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151
151
Review of Culture Wars  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (3.5)
Hi, Djinn:
Dream catcher raid signature
It's WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group "Celebrating Indigenous People Review" Raid and I picked your submission to read and review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I see a potential for this story to develop with drama, controversy, and action which are essential to storytelling. This is a good starting point.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in harmony with American standard rules in writing:

persons ribs [person's ribs- insert apostrophe for possessive noun.]

She feels compelled to say something, anything, just so long as it puts an end to the insanit[y... but ]for some reason she can't allow herself to even open her mouth.

Use of Ellipsis: Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose. If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period. If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.

If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.


Here are two examples of writing violations which are easy to fix. I noticed quite a few of them as I continued to read. Always begin the first letter of the first word in a new sentence in upper case.]

[hide somewhere, in a few hours I want you to crawl out the basement window and run to your uncle Luke's house, ok?][

Bang! Bang! Bang![ her][Her] mother slams the door shut,

"Alright! enough! hold this piece of shit up, he's got some explaining to[ do".][Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

*Recommendation
Try to pay attention to mechanics such as when to use capitalizations and application of punctuation marks where needed. Many a reader or editor for that matter will look for another material to read when they see your manuscript loaded with mechanical violations, albeit minor because they are distracting.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Like I said at the outset, this story has potentials. What is needed here is cleaning up to please your reader, after all, we write to be read, right?

Keep writing, Djinn. You have the knack. Hone it to your advantage.

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152
152
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Renee:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a cute and delightful story of your first day of school. I like your conversational style of writing.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, you have a good command of the written word. I'm impressed.

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue to show your characters interacting with each other. Action speaks louder than words and there are instances in your story that calls for quips and repartees. Ride on the opportunity to make direct quotations.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
There is one recommendation I'd like to offer you as far as the title of this story. You might want to modify your title because the body of the story really tells more than just the first day of school. For example: Did you bring your own lunch on the first day of school or after you saw scenes that were embarrassing on the first day of school? Also, how did your classmates know to raise their hands when they were done and you didn't?

One more thing: "I think I was considered the weird girl from then on. But from then on, the boys would play with me, and that to me was a win." ["...from then on" gives the connotation of a span of time longer than a standard K-Class in one day.]

In the alternative, tweak some narrative to clearly show all activities happened on the first day of school to avoid confusion.

At any rate, write on. Like I pointed out at the outset, I like your conversational style of writing. Some revisions can make this story sizzle and dazzle and hum. Carry on.


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153
153
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, BlackAdder:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Monday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Good story development. I like the twists and turns leading up to the climax. The side shows did not distract the main theme; they gave the story the necessary spice of life.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

ASIC
RAM

Use abbreviations only when you’re confident your reader will know what they stand for. They are undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences an impatient, dashed-off air and an unfinished look.

Abbreviated forms of names and organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing, but it is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can make the acquaintance of the abridged form.]

Not even when I became [of] the CEO of "Silicon Dream",[delete]

"Silicon Dream", [Punctuation Marks and Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

I do notice that some of your quotations are punctuated correctly. What you need to do is to be consistent. Pay close attention to the squiggles when working on quotations.

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues give life to the story and make the reader get involved in the interaction.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I am impressed with your determination and persistence. What a sweet moment indeed.

Write on, BlackAdder. You have what it takes to be a writer.

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154
154
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, T-Writer:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Sunday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Judging from the behavior of the couple who were supposedly spiritual pillars, your story portrayed them to be charlatans. Cursing and cussing do not live up to the expectation of their calling. How despicable and sad.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in harmony with American standard application of rules:

She immediately [become] defensive and belligerent, [Change verb form to becomes]

At the end of this ensemble were the powder blue shoes, made of some sort of [fabric…Probably] additional fabric from the hat and dress-suit.

She simply [gave-up...She] choked down her tears and then accused me of being disrespectful, (a passive act).

In the above two examples I cut and pasted, I want to point out the Use of Ellipsis according to the American standard application.

Ellipses, also known as ellipsis points and suspension points, are punctuational device composed of a trio of spaced periods. (Always make sure that all three periods fit on a single line of text.) Ellipses have two important functions.
First, they are used in dialogue to indicate that a speaker has not brought an utterance to completion or to indicate that there are awkward pauses in the utterance.

The second use of the ellipses is to indicate that one or more words have been omitted from a direct quotation because the quoter considers them irrelevant to his or her purpose. If you delete one or more words from the beginning of a quotation, you do not need to use ellipses – unless the document you are writing is unusually formal, in which case the blank space will separate the opening quotation mark from the first ellipsis period, but one blank space will follow the final ellipsis period. If you delete one or more words from the end of a quotation positioned at the end of the hosting sentence, however, you need to use both a period and ellipses if the quoted matter has the status of a grammatically complete sentence. No blank space will precede the period.
If you are deleting one or more words from the end of a quotation that has the status of a grammatically complete sentence and that ends with a question mark or an exclamation point, position the terminal punctuation mark after the ellipses.

I confirmed that he was hearing the voice of the threatening [women.][Replace with singular form - woman.]

Her pantyhose [were] also powder blue, [Replace with singular form - was]

*Dialogue
You could have employed more dialogue to demonstrate action where there was the opportunity to show it.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is an amusing and entertaining piece. You have a great and keen observation of people's behavior which you aptly captured in this manuscript.

Write away, T-Writer. You got what it takes. Hone it.


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155
155
Review of Anthrophobia  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi,Wes Koch:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Wednesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
So the child had anthophobia and presence of the flowers at her deathbed jolted her dead body to react ferociously to them? How bizarre!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax,*Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

anthrophobia [anthophobia] An abnormal fear of flowers.[Misspelling]

"This should[be] enough to put her to sleep." [Insert]

"...every [world][word] was rehearsed forty times..." [misspelling]

would be dead from exhaustion.. [Remove second dot]

The daughter's death meant the physician's; no matter what. [Remove semi-colon]

she should've died much before. this.[Delete period between before and this.]

The physician looked into the [girls eyes] for any sign of improvement.[girl's eyes] [Possesive Insert apostrophe]

and almost exaggerated[, ]wail, the Duchess fell across her poor daughter. [Delete comma: exaggerated describes wail.]

preachers turn [preacher's turn-Insert appostrophe]

"For a beautiful as she once was" [ "For as beautiful as she once was"]

"...he half hastily threw the flowers on the suffering child. The daughter's eyes screamed before she did. Life did not return to her face but it gained a horrifying electric energy that contorted her dead face to echo a restless shriek. [This is a bit confusing and awkward because wasn't she already dead? Tweak this for clarity and readability.]

*Dialogue
You might want to let your dialogue stand out by starting a new paragraph for each speaker.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Such a bizarre scene. This almost reminded me of The Exorcist. At any rate, the flowers at the graveyard may have been carried by the birds and the wind as is nature's way of beautifying the earth.

Write on, Wes Koch. You're a creative writer I can see.


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156
156
for entry "May 24. 2019
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing, Chris. What a wonderful testimony of how God has changed the direction of your life leading you to Christian ministry.

You're an overcomer because you found Christ. And you're using your life experience as an example of how lives can be redirected towards the path of redemption. May our good and mighty God continually bless you and your ministry in finding the lost and bringing them to God's throne of grace.


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157
157
for entry "Feeding Body and Soul
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Indeed, we’re all prone to neglect in feeding our souls with prayer and reading God’s word daily because of time restraints that pushes us the moment we wake up to bedtime. The busyness of taking care of children and working outside the home always gets in the way of our spiritual nutrition.

Feeding our souls daily is a tall order. I do my best but my best doesn’t measure up to God’s standard.

Therefore, I come before his throne on bended knees, seeking his grace and mercy. And he always comes through for me.
158
158
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thank you for this well-researched essay. This is very informative, educational, and enlightening to those who have no care and no clue about the health epidemic illegal immigration ushers in.

Indeed, the most pressing problem illegal immigration creates in our country is the spread of diseases that will devastate our local communities and the country as a whole. When foreign nationals come in illegally, they are not monitored and they roam around bringing with them health problems unchecked and unsupervised.

Political correctness has given birth to all the ills illegal immigration brought in. Our politicians have lost their common sense in their pursuit of maintaining power in Washington D.C.

I hope to God some miracle will give sanity back to our run-away politicians soon. Otherwise, this country is doomed to perdition. God forbid.

Please continue to write about these kinds of problems besetting our neighborhoods and the nation as a whole. And submit as an op-ed in local and national papers.

Thank you, once again, waynemart.





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159
159
Review of I Want To Go Home  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, E.M. Gale:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I am comforted that this is only a dream. You might have some unresolved issues that haunt you unmercifully. Thank your lucky stars that this is fantasy and not reality. Imagine if it was? You could not run away from yourself! How morbid and horrific! Indeed our imagination can run wild. It can go to places we never imagined it would go.

Here's a thought: Go to your mother and tell her about your recurring dream. Apologize profusely to her for not listening. Once you make your confession and apology, this dream might retreat and stay away for good. This might be what it means for you to want to "Go Home." How about it?

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the American Standard English usage:

It plagues my [ever][every] thought and controls my every move.

But it wasn't. Not even close. [These are fragments. Tweak them to make a complete sentence.]

*Dialogue
Try to employ dialogue with your internal conversations to show your interaction with whatever or whoever unknown character your facing. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author making the reader a participant in the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good writing exercise. Do more exercises like this one. Just pay close attention to minor infractions like the examples I pointed out above.

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160
160
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi AngelPi:

I'm encouraged to know that there are a lot of Christians who are members of the Writing.com community like you and me.

You have demonstrated your faith in the life after death as proclaimed in the Scriptures by publishing IICorinthians 4 with subtitle, "Afterlife Manifestation Proof."

May I invite you to join the Christian Blog Group and Christian Blog Forum? This was a group started by Chris Breva which he transferred to me recently as he cannot attend to it any longer because of other ministries he is involved in, in addition to his college courses.

Do let me know if you're interested. You're most welcome to join. We're starting small but hope to gain membership as time rolls on.

QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
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161
161
Review of Life Matters  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, Lone Cypress Workshop:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I am with you all the way with this great exposition you presented. Yes, all the way - until I bumped into this paraphrase:
"...and I am not sure it has anything to do with any gods, so I will paraphrase; There, but for the grace of, shall we say, destiny, go I."

Here's my over-all take-away: For what is the grace of "destiny" but what God has predestinated each individual who has walked on earth. All I can say is your boldness in expressing your opinion is tempered down by a taint of political correctness in this paraphrasing.

As far as*Mechanics, *Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I find this manuscript flawless. I looked here and there, perchance I could find something to nitpick. Fortunately for you, this is well-written, well-thought-of writing.

*Dialogue
Not applicable in this essay.

*Over-all impression on the craft of writing
Very impressive work. As I said, I agree with you totally, except for your disclaimer on the power of God to work in us and substituting it with "destiny."

How about submitting it as an op-ed? (Or, have you done that already?)

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162
162
for entry "Happiness and Joy
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is a beautiful testimony. Thanks for sharing your joy in knowing the Lord and his saving grace. We can let our light so shine before family, relatives, and friends so they may see our good works and glorify our Father which is in heaven. Matthew 5:16


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163
163
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Lazywriter:
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
The month of May WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I like the way you picked unique names for your characters and places. It's truly a fantasy.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English usage:

Sometimes, the rainfall was so heavy that the skycities would become waterfalls in the sky. And the people. They were always so helpful. [Fragment is highlighted. It's not always wrong to throw in a fragment now and then because at times, it gives a special flair. I am merely pointing this out in the event you need to modify or revise.]

Here's another fragment: For her wings.

Nuance in American standard spelling vs. British spellings:
colour [color]
practising [practicing]
realised [realized]

That isn’t going to happen if you end up killing yourself! she thought. [One way of showing internal dialogue without the attribution is to italicize it. Therefore, it would be written this way: That isn’t going to happen if you end up killing yourself!

eighth year [eighth-year][Compound word]

Then set it right, Mother urged. Repay the kindness that was shown to you. Who knows, you might just get your heart’s desire. [This looks to me like Mother talking which means you can enclose it in quotation marks.In effect, it would look like this:
"Then set it right," Mother urged. "Repay the kindness that was shown to you. Who knows, you might just get your heart’s desire."

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author to make them play as active participants in the story.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I like the moral to the story. Nicely done, LazyWriter.

Write away. You have the knack. Use it to your best advantage.

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164
164
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Oops, Writing.Com had the following problem(s):
Item ID #

STATIC
A Tribute to my mother on Mother's Day (18+)
At the end of the day, a mother's patience, forbearance, and perseverance paid off.
#2190868 by (159)
Not found in system.
For further assistance, please visit our "Technical Support Forum" and post with a detailed explanation the problem you are having. Copying and pasting both the error message above and the URL of this page will help us help you. Reference error number: #40217805

The above blurb is what I saw when I tried to add my work. Please show me how to submit a contribution to the Spiritual Newsletter in honor of mothers. (P.S.: I don't understand why we have to submit a rating before our request for help is accepted.)
165
165
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
Hi, Jordan:
WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
WDC SuperPower Reviewer’s Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
In the second paragraph, it is not clear who is talking to Eliza. Was it another person who introduced Dr. Schmidt to you, or, was it Dr. Schmidt himself, who referred to himself as the doctor who has a place for you? You might want to tweak this to clarify who is who in this scenario.]

The third paragraph does indicate that there are more than one doctor who are helping you out. What you need to do is just to clarify that one is introducing the other to you.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity, readability and in observance of the standard American English usage:

I had [stould][stood?] in the foyer for two hours before the doctor would see me.[Misspelling?]

“Hello… I am Zophie.” she said. [Attribution - Dialogue tags are part of the sentence. Use a comma instead of a period to complete the sentence.]

*Dialogue
When you do dialogues, each speaker should start a new paragraph. This clarifies who is talking and alleviates confusion.]

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
This is a good starting point. Your introduction shows good potential for an intriguing story. Stay with it.

Now that you have launched your writing endeavor, learn more by reading more and observing how polished writers make their writing stand out.

Write away, Jordan.

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166
166
Review of Remission List  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Rhyssa:

WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
May WDC Super Reviewer's Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to the random Read and Review port. So, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
This is a poignant story that touches every heart and soul of those who've been through the same or similar health predicament you were put under. In fact, it touches the very core of my being because I am providing care for my ninety-year-old husband, who is bedridden, and may expire any day now; in addition, I take care of my ninety-four-year-old mother at the same time. She may go any moment too. We could call my travail "double jeopardy," to put it in a lighthearted perspective. Be that as it may, I count it a privilege and find it gratifying to be able to ease the suffering they are going through at the last stages of their existence.

Indeed, I feel your pain. In fact, I developed goosebumps as I was reading your account.
Savor every moment of your companionship. Every day is a blessed day to wake up and your loved one is still by your side.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I noticed only one area where a minor skirmish could be fixed but I digress because this is a direct quotation, which inclines me to leave it as is. Here is what I am referring to:

[“Besides,” he added, and there was laughter in his voice that must be directed at me and my frown, “they’re beautiful. Every time I see them, it reminds me that there is hope.] [Agreement of Subjects and Verbs: Simple rule: a singular subject requires a singular verb and a plural subject requires a plural verb./c}]

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogue puts the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. It moves the story and humanizes the characters to allow the reader to be "in on the action."

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I am truly touched by your story, Rhyssa. I can relate and appreciate the agony of not knowing what tomorrow brings. Remission to me brings back the song, "One Day at a Time."

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167
for entry "May 11, 2019
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Thanks for sharing, Chris. What a testimony of your love and devotion to your mother.

My ninety-four-year-old mother is still around but she's in hospice care in my home. She is the proverbial prayer warrior. She constantly prays for her six children. In addition, she prays for friends and relatives, especially those who are yet unsaved.

She's been with hospice care since October last year. She seems to be stabilizing. The nurses and doctors did not think she would last this long but she's still hanging in there. And I know where she gets her strength from. It's from her constant prayer and supplication, making known her desires to the author and finisher of our faith. She's truly an amazing woman who serves and trusts the Lord fully.

To all Moms who are faithfully trusting the Lord, Happy Mother's Day. May the good and loving Lord continually bless you and give you peace until he takes you back into his heavenly mansion.
168
168
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Mantis:

WDC SuperPower Reviewers Raid Sig #1
May WDC Superpowers Reviewer's Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to the random Read and Review port. Here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
I don't particularly care to stumble over F-bombs when I read. I must be a prude. Be that as it may, the story is relatable and realistic.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation are concerned, the only comment I have over-all has to do with your overuse of ellipsis. Seems to me as though you love those little dots that make your readers figure out for themselves what you mean. I used to do this a lot until my mentor pointed out that a few dots may be fine but too many are annoying. Someone had compared the overuse of ellipsis as akin to putting on too much cologne. It's overpowering.

I also found one misspelling which is a common error I see:
[judgements] [judgments]

*Dialogue
I must say your employment of dialogue is great. The reader can see what these two characters are engaged in minute-by-minute through their bantering.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Great employment of dialogue. Keep up the excellent job you're doing.

Write as only you can muster.


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169
169
for entry "May 6, 2019
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
So good to see you back, Chris Breva. Indeed, the Lord is cuddling you in his arms of love.
Also, praise the Lord you're catching up with your school work. That's important.

Faithfully follow doctor's orders and be back to the swing of things. We're here for you when you need us. And take it easy. Don't overdo your activities until you're fully on the go. Hear?

I'll check every morning to see if you blogged. If I don't see any posting, I'll fill in.

See you around, brother.
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QueenOwl ~ A New Day Dawns
(Miriam Day)
170
170
for entry "Worry
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hi, IceSkating SugarCube:

How refreshing it is to hear about your own struggles in maintaining a daily Bible reading. I am confronted with the same or similar stumbling block. It seems my "time for reflection and devotions" early in the morning is distracted by extra-curricular activities that pull me away.

My heart's desire is to stay connected with the Word because I find healing, peace, and trust in reading his assurance that there is nothing impossible with Him. He is my stay from day to day.

Indeed, He abides with us and guides us in our journey. Praise the Lord.
171
171
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Thank you for sharing this poignant journey you had with your mom. In many ways, I am now going through what you've been through. The difference is I'm caring for two at the same time: my husband and my mother. It's a difficult journey yet, it's gratifying and fulfilling to be able to give of ourselves wholeheartedly at this crossroad.
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Review of U.I.A.I.A  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
Hi, kirky:
This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Thursday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are color-coded green.

Formatting
For clarity and readability, observe proper formatting. Readers read for enjoyment and entertainment. With that being said, reading long paragraphs is onerous and taxing to your reader. Paragraphing and spacing are essential elements in writing (whether formal or informal) to be understood and to be taken seriously. This is especially true if your goal is to be published one day.

Bear in mind that each new idea should be in one paragraph. Transitioning from one idea to the next should be in a separate paragraph, as well.

*Content
Your story can sizzle, dazzle and hum once you observe proper formatting for clarity and readability. A little effort will go a long, long way!

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, I highly recommend you take a second look at the formatting of your dialogues as I will point out with illustration below.

*Dialogue
I see you employed a certain amount of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues do break the monotony of narration and put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author. The next step to do is to put each speaker in a new paragraph to be clear who is speaking.

To illustrate. I'll use your starting lines.

“What's your name son?”
“Jack, Jack Frigg,” I say still trembling from shock.
“Ok Jack, I have terrible news, I am sorry to say that despite our best efforts to save them, your parents have died.”

Another thing that I noticed from this sentence construction is where you put your terminating period in a quotation. So, let me share with you what I learned from
The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference. Typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
Your story has potentials. What you need to do is to go back and follow standard formatting rules especially in dialogue because that's where you need a thorough clean-up.

Keep writing. I see you have the knack to put into writing what's cooking in your head. That's a good sign. Keep up the good work.

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173
173
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (1.0)
Hi, Benmd95:

This is my way of introducing myself to you, fellow writer. I swing by ports, looking for something to keep me occupied on a quiet Tuesday night. Fortunately for you, I find the title of this submission from random Read and Review intriguing. So, let me stop in, take a read and offer you a review.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement.

Formatting
I'd like to focus on one area of effective writing in relation to this manuscript you submitted. I want to talk about paragraphing.

The basic Rule is to keep one idea to one paragraph. When you begin to introduce a new idea, start a new paragraph.

The way your manuscript is formatted, it is taxing to the reader to read one whole blurb. To be perfectly honest with you, I stopped reading after the fifth sentence. Setting no paragraphing and transitions from one idea to the next is onerous and a turn-off. Be considerate with your readers and reviewers by making it easy and enjoyable to read your work.

Therefore, for purposes of our submissions, we don't have to follow standard rules in formatting in to-to, as we're not into publishing yet; but, for purposes of clarity and readability, here are a few guidelines we need to apply in our writing to enhance enjoyment for our readers:
*Make short paragraphs with one idea per paragraph
*No extra space between paragraphs
*Only one space between sentences
*If you choose to add a line between paragraphs to indicate a change in location or passage of time, center a typographical dingbat (like ***) on the line. (Some published writers suggest double spacing between paragraphs.)
*Make your Chapters stand out by separating each one from the rest of the narrative. I did not know you had a Chapter One and Chapter Two until I saw Chapter Three below.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you reformat your manuscript to observe standard rules in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I'll suspend offering you an over-all take away on the content because as I said, I stopped reading after the introductory first five sentences. My eyes cannot take it. If you decide to resubmit in the proper format, I would be inclined to read it thoroughly and offer you my input.

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174
Review of Gritz  
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Angus:
** Image ID #2187849 Unavailable **

April Quill Nominations Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. And because you asked for a review, here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
What a bizarre story. It's confusing for me. I cannot wrap the scene around my head to figure out which is head or tail: the characters are switching back and forth.

This story seems to be a product of one of your weird dreams. So, tell me: am I right or am I out of whack to think so?

As far as *Mechanics, *Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

As soon as they finished dinner[,] the two of them were settled on the couch in the living room watching the movie.[Insert comma]

[Dennis didn’t want to ruin the movie for her, but he was too befuddled by what he’d just seen[,] or didn’t see, that he told her anyway.] [What did he tell her?] [Remove comma in enclosed in brackets.]

[She picked it up and watched the TV screen as Mrs. Parker asked her if she had her doors locked.][Mrs Parker, the character in the movie, came alive and called Barbara on the phone?]

[Barbara couldn’t move. She heard Dennis yelling, and then a brief struggle.][So, Dennis wrestled with Gritz, the [psychopath] who came alive as well and entered Barbara and Dennis's house. Is that right?][That was my initial impression but I was wrong because the author changed the character to this blonde-haired psychopath with Barbara's meat clever, dripping with blood. Whose blood? Dennis?]

In the end, Mr. and Mrs. Parker were the real live characters instead of Dennis and Barbara Taylor who were watching the movie?

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and make the story move.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
There were areas in the story that needed an explanation to make sense of the scenario. The let down for me was that it was a nothing-burger after all. Just as Mr. and Mrs. Parker concluded: No big deal. In their own words, "I'm sure they're just fine," with her response, "I hope so."

At any rate, keep writing. It's a good exercise.

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175
175
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Xarthin:

** Image ID #2187849 Unavailable **
April Raid has led QueenOwl's wings to your port. So here she lands to pore over your literary piece.

Here are some comments you might consider when you decide to revisit it for tightening and improvement. My observations and suggestions are enclosed in brackets and color-coded green.

*Content
Honestly, I cannot wrap around my head the idea of making inanimate objects humans because of the following contradiction shown here. My brain cannot reconcile these two sentences where a mere speck of dust becomes a human being:

She wouldn't recognize her mother, even if she met her in the flesh. One couldn't truly tell the difference of features between a radioactive speck of dust and another.

Nadia gazed at her refined attire: the same, old uniform worn by students of the Muffley High School. And what about her hairstyle?

Once I get past this, then, I'm good at finding out the activities and interactions of the characters in the story.

As far as *Mechanics,*Syntax, and *Punctuation Marks are concerned, here are some snippets I cut and pasted that need tweaking for clarity and readability:

You really ought to cut your hair, flyboy [she thought]. [Delete attribution. When you italicize an internal thought, you don't need to add "she thought." That goes without saying. No attribution needed.]

Use of acronyms: Except for the traditional courtesy titles, use acronyms sparingly. They are almost always undesirable shortcuts that give your sentences a lazy impression. And if you must use acronyms, make sure that before using them, you provide the full term or words so your reader will not spend time wondering what they mean. In other words, only use them if you're confident that your reader will know what they stand for.

Abbreviated forms of the names of organizations and of technical terms can serve a useful purpose when they eliminate cumbersome repetition throughout a piece of writing. It is best to spell out the name or term in full for the first mention and slip the abbreviation between parenthesis immediately following the name so that readers can get acquainted with the abridged form.

Examples: DEFCON EMP

Closing Quotation Marks: According to The Writer's Digest Grammar Desk Reference, typographical convention in the U.S. requires that periods and commas always be inserted before the closing quotation marks - regardless of whether a direct quotation consists of an entire sentence, a phrase, or a single word. Understandably, this convention is widely violated. I'm pointing this out for what its' worth.

"Oh yes—well. Sorry about that".

*Dialogue
Good employment of dialogue showing your characters interacting with each other. Dialogues put the reader in the head of the narrator, character, or author and get the reader involved in the interaction.

*Disclaimer
I hope my observations and suggestions can help you tighten some loose ends relating to the mechanics in writing. Keep in mind, though, that these are from one reader's point of view. As such, take it with a grain of salt. The decision to adopt or discard suggestions is your prerogative.

*Over-all take away
I'm not a Sci-Fi enthusiast but I like the interaction between Nadia and Rudolph in this story. It's almost realistic.

Write away, Xarthin. You're doing very well, although, it will take me a long time to appreciate the SciFi genre. Nevertheless, I hope I'll get there somehow.

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