialogue without the attribution is to italicize it. Therefore, it would be written this way: That isn’t going to happen if you end up killing yourself!

eighth year [eighth-year][Compound word]

Then set it right, Mother urged. Repay the kindness that was shown to you. Who knows, you might just get your heart’s desire. [This looks to me like Mother talking which means you can enclose it in quotation marks.In effect, it would look like this:
"Then set it right," Mother urged. "Repay the kindness that was shown to you. Who knows, you might just get your heart’s desire."

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author to make them play as active participants in the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the moral to the story. Nicely done, LazyWriter.

Write away. You have the knack. Use it to your best advantage.

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