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Because it's Superpower Best Review Raid time, I took the freedom to pick your story for review to offer you my input. Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.
Formatting
It has satisfied the structure and elements of a short story with beginning, middle, and end.
*Content
Great moving story aided by your conversational style of writing and dialogue.
As far as *Mechanic,*Syntax,*Punctuation go, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity, conciseness, and readability:
"The Number 47 lumbers into view,"[See Presentation of Numbers]
Presentation of Numbers
Just thought of sharing what the authors of Writers Digest Grammar Desk Reference have to say about the presentation of numbers. So, here are the easy-to-use methods for the presentation of numbers:
1) When numbers are used infrequently: if a number can be spelled out in two words or fewer, spell it out. All whole numbers between zero and one hundred will therefore be presented as words.
2) When numbers are used frequently such as useful business-related, technical, and scientific documents: numerals are more reader-friendly than spelled out numbers, so the only numbers that are presented in words should be the whole numbers zero through nine; numerals should be used for all other whole numbers.
3) Ages (of persons) Except in journalistic, business, and technical contexts, spell out ages: forty-eight years old, a twenty-three-year-old, aged ninety-seven.
4) Times of day. When you are not spelling out the times (seven-thirty; a quarter before eleven this morning; half-past nine; nine o’clock; shortly after five), use numerals followed by A.M. and P.M. (12:10 A.M.; 4 P.M.; from 11:00 A.M. to 7:45 P.M.); never write three o’clock A.M. or three A.M. Use the words noon and midnight instead of numerals.
5) Percentages: In business, technical, and scientific contexts, use a numeral followed by the % symbol or the word percent:34%; 56%.
In other contexts, the number and the word percent should be spelled out: thirty-five percent; forty percent, etc.
"Mama says he has to "save his pennies", and all of his pleading..." [Closing Quotation marks]
"I'm trying to be patient here, but you are wearing on my nerves", and Justin darts..." [Closing Quotation marks]
"polite to do so, young man, no one wants to see your tonsils". [Closing Quotation marks]
Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks
Typographical convention in the United States requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks – regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Caveat: Although this convention, is widely violated, I am sharing this with you for what it's worth.
"...folded up neatly for daytime but at night [is] [it's] his bed."
Two weeks later... [See Uses of ellipses]
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational devices composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
*Point of View (POV)
Third-person POV works in this narrative.
*Element of Conflict
When a nine-year-old is confronted with the temptation and had no strength to resist, his best option was to go home and struggle to find a sensible solution.
*Climax
With his mother intervening on behalf of her son, they return the book with the money and he was rewarded with an amount that was beyond his imagination. I give credit and honor to the boy's mother whose conscience was pure and noble, giving a nine-year-old a lesson he'll carry with him in his lifetime.
Spelling
I see no misspellings nor typos in this manuscript.
*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. This has given life and action to the story. Dialogue always beats the monotony of narration.
*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.
*Over-all take away
Great story. I see minor skirmishes which can be easily fixed.
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