Dear Jinks
You have done a great job. The language is too good, the descripion of the elements in relation to Two characters is spellbounding.The words almost grow within you till you can feel exactly what the poet felt while writing it. Truly a very moving piece.
Hi Marion
Your writing has a lot of emotion ,however you need to work on spellings and punctuations.Praising God, singing and dancing in joy,secure in the knowledge that He is guiding and protecting us is what we all would like to feel.The essence is there but needs more processing.
A new side to a tale as old as the earth itself.You stay close to the original story, but have improvised at places which makes it fresh.It is a perfect example of old wine in new bottle.The language is flowing ,keeping pace with the action,and the description is very apt. A good story to read.
I share your views about each one of us being unique.''The cloud does not know why it moves in a certain way, but the sky does.'So maybe we do not know why we were born ,or why we face certain situations,meet certain people, but the universe has a master plan,of which each one of us is but a small piece.As Einstein said 'God does not play dice.' There is a reason for everything,we may not know it now, but there is.
a very apt description of the life of a working woman,not that there are any non working women.Women at home spend all their time looking after the home and children, so they too are working, but women who have taken up a job in addition ,have to juggle between work outside and work inside the home.This piece very realistically describes the daily routine in a womans life and I can relate to it.
Unloved deals with rejection in a very hard hitting way.The way you have written only the emotions one after another makes it more dramatic.However I feel it is more prose and less of poetry.Keep writing ,best of luck.
Please review my work Two beautiful eyes and the sea.#2197768.
It is a piece showing two contrasting features of the writer. The first part describes a tense scene, a friction between two adversaries while the second half shows the romantic side of the author, very soft and gentle relationship between two lovers.I will be waiting to read what happens next
This is a great piece from a cat lover.The words flow effortlessly to describe the various actions of the pet, giving it human emotions at times. I love the way the pet s described as a nuciance in some places but one can feel the love the author feels for it.
good piece, keep it up
It is really good to read the words expressing dilemma,coflict within.One can almost feel the churning taking place in the mind.It is a realistic situation where the victim often ends up sympathizing with the oppressor.The words are full of expression and the pace is ideal to make the reader sit back and think .
Your writing is very descriptive and flows smoothly.The characters are described realistically ,at the same time the situation is fantasy.It is a good combination with good balance.
The description of the scene is intense and dynamic ,but it is too short a piece to comment.One is not clear in what context the shot was fired.If a little more was shared things would be clearer.
The writing is crisp ,fast paced and the reader is made to sit at the edge waiting for the next move.However,I think a little too much sexual overtones are in the piece.It is my personal opinion,maybe I am old-fashioned.The rest of work is good and dialogues are enciting.
Fluent style of writing,the words giving a sense of movement as he runs.The frustration of being bound is also depicted well.The suspense is also palpable as one waits for what happens next
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