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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/girlinwhite
Review Requests: OFF
20 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: E | (4.5)
What a beautiful tribute to this amazing event!
Your description of the solar eclipse is vibrant and contagious.
I feel as if I am standing there in this lovely part of the world watching the ring of fire burning! You did a great job in not only your description of the eclipse itself
but of the tradition of prayer that envelopes it.

My favorite line: As the luminous moon is bid to veil the dazzling sun

Great work....thank you for sharing it!

Regards,
Girlinwhite
2
2
Review of The Chat Line  
Review by Girlinwhite
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Yikes......this is so REAL. I got a little bit of a knot in my stomach reading it.
Never think about all the bad stuff that can happen like that. I am one of those trusting
ones.
I shall keep this in mind.
Very cleverly written. Thanks for sharing it!
Message comes across loud and clear....

Artistic and relevant!

Regards,
Girlinwhite
3
3
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: E | (5.0)
Congratulations on your story! It is a fabulous story and I think you should publish it as a children's book. Find a wonderful illustrator to make your story come to life visually.
There are many valuable life lessons for a young boy whose life appears to be ill fated. And yet, through his friend, the tree, he learns these and takes away the positive.

Your story is written very well. The messages come across very clearly and beautifully.
I could honestly see envision it as I read it. I do not see any grammatical errors and I think it was very clever the way you separated and bolded the important lessons Hassan learned.

You are a great writer! Thank you for sharing this sweet, enlightening story.

Dyan
4
4
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: E | (4.5)
This is a beautiful piece, capturing a profound moment in time. Losing our parents is so difficult and the process of going through their belongings seems to always uncover something touching.

I think this is written very well and certainly gets the message across clearly.

I think as far as grammar goes you have a few spots that could be written better.
IE:A CD of the pictures and 4 by 6 prints. I could pick them up in an hour but all I wanted to do was go home so I would pick them up in the morning.
"A CD of the pictures and 4 by 6 prints" is not a sentence. But, these are minor and I am not trying to be picky. Just letting you know in case you are interested in that. :)


I loved reading it and hope you continue to share your writing with us!
5
5
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
Wow....this is very powerful! You have a very interesting style of writing. I think your message comes across very clearly and the way it is written makes it very intriguing. With the death of our parents come many memories....both good and bad.

There were a few lines that were just ...beautiful. One was "The kitchen was washed in sunlight and filled with perfect smells." Another, " The wind soughs through the trees and birds occasionally sing in the distance but there isn't much else to hear." Very nice. Adds so much to the visualization of the scene.

You did a great job with this. Congratulations on your win and "WRITE ON!"


6
6
Review of Dementia  
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is very powerful. A daughter looking back at all the times her mother was there for her.... a life of being well loved. It is so difficult to watch a parent fade into this disease, to be robbed of them while you can only stand by and watch. And now, with all the compassion she gave you, you will give back to her. A touching piece and I am sorry you have to experience this kind of loss.

Your message was clearly explained. Written from your heart, the emotion can be felt.
Grammar wise it probably could use a little touching up in a few long sentences.

Thank you for sharing this.

Sincerely,
Dyan
7
7
Review of A Swan  
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love this!!! What a sweet little story you wrote! I want to be Hannah!
8
8
Review of Small Things  
Review by Girlinwhite
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi. I am pretty new here but I so enjoyed reading your piece. I felt as if I were there and could visualize this sweet moment of nature. What a lovely excursion you had. Nicely written, well described and perfectly real.

Dyan
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