This was a very engageing story. I enjoyed tremendously and will look forward to The Dragon Riders.
I have to tell you that when I read I often see characters or hear their voices as someone I know of such as actors etc. Every time Whiff called Analia "little lady" I saw and heard John Wayne. I hope you get your book published soon.
The paragraph,"Your hurting me you beast!" Elaine quickly shouted. It is Elise.
This is not about this chapter but in our description at the top beginning of the book the title reads The Long travelor. Also revealed is spelled reveled. I am enjoying the book and all the characters.
In the first paragraph pealed should be peeled and sops should be soups. Also several times toward the end you refer to Nania as Nana. Did I miss that Analia shortened it?
I love that you are tying all of this back to man's unquenchable thirst for power and the failure of so many civilizations before ending in failure due to this. I love a story to have a positive purpose.
Khelti is spelled wrong in the paragraph, Peter quickley recovered.
I read this because I believe you are a talented writer and enjoy the story. Thanks for the points but you do not need to send them. Thanks!! Soon I will add my first young adult inpirational story and would just appreciate your comments!
I don't know if you want small corrections but In the first paragraph it should read more and more angry. In the paragraph abut the festivities raisin is misspelled raison. And in the paragraph beginning, At a signal from the cheif referee, Lord Alwathe is spelled Alwthe.
This is a great little guide when I have those senior moments and can't remember comma and apostrophe rules. Sometimes when I am in a hurry it is really hard to remember where to look for these tips so I will make this a favorite so I can find it quickly! I am so glad that this was included in my e-mail notifications this month! Thanks!
I have not finished a novel or even come close though I have attempted to start one. This is a great list and giving us a reference to The Wizard of Oz and the other books is very helpful. It seems like some of this happens naturally in creating a story but it is great to have guidelines to refer to.
Thanks for sharing your valuable insight.
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