|Overall, I think this is an interesting idea for a novel. I had a similar idea myself, which I almost gave up on because there is a Japanese Manga with a similar idea as well. It is about a boy who dies before he is suppost to. He is not a good person nor bad either so heaven gives him a chance to prove himself. He protects those who are in danger from the dark forces, so the story differs from yours at that point. But you can see the similarities.
You use the word "yenta" and later explain what it means. You should mention this right away so the reader isn't confused.
"This partying bruhaha was exactly that: bruhaha." This sentence is confusing and gramaticly incorrect. After the colon you should explan what bruhaha means; otherwise, what is the point of this statement?
When you first introduce Edna, there is a sudden point of view switch into her thoughts. You should never switch POV in the middle of a scene. Not only is it confusing for the reader but it also makes that character an equal with the main character. Keep POV limited to a very few major characters and then only when they have the whole scene to themselves.
You tell the story instead of showing it to the reader. This is most evident in the overuse of the word "she." ex. She did this, then she did that. Instead describe what is happening in detail. Read a passage in a novel you love and see how the author describes the scene so that it feels like you are there watching what is going on, instead of being told what happened afterward.
I have a problem with some of your logic. If evenyone knew how Chloe's life would turn out (predestination) how could she get hit by a car (free-will)? Your god seems too human and even uses profanity. Why is a new apprentice given a difficult assignment and threatened with punishment for failing when the failure was completely out of her hands? She should be expected to fail since she is new at this and very young. (Maybe if she had a few simple assignments before this, along with some warnings, then giving her a tougher assignment would make some sense.)
Again, I did enjoy reading this novel. I hope you will take the time to fix your plot and writing style so that your novel will be even better.
Keep on writing!