..
I have stumbled upon an odd chapter of your book over the last couple of months and was entertained by your story and your writing. I figured it was time for me to start at the beginning to get the full value of your story.
September 1997: You paint an exceptional picture of the opening cast and the scene. The old Ms. Oggs, reliant on the sweet and efficient Shirley. The Dollhouse behind in the times, disintegrating with age, about to be reawakened with events and tales implied but not yet revealed.
She sat down at her desk, pushing aside a stack of 'Lost Property' forMs
= not sure why the capital; I believe this should be [forms.]
The Heart of the Estate:
The devastation which surrounds the school is clearly visual with the use of description. The community is reliant on the school, which teaches their children, and provides service above and beyond. And then there is Shirley who lives close by but far enough to be in a totally different visual of another part of town. I like how you placed her in a cottage house backed by woodland, the perfect place to hide her secrets and practice her craft.
The little community centre, despite its threadbare dor,
= could not find a reference for this word; should it be [door]
Overall, a very captivating first chapter which draws in the reader to learn more about Shirley, the dollhouse, and what magic transpires within the cottage.
This review is my thoughts as I read your item. The suggestions provided are to be used at your discretion. Thank you for sharing.
This is so awesome and not only well done but very cleverly created. I would not have thought an extensive list of ingredients for writing could be so elegant and entice me to want more of the dish being served. I did indeed taste your culinary magic and enjoyed it very much.
..
Thoughts and words make the moment of realization within the lines of your poem. It shows the true meaning of losing oneself in the shadow of another, only to please someone and then be left behind, forgotten.
ofcorseyou feel like you are in the slip stage
- I believe you meant to say of course here
You also have quite a few instances where you have left a space between the word and the comma
- not certain if this was intentional or if a dash would have been better to use
This review is my thoughts as I read your item.
The suggestions provided, if any, are to be used at your discretion to alter your work. Thank you for sharing.
There is heart and feeling within these words. A reflection of someone who passed before their time, or before one has the time to say goodbye. In my case, it resonates with the feeling of loss for one who is still alive but no longer has the mental capacity to accept the words being spoken.
Your interpretation makes sense to me. Not that I'm a Swiftie either, and definitely not a Hamlet fan. I agree the melody was good and the visual was captivating. I would not have thought the song to be a storytelling, but since you mention it, I can see where that becomes the case.
Interesting idea for a story. Sounds like a good cast of characters. The ending leaves many questions that will be answered as your story progresses.
Correction: wrist band is one word = wristband
Spelling: His deckis light gray and holds all his paper and stuff = I think you meant desk
This was an interesting and captivating short story. Your use of description provided drama, excitement, mystery, and a great visual of the old house in a state of repair. The discovery of the painting, again described in full detail with added hope of potentially a way to finance future repairs, was cleverly placed into the fold.
This was an easy read, that is, until the last stanza, for me, it did not blend or match the previous two. Even after reading it more than once, nope still didn't seem like the right finish to the to the previous stanza, which were very good.
A neat heart-warming story, a dream most have, but never the opportunity to act on it. It brings to the point the reason most people quit there job is not because they don't enjoy their job, but rather the management drives staff out the door.
This was quite the humorous tale. It is funny how all cats have their ways of getting exactly what they want when they want. Your use of description was perfect, and I visually see the cat planning and doing all the steps required.
..
I really like this version of the template that you have created. It is specific to Animal Characters, which is quite helpful for any writer bringing their animals to life within a story. Your key points are instructional and great for reference and follow-up.
I did notice a suggestion that you might want to adjust:
1. c. How you going to introduce the character into the story
This should read one of two ways:
How areyou going
How yourgoing
I stumbled on your item and was drawn to taking a look, as I had created one for characters back in 2001. After 25 years on the site and 17,000 views, I retired the original and created a more in-depth version. which I have referenced for the nano I am hosting in November. "2026 NaNoWriMo Challenge meo" . I believe your Animal Character template is an awesome tool, and I have added it to the list to help others prepare for the challenge.
This review is my thoughts as I read your item.
The suggestions provided are optional. Thank you for sharing.
Nice rhyme and easy to read. You have provided the thought in a true form of what it is like to have a pet. Our pets are awesome, and I wouldn't have it any other way, except for the cost of food, which, in my opinion, could be a little more reasonable.
The diamond poem effect is cool. The letters bolded; BLOCKED represent a time when the writing juices are diminishing. The letters blueMUSINGS represent when one loses their trusty pen. A clever way to design and showcase the meaning of the inkless pen.
Very cool to take the WdC community on a tour of the site through words. I love that you included the WCD101 as it is a most useful tool for everyone to use, regardless of how long they have been on the site.
Your mother has always been and still is your rock. I know this to be true. What a lovely tribute to her unconditional love for you. I hope you shared this with her as well for she would be so pleased
Well, I can't read this because it is not in English but rather a language I do not know, so I guess the only thoughts I can give on it are that the format looks nice, and the font is a good size for reading.
.. What a compelling storyline to flow through the mind of a daughter as she reflects on her mother's presence even after her death. The memories that haunt her of the person she thought she knew then are now a different experience as she looks back. Nicely done.
A few suggestions:
Her hands glimmering from the natural light that reflects off the diamonds she sports.
= glimmer
Gold jewelry adding tones of warmth to her skin.
= adds
Her eyes shining brightly to match the color of the outdoor sky.
= shone
She tries to shake it off, telling herself to not dwell on the memories that haunt her.
= not to
A series of events in the peak of her life have not left her.
= at
= has
I see them lace her body as if she has been locked inside a straight jacket.
= straightjacket
I did not know to look for them.
= know [how] to
This review is my thoughts as I read your item.
The suggestions provided, if any, are to be used at your discretion to alter your work. Thank you for sharing.
..A novel concept perhaps? I could see this short story going into much further detail and introducing others inside the zoo. While it has but one main character at this time, his dreams showed life. Perfect use of dialogue for the ending.
This review is my thoughts as I read your item.
The suggestions provided, if any, are for your use at your discretion to alter your work. Thank you for sharing.
You provided an adequate description to present a good visual. The added touch of drama with the doorknob coming off. The cast of characters were realistic in dialogue. But you lost me on the wall stair that led directly to an apartment balcony below. This would be highly unlikely, unless there were an emergency escape that continued down past all the balconies to the ground.
I don't know much about Haiku, but I do like how this rolls off the tongue as you read it, creating a very visual picture. Really like 'melody of simple life', it has so much meaning for many things in life.
The characters appear to be well thought out. The storyline was realistic, until it wasn't.
"Randy, those people you killed; they are not real. They died five years ago in the incident at your home.
Those people were real, and died, based on the story ending, were killed by him, and yet the next line implies something different.
While I enjoyed reading the better part of your story, the ending just didn't match the rest.
This sounds like having children at home, too! Except they eat the snacks. Never let my in-laws move in, best decision ever.
Short, sweet, and to the point. Great visual.
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