I found your poem to ring true! I wrote a poem called "Not Judgement Day," with much the same message.
I really like the line:
Blessed are the ignorant
in whose mind doubts don't dwell.
I am fairly new to the site and am learning so much from each of you.
The only fault I found with this poem was the rhyme in the 3rd stanza. It just doesn't flow as well as the others.
I enjoyed reading your poem and will be back to visit your port soon.
Hi Ladygrace, I am reviewing this because I received your review of one of my poems. I like to return the favor!
First Impression
I was interested because of the title. I suspected that it was something spiritual and wanted to know more about the story.
Favorites:
I just really like the story because it brings to light that making our faith apparent and not being afraid to show our christian heritage can definitely be a good thing.
Also the man may have been saved because of this experience. Who knows the power of God?
Suggested Tweaks:
I would like to see the beginning information separated from the body of the story.
I am not sure about the breaks in your paragraphs. It makes the entire story a little hard to read.
Tweak: Mr. Roman Amor, ministered for more that 4o years of his life at Methodist....
Should be at a or at the Methodist Church in...
Tweak: His humble was greatly...
You need to change the word to humbleness or add another word to humble; such as humble attitude or demeanor etc. Also remember to space after periods.
Tweak: At the outbreak of World War II, the Amor family was bothered on the news...
Should be by the news.
Tweak: The Japanese had reached this news..
Should be received or learned of etc.
Tweak: "I'm a ministe at Methodist..
Should be minister at the Mehodist ...
Tweak: Just ck the story for spaces after periods and commas.
The story is interesting and inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
This is a beautiful poem and strikes a chord with anyone who has lost a loved one. Sometimes our words that come from pain are the words that someone else needs to hear. I feel that in this poem.. I found no grammatical errors or flaws; It is a wonderful reflection of how one feels standing at he grave of someone we love.
Delighful read! Not usually my choice but I'm glad I read this! I chose it because I have a poem called changes and it caught my attention. I don't believe anything happens without reason so I enjoyed the read.
I believe this is a difficult poem to write and maintain the flow. You do a wonderful job.
Favorites:
My favorite line is You made me feel rare.... The entire first part of the poem seems to flow better with the first thought.
Suggested Tweaks:
The second part of the poem seems a little stilted and doesn't flow as well as the beginning. It also seems to need to be separated a little between the love found and the discovery of the unfaithfulness. Can you just separate the to parts with a few spaces?
The only other line that I thought was a little forced was the very last one. It just doesn't seem work as well as the rest.
You are very talented and continue to learn from so many on this site. Thanks for sharing.
I am new at reviewing so take what you like!
A lot of little words can be left out in poetry.
For example the is in the 2nd line.
My face no longer a shining star.
That You're no longer mine, I can clearly see. But I won't...
But in with some time...
The last line repeats now. It may read better without one or the other.
I truely enjoyed reading this. I could feel the excitement of the children Just enjoying being alive and having fun. I loved "a watery kind of hopscotch", it was such a good connection. This whole thing brings back memories of playing king on the mountain with my brother. You have painted a very poignant picture and I am still smiling at the children as I write this. Thanks!
I am new to all of this but was intrigued by your title so I had to look.. It is a beautiful poem and having lost a daughter I have to say that this is much the way I like to see her. Free with no worries and only happiness. The only thing I question is the line about seeking a home because the rest of the poem seems to suggest that she needs no home but just the freedom to be. For whatever it is worth it touched me and I will mark it as a favorite!
I can't believe the talent that I have found here. I am new but have enjoyed so much reading the work of other people. The poem struck a chord partly because I recently read the book, My 90 minutes in heaven and this is so much like that. Maybe a good title would be Death Denied. Great work.
Great way to use the world around us to relate to our daily lives. I love that you used the colors to express the emotions that we feel when we think of a specific color. I am new at this so
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