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Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg
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1,432 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
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Review of The Hobby Horse  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Kathleen McNamara ~

I enjoyed reading your poem. It is well-written, and I enjoyed the L2-L4 end-rhymes used in all stanzas.
The poem evokes pleasant memories in me, as I had children who played with toys I had played with as a boy. Your poem captures that event quite nicely.

Your poem was a true pleasure for me to read. Nicely written!

Regards,

Harry
2
2
Review of The Sycamore Tree  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, historygeek402 ~

I enjoyed reading your poem about a boy and his friend, a sycamore tree. It brought to mind the images of a young boy seeing the world from high atop a tree. Then the tree stood guard over his grave, another powerful image. The subject of this poem is interesting and makes the reader want to read on.

One suggestion I might offer is that there needs to be a bit of a bridge between the young boy and the grave. Perhaps a stanza depicting his meeting a girl (their sitting under the tree, his head in her lap), their children growing up in the yard with the tree watching, etc. Alternately, did the boy die young in an accident or due to disease? Some glimpse of what transpired between the second and third stanzas would make the poem seem more complete to me.

Overall, I am pleased to have read your your poem. Nice job!

Regards,

Harry
3
3
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, K.HBey ~

I liked the message contained in your poem. The poem is filled with passion. I enjoyed reading it.

There are some issues that you might address:

The verb tense begins with the past tense but switches abruptly at the end of the first line of Stanza 2 to present tense: you didn't succeed, you fall apart >>> fall is present, past would be fell. However, the remainder of the poem uses present tense. The tense should remain consistent throughout.

The fourth stanza has only two lines, whereas all the other stanzas have three lines each. The inconsistency is jarring.

The lines toward the end of the poem are much longer than in stanza one. This is especially true of line one in the last stanza.

This construction is awkward: your dream when yesterday was failed apart (L1, S5). Perhaps: your dream that yesterday had fallen apart.

Again, I liked the message you delivered in the poem to keep hope and to keep trying.

Regards,

Harry
4
4
Review of Day Is Done  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, HuntersMoon ~

I found this poem on Read & Review. I much enjoyed the read of your poem. The end-rhymes are well done; the poem flows nicely; and the emotional impact touches the reader. You paint the scene extremely well. All in all, this is an excellently penned poem.

Regards,

Harry
5
5
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Neva ~

I found your poem on Read & Review. It (Onzain Neerlandaise)was a new poetic format to me. You followed the required format quite well, meeting all the prerequisites. It was well rhymed, especially since the topic of the poem was financial security. It was an interesting read and an interesting poetic format. Well done!

Regards,

Harry
6
6
Review of Morning's Mist  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, T.L.Finch ~

I found this older (2009) poem of yours on R&R. I enjoyed the read of this. The flow is quite nice, and the poem is filled with wonderful imagery. The b-d rhymes are well-done. The accompanying picture fits with the poem's content nicely. You did a very good job with this poem.

Regards,

Harry
7
7
Review of Take Me Along  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Dave ~

I found this on R&R. I enjoyed reading the poem and was introduced to ZaniLa Rhyme. The format required seemed to be followed well, except should stanza 1 have seven syllables instead of its current nine in its second line? The rhyming was well done throughout. You did an excellent job with this poem.

Regards,

Harry
8
8
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Bruce ~

I enjoyed reading your poem. The poem has a good flow, and the L2-L4 rhyme in each stanza works well. The message to do good whenever we see the opportunity speaks to all of us.

The grammar needs a bit of touching-up:
With friends and family all around;
the start of merry Christmas cheer. = Not a complete sentence

When children sang a festive song
of kindness and goodwill to all, = needs comma instead of period.

Overall, this poem is nicely written and contains a good lesson.

Regards,

Harry
9
9
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Rhyssa ~

I found your poem on R&R, and I am pleased I did so. The poem brought back a myriad of memories to many people, I'm sure, of childhood visits to a grandparent's house. It was wonderful in the details it displayed, as well as poignant in how the grandmother in the poem was unable to give and receive warmth from her family members. It spoke to a hard life she must have lived. The poem was thought-provoking. I enjoyed the read.

Regards,

Harry
10
10
Review of Tears in My Eyes  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Lisa Noe ~

I enjoyed reading your thought-provoking poem. The rhyming is done well, and its message is timely.

A few suggestions for corrections:

He must always [where] (wear) a frown. = wear a frown

Not that humanity’s (without) good, = without instead of with out

Overall, your poem kept me interested and left me liking it.

Regards,

Harry
11
11
Review of Smart Woman  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, Percy ~

I enjoyed reading your poem about a smart woman. It was well-written overall. However, the grammar could use a bit of attention:
When I was young and foolish(,) = insert comma
I had a wife and she[,] = delete comma

and swear to God it(')s true = it's for it is
who is twice as smart as you(.) = insert period

Keep writing!

Regards,

Harry
12
12
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Hi again, Crow ~

This short prose piece addresses quite well those feelings many elderly experience as they know their time left on Earth is short. Each day becomes a gift, and what price after death will each pay for how his/her life was lived? You have captured the thoughts of many of the elderly in these few lines. Nicely done, sir!

Regards,

Harry
13
13
Review of OLD MAN  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Crow ~

This short piece of prose captures well the experience of being old. You are all too correct in saying "the feeling that any extrication from the engorged jaws of mental and physical decrepitude is hopeless." Most of the elderly live this every day. Also, the point is well-made that one becomes less certain of what he knows and is filled with doubts and questioning.

This is a nicely thought out and written piece.

Regards,

Harry
14
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Review by Harry
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Valkyr ~

This was an enjoyable view of what a baby "thinks" as he/she becomes aware inside the womb. It was unique and unexpected. I liked it!

Regards,

Harry

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Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, elizjohn ~

I found this poem on Read & Review. I am glad that I did. Your poem is an enjoyable read and packs a lot of emotion and feeling. I have never heard of the "Black" Statue of Liberty or the Lady Liberty Statue in St. Maartin, but I am pleased such a statue exists and that you wrote an ode to her.

One minor suggestion. I would end the 1st, 3rd, and 5th stanzas with a period after the last line of each instead of the ellipse.

Regards,

Harry
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Review of Solution  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Cody Wayne ~

Your poem gives its message well. The rhyming couplets worked okay for the most part. I think the poem would read better and have more impact if you divided it into related stanzas. Plus the second line is awkward due to "The drink and drugs ..." Perhaps "Drugs and drink had messed ..." would be better.

I'd suggest you consider an opening couplet, followed by a 4-line stanza, then ending with a second 4-line stanza. In other words, have a break after the second and after the sixth lines.

I'd insert "Then" to open the third line: Then I found ...

Finally, The last two end-rhymes do not work well = understanding / thing. I'd rewrite the last line to end with a word that rhymes better (such as demanding, commanding, etc.) Perhaps something like: I'll achieve my goal, no matter how demanding.

My above suggestions are for you to consider and do with as you wish.

I see you are a new member to Writing.com. Welcome aboard! I hope you will enjoy being a member here.

Regards,

Harry

17
17
Review of The Sea  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Connieann ~

I found this poem on Read & Review. The Alouette format interested me. You met all the required specifications perfectly. Plus the read was entertaining, with good flow and nicely rhymed. Good job!

I believe you need to insert an apostrophe in the fifth line of the first stanza after mermaids:
feeling mermaids charms, mermaids' charms (if plural mermaids).

Overall, this is a well done Alouette.

Regards,

Harry
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18
Review of Not to Be  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Jessa Lane ~

Your poem expresses well your feelings of betrayal. Your repeats of the first stanza worked okay for me. However, I would suggest changing the line "He that would love me" to read "He who would love me." I would also insert a comma after he at the end of the second line. Using correct punctuation throughout would improve the reading of the poem.

The last couplet reads a bit awkwardly to me. I'd suggest you take another look at how it reads.

This is a good first effort. Just a bit of tweaking would improved it into a good finished poem.


I see you are a new member to Writing.com. Welcome aboard! I hope you will enjoy the site.

Regards,

Harry
19
19
Review of The Detached  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, HuntersMoon ~

I found this poem on Read & Review.

Excellent. Truly excellent poetry! The flow was wonderful. The end-rhyming was quite well done overall. You used all the words required in the challenge in an appropriate manner. I can see why this poem was a contest winner. This is marvelous writing.

I have no suggestions to make for any improvement, except for rather picayune points such as the inconsistency of line lengths between lines 1 and 2 of stanza 3 and the rhyming of grave with enslaved (better if could make it enslave, as perhaps: for us it did successfully enslave.)

(I always like to give suggestions for improvement, but you made it extremely difficult for me to do so with this wonderful write.)

Regards,

Harry
20
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Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Greetings, Prosperous Snow (Neva) ~

I enjoyed reading your political poem. I like political poems and those brave enough to write them.
Your poem speaks to the failure of the citizens of this country to live up to the high ideals given by our Founding Fathers. I fear the answer lies in the requirement for humans to evolve into better beings who have overcome intolerance, hatred, greed, and fear.

One suggestion for your consideration:

When the seeds of your greatness lays in
the second paragraph
of The Declaration of Independence. >>> This is an incomplete sentence as written. Perhaps omit the "When". Should the verb be "lies" instead of "lays" here?

Regards,

Harry
21
21
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Shaara ~

I saw this in the Romance/Love newsletter. It is an enjoyable read. The story carries the reader along swept up in the flow. It is filled with great imagery and content. It was my pleasure to read your work again.

Always the editor, I should point out that you need the closing quotation marks at the end of the blue jay paragraph six paragraphs down from top.

I hope you are doing well at present, my old friend.

Harry
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Review of The Scarecrow  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Salt Water Taffy Shopgirl 739 ~

I enjoyed your poem. It is a fun, easy read with pleasing content.

I do have one suggestion for you to consider and do with as you please. Since the rhyme scheme is end-rhymed lines 2 and 4 of each quatrain, you should try to be these rhymes as strong as possible. Some possibilities:

Stanza 1:
in the middle of the rows,
my stick-arms a roost
for a couple of crows.

Stanza 3:
Time to pick many an ear. (better rhyme with here)

Stanza 4:
and my arms point two ways. (better rhyme with maze)

Stanza 5: barn and harm don't rhyme very well

Improving upon these rhymes will greatly strengthen this poem and make it even more enjoyable to read.

Regards,

Harry
23
23
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Bubblegum Jones ~

This is a fun activity that works well because it is both interesting and short to do. This combination encourages widespread participation from site members. I applaud you for coming up with this challenge.

Here is my entry:

Once upon a time there was a great herd of unicorns roaming lands across the earth. Every day, hunters would come and kill as many of the unicorns as they could because their golden horns were quite valued among men. One day, the various rulers of all the lands, recognizing that unicorns were becoming scarce, agreed it would be a great shame if all the unicorns vanished from the earth, and so they put the remaining unicorns under their protection and forbade anyone to kill a unicorn henceforth. Because of that, the price of unicorn horns skyrocketed, making it worth much more than gold on the black market. Poachers were willing to risk imprisonment or even death to secure the few remaining prized unicorn horns. These poachers continued to slaughter what few unicorns they could still find. Wealthy men paid exorbitant prices to possess the ever-more-precious unicorn-horn powder. Until finally, it came to pass that not a single unicorn survived. All that remained of this noble beast was the memory of how magnificent it had been. The poachers now had to turn their attention to finding a replacement for their black market trade. They settled upon the rhinoceros, the elephant, and the tiger. Now these species also are becoming far too scarce. Will Mankind repeat the mistake made with the unicorn, or will the lesson of the unicorn be remembered?

I hope you get a lot more entries!

Harry
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Review of Reunion  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Greg Davison ~

I enjoyed reading your poem. The content was thought-provoking and spoke well to the way one looks at changes in himself/herself versus changes perceived in others. It made its point subtly. Nicely done! I did notice that the second stanza used end-rhymes whereas the other three stanzas did not. Was this done deliberately?

I see you are new to Writing.com. Welcome aboard! I hope you will enjoy being an active member here.

Regards,

Harry
25
25
Review of Trust Me  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Ailure Trouvaille ~

I found your poem on Read & Review. Its content is emotionally charged and leaves the reader wanting to know more. You have the makings of a very good poem. However, capitalizing the first word of each line and putting a period of the end of each line even if the line is only a sentence fragment detracts from the comprehension of the poem. I'd recommend that you rework the poem using correct grammar and punctuation throughout. For example these lines:

I know I promised you things,
such as a lifetime of experiences,
all of my forever, in its entirety.
However, everything is changing constantly,
including the weather outside,
our days spent alive,
even us as human beings.

My suggestions are made for your consideration and to do with as you please.

I see you are a new member to Writing.com. Welcome aboard! I hope you will enjoy being an active member here.

Regards,

Harry


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