Hi, Reneg4de:
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.
Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.
*Content
I find this story entertaining. Lots of action which keeps the reader engaged and following the motions closely. Good organization and smooth flow of the narrative.
As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American rules in writing:
"Come on. Let us find a suitable crossing".
[Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.
I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on quotations.]
I notice nuances in spelling between British English and standard American spelling such as the following:
realise [realize]
defenceless [defenseless]
[I'm not sure if this just a mere typo.]
recognised [recognized]
Failing that, Link could...[Use of ellipsis: I see quite a few examples in the entire narrative.]
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.
Zelda had no idea about [we here][where?] she was, and the Slate wasn't much help. [Typo?]
[Summoning a bomb,][summon a bomb.][Because you're using this terminology, I must say, it has caused me to pause. It's kind of awkward to "summon" a bomb as if it was a person you're calling to come to the rescue. How about "detonated" or "shoot off" instead of summoning or summon?]
She [not ][no]longer felt like she was going to throw up, but like she was going to throw up.[Typo?]
Zelda awoke with a scream. [The narrator needs to make up his mind whether Zelda is awake and imagining things or is dreaming.]
"Get out of my sight," The King said viciously.[Use of close quotation mark as pointed out above.]
*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Without dialogue, your story could fall flat on its face.
*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.
*Over-all take away
Interesting story and entertaining. Action-packed with a flare of humor here and there! All it needs is cleaning up as I indicated above.
Keep up with your writing for entertainment. You and your stories are on the way to the publisher's desk.
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