Thank you for writing in such vivid description how a day in the life of a flautist unfolds. The story itself was a combination of grace, information, drama, and selflessness in one man's struggle as he helps so many others.
Very Nicely Done.
I line the 4-line stanza with each providing a piece to the story. The characters are portrayed with each stanza completed.
The setting of an old-fashioned town was perfect. Now this is a poem that would make a good 2,000-word story.
Nicely Done
Each stanza was a reflection of a time as life fades and a soul breaks free to hopefully a better place.
This had a very nice reading pattern to it, each line bled to the next with grace. Very nicely done.
Sweetness and Sadness all mixed together. Your words ring true for many who wish for just one more day or just another moment. Life can be cruel to so many and take away what once made us happy. Nicely done.
This is a compelling read. It begs you to continue, for you think you know what the ending will be.
And then it was not. thump... thump... thump... thump... still echoes in my mind. Very nicely done.
Great choice of words used to describe the personal fight between evil and good. Each stanza takes you through the tricks that are played within the mind. Nice touch with the ending, to know evil will be left behind, lurking for the next opportunity to tease the heart once more. An enjoyable read.
Those are some serious words, with each stanza representing a new page in what seems a lifetime of actions that bring us to where we are now. Very nicely done. A most enjoyable read.
I find this letter to be more of a comfort in what needs to be done and how you will work towards completion.
The most powerful statement here is to renew your commitment to writing. Writing can be a great tool to release the mind of its worries, to speak to yourself through words of what is troubling you, or holding you back from doing the things you really want to do. It can also be a place to shed your tears, to be stronger the next day.
The second powerful statement is finances. Burying your troubles or wishing them to disappear will never give you peace. The best approach, while not the easiest, is to meet it head-on and work through the process to transform the bad into not so great, into getting better, into good. It is a hard process, and it is clear you are taking the first step. I wish you well.
Good thoughts, on your story of love, but far too many errors.
I know I really love you because deep in my heart you are so special to.^= missing the word me at end
You give me joy you ^male me smile when I am sad. ^= male should be make
If I could write a book I would ^word it with my thoughts of how you made me feel so lucky to have you in my life.^= word should be write
No one can replace you we are ^bond to each other. ^= bond should be bound
I thought I lost you.
But I found you .
You fill this emptiness that I had for so long.^My heart Is heavy when I think about you. ^= put a space between long. and My
My mind is on you day and night .
When I go to Sleep I toss and turn I ^cant Sleep because you are on my mind. ^= cant should be can't
I deserve you and you deserve me.
Together we deserve each other ,
So as we walk hand ^and hand. ^=and should be in
This is my story: The Book of Love
A mother's grief. A son's misunderstanding. Both were conveyed exceptionally in this story. The description you provided as each scene moved smoothly to another set the visual for the reader's mind, completed with a compelling story plot that was to unfold. Your use of dialogue moved the story with perfect measurement, tone, and reality. "What the hell" was perfectly placed, providing additional characters, and I actually anticipated the grave diggers finding Robbie. Surprise, what a great twist. I enjoyed this story, thanks for sharing.
You have captured the residual meaning of an object, which brings forth the memories of time that has passed.
Your character is full of reflection, love, remorse, and self-being. Your writing has captured her well. The smooth flow of your words begs you to continue reading to see how it all ends. An enjoyable story to read.
I did find one minor word missing:
“That might actually ^ fun, give me something to do!” ^= be
Neat concept - I talk to myself all the time - but never thought to literally make a record of comments to myself.
The fact that you did this for a whole year is impressive. Sept 16th was very intuitive.
Interesting story, your bully character was true to form. The feelings of the boy being terrorized by the bully and his gang were well played. The introduction of the stranger was rather sudden; this could have been expanded more, or perhaps you plan to do this if you continue the story itself.
Your descriptive writing is most impressive. The use of the supernatural genre was very nicely done. The story was compelling from start to finish and a most enjoyable read, but for one minor point.
The font you have used in this item is extremely hard to read for the length of this piece. Might I suggest you change the font to another? I myself did a copy and paste into Word with a font that made the story so much more enjoyable.
Compelling storyline, you want to read, but it seems dark, and you don't, but then you continue, because you have to know what comes next. Nicely done. I did not see her saying teach me - that was a good twist.
fissure haha you made me look it up - l'm not sure its the right word for what you want to imply about Rogers
She felt an odd compulsion to explore, to uncover whatever lay hidden behind the tidy fade. - Did you mean facade?
Nothing seemed out of place--just ordinary clothes, a stack of novels, an old vinyl record collection. - I think you might want 'and' after novels
You seem to have a fair amount of words that I would normally hypenate but you didn't. - wasn't sure if that was intentional or not.
This poem reads well and tells a tale of the final release from this life.
I have noticed a trend where your poems repeat certain stanzas.
Again, this popped in my Read a Newbie - it's always a surprise when I find your name attached to it.
Priceless - the best one I have is the year a real cost my dad $150 [for reference, the year was 1969], maybe I will share it someday.
But pulling an Uncle Ken that is one to remember for sure, and to repeat often. Love it.
I have often wondered about the inner demons cast upon those who are not like the rest. Your realization of who you are and whether to stay silent and hide vs. being bold and revealing yourself to the world. In our twilight years, we often think, have we done enough or done too little? Thank you for sharing your story.
Great use of the prompts, and a very captivating story. Easy read, enjoyed the larger font. Your description of Sara as she made her journey to a writer was spot on. Good luck in the challenge.
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