Oooh, really deep. Don't know why, but I really liked the third stanza. Maybe it's because I'm a Gnostic and it evokes the sense of Sophia. Either way, it was very nice. The images you create with each stanza are powerful on their own, but together, they work in harmony. Nice work!
The rhythm and rhyme-scheme worked well for this one. However, I'm having a hard time seeing the change over time theme going on. I get it in the first two stanzas with a young couple and then young parents, but it sort of loses it after that. Maybe that's just me.
Delightful! I enjoy the rhythm you have going for this one. I can hear it very well in my head. In general, I prefer rhyming poetry, so I'm glad I found yours. And the subject matter, while on the matters of the mundane, you make it come out beautifully and rather exciting, capturing well the roller coaster of emotions in a day-to-day job.
Wow, chilling and humorous at the same time. I really loved the little references to classic Christmas songs but written in a way only a computer could think of it. I also liked the choice of epistolary format as it really worked with what you were trying to accomplish.
Interesting. Kind of had a Twilight Zone feel to it. I was kinda hoping for a big supernatural twist at the end though, but this is just as well. It just felt though, like a warm-fuzzy family ending, which was a little weird compared to the paranormal tone set throughout the story. The beginning kinda reminded me of the first few chapters of Toni Morrison's "Beloved," and definitely gave it a good tone to start off with. Other than that, there were a few typos here or there, and some capitalization things in a few spots, but a second read-through will probably help you spot them.
Well, this sounds like an interesting concept. I like how well you've tried to lay things out for the story to take on some significant paths. Shame this story really hasn't taken off too much. I was looking for a good Izzet story. I would contribute, but I'd like to know more about this alternate version of Ravnica before I would commit. Good luck in your story!
Overall, this is an interesting take on a common sci-fi theme. Kind of a twist on the old "Honey, I shrunk the kids," in a way. While there are some good story elements at work, I find the story is very dialogue heavy and doesn't really use a lot of descriptions. The general rule of thumb is show, don't tell. I for one would like to know more about what the aliens and their ship looks like. I would like to know more about their need of the dragon egg and why they are convinced the person who has been shrunk can retrieve it. Also, there are several grammatical errors over various chapters, and a lot of that could be fixed with some edits on the part of the mod of the story. Keep at it, and keep trying to make it the best you can!
Eh, it's a little fast-paced for my tastes. There's very little description or characterization throughout, making it feel as if they're just going through the motions. That makes it a little less believable, to me anyway. Also, the character bios at the beginning seem a little off in proportions compared to starting weights. Not saying it's bad, but not the best I've seen.
My god, this was such fun to read! I had some serious moments of having my toenails curl. I've been reading this one again and again, just to see all the different endings so far. Hansel and Gretel (the Gretel option) and Little Red Riding Hood (the Little Red Riding Hood option) have been my favorites, and I find myself re-reading scenes just to keep enjoying them.
My one area of constructive criticism is that there are a lot of grammatical and spelling errors in several chapters. While I can get the general gist of what is being said, it is pretty glaringly obvious. Another issue I have, and it's more with the other contributing authors rather than the original author, is that several chapters are incredibly short; say, two sentences. Many of them are cop-outs on the part of the writers because they do not want to write the particular scene given to them in the options. That's not very sporting. Oh well, it's not my story to complain about. Still, I love, love, love this story!
A very detailed story line. I love a person who really commits to world-building. So, I found the handbook incredibly helpful. As to the story itself, I'm impressed by a lot of what I see, especially the creator's writing. So many chapters in other interactive stories are far too short, lack any concern for grammar, and leave something to be desired. Not this story. So many well-written chapters that have been clearly checked over. And let's not forget the plot. I mean, yes it is a WG fic, but that's not the total focus of the work and there is so much in the way of genuine character development.
I think the only constructive criticism I can offer is that there is so much story that has yet to be filled. Of course, the original author can't have time to get to everything, but I would like to see some more out of some story lines. I get excited with each new page, but then hit a wall just when it's getting good. So frustrating, but in a good way. It also seems like some of the choices have yet to be filled, making things a sort of one-way story at times. However, that's okay. It's the job of not just the original author, but anyone with good ideas for this story to keep contributing. Keep up the good work! And seriously, keep it up.
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