Welcome to Writing.com! My name is Gervic, one of the guest judges in "Invalid Item
. I thank you for spending your time and effort to participate in this contest.
The following are the things I found out after reading your piece. Thus, feel free to take suggestions you think are helpful and discard those that aren't.
You don't know how much you moved me with this piece. Every time I read this again and again, it brought my eyes to tears. Your words were tiny needles piercing me within. I just can't hold it. You have perfectly word and narrated the old woman's lament.
Old in the Cold says it all. Your title here provides a short summation, a quick snapshot to what your piece is talking about. You did great on choosing this.
I love the picture you are drawing . The scene is visual and appealing. I can see how the woman cries. I can feel the pain, the extreme sorrow she's suffering in.
In this story too short with words not exceeding a hundred, you perfectly expressed the sad and lonely emotions. I pitied the old woman more than how the hotdog man felt.
Grammars and Sentence Structure:
I found not a single flaw with grammars. Punctuation was properly applied. No error on spelling detected. However, this sentence " So on her day goes, ignored by all but purveyors of food as she tends to her wintered child."
looks vague to me. Will it sounds better if you say, "So when her day passes, ignored by all but purveyors of food as she tends to her wintered child."
Tattered clothes found filled with
bones come morn.
This is indeed a great write! And oh, it looks pretty with the ribbon it now bears. Congrats!
I enjoyed my read actually. Thanks Iamthenez for sharing this. Keep Writing!