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Review of Turtles in Love  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hello Tim Chiu
I am here to review "Turtles in Love" . I am here to return the favor and read some of what you wrote. I can see you have a great collection of poems here.

I chose this one in particular since I love to read about animals. It is always fun. These innocent beings always bring me joy.

Theme: Love between two turtles. That is funny and beautiful.

Emotional Impact here was great:
*Leaf2o* Starting from the very start, I could listen to his voice "snoring deep", the I couldn't help laughing at his innocence "Among the reeds, he fell asleep", the female turtle admired this sleeping guy! wow
*Leaf2o* "Thought that if he wasn’t shy" yup shy men get in trouble.
*Leaf2o*"If she woke him, she’d be chided;" wise thought too.
*Leaf2o* "The male turtle swore to cater
To her desires, ne'er berate her! " I love these wedding vows.*Smile*

The poem is a sweet one. It is cute to imagine what happened. I love the characters here and they feel so true.

I think it is good for children to read as well, so I recommend listing in in children's category.

Well done!



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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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Hello once again Itchy Water~fictionandverse
I am here to review "THE PAIN OF A CHILD HURTS #1" . I found this poem to be part 1 of that awesome series of poems about the effects of child abuse.

What really drew me in here was actually the brief description as yes, the emotional pain of a child should never be ignored. Many people believe kids don't understand or will forget by time, but this is far from reality. I remember many things since I was so so young and remember them in details.
They even say that newborn babies hear their parents voices when they are still inside the womb. Thus kids know more than we think they do.

The idea of this free verse poetry is very interesting, as you use a deep unhealing scar to describe the impact of a child once abused. I believe you are right. When you say "At any moment, no rhyme, no reason," yes, maybe nothing appears to trigger these memories but they do come back and we feel the same pain again, and wish it was never that way.

It hurts, it is unforgettable and it is reprehensible. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and being so precise and accurate in using words to describe that horrible feeling. I hope many parents read that and realize that the way they raise their kids will definitely affect them later.



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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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Hello Itchy Water~fictionandverse
I am here to review "THE PAIN OF A CHILD HURTS #2" . You have recommended that I read this poem as it will be close to what I feel. You have also been my classmate at Dynamic reviewing so I am glad I finally made it to you port.

I don't read much of free verse poetry, but I felt how that flowed so smoothly. I realized that my voice refused to come out as I reached the end since I actually began to have tears. Your words are perfectly chosen and amazingly expressed.

Some of the most influential lines have been
*StarR* "Down to the core." yes, it is so so deep inside.

*StarR* "The pain of a child never ends." This is what many people or many parents in particular don't realize; i.e. the huge impact of how they bring up their kids on their characters later in life. Mean things or abuse will continue to have an effect even long after that time has passed.

*StarR* "It inhibits the full potential." I couldn't agree more. I think that abused children will always have a problem in believing in themselves, they will always feel inferior. I have seen kids who are average as to their scholar achievements and they don't feel about it, since their parents brought them up nurturing them with unconditional love and taught them to be strong characters.

Your poem goes straight forward to the heart and I believe this is what poetry is about. Well done and simply expressed!



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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


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Hello Elena
I am here to review "My journey to Writing.com" 

How did I come across your port?
I found one of your reviews on the public reviewing page. It was a review of a child abuse piece. I thought I'd drop by with a review.

Why did I choose to review this?
I always love to know how people came here and what did they find WDC like.
*BurstBL* *BurstBL* *BurstBL* *BurstBL* *BurstBL* *BurstBL* *BurstBL*

It is interesting to read how you started writing since you were a kid. I used to write as a kid too but had to give them to my friends, my parents wanted the home clean of those "papers".
It is interesting to know that you have been having a certain story in mind snce you were 15 and that you are to this day working on it. I think it is going to be your master piece and show one of the most things you believe in about life. I, too, have been having an idea for a story but still not sure how to make the characters act.

I am glad you are finding WDC helpful whether with prompts, reviews and encouragement. I believe I felt I had gained some of my self-confidence when I joined WDC, in addition to learning a lot!

I wish you good luck with your future endeavors and I hope you learn a lot about writing and be able to hone your skills and write that particular story the best it could be.

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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*



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Hello Elizabeth
I am here to review "Brilliant fall decorating ideas" 

How did I come across your port?
I found it through the "read a newbie" tool on the left column.

Why did I choose to review this?
I love decorations and beauty. This was a good piece to read since it didn't only focus on decorations for a Christmas night but for a whole season. That sounds very interesting.

I loved the fashionable style you offer here, from dry leaves, to gourds, to bed sheets and even candle holders, following the red and brown shades. This is so beautiful and romantic. I think it is a good idea to decorate the house according to different themes of the year. It is good to change the view we see everyday and your image of that decorated home sounds warm and creative.

The article is organized and easy to understand, imagine and follow up with.

Keep nourishing the community with such beautiful ideas.


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Review of Drop by drop  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


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Hello SophieMoon
I am here to review "Drop by drop" 


How did I come across your port?
I found this item at requested reviews so I thought of dropping by with a review.
*BurstG* *BurstG* *BurstG* *BurstG* *BurstG* *BurstG* *BurstG*

The emotional impact in this poem is a strong one. I can relate to this and I believe most people will.
For me, I am still at the crossroad of my career, not having the chance I wish and not sure of the best decisions to make meanwhile.

I don't know other crossroads or if you wrote your poem about a career or what.

Your words have been perfectly chosen and the lines of the greatest impact on me were
"I'm looking for a place where I'll finally fit.
I'm tired of searching," I experienced this and it is hard I can tell.

"I am lost for words, time for choosing's gone," When it becomes too late to make a correct choice, it becomes too hard too.

I could feel the feeling of loneliness, of despair and of being tired of waiting. I know what you mean and I don't think I could write this any better.

The only recommendation is about the title, I was not sure what the poem was going to be about, so maybe you can replace it with something like "At the crossroad" or something more indicative of the concept. Other than that it is perfect.*Thumbsupr*



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Review of Alone  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


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Hello Bertos
I am here to review "Alone" 
Please note that I am just saying my opinion and so please feel free to accept or reject my points. You know what works for your work.*Smile*

How did I come across your port?
You requested a review for this item at Reviewing reviewers. We appreciate how you go around WDC, reading and reviewing other members so I came here to offer you a review of your work.

*ButterflyG* First off, the brief description is a bit confusing one. I am not sure if this is a novel or a short story. You wrote that it is a part of a book you are writing but it is classified as a short story. This is important since I need to know if that was really the ending or there are more chapters to be added.

*ButterflyO* The idea is a creative one where there is a person who controls the whole world with his device and by mistake his mum clicked a wrong button so the population has been gone. I just think that a person of such power would not have his "mom" arranging his desk for him. I think he will be more independent than that. I recommend that yeah you could use the idea of a software controlling the population but not a mom touching it by mistake.

*ButterflyR*Since I am not sure what you mean by part of a book, then I'll say that here the introduction of how the world seemed empty, despite being in detail and well-written, yet a balance is needed between it and the conclusion. I felt that I have been reading a lot of introduction, then a few lines ending and that was all. So I think you may want to consider that.

*ButterflyV* I also would need to know which part of the book/novel is it? Is it chapter 1 or a middle part? Why was Jim in control of the world? These are just some questions you may want to think about and add some hints about.

*MailY* I think you have a solid idea for a good novel but it is not that clear yet. I urge you to write on and build on that base a longer and clear story. *MailY*

Good luck with your future endeavors.




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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

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Hello Joanna Emily
I am here to review "My Life Is NOT a Fairytale" 
Please note that I am just saying my opinion and so please feel free to accept or reject my points. You know what works for your work.*Smile*

How did I come across your port?
Through the 'read a newbie" tool on the left column.

Why did I choose to review this?
The title was interesting, so I wanted to know what that was about.

My impression:
First as a newbie, this is a good work. I could feel how Jill felt miserable with no one to support her and care for her. It is clear that she needed personal care and that she wasn't able to find her way on her own.

I liked most: starting her life as a baby struggling to live because usually babies like that become strong beings and know how to be strong and stubborn. I believe they remained to do something in life and so I think it was a pretty smart gesture.

Recommendations:
*PartyHatR* However, I think I need to know if this is true or just a story. The way it is told, the prologue, sounds realistic. I was confused as to whether it was based on a true story or not. I recommend that you add biography to the item genres if it was realistic.
*PartyHatR* I secretly hoped that maybe I had finally found my forever home. Don’t criticize!: I believe that "don't criticize" was not a logic thing to say. Anybody in her shoes would expect that they are lucky to have finally been adopted and having a family. I recommend omitting it unless you know it is going to be of use for the coming chapters.


Spelling:
*PointRight* All right, here (it?) goes.
I’m still a mere babe, aren’t I?*PointRight* A comma is needed because it is a question tag.

Thanks for sharing your work with us.

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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | N/A (Review only item.)
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Hello Princess Megan

I am here to review "My Perfect Birthday Party" . You have reviewed me for my anniversary and here i am coming to return the favour.

I chose to read this because I believe we all have different dreams of what our dream parties should be like. I must admit that what I read here exceeded all my expectations. Not only did you wish for a birthday party at a romantic and beautiful place, but you also wanted to invite more celebrities than there is in an awarding ceremony.

The presents were also amazing. I think these are the dreams of so many people together not just one. *Laugh*

What I loved most was your dream to make animal rescue units. This is so kind and animals are in need of a real help so this dream did stand out among the other fanciful ones.

I just recommend darkening the font colour because it is a bit light to read.
Kate Winslet boughr (bought)

It is a great read and I enjoyed it.*Smile*


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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hello
I am here to review "Back to School: Masters Degree" .
I am here to return your review. I chose this piece in particular because it is a comic one and I love to laugh, besides I also wish I get a Master's degree some day.


I think that a good thing to describe this is "when it rains, it pours". That was definitely a very hard and discouraging time. I could imagine how everything went so wrong together.
When I reached the ending, I laughed really a lot. You know sometimes it is funny when we look back at some hard times and how they ended badly, but still be glad they are bygones.

I could also quite understand what you meant by wishing you sent a thank you note to the one who fired you, because I feel the same way about my last job, really thankful I quit/ was fired (not sure which). It didn't pay anyway. *Laugh*
I had enjoyed my time reading this so much. I appreciate that you gave studying again a try too.


*Smile*


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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello again Yellow
I am here to review "Another night 18 lines" . You have given me a bunch of reviews for my account anniversary and I am just trying to return the favour, for which I am so thankful.
From this poem, your love and devotion to those who serve away from their country is very clear. They risk their lives and everything they have.
I have seen how families react, as you pointed out, when a long awaited family members finally comes home, how they greatly miss their kids or other loved ones.

"I pick this time of night to write you when it is so quiet." This sentence is very interesting and it captured my attention once I read it. It is so special since we only remember our loved once before we head to bed. Writing to them at night shows how you really think of them.

I really think this particular contest is so uniquely beautiful. It is so great to know that these positive and loving kind words will go to someone, make his day. I believe some people have no loved ones so still it will make them feel some company, even if it is from someone you don't know.
Keep writing and supporting them and us!

*Smile*


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Review of FORGOTTEN  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS  
Rated: E | (5.0)
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Hello Yellow rose
I am here to review "FORGOTTEN" on behalf of "Reviewing Reviewers ~ ON HIATUS" . You go around WDC giving a lot of reviews and encouraging members, so we appreciate what you do. You are doing a great role in WDC.

I chose to read this: because the title drew me in so much. I am feeling so forgotten so I wanted to read that poem and see how the poet expresses that.

My personal impression:
I believe this could not have been said any better. The way you expressed the loneliness she felt and how no one felt or shared her sadness has gone directly to my heart. It is really hard to feel forgotten, lonely and wishing you could do something about it but finding out that you can't.

The lines that had the greatest impact on me were "Forgotten more than before", "Shedding her lonely tears" and "Considered a family burden".
I must say that there are many people who feel that way, not just the elders but also the unemployed, those who failed to fit in the social communities around them because they were different or nobody understood them. I think many people will relate to this because at some point of every person's life, they have been or will be that way. I believe that pets can be good companions for some people and lessen their loneliness.

Overall:
It has been a great poem to read. It flowed smoothly and the feelings were very well expressed. Congratulations on that well-deserved first place and trophy.
Keep up writing and expressing yourself.



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Review of The Music Man  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hi Sum1
I have read "The Music Man" and what a great read!
I know you are a man with a little time, but you are a victim of another auction package review. Stay strong, this too shall pass. *Laugh*

Again a narrative poem shining brightly and from the date below, I can see that your journey writing had begun long ago, before you joined WDC. You always had ideas flowing and it is great that you wrote them down. I appreciate writing them down even when you didn’t have a chance to get as much readers as WDC would give.

The plot has been interesting about an old man playing flute in the street. This reminded me of some attempt that has been done recently, of a famous violin player, whose instrument was worth millions of dollars, playing his best pieces at a station during rush hours. Unfortunately, only kids seemed interested but were pulled away by their busy parents. He stopped after half an hour with few bucks in his box and no one listening! The point was to see how most people miss a lot of beauty during their busy lives, working and hurrying till the very end. So once I began to read this, I could relate it to that experience.
A poet, however, pauses to see beauty in the simplest things of life and I guess it is a blessing granted to artists.

There were many things I liked about this poem, among which are:
*TagB* How he got young playing: This was very interesting point to make. You rarely get tired doing something you love. He was so hooked in his music that he played and played, and got over his aged body.
*TagB* People rushed past this man, few noticed he was there: How we miss real talented people is a sad thing.
*TagB* Some even cursed him for being in their way, but he didn’t seem to care: he was determined to play. He didn’t give up just because people were negative to him, yet he insisted on doing what he perfected and loved.
The story is a cheery one and I loved how the audience interacted with him. It is sad though he wasn’t given a greater chance to be known, but it is true of life, to be cruel to some people.
*TagB* I loved the ending when he acted like a star. He is like “the show has come to an end, so keep waiting for me tomorrow”. A great ending to a great poem.

*ExclaimBr* One note though:
I was only confused by the eighth stanza. I didn't get it and I didn't ,thus, know hat it added to the poem. You know more of course, so you may keep it in mind if you get other similar observations regarding it.

Why don’t you submit it to a contest here like senior center forum? you may get a prize!*RibbonG*

I am glad I got to read this. I have read many of your works, but it seems there are many more to find.
Thank you for sharing your ideas and stories. I hope you lots of new ideas and prosperity in writing.


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gladiola
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Review of My Little Flower  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
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Hello Sum1
This is review 1 of 2.
It is my pleasure to read "My Little Flower"  and provide my thoughts about it. Please take what you feel may add to the poem and discard the rest.

Type: Narrative poetry. I believe you love that form of poetry and you challenge yourself with different stories, in-depth plots and still manage to produce that in a rhymed form that flows naturally. This form is interesting and particularly unique since it is a combination of short story and a poem, thus requiring great attention to the components of both to fulfill that magic.*BabyGirl*

Tone & Mood: The tone and mood have been cleverly interwoven that a strong meditation dominates the scene. A poet’s eye should see beyond what the ordinary eye can see, and thus it can learn a lot from nature. This is exactly how the poet compares this flower to his beloved, its strength and determination to facing hardships in their relationship, saving the flower and bringing it close to him and having his woman under his protection. It is amazingly beautiful.


Emotional Impact: This has been beautifully strong. How a growing flower is symbolic of a relationship and commitment is overwhelming. Small details have also enriched the poem with additional imagery and meanings, what I liked most:

*StarR* “Its petals held hints of blue, that looked like hands of a clock” This description of the fine blue lines in the petals is so pretty. The reader can imagine this colourful beauty and thus be involved in the story, and not merely hear the narration.

*StarR* “small branch stood in its way” is very inspiring, since the branch wasn’t big, yet it had an important role. This is realistic when we sometimes belittle people but they turn to be the ones who make a difference. This is a Good choice.*CheckR*

*StarR* I also loved how he wanted to help it strive after he wanted to cut it. It is like he matured and was thinking in a more positive way about the long-run impact, rather than a short term fading beauty.

*Exclaim* My suggestions here would only be:
*PointRight* Punctuation:
I think adding a period at the end of lines can make it easier to read.*GlassesB*

*PointRight* “But when I came back it stood taller than before” I recommend reconsidering “when I came back”. The setting (time and place) matters in narrative poetry, and I believe that here you meant “after some time” and not just few hours as it sounds (or it will be a beast not a flower *Laugh*). I just suggest you show replace it by something like “as the days passed” or any other while keeping the meter in consideration.*Hourglass*

Overall it is an interesting story, deep thought and a very happy ending with everything he liked around, safe and sound.

Keep the good work.


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gladiola
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Review of Speech Therapy  
Review by gladiola
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Hi
I have just came back to re-read that and I re-rate it to 5 stars. So well done!
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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Sherri
I am glad to see you recovering. You have been greatly missed here at WDC.
I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's review raid.
Your mum must have been an angel because you are an angel yourself. I believe that your mother taught you how to be kind towards everyone and give alot and unconditionally. If there were a lot of people like you, I am certain the world would have been much better.
I could feel how your mother was to you and my mother chases my fear as well. I just think that she will always hear what you say and we will have a chance to see those beloved ones one day.
Sherri, you are one of the most influencing members on WDC and you only give positivity and encouragement.
Thank you for being you, for your participation and generosity, for working on your talent. I hope your new novels do well.
Wishing you more years to come with good health and flowing works. *Delight*
gladiola
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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Jace
I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's review raid.
I think this auction is a great one to celebrate the twelve birthday of WDC. I love how each donor gets to show his pride in where he or she comes from, they get to say something interesting about their place and donate an awesome package. I loved reading what they had to say and viewing the photographs they had of their place. WDC is unique in the sense that it gathers authors from all over the world and this activity showed that very well.
I hope you accomplish your target of raising funds and making each one have fun during this auspicious festival.
Keep the ideas flowing and write on!
gladiola
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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hello Maryann
I am reviewing this on behalf of "WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group" 's review raid.
This particular auction is eye-catching and the idea is so unique. The "buy it now"option has spiced things up and made the bidders decide if they really want to get this particular package and should bid on it to avoid being outbid by others.

It all revolved around the number 12 (whether as surprises or reviews) and that made it more flexible for members who want to donate.

I hope you raise enough gps for that huge group to keep going and that everyone has some fun.



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Review of Speech Therapy  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*


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Hi Story
I have read "Speech Therapy"  and I am here to return the favor and review you.

Please note that I am just saying my opinion and so please feel free to accept or reject my points. You know what works for your work.*Smile*

The tone and mood:
The mood was gloomy and full of tension. Colin was facing many hardships in life and he needed the money to do what he wanted. He was so afraid of having Andrew letting anyone know about that and of being imprisoned. The great description of how he felt “blood ran cold through his veins”, “Pellets of sweat”, “the roaming excuses in his head” portrayed his fear quite well.
The tone was rather bitter. Colin felt he deserved the money since he planned well to steal it. He jeopardized his future since he could have been arrested. He felt life was so hard to him and so he deserved to have some money if he couldn’t get a job like others.

Characterization: Colin’s character is a very real one. He has suffered a lot. He can’t speak fluently. He is not the successful person his brother is. He wasn’t confident since his childhood. It is this feeling of failure and rejection that would make a person aggressive and wanting to have some good thing in his life like others. I can’t deny that I sympathized with him though he was a criminal.*RibbonY*

My suggestions:

*Magnify* Andrew seemed a bit vague. I thought he was more ideal and he never liked what Colin did. I was surprised in the end to find him interested to join. Although that made a tricky ending, yet the spot when “he peeked inside the bag to make sure it wasn’t a joke” seemed illogical to me. If he already counted 75k dollars, then what was he making sure of?
*Magnify* Also when Andrew was talking wisely, then saying he already took quarter of that amount of money, I felt it wasn’t believable and I recommend considering a better scenario for this part. I mean what kind of person is he? Why would he steal if he was having a job and doing well?

My overall impression is that is a great story. I felt sorry for Colin who lived his life not aware then when he grows up, he won’t be so lucky as others.

*Leaf2y* It is a good tale and it suits the surrounding economic problems worldwide and how millions of people are left unemployed and unable to fulfill anything they want unless they do criminal staff. You showed a great part of the current conditions and I liked that so much.*Leaf2y*
Write On!

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)


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Hello Lesley
I have just read your essay on canned hunting. I didn't know what canned hunting was but your essay was so informative to me. It is a merciless killing of a defenseless trusting bundle. I really feel so sorry for animals who lose their lives just for the greed of someone who wants their head hung on his wall to brag about it. There is really no excuse for animal atrocities and it is our job to protect them and do what we can to save the others from becoming similar victims of a sick game.
Thanks for sharing and keep writing what you have about animals.
gladiola
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Review by gladiola
In affiliation with WdC SuperPower Reviewers Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)

*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Hello Charles
This is review 3 of 3. I am honored to read your story entitled "PACHACUTI'S CURSE - Part I" .

First let me tell you that you have a stunning short story forming here. It is very clear that you put a lot of efforts, thoughts and editing in it. You should be proud of yourself for the fabulous work you have so far.

Timothy is haunted by a skull that threatens to kill him. It is a scary plot and it even includes more subplots like the time of that queen and how she became a flying skull. This is a very rich story and it has tons of potential. Not only does it show a scary and hard time in Timothy's life when he becomes obsessed by his nightmares, but it also shows how people stand up to an unfair leader and start a revolution (a scene that has become common nowadays).

The story has a realistic side, with his wife standing beside him and supporting him. She is a strong woman who would never let go of her husband in his time of weakness. She puts aside all her jealousy as a woman when he acts unwisely and nly focuses on what she can do to help him. She is a faithful wife and would do whatever it takes to help her husband.

I believe the scenes were well described. All characters have their roles and the events happen for a reason and not just because the author said so. It has a logic sequence of events together with a good imagination of scary things that occur every now and then.
You managed to make the reader focused throughout your piece.*Thumbsupl*

I only have two pieces of advice for this story:
*Books2* I think for its length, it is more of a novella or part of a novel. It is a bit lengthy as short story. I recommend that you google the lengths of stories and novellas and see under which category your story lies. I am not experienced in long stories so I don't think I can be very helpful as to advise you what it really is. But I know it is a fine piece of art.
*Books2* In the beginning, I found you describing the dream, then Timothy woke up and described it once more to his wife. I think you could omit one of these to avoid repetition and maybe describe how he looked while seeing this nightmare (eyeball moving from side to side under the eyelids, sweating, breathing loudly, whatever.)

I believe you are really doing a great job and I am so proud of you. I wish you good luck with your future endeavors.
I just recommend that you keep reading other horror stories here to give you ideas on how to polish your story and make it more lively.
Write on!
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Review of Empty Vessel  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)

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Hello Amay
I have returned to review you. I have always found this story among Sum1 's highlighted ones and thought that it must be so special and of great impact, that one would feature it in his own portfolio.

I visited your port to read it many times but I thought that your 4.5 and 5 stars may mean great stories that I would probably fail to get, but when you changed the brief description from the direct message (everyone has an impact on another), I felt I must read this story.

I have always loved potters since I read about the potter in the bible so I was so happy to meet a potter in your story. You used very simple words to transfer the reader to actually seeing what the potter does and how he uses his talent to make beautiful treasures out of clay.

I loved the hint behind it and it is quite inspiring. I believe that parents and teachers are potters having some very soft clay and it is really their responsibility to shape it very well because it is how it will last.
This is a story to remember indeed. *Smile*

gladiola
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Review of The Jesus Lizard  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)

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Hello Nixie
I am here to return your lovely review.

I chose to read this because the title and the brief description drew me in. It is the first time I hear the name "Jesus Lizard" and I even googled that till I found awesome pictures of this creature and how it actually walks over the water. This is really an interesting creature.

I don't know if this is a true story but I guess it is. It is a great thing when parents fulfill the wishes of their kids and bring pets. I know how it helps a kid discover some beauty that others who don't have pets don't know, it also teaches them compassion and a lot of other values that make them better people.

I love the different animals mentioned here, the hardships faced in feeding that creature the strange food it needed to bloom healthy. I found the article so funny and interesting to read. I had a lot of new things to read here. I love animals and so it was a real interesting piece to me. I hope I get some Jesus Lizard one day too.
That has been a beautiful experience to read. Thanks and I am a fan now.*Delight*
By the way, you have amazing Cnote shops, I love them and they are so elegant, may I ask which program do you use to design these?
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Review of THE SINGING PIGS  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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Hello Charles E.J. Moulton
I am glad to offer you review 2 of 3. I have read {item: 1886343}*Dog1**Dog1* and I do have some observations to offer.
I love children stories as they are always filled with colours and beauty, inducing laughter and hope. So I was glad you have written some stories for children. *Reading*

The Plot: Rover is in love with Laverne and trying to catch her attention. This is so sweet and it reminds me of Micky and Minnie, the beautiful Walt Disney couple. He tries to tell her about some pigs that are singing a wonderful song. I find the idea a good one and it can have a lot to offer the reader. *Inlove*

Painting a picture with words: The story is well told, however the reader only knows his side of the story, not yours. I mean that the reader can only know what you tell him but he can’t see the whole picture you have in your mind if you keep something missing. For example, I can’t imagine how the couple looked? How the pigs danced? Were the pigs like Piglet in Pooh’s series or were they totally different? The reader always needs to have some visual images of what you describe, so that he can actually get inside your story and experience what you tell him. That is like a 3D experience which becomes only 2D with lack of such description. *Beach*

My belief: The story is a good one, a bit rushed, but I believe you have a talent and an outline for a good story. You can use it to draw a beautiful picture of your characters and hook the reader in the story. You have a better chance here because it is a story for children and you can use wide variety of descriptions that don’t have to be realistic. *Duck*

The ending was beautiful when we see the couple have eight puppies, though we want to know how they looked? Did they come very close together and sleep? Did they sleep in a row? We want a picture for this happy family. *Dog2*

One last bit of advice I have learned in WDC, is that it is not only important what you say, but also how you say it. This means that the same story could be written in a way that makes it successful or not. The good news is that there is always room for improvement and we are all here to learn and hone our skills, so you should never give up!

Remember that I am not a professional writer, I am just a fellow aspiring one, like yourself, so feel free to agree with or discard my observations. I just mean to be helpful but it is your story after all.

Write On!
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Review of THE VISIONARY ANT  
Review by gladiola
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (3.5)
My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Go Noticed" .
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*BalloonR* Welcome to WDC from "Newbie Welcome Wagon" ! *BalloonR*

Hello Charles E.J. Moulton . I have read "THE VISIONARY ANT"  and I am here to offer you review 1 of 3.
Please know that I am just a reader, not an experienced author, so feel free to agree with or discard my suggestions. I hope you enjoy your package.

So I read this twice and googled some pieces of advice for writing a short story for children, and that is what my review is based on.

My first impression: That story has good potential, where an ant is so ambitious to impress the queen and earn a job as her assistant. He also finds a supportive friend who is trying to help him fulfill his dream and make the best use of his abilities. A child reading this will learn the value of friendship, helping others and ambition. However there is still room for improvement and I will clarify that while discussing some aspects of this story.

The title: The visionary ant. It is eye-catching one, however after I read the story, I recommend reconsidering it. Eulalia didn’t need a revelation to find out that Barnaby crossed the road on the back of a bird. I find it more logic as her conclusion after carefully looking up and observing the sky. It was not believable that Barnaby came back and forth just by crossing that dangerous road, so she probably thought about that and realized that he made use of the help of the bird.

Description: A children story needs a lot of vivid imagination and colourful mood. It is essential to have many simple descriptions in the story and not just stating things or situations. The story is drifted towards telling and is a bit far from showing which is essential to keep the listening kids focused and imagining what they hear and seeing vivid images of it. So a good thing you can do about this is to add some colours and maybe also funny descriptions. You can pinpoint adjectives and replace them with an explaining phrase.
*BurstP* For example “His knowing look was a brave and daring one.” This could be better said as “ The ant that carried a rock that was even heavier than its own weight shall not scare that easy.”
*BurstP* “And with that, the crazy ants went dancing into the half-finished anthill.” What was the celebration like? What were the ants wearing? How did their anthill look like? Remember that you don’t have to be realistic when writing to children, they appreciate absurdities.
*BurstP* However try to keep that suitable to children age by avoiding complicated descriptions like “The eager little bird named fear hit the walls of her ribcage and screamed for her to let it out.”

Characterization:
Fred: is an optimistic young ant. He is a man of his word. He tries to solve problems facing their kingdom and dreams of becoming the queen’s assistant one day.
Eulalia: is his friend (I think friends is better than girlfriend if it is written for children, and also they are just innocent ants!). She tries to think and find a way out of their trouble. She helps Fred to become the assistant.
The bird: he wants to help. (I found it was rather negative to find him gossiping about Barnaby and telling that he only boasted about going back and forth.) He should show how we all need each other and need to cooperate even if we are different. His tone seemed rather hateful towards Barnaby and that doesn’t sound good to a children’s story.
*PointRight* I believe the characters are great, but we may just need to know more about how they look and how they dress like (if they dress).

The ending: seemed a perfect one. Usually children love happy endings as they feel for the characters and sympathize with them, so they get disappointed when they find a sad end. It was a good choice to end the story that way. Everyone was happy and Fred finally achieved his dream and helped the ant kingdom prosper. Well done!*ThumbsUp*

Overall: An ant wants to import some fir needles from the other end o the road to build their anthill. That was a good plot. The ant’s world is interesting and suitable for children. I believe that more description and maybe adding some humorous situations or rhyming phrases can help this story a lot.
Thanks for sharing.
Write On!
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