I found this under Contest Entry.
I find no flaws, grammatically, spelling, etc.
It has a nice visual appeal. Rhyme and rhythm flow nicely. Stanzas are consistent.
This is a very nice tribute to horses. It makes them sound timeless, admired, and mystical.
Well done poem.
A review from Children's genre.
I would leave the L's as this is obviously Nathan's memory, not original speech. I take it the name Nafan Orange stuck, and didn't change as the two boys get older.
It is cute. It demonstrates family affection over a span of time. I have no suggestions for improvements, but found it light-hearted. I did find mention of October as abrupt and didn't know how it fit in, but that's just me.
Great work
Very cute. Very funny. He was having a bad case of anxiety. You told a nice story in a flash!
I find no technical errors. It's very hard to comment on flash fiction, but you did a nice job.
Pumpkin
Hi,
You give an excellent description. I have known both women and men who could have fitted into that circumstance. I have mixed feelings, however. I'd like to see them have a roof over their heads and a meal, but their life choices have brought them to this point. I'm more likely to feel sorry for the homeless person who has a part-time job, or just can't pay the rent on time, but are drug-free and sober. I have volunteered at homeless shelters, and the drunk is disruptive and upsets the other tenants.
My mother-in-law was a skinny old alcoholic, but she had a house and groceries. She had an inflated idea of what she used to be, and played lots of pity parties to anyone who would listen. The dialog here made me think of her. She felt like she was a victim of life. All the problems she had were someone else's fault.
Sentiment aside, your poem was good. You paint a clear picture. Sometimes, poetry is most successful when it arouses discussion.
From Read and Review
Certainly Grace Kelly captured te imagination. She was tylish, elegant and poised as you pointed out. Her philanthropy is not as well known. Thank you for brining that out. Starting off with a quote from her was a good idea.
Your poem is good and does indeed honor her.
Pumpkin
You came up randomly.
It seems a little run together, maybe because there is so much told in so little space. Maybe you could put a line between paragraphs or do some visual thing to make it less dense.
It is a cute story. I have met some older TV celebrities where women were gushing all over them with their wives present. The wives had gotten used to it and weren't bothered. But I wondered if it was difficult at first or if some fans were more worrisome than others.
The only flaw I found was the use of "I" when it should have been me. Take a picture of me, therefore, take a picture of herself and me. Still an object of the preposition even with someone else thrown in after the preposition.
Disclaimer-Please don't take offense at my comments. Only giving you something to think about. I do not like being critical, and certainly don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. Poetry is highly personal.
It seems very interesting. I'm not sure sun light shouldn't be one word. On a second read, I found a problem in the first stanza. Structurally, the saucer is none too spry, tired and dry. The third line should probably start with "I", as in 'I spied a saucer in the sky'. I didn't get the 40 days part. Why 40? Maybe just 'all my days'.
Otherwise, a clever and unusual poem. Seems like a terrible nightmare.
pumpkin
A very nice, nostalgic poem. It is biographical, indeed. The avocado trees sort of limit the possible locations. Sounds like a great place to visit.
No technical difficulties. One stanza didn't have the same rhyme scheme.
Amusing, very pleasant to read.
Pumpkin
I have no criticism of spelling, punctuation or grammar. Good job.
It is a good story, but you made an important point. The eye witnesses didn't tell much. The legend may be embellished or it may be spot on. It's nice to think that they observed a spell of quiet and had a brief reprieve from the nightmare.
Pumpkin
A random review.
Is this an original poem? Are Tinker and Judi Van Gorder one and the same?
It's an interesting poetic form with a clear rhyme scheme. "Hand in my back" seems to me like an innovative expression of divine guidance, a fresh look at it.
Very good poem, easy to read.
Hi, this came up under Read and Review. I liked your imagery and word choices. The poem is visually interesting.
I noticed the same number of lines each stanza, the rhyme only on lines 8 and 10. I noticed the number of syllables per line differed from verse to verse, yet you still managed to make the lines look a similar length in each verse That's very good control.
you stuck to the subject quite nicely.
I enjoyed it.
On Read and Review
This paints a lovely picture. The form is interesting. You used all your required words smoothly. I find no errors or misspellings. I haven't seen "solace" used as a verb before, but in poetry we do take some liberties.
Enjoyable.
Pumpkin
Random review.
Visually appealing.
I didn't get it until I finished (I didn't read the intro). I couldn't tell if it was a girl remembering a boyfriend or a male remembering a friend. I got stuck on skeleton and rusty. They didn't seem to fit all the nice memories. When I red the intro, I finally realized the "friend" was actually the four wheel drive. It all made sense. How very clever.
Great job.
Hi, you came up under read and review today. I love your poem. Reading it the second time, I noticed things I missed the first time. I caught the last word repeated in the next stanza; that's when I realized you had a special form going on. Thanks for the explanation at the end. And thanks for defining surcease. I was going to look it up to see how it differed from cease.
Great job as always.
Pumpkin
We often hear discussions of the different types of love, but seldom do we hear anyone ask why we need love in the first place. We start out with the assumption that it is a basic need and go from there. You went back a little further. What you have to say is good.
I suggest a little editing. Go over it again for commas, run on phrases I think your very last word needs an "s" on the end.
Keep sharing your thoughts. Good job.
Wow, quite a biographical story. I can relate to some of it. We had to live on a budget and depended on our vegetable garden and Grandma's eggs. But we had it great compared to my mother; for her a treat was a slice of bread with mustard after school. She could tell if a crying baby was hungry by the sound of the crying; when she was very little, her baby brothers cried when there was no food in the house.
Your description of the destruction of weapons was frightening. What a horrible neighborhood.
There are a number of grammatical errors. It is worth fixing those, because your story is worth sharing.
Keep recording those memories. Younger generations need to know them.
Found in Read and Review
Very interesting little piece of history told here. And a moral statement is made as well. Thanks for sharing this in an entertaining and educational fashion.
Can't find anything to criticize or improve.
I must be part of the short attention span generations, because I learn through little segments like this.
Keep up the good work.
Pumpkin
A random review
It's almost a universal fascination with the moon, usually beginning in childhood. I thought your imagery was excellent in the first four stanzas. I believe there are two typos, but only you will know that for sure: In the first stanza, I think you meant "look up at" and in the fourth maybe "look in her" instead of if.
You did a great job. Keep writing about nature and showing different takes on it.
Hi, found this on Read and Review. A very interesting poetry form. It emphatically relays the message. Kids would love it. I always appreciate an explanation at the end; helps me appreciate the how the poem came to be.
Nice job.
Found randomly under read and review:
Interesting little story. Very believable. Cleanly written with no noticeable errors. I have no suggestions for improvement.
Nicely done.
Found randomly
My favorite poetry form is the sonnet. This one deals with real life experience, but without getting sentimental, holds a hopeful and optimistic message.
Very Well done. I have no suggestions and find no errors.
Best wishes for your writing and sharing.
Pumpkin
Found randomly,
What an interesting story. How creative to write from the deer's point of view. Animal stories might be a great venue for you. It's very sensitive and compassionate to nature.
You do have some problems with punctuation and maybe run-on sentences. Just review with a good style guide. Placing a comma before "and" if followed by a complete thought might be one good guideline.
Found randomly
This restaurant must be run by Mother Nature.
Great reminder for kids learning what animals eat. Should be very appealing to kids. Very cute.
Best wishes
Random review--
Great poem. I know the feeling. I wasn't expecting the ghost you mentioned, so that made me laugh. I try to avoid the mirror when I get up. (I do believe the mirrors in my house are haunted.)
A random read-
Each species knows what's best for itself. Your cute little poem has pointed out how different species react and handle the same conditions. Very well done.
I enjoyed reading it. Good job.
pumpkin
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