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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gingerlyme
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78 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
Review of Toward Darkness  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, HuntersMoon!

I found your item right before mine in "I Write" week 32.

I was delighted to get to review a story this time. Poems are starting to grow on me, but I still find them difficult to review and it seems that "I Write" has a lot of poet participants. What a cool little story it was, too! The opening had me interested immediately. I enjoyed your creative use of "sponging" in the first paragraph. It perfectly set the scene (might steal that one). I was sad to see the MC's decision, but could certainly understand it.

The ending was perfect!

I did notice a missing word. You might want to take a look at I’m not sure how reminding me what day of the week it is answers my question

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Neva! We meet again. *Smile*

I found your item just before mine in "I Write 2018"

This is a nicely arranged story-poem about mankind's impact on the planet and the repercussions from that. Sometimes poems are too subtle for me to work out and enjoy, but your metaphor choices made this one very clear to me. It might also have to do with the fact that it is a story, too, which made it easy for me to follow along. The rhyming structure also worked really well for me as a reader.

I came across just a couple of sticky parts. You might want to take another look at them and see if any tweaks occur to you.

- "Warning them her patience not to offend" I get it, but I had to read it a couple times due to the uncommon phrasing and it took me out of the poem while I was figuring it out.

- "deforests" I feel like the "s" is extra. Maybe it's there for the rhyme? It just caught my eye as strange.

- "She punished those who took more than they used, attempting their mercenary greed to defuse" I love this set of lines! The only thing I wondered about here was "defuse" vs. "diffuse" Does she want to lessen the greed or eliminate it?

- "Mother Nature is still extremely pissed" This just seems to be a much less formal tone than the rest of the poem. The sentiment fits, of course, but we already know it based on the give and take between nature and humanity in the rest of the poem.

This was a lovely read on a topic of interest to me, in a contest that intrigues me.

Thanks for sharing your story-poem!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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3
for entry "Near Death Experience
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
This is good. I think you're on the right track here. I saw your request for comments on this story when I was looking at the newsfeed.
Your dialog is realistic and you hit little bits of character and setting along the way. Since you have room, I would recommend balancing out the dialog with some physical description. Maybe about the girls and/or the environment so the reader can really see themselves in the story.
Have fun with it. If you make changes, I'm happy to read it again (unless it's like a novel).

GM
4
4
Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "Revenge Will Be Mine
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Carly!

I found your item "Revenge Will Be Mine just before mine in "I Write in 2018 .

I really liked the title, for starters. How could you not wonder what happened with a title like "Revenge Will Be Mine"?

Your physical and emotional descriptions did a great job of conveying the mood of the piece and building tension. It's pretty intense. You packed a lot of story into such a short piece.

I enjoy reading your work and have no suggestions for this piece.

Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in your contest!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
5
5
Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "Father's Day Finds
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi, Carly!

I found your item just before mine in "I Write."

Great minds think alike! My entry this week is from the same contest, a different day, though. I don't know about you, but sometimes I need the tight deadline just to get it done.

You did a great job with the prompt, even making it seasonal by revolving it around Father's Day. I particularly like how you got across the family dynamics with so few words. Perfect ending for the story, too!

My only suggestion is to make use of tagging as a tool to get views. You could add genres that people might search for when looking for random reads. If nothing else, it could get a new reader to visit your port.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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6
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, HuntersMoon!

I found your item in "I Write 2018"

I've been mulling over that contest prompt, too. Maybe next week you can read mine *Smile*. What a lovely interpretation you had on this! I always wondered how that fairy tale began - now I know.

As usual, your story was a delightful read, free of any obvious errors. I have no suggestions for you.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "My New Home
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Carly!

I found your item in "I Write 2018"

The Daily Flash Challenge is one of my favorites. I didn't initially see the contest info and I thought this was more of a blog post or personal story - I guess that means it was convincing! You covered a lot of story for so few words and it perfectly fit the prompt for the day. Nice job!

I found two things to nitpick, below:
         "My partner's decision to skip his rights..." It would make more sense to me to say responsibilities instead of rights.
         "I needs a little work." It needs a little work.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi, Teresa!

I found your item during the open house for your newly spruced up port. You did a nice job!

I chose this story because I lost both parents last year; one from a weak heart, the other from a broken heart. I felt I could relate to the topic.

First off, your love for your mother shines through in each paragraph. You were lucky to have each other for 22 years and I like the way you picked and chose from your bank of memories to illustrate the exact things you wish your boys could have experienced with her.

You walked the reader through your grieving process and into your coping methods and recovery. Happy endings are good in a sad story.

However, I found myself pulled out of the story several times due to punctuation issues. If I had one suggestion for you in this story as well as future writing, it would be to brush up on punctuation. Specifically apostrophes. Many words end in the letter "S" and do not require an apostrophe. It will be a quick fix for this story once you get the hang of it.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Sweet Dreams  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the story! That would be a great dream job to have - actually creating dreams for people. Too bad the evil brother was so clever he wrecked it all. At least one of them got their happily ever after, right?
Congratulations on placing in the contest!

GM
10
10
Review of Wheel of Fortune  
for entry "May 31, 2018
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Ridinghood!

I found your item before mine in "I Write 2018"

I really liked the way you handled the poem. To me, it speaks to graceful aging. Enjoying the process of life wherever you happen to be in the cycle. I love that the content includes death, but the prompt was to write a cheerful poem.

It seems the first line was placed there as a reminder to yourself and sort of an in your face reminder as you were writing. Perhaps it began as sarcasm, or perhaps my toothache is clouding my impression. Regardless, I like what you've done with it.

I didn't completely follow the fooled, Fool, lines. However, I don't know much (anything, really) about Tarot. If I had to guess, I'd say that Fool is a reference to one of the cards involved with that. If so, it fits well with the origin of the poem.

Thanks for sharing your poem and good luck in the contest!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of I Write In 2018  
for entry "Career Implosion
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Hi Carly,
This is a nice little flash piece. The Daily Flash challenge is one of my favorites for "I Write" entries.
I liked how you kept the tension building until the very end. As I was reading I wondered if you were figuring it out as you went along or if you had the whole story in mind when you started.
There was one sentence that didn't work for me. I suspect it was a mashup of two thoughts. "Get it in my head ready for the presentation."
Also, I kind felt like the story was just beginning when it ended. I hope the lake getaway helps your character figure out what to do. *Smile*
Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the contest!

GM
12
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Review of For Five Hundred  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Hi, Kris!

I found your item, "For Five Hundred" in today's Action/Adventure newsletter.

I really enjoyed reading the story of a game show contestant who became hung up on what might have been a simple question for someone else. The dialog, internal and otherwise, was lively and believable. I like the way you used the physiological responses to convey emotions. I also really appreciate your choice of font size and spacing. Readers are scarce enough, no need to make them work so hard once they find you. For such a short story, your characters have plenty of depth.

The piece was well written with regards to punctuation and grammar. I have no nitpicking to do. The only part you might consider revisiting is the first paragraph. It fits with the story, but doesn't seem to work as well with Eleanor's actions later on. I feel like the story would be just as strong without it, just jump right into the action.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Boredom  
Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Yep, you sure nailed it! My favorite is 3:35 PM, mostly because there are so many.
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for entry "A Yellow Purse!
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Ruwth!
I spotted this charming story just before mine in I Write 2018. I love the concept of the contest - I'm always assigning thoughts and feelings to things.
I'll just say right up front that I don't have any suggestions for you. I think what you did here is marvelous.
It was genius for you to use color to indicate which manikin was speaking/thinking! Also nice that you didn't make the reader struggle with a yellow font.
This is also a brief, but lovely, example of how humans deal with pesky traits such as envy.
Nicely done! Good luck in your contest.

GM
15
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Review of My Friend Henry  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with Group ~ Reviewing with River  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi, K!

I found your item, My Friend Henry, as I was poking around for something to review. The blurb drew me in.

This is a lovely execution of flash! I love how nicely you layered the story and the surprise at the end. I wasn't expecting the happy ending - what a nice surprise!

I seem to have an eye for typos and general awkwardness in the prose, but I found nothing here to change. That said, if you needed more space for something you took out in order to hit the word count, I don't think the first sentence of the fourth paragraph is essential. "That's none of your business."

Thanks for sharing your story and good luck in the contest!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Acrosswordtics  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
This is fantastic!

I almost entered the same contest. It started off fine, but then I got the idea to link the stories and one thing led to another. The next thing I knew I had the makings of a novel. Not what I was going for at all. I had to pull the plug for my own well-being. Enough about me, though. I'm sure you'd rather hear about your poems.

For starters, the title is a perfect fit.
My experience with this style of poem is limited. I was pleasantly surprised to see you demonstrate a more mature and practical use of the form.
I found your word choices to be quite thoughtful and appropriate.
Who knew there would be so much to say about crossword puzzles? Your poem inspires me to try one.
I was unable to spot any typos or other errors. Nice work!

Thanks for sharing and good luck in the contest!

GM
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Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Hi Carly,
I found your poem right before my entry on I Write.
I like the simple and playful qualities you have included.
The rhythm is nice and the poem works for me visually as well. Simple, but still with visual interest.
I enjoyed the repeating focus on the feelings of the heart.
There were one or two areas where the rhyme didn't quite flow for me, but I don't have suggestions.
Nice work. Good luck with your contest!

GM
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18
for entry "~ Hollow Promises ~
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi, Ruwth!

I found your item Hollow Promises before mine in I Write 2018.

I really liked how well you incorporated the prompt. This piece tells a remarkably complete story for such a short piece.
It was a "no dialog" contest, but I did not miss it. Your choice to tell the story from her perspective, yet include advice she had been given from others, rounded out the story, allowing your character to change. May this be the last time she makes this decision.

Things I noticed ... well, I'm usually pretty good at spotting spelling or punctuation errors, if nothing else. This is the first time I couldn't find anything. Nice job!

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Vile Rain  
Review by Gingerly Me
In affiliation with I Write  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, Jellyfish!

I found your item, Vile Rain, posted before mine in I write.

I am also one of the lucky ones.
This is a powerful poem clearly demonstrating the scale of misery and how much easier it is to see only one's own spot on the scale as opposed to the whole thing.

You've conveyed your point clearly.

I don't have any technical suggestions since I still have a lot to learn about poetry.

Good luck with your contest and thanks for sharing your poem!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Sunshine Girl  
Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Tinker!

I found your item Sunshine Girl posted before mine in "I Write in 2018. Poems still make me nervous, so feel free to gently educate me if my comments don't make sense.

I really liked the title, for starters. I also liked that your description was clear enough that I knew at least a little bit of what to expect from the poem. That's helpful for a poetry newb like me.

At first I was unnerved by the different number of lines in each section, but once I counted them I understood.

Your imagery is consistently clear throughout. Spring was my favorite, but I love the last full sentence of Winter. I'm a sucker for an ending full of determination and hope.

Things you might want to consider:

It's nice to have an image to go with the poem. I try to have one on each of my items and it seems to make a difference in the number of reviews I get.

At the bottom it says 34 Test Lines. What's a Test Line?

Thanks for sharing your poem!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review of Cheese Puffs  
Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Nicely done! I usually cringe from romance, but since it's February I'm trying to branch out a little. This piece was written with a heavy dose of practicality and a pinch of humor, which created a very believable and pleasant read.
Thanks for sharing your story!

GM
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Review of Salvation  
Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Hi, baldjeff!

I found your item, Salvation, before mine in the I Write 2018 challenge.

I really liked the visuals you created as well as the concept of the story. The ending is great - leaving the final result up to the reader to imagine. We are given just enough to understand the situation without being overloaded with background.

There are just a few technical things that you might consider reviewing, listed below:

He lifted his left arm up (add comma) pointed and said,

The saloon had a few room(s) to let

The preacher went silent again as he his gaze went once again to each of the townsfolk,

They stood there, silent,.eyes locked

I struggled a bit with the section under ENDING. I thought it was the narrator at first, but later determined that it was the preacher speaking. Either way, adjusting the quotation marks in that area could help with clarity.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Hi, Leah!

I found your item posted just before mine in "I write in 2018." The Writer's Cramp is one of my go-to contests so I was excited to see what you had done with their prompt.

I really liked your writing voice and the balance of dialog with narrative. I'm always thrilled when I come across a piece with few typos or grammatical errors. It was a lovely story and I hope it did well in the contest. I know of another town that elects animals as mayor, but I had always assumed it was symbolic. It sounds like the Guffey residents put some thought into it and consider their candidates based on more than good looks and popularity. Who knew?

I did have one dialog comment and I noticed a couple minor typos, as follows:

When Leah meets Sandy, Sandy says, "They are on the patio...". I feel like Sandy would have used the contraction, they're, instead.

"...she will be alone momentarily." Alone should be along.

"...on my lap her in a moment!" Her should be here.

"...especially when the race ts this close...". TS should be is.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: E | (3.5)
Hi, Abby!

I really liked the concept of your story and the ending where the true identity of the superhero is revealed. You did well showing the emotions each girl was feeling.

I felt like this was just a small part of a much larger piece, though. I didn't really know what was going on until I was halfway through. I expected the big reveal to be who exactly she wanted to come visit her, but instead it was the identity of a superhero.

Knowing that, I think that this story could stand alone if some information on the superhero was given earlier on in the story. That way the reader can have more empathy for Ann and feel her excitement as she begins to figure out her sister's secret.

Thanks for sharing your story!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Review by Gingerly Me
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Geoff!

You're right, of course. The truth is that poems make me nervous precisely because the rules are so loosey goosey. I'm more comfortable with structure. But that's my problem, not yours, so here's the review you requested.

At first glance:
I appreciate that the title and description are simple and direct. I can begin reading with some idea already of what you're writing about.
I also appreciate your choice to vary the line length. This adds visual interest and also makes the reading more fun.

About the content:
You've presented a lovely visual. It begins with basically nothing but white, then the reader is led closer and invited to appreciate all the life that is present despite the harsh conditions. By the middle we are contemplating the life cycles of those creatures who left the clues we almost overlooked at the beginning, perhaps even considering the interconnectedness of things. Or perhaps just playing in the snow.
The last line perfectly loops us back around the the blank slate to begin exploring all over again.

Suggestions:
I struggled a bit with some of the period placement choices, but I'm not going to pull any examples because I feel like they were all intentional. Is the fragment the end of the prior sentence or the beginning of the next sentence? That's probably best left up to the individual reader.
The first time I read it through, I felt like "hilarious" was out of place, but I've come around on that one, too. Now I think it adds hope and a touch of personality at just the right point to keep the poem playful rather than sad.
So I guess I don't have any suggestions after all.

Overall, lovely imagery. Thanks for sharing your poem!



Adding a little bling to my recently renovated portfolio
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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/gingerlyme