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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/grainnemhaol
Review Requests: OFF
106 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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1
1
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I remember reading this! It looks great!
2
2
Review of The Contractor  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow...haha, so we have the destruction of earth I'm assuming? I liked it. Not too sure but even if it's just a contest entry this is a concept that could be expanded upon should you decide to later.
I felt kind of wrong laughing about it. It has a "Jupiter Ascending" feel for some reason.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
3
3
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Wow, I don't know what crazy thing is about to happen but this first chapter is probably the best hook I've read in a while. I'm already drawn in and it's only chapter one. I don't have too many cons at this point. This is extremely well done. I hope you continue as I would love to know what happens next!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I loved the story, although, the one idea that I am not fond of is that they can control this guy before he does things. It will be interesting to see how it plays out, but how will he work if they have to make up everything he can remember? (actually that sounds like an interesting story in itself)

Hope you post more. I love it so far!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
5
5
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Uh wow, there's lots of new ideas here, in this one chapter...have you thought of breaking it down into smaller segments?
Likes: The idea, the concept behind it, being able to see into other people's minds, and they don't know you are there.

There's a lot of information to process here. While this can be worked into a story quite well, I'm not sure if I would have done it in quite this amount all at once.

Switches between passive and active voice, a lot.

What exactly is different about this human? I'm curious now...

can't wait to read more!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
6
6
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
When I read your summary I certainly wouldn't mind picking up the book to read...hope you plan on putting it on writing.com. Just curious...how will you get around the fact that she was at his cabin and he didn't call an ambulance or anything? Or is she concious? Just sick?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
7
7
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
So glad to finally read this latest installment! I was confused initially because there was no mention of the two previous characters but I know you are still writing it! Can't wait to see how the characters connected and loved the introduction of the two new and mysterious characters.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
8
8
Review of Speak Now  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I liked this story. I would add some details in the end, maybe the world stopped turning and everything froze the moment he saw her but that is just my own way of doing things. You captured the emotion of the story very well. I really liked the part where he jumps up saying "NOOOOOOOO!" and it turns out to be the alarm going off and he's still sleeping. Very well done!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
9
9
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with "Pantsers" United  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I do like this story and have been waiting for the next chapters to come out. Just wanted to say that while I love the story it moves very quickly, almost too quickly. Maybe you could give more of a description of the characters in general to help? On the other hand, "Stop your caterwauling woman!" Love this phrase. Priceless!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
10
10
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (4.5)
I liked this story, I had read the first two chapters before and I'm so glad you are still writing. I like the new characters although the way the paragraphs are set up it's a bit difficult to tell who is saying what. When they get Syrina its's difficult to tell what exactly went wrong (or right?) when they rescue her. Maybe additional info at the moment would help?
And now you've left me with a cliff hanger again! I hope you are already working on the next chapter!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
11
11
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I just found this after reading chapter two, which is the first one I saw. This is awesome, I really liked it, the dialogue between the Ogre and Cateria is brilliant. I do hope you plan on making a novel out of this story. I can't wait to see how the daughter bursts in to help save her Mother. Please finish!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I don't know why anyone hasn't read it yet. It's very good! I'd go back and read, there are a few small spelling errors that are probably just typos. I understand the reviewers not reviewing part, I've had my story up for the past month trying to get reviews. Is there more, a chapter one? I hope you finish it. It sounds like a great story. I'm fanning this to read more when you write which I hope you will!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
13
13
Review of SHE  
Review by Red_Leasia
Rated: E | (5.0)
Wow, seriously as a woman I can only hope that I inspire my significant other in this way. :) Loved your descriptions especially about Fate being a hateful bastard, and the planets orbits being messed up. Not sure if this is a true to life experience for you or not but the vividness of the description, it could be!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
14
14
Review of Star Knight  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Let me start off by saying that I HOPE THERE IS MORE! I really liked this beginning. It was a draw in right away. Please keep writing it. 4 1/2 stars for there not being more. It sounds like the beginning of a novel in progress. Your descriptions are great. Keep up the good work!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
for entry "Truths
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with "Pantsers" United  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I hope there is more, always been a big fan of this story. Very interesting storyline you've taken...very strange to see Spike tailing someone else but hey it's good. The story moves very quickly and Spike isn't in denial about his feelings for very long. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review of Yes, All Women  
Review by Red_Leasia
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Is it sexism or harassment? Either way, all of it was inappropriate, I have had my share of harassment over the years and to this day I am uncomfortable around large groups of men, and I trust very few. I think of 'sexism' as a man saying "You can't do that because you are a girl" as in your first example, but the rest seem to be sexual harassment. Just my point of view. But thank you for posting this. This brings back memories that I've had of similar situations. I think the scariest was waiting for the bus in middle school and watching a gang of men head down the street towards us. It made us all uncomfortable but then our bus showed up and we all rushed onto it and the men turned back. Again thank you so much for posting this. I have two little girls now and 2 young boys that I wish never to experience nor perpetrate this type of behavior.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
17
17
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with "Pantsers" United  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Strengths - good story, descriptions are nice... weaknesses - the flow starts to speed up rapidly towards the end. I think you should go back and flesh it out, as it all starts happening pretty quickly. Although on a good note the story did suck me in and I had to read it until the end. I think you should go back to the part just before she finds her soul mate and depending on how long you want the story to be, maybe have the wand start acting up on it's own(or her) and maybe have her go back and ask Dumbledore about it, it would be a neat way to go round a bout and figure out that Snape was her 'soul mate.' Very good read!


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review by Red_Leasia
Rated: E | (4.0)
I think you should add more characters. I also think this would make a cute little children's book(complete with pictures). As it is, I got a good laugh out of the names and so did my kids. I hope you come up with some more characters for it, to make it a bit longer. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
19
19
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with "Pantsers" United  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Other than the title which is missing the "S" in Gunslinger, I liked it. I wonder if it would flow a bit better if you changed the last line to read "Scavenging 'his' bones and meat to fit with the rest of the lines at the end of each stanza. I liked this poem a lot though. It certainly does give you a sense of what it is to be a gunslinger. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
20
20
Review of Girlhood  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Although I do have a hard time believing that if someone cared for her they would rape her, I do see this as a good example of schools and what happens to girls who don't stand up for themselves because they think this behavior is good or 'cute."


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
21
21
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
cliff hanger! I think you've capture the range of emotions very well. Although I have a hard time seeing anyone sitting down calmly after two gun shots have gone off. The main character is callous in his thoughts but it works well with the family dynamics being portrayed. If the subject wasn't so sad, the story would even be funny. :) Also are you going to add more about the ending or just leave it hanging here. :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
22
22
Review of Love So Far Apart  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
As a military spouse I can say that this definitely rings true. I love writings that I can identify with and this definitely was one of those that had me sighing. Especially the last line. Loved it.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
23
23
Review of Dragon Tamer  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: E | (5.0)
I hope this is just chapter one. I was hooked, the beginning with dropping into another world with a dead dragon was a bit off but I think that perhaps this story is not finished and you will swing back around to that. I can't wait to see maybe this story fleshed out with back ground info on why the tattoos are applied to keep them from going mad?


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
24
24
Review of Trapped  
Review by Red_Leasia
In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Loved it. Waiting to see the significance of the marks. Some sort of club? Hopefully will see more soon! Helpful to separate out the paragraphs a bit, hard to read. Great attention to detail though. Loved the part where her "hopes get dashed" by the pretty boy kidnapper.


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
25
25
Review by Red_Leasia
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Well this is a most auspicious beginning! Cannot wait to see more now. Definitely interesting. Right now my only critique is where is the rest? I'd like to see where this is going before I can give more. Also is this going to be a novel, short story? I can easily see this becoming a novel.
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