Excellent! Very well written. I detected only one error in the last line. (Should "rested" read "rest"?) Keep writing. You have strong skills and tell a good story.
What a lovely article! I noted 2 small errors which in no way detract from the story: 1. "tooo" should read "too". and 2. "still hold" should read "still held". Thanks for sharing. You might enjoy my own article, "Miracle at Sears." Yours in writing, grdixon.
Etheree! Very interesting. I learned something new. As for the shrimp, I can picture them riding on the backs of nudibranchs. Great educational piece for a possibly budding marine biologist.
Wow! Small world. Was Santa's competition actually your Josh. What a perfect title for this short but gripping tale. Write on! And Happy New Year. George Dixon.
A very nice tribute to Richard, and a somber reminder that we never know what's headed our way. By the way, if you're having trouble with spelling and grammar, I suggest that you use a word processor for your initial drafts. After typing in your work you can run spell checker to highlight most misspelled words, etc. Keep practicing! GRDixon.
Excellent! One small point: In a couple of places you use "we're" where you mean "were." This story is fodder for a TV short like the twilight zone. Write on! GRDixon.
Well written! From what I know about you, I'm not sure whether it's truth or fiction .... a testament to the piece's quality. Anyhow, the dot painting idea is interesting. Are the dots the days of our lives, some yellow, some black. Yellow was Eisenhower's favorite color, and by all odds he was a winner. But he's gone now, as will I soon be. Best, George.
This poem tugged at my heart strings and made me think about the lives of foster children everywhere. It's a lousy way to have to start out in life. The miracle is that so many of them rise above it in their adulthood. Thanks for waking us all up to a quiet little problem in human life. GRDixon.
Beautiful. You are clearly a horse lover. There is nothing more enchanting than a horse stretched out in full gallop. I'll tell my sister about your portfolio, as she is a horse lover too. Thanks for sharing. grdixon.
It sounds like a blast! I noted a couple of misspellings: "Carribean" should be "Caribbean," and "Wiliam" should be "William." I'm drooling over the bill of fare. I'll get Alice Cooper to come ... he lives nearby. As for me, I've reached the age where my next birthday party is a big deal just for happening. :) I promise that if you invite me to yours, I'll make it my personal business to see that Prince Harry and I both keep our clothes on. Cheers! George.
High praise for one who no doubt deserves every word of it. My hunch is that with a bit more tinkering you could get more rhythm in the piece. But, as they say, ultimately it's the thought that counts. As one who has been happily married to the same woman for 48 years, I enjoyed it.
Your writing has notably improved in the past few years. That's a fine hereford bull at the end of your piece. Photographed perhaps in Ireland? He looks like the bull that Fiddler Crabbe dropped with a couple of punches. Write on. George.
This poem is rich in longing and regret. I found only one small error. ("restlessness takes it toll" should probably read "restlessness takes its toll"). It's probably the best argument I've heard in a long while for the virtues of smoking and drinking. (I notice you have another poem on smoking, which I'll read next.) Thanks for sharing. And I hope that someone else is able to fill the void left by Jini. grdixon.
He'd enjoy this. He lives right here in the Valley of the Sun (greater Phoenix area). He appears infrequently in TV ads, usually playing a humorous role. Technical nit: "of he so chose." should probably read "if he so chose." Good job. It captures the essence of Cooper's professional persona.
A story for our times. I think the piece would read more smoothly if you introduced more paragraphs between key ideas. Also, a properly placed comma can change the immediate impression of a sentence. For example,
"I finally relented promising to keep his secret. " might benefit by a comma between "relented" and "promising".
All in all, I enjoyed it. grdixon.
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