The Run-on King PDG Member's (gungunwarrior) Reviews

The Run-on King PDG Member

Review Requests: OFF

459 Public Reviews Given

462 Total Reviews Given

Review Style

I like to give a fair honest review on anything. I believe in giving every review a custom review and not a cookie cutter. I will point out all the mistakes as well as offer or show help to fix it.

I'm good at...

In depth reviews. I check flow, some grammar if it pulls the reader out of the story. I also check consistency, characters are they real, believable, or fake. I check your plot, theme, and look for flaws. I enjoy both tell and show having grown up reading tell all my life. I will help with ideas on what could make the story or chapter better.

Favorite Genres

I love comedy, sci-fi, fantasy, mysteries, and horror.

Least Favorite Genres

poetry

Favorite Item Types

Short stories

Least Favorite Item Types

poetry

I will not review...

Bad poetry because I really don't know enough to help them fix it. Besides I really wouldn't know good poetry from bad. With all the different styles and structures what might not be bad at all. To me would be so rather then stick foot in mouth and chew vigorously. I would tell you the truth and say I suck at poetry and not disappoint one of the great people here on WDC.

151

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14 days may be credited.

#3924905

Review of The Last Survivors Of Our Race

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: 13+

| (4.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there

"Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie

I am fascinated by this story idea. After all who hasn't wanted to be superman or wonder woman.

Plot

I was enjoying where you are taking us with this plot great job.

Character

It is sad the girl had to die but it makes what is coming more believable you are developing them well for a starter.

Setting

You know there is always something going on under the cities good setting.

This was the only oops
She was miraculously good swimmer, she swam for such a long period of time, the forced her out, in fear that she would die from lack of sleep. Shouldn't the "the" = they? or a little rewrite "They would force her out."

Now from the readers point of view it flowed nicely other then stumbling over the typo. II does what you want it to . I mean it grabbed me and I had to finish it or die trying. Even the typo couldn't stop me form finishing it. It was a great read. I want more, you have me hooked. Keep up the great work!

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

152

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14 days may be credited.

#3924405

Review of Animal Biology

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I really enjoyed your story it was interesting and for the most part grabbed me in and i had to finish it.

Plot

I enjoyed how you developed the story around the plot it was well thought out.

Character

You did a great Job involving the reader with your characters.

Setting

You didn't over describe it to me. You gave me enough I could see the house and the forest.

Tracking come hunting season – that would be useful! <--- This sentence with the one before it doesn't make any sense. It is like a partial thought not finished. A better example would be: "None of that would help me learn how to track ,which is extremely useful during hunting season." The other thought I had was to just omit this sentence. The only reason I am messing with it, is it pulled me out of the story. I had to stop because it doesn't make sense to me the reader. Once I got into the next paragraph the story flowed all the way to the end.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

153

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14 days may be credited.

#3923615

Review of When Sylvie Sang

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! This story was very interesting I'm still wonder why she had to rain on her books. You wrote it well. It flowed so well, if there was any typos, who cares it read so easy and well.

Plot

You wrote it very well and you kept to the plot. Your descriptions matched it as well.

Character

I felt bad for the poor guy that fell in love with her to bad she had to leave him. All your characters were believable and enhanced the story plot.

Setting

Very good job making us live in the bar and in the apartment complex.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

154

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14 days may be credited.

#3923252

Review of Honeymoon in Mars - Episode2

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I enjoyed your story.

Plot

The plot for the chapter was amusing. But very well done your description for the chapter match the plot.

Character

Your characters for the chapter were well written very believable it added to the suspense as well.

Setting

I had a llttle trouble with it at first. Were we talking about Earth oceans or a Mars with a large ocean interesting I figured it out finally. I don't think it was you so much as me since I haven't read your first chapter.

Jason: Hello, Mr.Stevens , myself Jason, this is my friend Edward.We actually want a written permit to visit Articus. <-- I listed this because it totally pulled me out of the story it just doesn't make sense when you read it. This is missing words or it needs to be re-written. Like all the other writers tell me to do, read it out loud before pressing upload. You would be surprised how many errors you can catch that way.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

155

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3923235

Review of DELUSIONAL

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! You did a great job with less than 300 word story.

Plot

It was a nice short plot nicely done.

Character

You made them come alive with such few words. You gave me enough information to make them live in my mind as the story progressed.

Setting

You created a great image of the hospital room and of the action as your story progressed Great job.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

156

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922870

Review of Blood Red Riding Hood

Review by The Run-on King...

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (4.5)

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie! I enjoyed your story. It reminded me of all the old murder mysteries, I used to watch as a kid.

Plot

I loved the plot and the twist at the end

Character

Your characters were enjoy able and you were very descriptive.

Setting

You set your stage well with plenty of mind food in your descriptions .

The only glitch in the story was close to the end when you wrote: "I knew you had to be because of you.” this chunk of sentence just doesn't make sense, and it pulled me out of the story. My suggestion is the first 'you' change it to 'it' or rewrite it to something like "I knew you had to be the cause of it."

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

157

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922495

Review of The Truth is Out There

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (3.5)

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie!

Plot

You stick to it with some possible sub plots great job

Character

I'm having trouble trying to figure out just who or what Susie is to the main character.. Is she a friend, girl friend soon to be wife or a half sister? Your main character I would like to know his age so it is more believable he is over at a girls house alone together.. Are they children or newly weds or brother and sister?

Setting

Your imagery is great I can picture the house and garden and the roses

You do have one oops: Staring around at the frilly pink dor, <--- shouldn't that be door. The only reason I'm showing you this is it drops the reader out of the story. Also as I found out in a contest entry it can disqualify you from prizes. I know it is one of those errors that a spell checker ignores. The best way to find them in a finished work is to read the work and listen how it flows when you read it out loud.

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

158

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3922471

Review of In the beginning

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (4.5)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there! "Gasp!" your being reviewed by a newbie!

Plot

Nice imagery and you stuck to it nicely

Character

interesting way to introduce us to gods

Setting

I can use the information you supplied to create your universe in my mind great job

Please remember that you are best judge of what is right for your story! Whatever another person says -- especially me! -- whether positive or negative, is just their opinion! You are the only one who can decide what is right for your story.

Thanks for sharing this item! I only review things that I enjoy reading and I truly did enjoy this piece. Please keep on writing more things just like this!!!

The Run-on King PDG Member

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

159

Only reviews from the past
14 days may be credited.

#3920809

Review of Abby's Dragon

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

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Hi there you about to get a review. "Gasp!" From a newbie! I love fantasy and am currently writing one in Nano I'm having story flow problems about my yellow dragon flight so here I am reading about a green dragon. your dragon reminded me of "Pete's Dragon."

*Plot: You stayed to the part where Abby went to school and she gave her dragon a chore to keep him busy until school was out. The dragon stayed to his part your plot is correct.

*Characters: I loved the two and Abby's mom it was all very believable especially on a school day.

*Setting: it was a great job of her bed and the bathroom mirror you didn't need much to fill in the details in ones mind you set the stage correctly.

I loved your story It had all the right elements to bring it to life was really fun reading I enjoyed how you introduced us to George and how Abby reacted to him. Your mom does the same stuff as my wife does getting our boys off to school Very well written and I loved your characters. It grabbed me in and held me there until you ended it.

160

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#3920713

Review of The Missing Latin Club Money

Review by The Run-on King...

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (5.0)

This is a review from "Invalid Item"

!

Hi there I just finished reading your story. I found it amusing as well as entertaining. it was a great read and very enjoyable.

* Plot = Your description matched your plot and the rest of story did as well. This was what made your story flow.

*Characters = We will probably never find out why George stole the money probably gave it to Blue girl to buy the ice cream with but hey it's all cool it worked out even better in the end. your characters are very believable and well written. I like the jab you put in about the pants sliding down there back sides like most of the homeys like to do even my teenagers do that disgusting habit. I'll get off my soap box now.

*Setting = You describe good old high scool very well I was able to picture this scool very well as well as your characters.

The story flowed and I felt you did an excellent job on writing it for the teenage audience.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

161

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14 days may be credited.

#3920025

Review of The Other Side of the Door

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (4.0)

Dear EmJay I enjoyed your story it reminded me of all the fun and the issues with raising children and believe me I learned this the hard way. I have help my beautiful wife raise and manage eleven children. Your story tells it like it is.

Now your plot was well thought out making the story pleasant to read as well as the enjoyment of children. Especially when they fight.

Your main character was done well and for all the information given was believable but at the first part I was initially thinking it was a teenager and by her name only was I sure she was female. As I read on you filled in the details so I was able to realize it was a young mother as well as an adult.

Nice job on filling in the blanks. Your setting was perfect.

I'm not an English major but as a reader the only flaw was paragraphs and since it just me and you might have the writing style correct. I am just so used to seeing indents for new paragraphs. That the lack of them stands out at first when I looked it over .I thought interesting . When I read it and found you write excellent and I may have had a wrong impression. I couldn't see knocking you down for my false first impression.

162

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14 days may be credited.

#3919825

Review of Laura's Unicorns

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: E

| (5.0)

I enjoyed your story very much if there were any errors they didn't effect the flow as I read it. It reminded me of the memories when my mom died it was hard mostly because she didn't want to be kept alive as a vegetable. Me and my brothers and dad all agreed on this for mom but the nurses and doctors all had problems with it. Mostly because she used to work there and it really is hard to let people you love go. My mom was a short bundle of fun and always quick to crack a joke or share something funny. Thank you for allowing me to remember her again.

163

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#3919820

Review of Lest We Forget

Review by The Run-on King...

Rated: 13+

| (5.0)

You know I enjoyed that story it reminded me of a lot of other professional short stories I have read in my time from John Campbell to Robert H. Hienlen. I enjoyed your story I felt like I was reading something written by one of my favorite authors. You did a great Job on this Story. I had to finish it then when it came to reviewing it I did a double take because I couldn't find any mistakes in it I had reread it three times now The only thing I would have changed was the ending it seemed kind of like a let down but it was funny and very different it still wasn't that bad. It is just me so you can ignore the ending part of this review it is an excellent story well written and I loved your dictionary at the end I learned I will have to create one for my NANOWRIMO story. Thank you for that bit of pleasure in a bad day.

164

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14 days may be credited.

#3918863

Review of Mystery of a Swan's Call

Review by The Run-on King...

In affiliation with The Newbies Academy Group

Rated: E

| (3.5)

Hi I'm fairly new here and all and I'm looking to help out with what little I know. In these two sentences when your reading them as a reader not as an editor. I got lost on who Christie was I had to go back and see that Laura is meeting with Christie.

She gave up trying to tame it down as she hurried towards the building that housed The Detroit News. Christie had something to tell her about their Halloween get-a-way.

If I may make a suggestion I would suggest you fix it this way: She gave up trying to tame it down as she hurried towards the building that housed The Detroit News. Her friend Christie had something to tell her about their Halloween get-a-way.

This next segment can use a little editing it was a tip I learned from an online source: Now, impatient for the vacation to begin, she packed tee shirts, shorts, jeans, a sweater and a jacket and put the suitcase by the door.

The example was when your listing items that go in a purse, suit case, sack, backpack, or wallet only name the things that your plot will use. Because every ones purse has the common things in it and the same for packing. We never saw the tee shirts or the jacket and the jeans but everyone normally packs one. I got called on this same thing myself is why I understand it better now. I was listing everything including the kitchen sink in my characters back pack. The truth is we only need to show what brings the plot forward in my case a flash light and a box of batteries for the flash light.

Simultaneously, Laura and Christie reached for their sweatshirts <---- (You didn't pack it so where did it come from?) My point was it is a small inconsistency it is harmless but editors look for this stuff to shoot us all down with.

She dug her own camera out of her satchel to do just that. Where did the satchel come from I thought they packed suitcases only. Now a phone camera in a purse is a better choice. Every one knows ladies don't leave home without their purses and some ladies have a purse as big if not bigger than a satchel. Another idea is: She dug her own camera out of her satchel like purse to do just that. I want to help I do hope I'm not picking on you that really is not my intention I'm just trying to show in our writing we need to be consistent even with luggage. You know the rest of it was good but I as a reader felt the trip to the submarine was a fill in for more word count. It would have had a lot more meaning if they first meet Gary there so it would tie up better why he would allow them to take the swan home. He could have been filling in for the normal tour guide etc... All in all it was an interesting story I thank you for taking the time to write it.

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .