You've captured my heart with this poem. This is how I feel sometimes about my spouse. I love the simplicity and brevity of this poem. It says in a few words what some people often struggle to say. I would melt if someone wrote this for me!
I'm hooked. I really want to know what happens next. You have a good writing style, easy to read but at teh same time intelligent and lyrical. My only suggestion: The meeting between Carden and the old man is rather abrupt. It would be great to see that part of the story developed just a little bit more.
All in all, nice work.
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