such an interesting collection of culturally-specific memories.
My only comment- I think the opening pg could be moved to the end, tacked onto the last pg. The only reason is bc I'd almost rather be dropped straight into the memory to feel immersed, I don't think I really needed to know why I was there yet.
Beautiful writing, connected nonfiction elements with vivid images and anecdotes.
The pg starting with "It's not about work" seems to have gotten jumbled or something?
David's response at the end sounds a little robotic, maybe it should transition a little more from the heightened confrontation before it gets to the acceptance of the situation at the end. There's not much background for me to go on to understand what situation caused this separation.
Very creepy story. Loved the concept, and the explanation of what was on the videotape was visually clear. I think the ending was comic relief and a reasonable response, but I don't know, I feel like it might be more realistic that I'd want to show someone what I found. Maybe I'm just dumber than Noah though, I'd probably accidentally put a horror movie in motion. Def could continue the story though, like the VHS wouldn't break or when he takes it out, it plays on the TV again. Something to keep the eeriness going, even if the story cuts off right after.
great piece. I loved the specific examples you used. Only thing: I felt like your mention of prayer in the first stanza felt contradictory to your focus on God throughout the rest of the piece. Maybe just an emphasis that partial prayer wasn't the same thing as finding God, it could hit your point more squarely. But I did get it!
I love the cat stage show lol. In a way, I think that starting off introducing it as a dream takes me out of it a little bit. It would've been more of a fantasy/surreal moment if I hadn't known right away. But as a frame story, it does give me context.
Also- whose heads rolled? I was imagining the cats lol, how sad.
The message of wanting to be heard is clear throughout. Maybe it could be added in that their misconceptions about smiles and feelings are why their version of "listening" isn't listening at all. The frustration is evident at the end.
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