*Magnify*
SPONSORED LINKS
BY ONLINE AUTHORS
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2
Review Requests: OFF
1,432 Public Reviews Given
1,595 Total Reviews Given
Public Reviews
Previous ... 1 -2- 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 ... Next
26
26
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Greenspring ~

I am returning the favor of a review. I liked this poem very much. It has many great images of winter approaching in Yellowstone National Park.

There are some technical issues that might be improved, such as having three different stanza sizes in the four stanzas. Also, rhymes with one ending in "s" throws off the rhyme = shines / align and pots /lot. A bit of reworking could remedy these.

Overall, the poem is quite enjoyable and a worthwhile read for all.

Regards,

Harry
27
27
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Lady Elf ~

As other reviewers have said before me, this is a wonderful tribute to your dad. It is quite touching and evocative. All in all, this is excellently written. I much enjoyed the read.

Regards,

Harry
28
28
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Ben ~

I came across your poem in the Read & Review feature. I much enjoyed reading this poem. It is well rhymed with some interesting rhymes, such as wind / chagrined and scarred / charred. The content was most entertaining as well. Nicely written piece!

Regards,

Harry
29
29
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Christmas greetings, Prosperous Snow ~

I found your poem through the Read & Review feature. It is a well-done piece of poetry. It paints the scene quite nicely, and the references to childhood memories evoked is touching. I enjoyed reading your poem.

Best holiday wishes,

Harry
30
30
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, GerMac ~

I enjoyed reading your poem about an early morning bicycle ride in springtime. It is filled with images of spring and an appreciation of nature's splendor. This is a nicely written piece. It leaves the reader with a feeling of pleasure and serenity.

Regards,

Harry
31
31
Review of Magnolia Blossoms  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Holiday Greetings, ElaineEliane ~

I discovered your poem while browsing in the "Read & Review." I had never encountered a dodoitsu poem before. It is an interesting format, one which you have executed quite well with this poem. I learned something new today while enjoying your poem.

Regards,

Harry
32
32
Review of One More Spring  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Connieann ~

What a wonderful poem! It celebrates spring with many marvelous images of early springtime. The flow was great, and the rhyming couplets were all well done. It's easy to see how this was a winner in a spring poetry contest. I much enjoyed reading your poem.

Regards,

Harry
33
33
Review of The Nectar Thief  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Wolfbane ~

I enjoyed reading your poem. I also have long admired how hummingbirds flit about so quickly that it is hard to get a picture of them. Your poem's content captured the moment quite well. However, it needs to be tightened up grammatically somewhat. Your comma usage needs review. As examples:

[ ] = delete // ( ) = insert

"Hello down there, I'm back[,](;) it's me.
Pulling out your phone again, I see[,](.)

Instead of "Me," perhaps "I say," would work better to change speakers.

"Hey(,) you up there(,) why don't you stay[,](?)

Never able to photograph you while you're flying away[.](,)
As you dance within the brilliant sun(')s ray."

[Awe](Aww), the photo turned out

You did an admirable job of ending all lines per stanza with the same rhyme sound.

Cleaning this poem up would be well worth the effort. You have a good start on having a nicely written piece.

Regards,

Harry
34
34
Review of Full Circle  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, RobPeters ~

I enjoyed reading your poem. It is much less structured and ungrammatical than poetry I normally write and read, but I found it quite engaging. It is like a friend pouring out his soul in a stream of consciousness, releasing all the pain and hurt of a lost relationship. It carried me along with it. I found it a compelling read. Well done!

Regards,

Harry
35
35
Review of Beautiful  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, Stormy ~

Since you have been working on this poem, I'll take the liberty of offering you detailed suggestions for you to consider. Overall, I like the content of your poem.

It isn't necessary in modern poetry to capitalize the first word of every line. May I suggest you consider writing in complete sentences using proper punctuation to aid the reading of the poem. Punctuation acts as guideposts along the read.

I don't usually rewrite another poet's work, but since you are new to the site and this poem is a work in progress, here is how I'd smooth it out:

She was beautiful,
not like a flower
or a vase.
She was beautiful
like the sunset,
something you don't see often.
She was beautiful
like a shooting star
or a cloud on a rainy day.
She was beautiful
but not like a flower
because we pick flowers
and she was too beautiful to pick.

Of course, feel free to ignore my suggestions. Take from my comments what you will.

Regards,

Harry
36
36
Review of The Water Ran Red  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.0)
Greetings, Wolfbane ~

I love the content and purpose of your poem honoring the men who stormed Normandy beaches on D-Day.

Having a different mono-rhyme for each stanza was ambitious, but it did cause some problems, including making some of the constructions seem awkward and not smoothly flowing. Furthermore, capitalizing the first of each line adds confusion and interrupts the flow. One should not let the desire to meet a poetic format sacrifice correct grammar or clear meaning in the writing.
For example:

Boom boom boom,
Barked the batteries as the projectiles zoom(ed). = "Barked" is past tense so zoomed is required here.
Slamming into the beach, causing violent plume(s). = Multiple projectiles cause plural plumes.

I'd suggest you consider this as an alternative:
Boom boom boom,
barked the batteries as the projectiles zoomed,
slamming into the beach, causing violent plumes.

The craft dropped its door, and out ran the gang.
They walked right in, as the enemy sprang. = They ran, They walked = Which did they do?

I do not believe the four couplets at the end add much to the poem, nor make a strong enough ending for the poem.

While the intent here was admirable, I think your poem could benefit from some careful reworking. It has great potential, well worth the effort to polish it.

Best wishes,

Harry
37
37
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings again, Vaughan ~

I liked the thought-provoking content of your poem. Overall, I found the poem to be well-written.

I did have a few suggestions for you to consider:

The eight lines in a row that all begin with "Did He not" seemed awkwardly constructed to me. Perhaps you could have "Did Jesus not;" as a line, followed by each of the eight different items.
Did Jesus not:
speak against materialism?
speak against principality and kingdom?
...
foretell the rule by one world government?
...
warn of the Antichrist, ruler of this world?

A few grammar issues:
the Global Elite - the New World Order
(f)[F]its the bill precisely, preparing mankind = fits, not Fits

the Christian [R](r)eligion, forebear, = religion, not Religion

The bell tolls(,) but the listeners are few. = insert comma


Keep up the good work.

Harry
38
38
Review of cut  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, ponkacheese ~

Comedy is hard to write in poetry, but you did it well in this piece. The poem held the reader's attention until the true situation is revealed in the last two lines. You set the scene well.

A few comments /suggestions for you to consider or ignore at your pleasure: Why is the last stanza split into two couplets instead retaining the quatrain format of the first two stanzas? In line 4 of the first stanza, what is the aA? I am glad you used punctuation in your poem. However, the punctuation needs to be corrected. Examples = no comma needed at end of the first line / periods needed at end of lines 2 and 3 in the first stanza. "Her fingers move, the scissors sway," should be Her fingers move; the scissors sway. Other examples need correcting as well. You might omit the "And" from the beginning of the first line in both the second and third stanzas.

Overall, this is a nice effort. I enjoyed reading it.

Cheers!

Harry
39
39
Review of Class Cutting  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, HorrorMovieGeek ~

Your poem interested me since I was once a professor prior to my retirement. I enjoyed the read and liked the end-rhyming couplets you used, especially the alive/8:05 and loner/loaner rhymes. The long lines with irregular syllable counts also worked okay for me. Overall, nicely written.

In the second stanza, line 2: sun rise should be one word = sunrise
In the same stanza, lines three and four: I am not a big fan of repeating Kill you? as the rhyme. (Line three should be ... school anyway? Kill you?) Perhaps line four could end with a different rhyme, such as Thrill you? (These are merely suggestion for you to consider or ignore at your pleasure.)

Keep writing!

Cheers!

Harry
40
40
Review of Guardians  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greetings, StephB ~

I am not familiar with the Kyrielle format so my comments may only reflect my ignorance. The syllable count, having a minimum of three quatrains, a repeating refrain, and consistent rhyming pattern all seem to have been met properly. However, I was struck with the variation in having complete sentences mixed with phrases. For example, stanza one has three lines (1,2, and 4) that are sentences, whereas line 3 is only a phrase set off by a period. This is followed by stanzas two and three having only their line 4 be a complete sentence. This inconsistent pattern put me off a bit. But perhaps this is acceptable in a Kyrielle. In any case, I learned a new format from reading your piece.

Cheers!

Harry

Harry
41
41
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Greeting, Unapologetic Poetess ~

Your poem will resonate with anyone who has shared this experience. You captured the feelings of anxiety quite well. I especially liked this: "the breadth of possibilities hidden in the expressionless faces of the professionally detached." I'm glad it was a dodged bullet as the outcome. This poem is well written.

Cheers!

Harry
42
42
Review of A Way Out  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, lovecanines ~

I see you are a new member. Welcome aboard! I hope you will enjoy participating in this site.

Your poem captures the reader's interest and has much to recommend it. I offer my suggestions for reworking for your consideration. Do with them as you please.

The first word of every line need not be capitalized. Correct punctuation should be used throughout and not just for certain sentences as at present. Stanzas help with the flow. Consider these changes:

Stale feelings,
almost no feelings --
can this ever change?
Is there a way out?

Emotionless heart
[[Almost emotionless]] = (Delete this. Is it emotionless as in line above or almost emotionless here? It cannot be both.)
But wait.
I can feel it.
[[Can you see it?]] = (Delete this. Of course, I cannot see emotions inside your heart.)

Somewhere down under
in the abyss of emotions
there is a shred left,
a small drop of that one feeling
[[That one feeling]] that is responsible for everything in this world, = (You do not need to repeat that one feeling in three lines in a row.)
that one feeling I thought I (had) lost forever.

Yes, it is still there,
and if even one small drop of it exists,
then,
there is a way out.

Cleaned up, my suggested version for your consideration would be:

Stale feelings,
almost no feelings --
can this ever change?
Is there a way out?

Emotionless heart,
but wait.
I can feel it.

Somewhere down under
in the abyss of emotions
there is a shred left,
a small drop of that one feeling
that is responsible for everything in this world,
that one feeling I thought I had lost forever.

Yes, it is still there,
and if even one small drop of it exists,
then,
there is a way out.

Overall, your poem speaks to the reader of hope of recovery. I enjoyed reading your poem.

Cheers!

Harry
43
43
Review of Wrapped in Winter  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Whitemorn ~

I enjoyed reading your wintry poem. It was nicely rhymed with 2 - 4 end rhymes throughout. It contained some nice imagery -- chimneys to smoke, a marshmallow blanket. It captured winter well.
Nicely done!

Cheers!

Harry
44
44
Review of A Needed Friend  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Magoo ~

I much enjoyed your touching poem of how taking in a discarded pup warms a young girl's heart and gives her comfort. The poem is nicely written with good 2-4 end-rhyming. All in all, this is a nice piece of poetry.

Cheers!

Harry
45
45
Review of The Birdwatcher  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Countrymom ~

Your poem reminded me of the problem I used to have with my neighbors' cat stalking the birds coming to feed at my bird feeders around the back yard. Cats kills millions of songbirds every year. I am glad your cat is an inside pet. *Smile*

I enjoyed reading your poem. It is nicely written.

Cheers!

Harry
46
46
Review of Ocean Voyage  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
Hi, Marvin ~

This poem caught my eye since my wife and I are planning to take an Alaskan cruise next month. It will be our third time sailing on a cruise ship.

I enjoyed reading this poem. I can relate to the open sea and rolling waves. A couple of suggestions for you to take or ignore at your pleasure:
Many adventure(s) it has seen in S2,L3 = make plural
"rocks gently" in S2,L1 is repeated in "Rocking gently" in S3,L1

Cheers!

Harry
47
47
Review of Ocean Fun  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
Greetings, Samantha ~

This is a fun poem to describe a little's girl's day at the beach. I liked the content.

I have a few suggestions for you to do with as you please. The summary reads, "Little girls fun in the sun." Since you only mention "she," this should be "Little girl's fun in the sun." = girl's instead of girls.

The first five lines repeat "She screeched when the." This is too much repetition for me. I'd suggest you format it as this:

She screeched when:
the heat touched her feet.
the cold touched her toes.
the rumble caused her to tumble.
the bubbles touched her nose.

She screeched when:
the sand touched her hand.
the heat touched her feet. (Did you mean to repeat this line from stanza one?)
she was high in the sky getting dry.
Mommy said it was time to say goodbye.

Errors noted: She screeched when [then] the heat = delete then // She screeched when mommy said = Mommy

The poem creates an enjoyable scene at the beach.

Cheers!

Harry
48
48
Review of Zero Hope  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
Greetings, JLE ~

I think you did an admirable job with this alphabet prompt, even coming up with a reasonable word for the "X". It is an apt description of the aftermath of a mugging. Good job overall!

Cheers!

Harry
49
49
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Dan ~

This poem addresses an important issue in modern agriculture, namely the huge decline in the bee populations leading to too few bees left to pollinate crops. This is a subject worthy of bringing attention to it with a poem. I think you did a good job of getting the point across with the line "there aren’t enough bees to pollinate." You were less successful in giving the cause for the bee decline with these lines:
"it meant to kill; not from need, but hate.
It eventually led us to this fate: >>>> What is the "it' that led us to this fate? From what I read it has to do with overuse of certain pesticides. Perhaps these lines could be rewritten to make that point clear. 'Man-made poisons caused this fate' or some such.
there aren’t enough bees to pollinate."

This line also gave me pause: "and just watch you from this gray lawn." >> gray lawn? I've seen green and brown lawns but never gray.

Overall, I much enjoyed your poem. It was well-rhymed and addressed an important issue of the day. Nice job!

I don't need your GPs for this review but instead would like to give you a few.

Cheers!

Harry
50
50
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
Greetings, Joanna Ogan ~

Your piece is very well written. It conveys your emotions well, plus it slowly reveals the circumstances of the writer being a soldier and then being a woman. It is a powerful piece that is enjoyable to read.

My only real suggestion would be to rewrite this sentence: The ache is almost unbearable—this choking, gasping, throat(-)closing emotion that consumes me every waking minute; silent, body wracking sobs with enough force that my body curls over into itself and I come up gasping for air. The semicolon here does not work for me. I'd make this into two separate sentences for improved clarity, thusly:
The ache is almost unbearable from a choking, gasping, throat-closing emotion that consumes me every waking minute. Silent sobs wrack my body with enough force that my body curls over into itself and I come up gasping for air.

You are a good writer. I hope you enjoy yourself here at Writing.com.

Cheers!

Harry
526 Reviews · *Magnify*
Page of 22 · 25 per page   < >
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/harryg/sort_by/r.review_creation_time DESC/page/2