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Review of The Abduction  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Shaara ~

Many thanks for mentioning one of my poetry books in your story. Maybe it WILL make me famous. LOL

A covered, paper cup of Java was in one hand[,](;) my other hand held a book of poetry -- those of a good friend, Harry E. Gilleland, Jr. Harry[]. >>>> held a book -- those of a : book/those ? Perhaps: ...a book of poetry -- one published by a good friend,.....

The poem, The Strange Behavior of Birds(,) had caught my attention

Overall, quite nicely written! I vote for nut case over abduction, knowing you as well as I do. *Smile*

Cheers, dear lady,

Harry
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202
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | N/A (Unratable.)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jedi Moose ~

Nicely written poem! You set the scene extremely well, capturing the moment for all to see.
I enjoyed the read.

I have only one small suggestion for you to consider. The last stanza did not read as well as the others to me. Maybe add the word "with" ?

With no space for more,
Sitting there, on that bench,
They must be lovers.

Cheers!

Harry
203
203
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, ShiShad ~

The content here is good. The problem I had with this is that you open with a compound sentence but then use sentence fragments with improper punctuation. Why not maintain using complete, correct sentence structure throughout?

Here are my suggestions for you to consider:

Now:
Blinded by passion
fueling embers[;]
that smoldered forever it seems. You change verb tense here: smoldered / seems

Redo:
We were blinded by
passion fueling embers
that smoldered forever it seemed.

Now:
Tasting our sweetness. Periods are inappropriate after short fragments.
Catching our breath.
Chasing our wildest dream.

Letting it carry us
far over the rainbow;
never bringing us back again. >>> These six lines are not a sentence, just fragments.

Redo:
Tasting our sweetness,
catching our breath,
chasing our wildest dream,
we let it carry us
far over the rainbow,
never bringing us back again.

Now:
Miles from where
we started out;
found us
set in our
own ways,
and knowing now...

there's no turning back.

Redo:
Miles from where
we started out,
we found ourselves
set in our own ways
and knowing now...

there's no turning back.

With a bit of reworking, this would be an excellent piece.

Cheers!

Harry
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204
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Leger ~

This was an amusing piece about an exchange between two members of a stage act. (I'm trying not to give too much away here.) I enjoyed reading it.

I have a few suggestions for you to consider:

Since this is dialog, why did you not use quotation marks?

Are you kidding?[?? ]

Look(,) Buddy, you're just >>>>Set off with commas before & after. Is Buddy his name? If not but just used like friend or pal, then it would not be capitalized.

I'm the funny one[,](;) I'm the one that makes >>>> Needs either period or semicolon rather than a comma here.

I sure can make them laugh, can't I[...](?)

I told you, it's not you(,) Buddy[,](;) it's me.

Okay(,) Buddy, you're

Cheers!

Harry
205
205
Review of The Fish Tale  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Daizy ~

You managed to tell a complete tale in 55 words. Nicely done.

My only suggestions is: "Aw(,) Mom!

Cheers!

Harry
206
206
Review of Jake and Bagheera  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Diane ~

The story was interesting and enjoyable to read. However, this piece is rife with grammatical errors. My suggestions for your consideration follow:

"Here's the list." [s](S)he placed it in a carrier

to her house with the week(')s groceries(,) but Sheila hated to impose.

"Hello(,) Sheila, my name is Mark(,) and this is Jake."

"I see you brought a friend[.](,)" Mark said.

take Jake home with us[.](,)" Sheila responded.

Jake is very calm(,) and we have cats on the farm(,) so he's used to their ways(,)[.]" Mark said.

>>>>> The correct format for a quotation is xxxxx," he said. NOT xxxx." he said. Comma before quotation marks when he/she said is used. You need to make this correction throughout this story. I did not point out them all.<<<

"I guess we have to(,) but I don't want Bagheera to feel cornered(,)[.]"

Sheila said. Meghan sighed, glad her mother would have some assistance at home. She treasured her independence >>>>> 'She'/'her' here could be confusing as to whom it was referring.

There were small disputes(,) but Jake respected the boundaries Bagheera set(,) and they lived in harmony.

She worried the entire time that he would run away(,) so she cut their outing short.

tried to block his exit(,) but he was determined

He could take out the trash[,](and) fetch the mail[,] and the paper.

It went off without a hitch (and) became part of their Monday afternoon routine.

While he gathered the groceries(,) they walked up and down the aisles. Jake spotted the doggy treats(,) but they were too high

"They're not on the list(,) but I don't think Sheila would mind(,)[.]" he laughed

Cheers!

Harry
207
207
Review of The pain within  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jaya ~

This poem describes pain well. Yet it never identifies what is the source of such pain. This leaves the reader with the feeling that the poem is incomplete.

I have these suggestions for your consideration:

None knows of it but me[.]( -- )
[T](t)he preten(s)[c]e, the deceit,
[T](t)he practiced, Iago-like smile,
[T](t)he hurt, the pain cutting through.

This imposition[,](is) not of my doing.
Yet I suffer[,](;) I cry within endlessly.
All I do, for there’s nothing else besides >>>> 'All I do' is awkward and confusing.
to wait for the light at the end of the tunnel. >>>> A cliche. These last two lines need reworking.

Cheers!

Harry
208
208
Review of Solitude  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Jaye ~

This is written extremely well. It captures the feelings of a mother whose children are spending the summer away from her perfectly. Nice job!

I have only these few suggestions for your consideration:

A new routine was established(,) and the weeks slipped past

The Day arrived(,) and she mentally checked off

“Hi, [B](b)rats,” she said,

Cheers!

Harry
209
209
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Web-Witch ~

This is am amusing poem. I enjoyed its playful nature.

One suggestion would be to add correct punctuation throughout:

Be still my heart, or still you'll be(.)

[T](t)o release me from my coffin, now
[T](t)his tool of my distraction(.)

my obvious interment(.)
However, when I pulled this string(,)
[I](i)t failed--to my disturb-ment!

[T](t)he item you've created(,)

Oh(,) woe is me[,](;) I'm trapped, but good(.)
Your contraption isn't worth none(.) >>>>> isn't worth none??
There is one thing to tell you now(,)
[I](i)t's time to invent a new one!

Also, you now have two lines that do not begin with a capital letter. I'd extend that to all lines not starting a new sentence.

This is a fun write that could be improved with a little reworking.

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of The Pirate's Love  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Sena ~

The main problem with this poem is the format itself. Try this:

Out on the shore he looked away,
drawn by the ocean(')s crashing waves(.) [;]
[o](O)ut on the shore her heart [it] broke,
as she watched him stop to smoke.

They knew that ties of love would sever,
that he would go away forever[;](,)
ne’er to return to this shore,
ne’er to see her, his love, anymore.

And so the sloop the pirate boarded,
where all his treasure he had hoarded(.)[; a]
(A)way he sailed to far new lands,
to take from others with his hands.

Though he seemed so heartless and cruel,
even he had loved a girl(.)[; and]
[o} (O)n a shore so far away,
they hanged the pirate there today.

She heard the news(;)[,] her heart it wept(;)[,]
and so she plunged into the depth[;](.)
[h] (H)er body found broken and maimed,
death the choice she had claimed.

Formatted into 4-lined stanzas makes this look more like a poem.

Cheers!

Harry
211
211
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Kiya ~

This is a nice birthday poem dedicated to you. It is a bit strange to review this since you are not the author.

Nevertheless, I'll point out suggestions for improving the poem.

so tall and bright[.](,)
[A](a) beacon of hope, love,

You have a great smile[,](.)
[y](Y)our icon says so,
and(,) whenever we see it,

We all love you(,) Kiya,

You know you're family[,]
and that we all love you.

It is nice that you have friends that like you enough to write poems for your birthday. *Smile*

Cheers!

Harry
212
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Review of Itzpapalotl  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, SoCal ~

This is well written. It draws the reader in and leaves him/her wanting to know what happens. Good job!

I have only a few suggestions for you to consider:

than eight inches tall[,] and yet was carved >>>> delete comma

Itzpapalotl was remarkable[;](--) a shapely(,) naked woman with clawed hands and bat-like wings, patches of skin worn away, revealing her skeleton underneath. Every physical detail had been immortalized, lending an[d] eerie, otherworldly beauty

He paid no mind to the cold[,] or the thunder and lighting overhead as he approached his neighbors’ house,
retrieved the key from under his neighbor’s front mat
>>>>> Be consistent. neighbors' vs neighbor's

Cheers!

Harry
213
213
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, celticroy ~

I liked the content here. It was full of action and imagery.

Here are my suggestions for your consideration:

every cannon to a tee. >>>> Meaning is unclear to me.
Wave crests backs were broken >>>> wave crests' backs
from the weight of iron free. >>>> ..the weight of iron free? What does this mean?

The French two-decker shuddered(,)

the gun crews captains drilled.>>> gun crew's captain or crews' captain or crews' captains ??
"It's an extra tot for the first gun out[,](;)
we'll drink to [f](F)rench blood spilled."

The Frigate swept passed the [f](F)renchie,

For the Frenchmen(')s deck [it] was [h](H)ell on earth,
littered with the dead[.](,)
And for those with eyes to witness,
they saw the scuppers running red.

Cheers!

Harry
214
214
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Lew ~

There is much to like about this poem. However, there are some problem areas as well. First of all, I think punctuation would help the read of this poem.

Also, you switch from they to you:
Never to be seen again the way they were
A love you had for years and years

The source of the separation of such true love is left unexplained. Sounds like they were lovers for years but he never would commit to the relationship:
Should you have stayed beside her side?
Should you have asked her to be your bride?
>>>Did he leave her willingly and now regrets it? Why was love lost? What is the relationship between the poet and the "you" in the poem. Is the poet the one who lost the love or someone he observes? The reader is left with too much uncertainty for my liking.

Cheers!

Harry
215
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Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, Breezy ~

The content here is good, BUT why did you chop this up with all the commas? This ruins the read for me.

in the heart of winter
bloom, pale blossoms
on barren arms
lifted, towards the heavens in
exaltation; of a God
who in the midst
of desolation, and despair,
saw fit to
awaken; all that is

versus

in the heart of winter
bloom pale blossoms
on barren arms
lifted towards the heavens in
exaltation of a God
who in the midst
of desolation and despair
saw fit to
awaken all that is

You need to reconsider the punctuation used throughout this piece, in my opinion.

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of A Lost Muse  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, super sleuth ~

I like the content; most writers can identify with losing their muse at times. I think a few well-placed commas would aid the read of this. Plus you need to rewrite the sixth stanza to make it a sentence.

My suggestions for your consideration:

I lay in bed >>>> I lie in bed

the loss I feel(,) and so I nod.

I've lost now what I've held so dear(,)
imaginative words that used to flow
so freely from my mind so clear(,)
that falter now and cease to grow.

My muse was special(;) that I see
now that I've lost her from my mind(.)
[a](A)n apprentice muse I wish from Thee

left behind(,) as now I stand

A parchment filled with heart so bold
told with feeling and words of praise
of a sunrise tucked within the fold
its center lighting up the days.
>>>>>> This stanza is NOT a sentence, as are all the other stanzas.

I need to feel the warmth that comes
from the satisfaction I have earned(,)
knowing that I'm not all thumbs
by the number of pages I have (written)[turned].
>>>>> Turned could be gotten from reading a bought book!

Cheers!

Harry
217
217
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, aralls ~

You have written a gripping and sad piece about your daughter. It is hard for a parent to accept that their child can be mentally off, such as being a sociopath, and harder still to realize that they are not to blame for its happening. This is a thought-provoking piece that any parent will sympathize with. This is a very good opening chapter to set the tone and set the circumstances of your story to follow.

Just a couple of suggestions:

something to fill that hole in my life(.)

Maybe tomorrow I’ll wake up[. S](, and s)he'll just be gone. >>>> Tie these two thoughts together more.

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of Circle of Life  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
A Simply Positive Group Sig For Reviewers.

Greetings, 4provinces ~

This is a touching poem, filled with great imagery and sentiment. I enjoyed the read.

I have a few suggestions for your consideration:

1) The punctuation is improper at several places:

Somehow there wasn't a freeze this year[,](.)

So, we find ourselves at Thanksgiving,
Amazed at how blossoms endure[.]
Through a tropical storm called Ida,
Buffered by wind and wet, to be sure.
>>>> At present, these last two lines are a sentence fragment.

2) Your lines 2 & 4 rhyme scheme works well, except in stanza two "stars" and "far" is not a good rhyme due to the 's' on stars.

Overall, this is a fine write!

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of Traveling  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Season's greetings, Josh ~

This reads great! I enjoyed the stream of consciousness flowing through this poem. Plus you had some fantastic imagery. Overall, very nicely written.

The punctuation needs attention.

For many miles now no one to keep me company but James Taylor(.)[,]
He can be a boring co-pilot the fourth time repeated.

Rows of benches, wooden slats and metal, worn smooth by repetition(,)
Stationed opposite of vending machines, standing at attention(,)
Their contents flirting with the passersby.

she turns a(nd) finds my eyes grinning at her.

It whirs and spits my offering back several times before accepting(.)[,]
I punch D3, the same thing that she had just claimed, trusting her taste in sweets(.)[,]
Now sitting, ambivalent about my chocolate choice,
A man hustles in towing a tow(-)headed boy.

Some lines are rather too long. Plus being presented as one large block of text is daunting for some readers. Perhaps you could break this into shorter lines and include breaks into paragraphs. Finally, why not capitalize only the start of each sentence instead of the first word of each line even if it is mid-sentence? That would aid the reading.

This is a great start and a worthy effort. With a bit of tweaking, you'd have a top-rated poem here.

Holiday Cheers!

Harry
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Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings ~

This is a nice tribute to your deceased grandmother. It is an enjoyable read.

The punctuation is erratic. You use question marks and several periods throughout, but leave much of the poem unpunctuated. It would read better if proper punctuation was used throughout. For example:

When [i](I) was a kid(,)
I always came over(.)
As time went on
I guess I grew older(,)
Never had time to spend with you(.)
Now I wish that's all I could do(.)
Where did you go?

A bit of reworking and you'd have an excellent poem.

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of Mon Mari  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Nicki ~

Wow, what a wonderful poem! It is a pleasure to read. It is filled with great imagery and is a wonderful tribute to your husband. Very, very nice!

Cheers!

Harry
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Review of Who Me???  
Review by Harry
Rated: E | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Who Me ~

Okay, this is strange -- reviewing an item in your portfolio that wasn't written by you.

It is a well-written poem that was an enjoyable read. I was a bit confused by the first line, "Come close, while I tell you of one yellow", because I assume this means a yellow case and it is dated 2009 and you are a blue case. What am I missing here?

Overall, the poem is quite laudatory about you, deservedly so. You should be pleased with it.

Cheers!

Harry
223
223
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (3.0)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Rev ~

The lack of proper grammar makes this painful to read for me. Even in the summary there is a lack of proper usage: A nightmare that i had last night feb.17 2009 I needed to write before I forgot.

I'll illustrate what I mean by editing the first paragraph:

As I walked up the old(,) wooden stairs(,) I knew I was in [h](H)ell(.)[,] I wasn't sure how I knew(;) I just did. "I'm in [h](H)ell. God help me(,) I'm in [h](H)ell. I'm dead[,](.) I died(,) and I went to [h](H)ell." Fear and despair couldn't describe the way I felt, couldn't sum up my thoughts[. T](, t)hose resounding thoughts (of)"I'm dead, and now I'm in [h](H)ell." I stood in the wide(,) empty(,) upstairs level and noticed a large square cut perfectly in the center of the wooden floor. I wondered why it was there? The large area held no light, just darkness for as far as I could see. I noticed several large windows lining the wall directly across from where I stood[, t](. T)o the left of them was a door(.) [w](W)here it led I didn't know(,) and I wasn't sure I wanted to either.

The remaining paragraphs are in as bad shape.

The content seemed muddled and repetitious, but I guess you cannot control your nightmares.

This piece needs complete reworking to reach an acceptable standard of grammar usage.
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Review of SIR TOM THUMBE  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, Joy ~

This was an enjoyable update of this fairy tale. Nicely done!

I did find a few items for your consideration:

"Oh, please! Dr. Merlin. I heard that you >>>>> This looks odd. Maybe "Oh, please! Dr. Merlin, I heard..." Comma after Merlin instead of period.

Queenie is some head nurse[,] and a clumsy one to boot.

This case would have had better results[,] had we gotten hold

refused to part with his cows(,) especially for an experiment

our groundskeeper(,) and he was very

swallowed him up(,) but Tom kicked so hard

with the spider(,) but the spider's poison

He was well known in Arthur's clinic(.)

Alive he filled the clinic with glee[,](.)
His death, a sorrow forever will be.

Cheers!

Harry
225
225
Review of Ties That Blind  
Review by Harry
In affiliation with SIMPLY POSITIVE GROUP  
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
** Image ID #1467580 Unavailable **

Greetings, LdyPhoenix ~

This is a powerful piece, made even more so when one sees the prompt was "Acquaintance Rape". It captures quite well the feelings of betrayal and lost innocence. Nicely written piece.

"...friends wouldn't do that." >>> "Friends wouldn't do that."

Cheers!

Harry
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