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126
126
Review of new  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Alexi 2019:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Your first sentence is very long. You can break this down to two or three sentences to prevent it to run on.

[That] only the wealthy of the population could afford. [This is a fragment. Need to fix it.]

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability, and conciseness:

[...from a place [know][known] as Birmingham [Replace]

[A good bath and hot food would not have gone [with out][without] relief to the couple and the child, [In the context of this sentence, without is one word.]

His hair had golden [sun kissed][sun-kissed] highlights, [In the context of this sentence, sun-kissed is a compound word.]

I see more examples of sentences to be improved but I don't want to belabor this review. Suffice it to say you need to do some honest to goodness editing and proofreading.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and break the monotony of plain narrative.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I cannot help but point out that this exercise is saturated with run-on sentences. My suggestion would be to look this over and make revisions on the lengthy sentences. Shorter sentences go farther than lengthy ones. Rewriting and revising are the key elements of a good story presentation. I know it's hard work but it pays off in the end.

Write away, Alexi.
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127
127
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Tomoko:
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WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting To observe proper formatting, Here are some simple rules to follow with paragraphing:
No extra space between paragraphs;
If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line.

*Content
This short story has potentials to shine given good organization and transitions from one scene to the next.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[Both men dripped sweat from their face - [faces]
[Agreement of Subjects and Verbs (Subject-Verb agreements) Simple rule: a singular subject requires a singular verb and a plural subject requires a plural verb.]

“It’s muggier than ever today, isn’t it?” [a][the]driver said. [It's the driver unless there was another driver with him.]

“If it will not rain [until][by] tomorrow, we must water the field one more time,” Kaito said and sighed.[Replace]

They stared at it without saying [nothing][anything] for a while, and then Kenta stood up, calling Hiroshi. [Then what happened after Kenta called Hiroshi? Fill in the blank. You don't want your reader to guess what the outcome of the call was.]

*Dialogue
Employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other gave this story some action. Practice in doing more of this.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Like I pointed out in the outset, this short story has potentials to shine given good organization and transitions from one scene to the next. Go back to the drawing board and take a closer look where improvement is needed. Rewriting and revising are essential elements in reaching an appealing story that delights and inspires the reader.

Write away, Tomoko. You have the potential to shine in your writing endeavor. Stay with it. You'll be glad you persevered.

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128
128
Review of Healing  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Nuke Es Nos:
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WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
There's a saying I came across from my readings which is apropos in relation to this piece you wrote. It says something like this, "Life is not always a bed of roses. It also has its thorns."

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American English usage in writing.

Sometimes, the healing you have [do] is emotional. [Something does not tie in here. Sounds awkward to me. Would it be like this: Sometimes, the healing you have [to go through] is emotional.]

You hold [onto][on to] the damaged, poisoned past because it is comfortable.

Freedom in escaping the toxic memories, Freedom in escaping the poisonous people. [Fragment]
Suggested revision: [It's freedom in escaping the toxic memories and freedom in escaping the poisonous people.]

but… [Use of ellipsis]

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.
The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

*Dialogue
Not necessary in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I can see where you're coming from. I can see the hurt; the agony; the pulling away. I can also see healing and reconciliation. They are all part of living and co-existing. They teach us how to give and take and live in harmony when healing comes. We live and learn.

Write away, Nuke Es Nos.

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129
129
Review of Mount Vesuvius  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, e_bgem:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a beautiful poem. I can appreciate the sentiment out of the poet's heart.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that may need tweaking for clarity and readability:

[Cant][Can't]find the truth until it is a fault

well baked [well-baked]

And be renewed in [other][order?] to achieve all that I could only see in my dreams

*Dialogue
Not applicable

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I'm not a poet but I enjoy reading poetry. I wrote a couple when I was young, romantic, and love-struct. But about the extent of it. So, go for it with your poetic talent. I envy those who know how to put words in poetry.

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130
130
Review of Thinking Fast  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, JACKY:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review interesting. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Nice short story. Seems the intimidation element Jimmy perceived coming from the gang led by Reese was resolved in his mind in the conclusion of the story. He seems to feel empowered with his approach to the bullies and might have a smile as the gang walked away from him.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I only caught one minor violation that you can fix easily.

Here's the snippet I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of the standard American English rules in writing:

“Ah, sure… I’ll ask him. Well, we gotta go, see ya.” the group wandered on.

Attribution
Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence. Or, in the alternative, make the last part a sentence of its own: The group wandered on.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and bring the story alive.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Wow! Jimmy turned the tables on Reese and the gang with his quick thinking. He has learned to fend for himself after all!

Write away, Jacky.

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131
131
Review of O.U.C.H.  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Sandra:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Cleverly written and entertaining. I like your dry sense of humor.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English writing rules :

"Hi. My name is Sandy. My husband refers to me as The Crash-Test Dummy, and I've just broken my toes-again-the same three that I fractured two weeks ago". [Terminating periods and end quotation marks.]

"...The bruises are fading to yellow and the stitches should come out in three days." [Correctly punctuated]

For one thing, there's the "ru" as in "rue". [Terminating period and close quotation marks.]

A klutz is especially vulnerable[.] [Supply the missing terminating period.]

We have felt "I'm Falling For You", and "I'm Head Over Heels",( In Love). [Terminating periods and end quotation marks.]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on direct quotations.

Spelling
Here's a nuance between British English compared to American English spelling:
colours [colors]

*Dialogue
Your voice and conversational style of writing has effectively taken the place of dialogue. Good job, Sandra.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an entertaining read. I enjoyed it thoroughly. Is there room for one clumsy senior? I'm thinking of joining.

Write away!
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132
132
Review of Miracles  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Beholden:

~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
Remember me? I'm swinging by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. I find your poem from random Read and Review worth a peek. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

I am going to bypass my point by point review because this poem is so poignant and there's nothing I can add, remove, or change from the beauty and reality of the ordeal. You see, my husband went through a quadruple bypass heart surgery in November 2009. Prior to this, he had surgery for pituitary tumor aside from being diagnosed with prostate cancer and going to treatments concurrently. To top this off, he fell off the roof and had two broken ribs, a broken thumb, and double vision.

He suffered greatly. Despite all these his faith in God made him recover faster than the doctors predicted. One day, he had an excruciating headache and he cried out to God, "God please help me." As he was groping for the wall to prevent himself from falling, his one-eyed-jack glasses fell on the floor. He kneeled to pick it up. The amazing thing was that in a matter of seconds, the pain went away and he was able to see clearly. His vision was restored completely. He hasn't been wearing eyeglasses since that time. He has perfect vision.

He boldly proclaimed to everyone, "Jesus loves me! He gave me my eyesight back!"

My husband, George, the love of my life, went home to be with the Lord on May 25, sixty-five days ago. I miss him dearly but I am happy to say that he has found rest in the arms of the Savior. No more pain. No more pills. No more doctor's visits. He is safe in Jesus loving arms.

*Over-all take away Yes, your poem speaks volumes of the glory and miracle God performs for believers. He is ever-present in time of need. Hallelujah! Praise His Holy Name!

Love this poem, Beholden. Keep writing.
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133
133
Review of Angel of the Mine  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Shae:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
In your story, the children survived. Did the teacher survive as well? I'm curious as to why the community totally forgot about the monstrous teacher when they were celebrating the survival of the younglings.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

SPC
[An]incomplete sketch of a place and [a] brief appearance of one of the MCs in my WIP

cred [Your audience may not be familiar with this abbreviated word. Is it for credibility as the dictionary indicates?

Abbreviations
Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.]

*Dialogue
Don't be miserly with your dialogue. Use as much dialogue as you can to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
So, are you looking forward to a visit from your black angel or you'd rather not? Is there going to be a sequel to this cliff hanger?

Go ahead. Do a sequel. I would love to read what happens to the "next generation."

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134
134
Review of Learning to Walk  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Whiskerfaceiswritingfiction:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Personally, for the sake of close friendship and camaraderie, I most likely would not insult the giver of the tarot card. I'll graciously thank him/her for the thought and leave it at that. It's not worth mauling over a minor item to cause the breakdown of a friendship. You or your husband can approach the issue in a different setting where nobody is offended such as in a joking manner. When you show by example your Christian walk, they will discover for themselves in time that he did not do your husband any favor with the well-meaning gift he gave your husband.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I see nothing that sounded awkward or made me pause. You're doing very well in these areas. I did notice two minor violations that I need to point out for future reference in these snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of standard practices in American English rules in writing:

bible [Bible] Must be upper case if you're referring to the one and only Bible. On second thought, if the book you gave to your friend is not the one and only Bible but a mere replica, then perhaps, it's an illustrative version with commentaries and you can refer to it as a "bible?" [I offered her a bible. It was a paraphrase of the bible, not a direct translation, and more readable than any others she had encountered.]

The apostle Paul [The Apostle Paul] [Use upper case for Apostle in this situation as you're referring to Apostle as Paul's title.]

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this essay.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like your stand and concluding commentary. More grace, strength and power to you in your daily walk in the ways of the Lord.

Write away.
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135
135
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, percy goodfellow:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This self-analysis is a good starting point for revision. You can read it aloud so you can hear your own pauses and notice awkward areas. Have someone else read your draft and solicit corrections or improvement. Most of the time we do not see our own mistakes as others can. You're heading in the right direction. Go for the gusto.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking in observance of the American English standard practices in writing:

The Bad news is...[Use of ellipsis]

What if I were to correct the structural shortcomings that are so clear now in retrospect...,and using a reverse outline…you know... fit the story to a new framework?" [Use of ellipsis]

And the Structure...[Use of ellipsis]

Are mine critical to the continuity of the story or are they just hanging around?... not to mention the ancillary scenes… are they really all necessary?[Use of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

It's written using “Flash Scenes” , a technique I rely on extensively and no one else seems to use.
[Use of comma and close quotation marks]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth and for future reference. I do see your use of punctuation marks in some areas are properly done. The key is to be consistent..

occurres [occurs] Misspelling]

*Dialogue
Your employment of internal dialogue showing your character interacting with a Muse gives life to your intentions to accomplish something.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
As I pointed out, you made good use of internal dialogue to achieve the outcome of this piece of work.

Write away.

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136
136
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi,Tomoku:
~Click here to join a fun reviewing group~

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review interesting. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.


Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Right off the bat, I can tell you gently this story needs polishing. For example, it will be more realistic and engaging for the reader to know each of your character's name. The story becomes real when one can identify who is talking to who.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here is a snippet I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity:

A man in [grey suits][grey suit] came in, and the student clammed up.[Use the singular noun. One can only wear one suit at a time.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Is this a stand-alone story or part of a bigger story? There are numerous blanks that need to be filled to make the story realistic and complete. I strongly suggest you go back to the writing board and fill in the missing links. Don't let your reader guess what's going on. Your reader will feel cheated and may put down your material and look for something else to read.

Remember, writing is re-writing and revising. Give it your all to satisfy your reader.

Write away. And read as much as you can to get a pattern of how good stories are done.

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137
137
Review of On the Edge  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Rosko:
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
What a good, sobering story. I was hooked from beginning to end. The dialogue made the flow solidly credible.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I did not notice any areas that made me pause or raised my brow except for these snippets I cut and pasted that pertains to the use of ellipsis.

I suppose I could go and scream at a passerby, a vendor, or scream alone in my car ... and so I did... maybe it was better — I don't know. [Use of ellipsis]

but what that was hadn’t quite formulated in my head… [Use of ellipsis]

I just thought about how long it would take… [Use of ellipsis]

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions:

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Note: Interestingly enough, I noticed that aside from these snippets I cut and pasted, you have used ellipsis correctly in your dialogues. So perhaps, you just need to remind yourself to be consistent in its application.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues get the reader involved in the story just as this story shows.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Fate did play a role in the meeting of two broken hearts in this story which translated to their healing along the way. Great story, Rosko.

Write away. You're good for it.

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138
138
Review of Gunter  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Beholden:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Nice story. Well-written and delightfully entertaining. I like your conversational style and your voice.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need minor fixes for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English writing practices:

He was [round][around] to pick up the puppy about an hour later.

the Doberman is a German breed and I thought Gunter a suitably German name.[Awkward. It has given me a pause. Need a minor fix. Perhaps, something like: the Doberman is a German breed and I thought Gunter would be a suitable German name.]

Well, slightly unintentional; Gunter's paws weren't all that big, after[ all…] [I'm pointing out the use of an ellipsis at the end of this sentence.]

Uses of ellipsis:
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

I just thought I'll share this with you for future reference.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author; makes the reader engage with the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Delightfully entertaining. It's an enjoyable read, especially when you kind of ambush your dad into taking the pup. But, like Aesop once said, "All's well that ends well," right?

Write away, Beholden. (By the way, is that really the name your parents gave you or did you create that name for yourself? LOL)

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139
139
Review of Untitled  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, elizjohn:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Fun, delightful, entertaining story. I like the twist in the end.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I have to give it to you. You have mastered the dialoguing technique in making your story move.
I do have some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English writing practices:

Heidi put her closed her menu and put it on the table [Awkward. Needs a fix with something like this: Heidi closed her menu and put it on the table

not withstanding [notwithstanding - One word]

“How about it was a double date with his brother[,] Michael[,]and his girlfriend[,] Cynthia[,] to go play ping-pong.” [Enclose the names in commas if the sentence is complete without the names.]

*Dialogue
Great employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other from beginning to end.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This was a fun read. Delightfully entertaining. Moreover, I love the twist in the end. All the while we thought she had enough excitement to last her a lifetime. Now we see she is a glutton for punishment? We shall see, right?

I love your writing style and your voice. Write away! You got what it takes to shine.
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140
140
Review of Life Experiences  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.0)
Hi, Eruweu:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Because the way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb, here are some pointers to help you sail smoothly in your writing: Set paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next. Be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read your work. The important consideration here is paragraphing for clarity and readability to make our writing reader-friendly, inviting, and enjoying.

*Content
Content is good and commendable. But the delivery leaves a lot to be desired. I'll demonstrate this in the next topic which is:

*Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling. Here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard practices in American English rules in writing:

A few days ago, a friend of mine asked me, "[I want to ask you a question.][Delete - unnecessary] Will you please tell me how to deal with[ people?".]

Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

[I][I'm] still in progress to learn that, [I am]

He could get along with [older people, younger people,] and people of the same age as him.[What does this mean?]

He talks better [compare][compared] to me. [Tense agreement]

Well, because of that I questioned [that to] myself [about it.]
[Revised: Well, because of that I questioned myself about it.]

humans are unique [creature][creatures]

There are many things that we have to do when we do interaction with [another][other] [human][humans] but in here, I try to make it simply on my own way. [This is a run-on sentence. Break this sentence in two or three.]

To make it [happens], [happen]

For example, if a friend tells you a story, try to listen to and pay attention [to them].[Delete. Unnecessary.]

Just try [to] imagine, "if I were in their position, what would I want to be treated? If I do this thing, will it makes their feelings better?"[.][Delete terminating period.]

We do not know what things they have [sacrified][sacrificed]to do what they can and hope for the best results.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This exercise needs proofreading and cleaning up before posting.


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141
141
Review of Malyasia  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Hi, Prosperous Snow Globe:

Swinging by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review worth a peek. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I find this article informative, educational, and thoroughly researched. I'm impressed at how you spent valuable time researching and culling data to support your composition or exposition. Great job, PSG.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks and other nitty-gritty are concerned, I find this work to be well done; except for two typos that glared at me. The first one is the misspelling of Malaysia on the title; and, the other one is this snippet I cut and pasted:

Malaysia is an intriguing country, while it probably has the[some][same?] worries as any other tourist destination, it is a place that draws the creative imagination of any poet, writer, or artist.

I hope you don't mind me taking half a point from giving you a 5-Star rating because of those two typos, albeit, negligible.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Great article, PSG. You did your research thoroughly. I'm impressed with your inclusion of a bibliography.

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142
142
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Reneg4de:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I find this story entertaining. Lots of action which keeps the reader engaged and following the motions closely. Good organization and smooth flow of the narrative.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of standard American rules in writing:

"Come on. Let us find a suitable crossing".
[Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on quotations.]

I notice nuances in spelling between British English and standard American spelling such as the following:
realise [realize]
defenceless [defenseless]
[I'm not sure if this just a mere typo.]
recognised [recognized]

Failing that, Link could...[Use of ellipsis: I see quite a few examples in the entire narrative.]
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.
If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.
If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

Zelda had no idea about [we here][where?] she was, and the Slate wasn't much help. [Typo?]

[Summoning a bomb,][summon a bomb.][Because you're using this terminology, I must say, it has caused me to pause. It's kind of awkward to "summon" a bomb as if it was a person you're calling to come to the rescue. How about "detonated" or "shoot off" instead of summoning or summon?]

She [not ][no]longer felt like she was going to throw up, but like she was going to throw up.[Typo?]

Zelda awoke with a scream. [The narrator needs to make up his mind whether Zelda is awake and imagining things or is dreaming.]

"Get out of my sight," The King said viciously.[Use of close quotation mark as pointed out above.]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Without dialogue, your story could fall flat on its face.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Interesting story and entertaining. Action-packed with a flare of humor here and there! All it needs is cleaning up as I indicated above.

Keep up with your writing for entertainment. You and your stories are on the way to the publisher's desk.

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143
143
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Deborah:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Friday night. Right of the bat, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review captivating. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

I'm not going to put this article through the normal reviewing hurdle inasmuch as there is no need for it. I like the challenge you're invoking here for us wanna-bee published writers who are intimidated with the idea of competition.

I, for one, shy away from writing competitions. I just like to bide my time in writing what turns me on. But your challenge is well taken. So, let me brace myself and look around for writing contests in our writing community.

*Over-all take away
Thank you for being a cheerleader. I'll take you up on it.


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144
144
Review of Thinking on paper  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
Hi, Whiskerfaceiswritingfction:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
For clarity and readability, observe proper formatting. Readers read for enjoyment and entertainment. With that being said, reading one blurb is onerous and taxing to your reader. Paragraphing and spacing are essential elements in writing (whether formal or informal) to be understood and to be taken seriously. This is especially true if your goal is to be published one day.

Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well.

*Content
Content is good. What it needs is polishing and observing standard rules in formatting.
Keep writing. And don't neglect to read other writer's work to familiarize yourself with formatting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten the loose ends relating to the formatting standards in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
You're doing the right thing by plunging yourself into writing. It's the only way to find out whether you can make a go with your goal to write your heart out. We have to develop a thick skin or pretend to for exposure to the writing community.

Write on is the first step. Rewriting and revision is the hard part but they will pay off, I promise.

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145
145
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Connieann:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, the title of this submission from random Read and Review arose my curiosity. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
They say dealing with a mother-in-law is nothing like any other. My grandmother used to say, "treat your mother-in-law with tender love and care because you have deprived her of her love for her son." I tend to agree with that. Thank goodness, I never have to deal with a mother-in-law or a father-in-law because they were long gone before my husband and I got married.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of basic American usage:

Jessica rolled her eyes as she hung up the phone. The kids and Andy were already waiting in the car when [Jessica had remembered her babysitting money.] She should never have answered the ringing phone. She grabbed her tote bag, looked around one last time, and headed to the car. [What's the point in mentioning the "babysitting money" in this scenario? I don't see any relevant meaning in mentioning this unless there is a need for it. Perhaps you can expand this a little bit; otherwise, scrap it. On second thought, maybe you have mentioned being a babysitter or hiring a babysitter from Jessica's Story - Lesson One that I missed?]

Chloe and Ethan were squabbling in the backseat as usual, and Andy looked ready to explode…until she told him his mother was on the phone and that was what held her up.
I see you're using ellipsis in the middle of the above sentence. Let me share with you what The Writer's Digest' Grammar Desk Reference says about the use of ellipsis for future reference:
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. It gives life to the story and makes the reader a part of the interaction. Good job.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Am I right on the money when I get the drift that Jessica is walking out on her husband and children in the middle of an outing? I'd like to hang out and read lesson Three. My curiosity is getting the best of me on this cliffhanger.

Write on, Connieann.

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146
146
Review of Baby Steps  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Loaf:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Friday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Not knowing the content of the first nine chapters of this story, I have a few unanswered questions floating in my mind. But I'll forego those questions and just deal with what is in this chapter. Fair enough? Albeit, I'd like to read the first nine chapters of this work in progress.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Everyone knew about his social life, who [is][his] friends were, interests and hang out spots, but nothing really surfaced when it came to his family background. [This looks to be a typo]

"Because my brother is full of [quit wit] today," he grumbles.[Educate me: What's a quit wit? Did you mean quick wit or dry wit? I'm not familiar with this slang or cliche.]

Justin is sitting on the [ouch] with London in his lap.[Did you mean couch? A typo?]

she wasn't [creaming] or showing real struggles.[Did you mean screaming?]

[we][We] all turn around to see their mother elegantly walk into the room with a fierce yet charming smile on her face.[Always use upper case for the beginning of the sentence.]

colour [color] [Just pointing out the nuance in spelling between British English and American English.]

Recommendation
Some typos are unavoidable because SpellCheck has a mind of its own. It helps to take extra time in proofreading before hitting Send to avoid unintentional misspellings.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. Dialogues give life to your characters and make the story move.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I don't like to repeat myself but I just have to tell you your employment of dialogue has given life to this chapter and made it move. Great job, Loaf.

Keep writing. You're good for it.

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147
147
Review of Who is it?  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, unforgiven:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Saturday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. I would have I stopped reading after the fifth sentence but I persevered to give me a chance to make recommendations in this area. Setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn-off. Be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read your work.

*Content
This is a great way to spell out your introspections. It's a catharsis for your pent-up emotions hiding in the inner recesses of your heart and soul.

As far a *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks and Spelling are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observing standard rules in formal writing. This first example has something to do with the use of ellipsis:

"I was spending my nights with tears...and hope started to fade out from my life and left."

Uses of Ellipsis
Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.

First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose.

If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period.

If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

These two whole blurbs I copied and pasted below have something to do with the muddled reasoning or rationale of the author. It sounds like "loneliness" never left the narrator as these nine lines indicate. Yet, the next lines say the narrator "learned to live without" this entity called loneliness. You need to make a distinction between these two interwoven situations: Loneliness was once in: Loneliness left: then, loneliness wants to get back in. You need to fix the dichotomy of this realization.

"I found him every corner that I walk by. He was always around me while I eat, when I took a walk and even while I sleep. He was hugging me all night and never let me go. I could see him when I look [in to][into] others eyes. I never realized before that he was just with me all my life. What is it? Ohh you want to know his name? He is loneliness. I live with him now."

"After all [this years][these years] why did [u][you] knock my door? Why come back? I have learned to live without you. I can not let you in. I will not let you come back to leave me shattered again."

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
A little revision can make this piece sizzle and dazzle and hum. Take a closer look and clean it up. It's worth all your effort.

Moreover, write on. The more you write, the better you will be.


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148
148
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, :
Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

Formatting
Re: Paragraphing - Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well. In your case, each subtitle should be separated with a space from the last sentence or paragraph.

*Content
This is an interesting concept but cumbersome to exercise. Finding the time to do it is nearly futile when you're employed full-time. Let me tell you. I was walking to my parked car at the parking area of Stater Bros. once and I spotted a $20 bill right in front of me. I picked it up and handed it to a panhandler who was standing behind the door of the grocery store. Now, with your story, I wonder if someone intentionally dropped that $20 bill for me to pick up and watched what I did with it? Interesting.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

Despite high profiling possibilities in today’s age of social media, the bad guys are still at it and the outright theft of donated funds continues, as Sixty Minutes has shown examples of[it] this year.[Insert]

...this activity has some entertaining and rewarding benefits [where buy][whereby] everyone is a winner.

[HEARS] HOW IT WORKS[Replace: HERE'S]

farmers markets [farmer's market] Possessive noun.

Pennies from Haven Project [Is the spelling for "Haven" here intentional? There's a difference between "heaven" and "haven." If it's from the sky, it's heaven; if it's a place for safety, refuge or asylum, it's "haven" such as "haven of rest."

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this exercise.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This idea may work for some people but not for most. It's a wonderful gesture of compassion and empathy for the downtrodden and needy. More power to you!

Write on, Jayson.

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149
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, DRSmith:
Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Indeed that was a black period in world history when six million Jews were annihilated because of who they were. What atrocity! We hope and pray it never happens again.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, your work is almost flawless, except for what I'll point out below for clarity and readability:

SOBU, VE Day, SS etc.:

How to treatAbbreviations
*Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

*Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.

I hope you don't mind me taking half a point for this minor flaw.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this article.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away This is a well-written piece. It's educational, informative as well as entertaining. I like the historical value of your solid walnut armoire. The auctioneer was right in pronouncing it as "a buy of a lifetime." Indeed, Lot 342 was something far more sublime, like— a priceless Tabernacle for forty-one lost souls of Eibergen. Thank you for sharing your discovery.

Keep writing. You're a fine wordsmith.

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150
150
Review of Puzzle of Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, falconclaw105:

Dream catcher raid signature
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s June Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because your work deserves a read and a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
He did the right thing by leaving an unhappy home environment. Did he make something for himself by singing? That was a success in its purest form but he had a dream so elusive: He wanted a place called home. He did arrive home but not the home he dreamed of. How sad and tragic. Did I get the story right?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

He [know] [knows] in the deepest corners of his heart, that he could be more [then][than] this place. [Replace with than]

A sign showed him where to go and he went, a man [to]told him to sing and he did.[Delete]

Until one day he found himself in an alley having stumbled out of the bar he found a man.[Either this sentence needs punctuation marks in the right places; or, a word is missing to make a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
This story is too generic and skeletal. You might try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues break the monotony of straight narrative. They also make characters alive and can make your story sizzle and dazzle and hum.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
How sad and morbid from beginning to end. All he needed was a little spark to carry him to better situations. Instead, he fell in the hands of evil that ended his life.

Carry on with your writing endeavor. It's a great start.

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