What a lovely story. Your descriptive writing held me all the way through. I really felt like I was there with you in the rain. Can't wait to read more of your adventures.
I honestly love SCIFI. I loved the whole premise of this story. You are a genius with words and it was so engaging. The whole talk show idea was really a great one.
I loved it and would not change a thing. Thank you for all your hard work and for paying attention to detail here.
Keep writing,
Andrea
I was going to use the review tool but this poem just didn't fit. It was gripping right from the start and was so engaging. You really nailed the feeling here. I would change nothing in this and would only say... Keep writing!
Loved it!
Andrea
I accepted your request to review your poem. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
I felt that this poem hit the ground running and never had the reader look back. It was engaging all the way through.
Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):
It was well-structured and rhymed perfectly. The rhythm of it was perfect. It never skipped a beat. Not a bump at all in it.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
I felt like this really could be a Dr. Seuss book. The imagination that this poem possesses is really like what Dr. Seuss writes.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I see no grammatical, spelling, or mechanical errors within this poem.
Suggestions:
I have only one suggestion. Please get this poem into a children's book. I know that it will be very successful. I love it and I just know that any kid would as well. Thank you for choosing me to review this. Quite enjoyable.
I could relate to each of these lines as it impinged when I was younger. It is difficult to be in a family, to begin with, and then to have to stay silent and not express is another thing entirely.
I hope that things are better now since 2008. Sending you wishes for a prosperous New Year. :) I hope to read more from your portfolio in this new year.
Another side of love that is ugly and real. You say it like it is and as painful as it was to read I am sure it was equally hard to write. I admire you for putting this down in words and sharing your pain with us all.
You summed up the loss so simply and so strongly. Loved all your verses here and your usage of swearing. It fit perfectly.
Well for a short poem this packs a lot of punch and incite. I don't know if anyone can really answer this question fully. I know that you broaching it here will provoke thought which is what a writer intentions should be with their prose.
You have left two hanging questions... the second line ensues that something happens as the clock keeps ticking and the days keep changing.. what changes? I like you are leaving these both up to the reader. But not answering them within the context you are engaging the reader with your poem.
Great idea. Really amazing three lines! Keep writing!
How truly clever is this! Really enjoyed all the music references and how you fit them all in. Still can't believe all the songs that you included here.
I found this an enjoyable read and almost could see it as a song in itself. Might be fun to try. lol! Great writing and quite remarkable really.
Can't wait to read more from your portfolio. Keep writing!
Oh this was a real tear-jerker but so good! Every word rang into my heart and I could feel Charlotte's pain watching her mom. I loved this story and its message.
What a great lead-up to the cardinal and such detail on packing up the food. Good lead-in on "Might even enjoy it more if it was something off your own line ... " That was brilliant.
I honestly like the way this is written. The start with the dog was the best way to begin such a story.
This was a powerful short story. WOW! Being a daughter of an Army Veteran I can relate to this story. I am glad that my dad's fate did not happen like this but he did pass in April 2020 after a battle with COVID. Thank Goodness he came out of that but died a few days later of its aftermath due to Parkinson's.
This was a well-told story that from the start was engaging. I loved the kiddos and the whole scene of them being in the room. The smell of his cologne and the old book was a great idea and really made us feel we were there in the room with them.
Great writing. It made me want to read more about these two children and how they ended up after this. Keep writing!
I found your story on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression:
Really real story. We have all been this person so it was very relatable.
Plot:
A great story about changing one's habits and enjoying the peacefulness of the morning.
Style and Voice:
This was told from Mary's POV. We could feel Mary's anguish at first when she was about to hit the snooze button.
Scene/Setting:
Great setup on the story. We knew exactly where she was and what was happening as she got up. It was like we were there.
Characters:
Mary was the character and she was clearly defined here in this story.
Dialog:
No dialog was needed the description was all we needed to guide us through the story. Show don't tell was perfectly used here.
Grammar and Mechanics:
No errors in grammar or mechanics.
Suggestions:
Keep writing more on this. I want to know more about what she facing on this day. Why she got up early this time? This story made me want to know more about Mary. Great job!
Oh man! What a great story and so full of love and adventure. From the moment that he got on that plane to running around from place to place looking for that treasure, I was hooked line and sinker! Really loved the whole premise and how she came up with this to keep him busy and could have a great memory to take back with him.
I was actually tearing up when it was disclosed that it was her that set it all up. I would actually have done the same. Thank you for such a wholesome story with a wonderful ending. Just love those. In a world already full of sadness and anger, I love the WDC world the best!
Keep writing! Loved it! Loved your story and loved being your secret Santa. :)
From the moment I started to read this I was already laughing. The man in this was so dumb and so without a clue that it couldn't be that she just up and died and he didn't even notice it. But he really is that dumb and what a funny way to go after saying all those things about him "always being there for her."
This was a great story with such a funny ending. I really wasn't expecting it from the title which was a great surprise. So glad I stumbled upon this one and will enjoy reading more from your portfolio.
This was hilarious all the way to the end. I honestly didn't see this ending coming and thought you were dun fer. lol! I had a short stay as a child in NC and know the humor in most states is ok until your not a native, then out you go on your keister through those swinging gates. :)
I liked how this story continue and kept my attention throughout. The jokes to start it off was a great idea and set the pace. Couldn't stop laughing at the end which is to say what it was supposed to do. So good job. Loved it!
I found your poem on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Sadness. Moving and real raw emotion from the poet.
Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):
The format was sound and moved each line to the next.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
This was where this poem shined the most. The descriptions ex. piece of furniture, unraveling.. that was really great imagery. One could see this happening in the wind.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
Nothing to fix in this area.
Suggestions:
Was a bit confused with lines 1,2, and 3. Then I saw the footnote which then made it more moving that one shouldn't believe in love.
I found your poem on Read and Review. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Moving. I felt what the poet was feeling when I read this.
Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):
The form was something I have not seen before. The lines seem to get longer and longer as it went on. There was no rhyme but for the type of poem it was rhyming wasn't needed. The message spoke through every line.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
You could feel the voice of the poet as it conveyed the pain of losing someone they loved.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I would possibly make the i's in your poem capital. It was hard to go past them without not thinking that they should be capitalized. But this is my own preference. Other than that I see no grammar, spelling, or mechanical errors.
Suggestions:
I love the way you expressed yourself in this poem.
OMG seriously riveting. Could not stop reading. :)
This was truly unexpected but sort of not. You lead the reader just enough to want to find out what the heck was in those containers. Each "gift" he gave her was more disturbing than the other. I had a strange feeling that these containers were the icing on the cake.
I loved the mystery of this story. Don't know how you came up with this idea but it truly was off-the-wall good. Oh and the 12 containers each containing the head of a redhead... now that was quite an ending indeed.
Great writing. I honestly can't wait to read more from your portfolio. Wonderful suspense.
This was seriously well-written. :) Each line is placed perfectly and rhymes all the way through. Not a single section was repeated but had another viewpoint to share about the farm. It took me back to my days on my mamaw and papaw's farm. Loved each line for it all hit home. Almost to the core at times especially the selling of the farm..went through that as well.
I really liked this and will look forward to looking at more of your poetry in your portfolio. Thank you for sharing your memories. You doing so brought my good ones back as well.
I found your poem on By Online Authors. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
It was really well done and not only the rhyming kept me reading but the pictures as well.
Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):
The rhyming was perfect throughout. So descriptive.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
The imagery was spot on in the poem. The poet's voice was very prevalent throughout especially using the bold and colored type.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I see no grammar, spelling, or mechanical errors in this poem.
Suggestions:
No suggestions for improvement. I have to say though that your use of the prompt was really amazing! And you made poetry look fun. :)
I was going to use the review tool but after reading this yet a second time, I felt the need to make this review come from me. What a surprise ending. Was not expecting it which made it more gripping. Follow the moon... great title and your writing supported it throughout.
The format was perfect as it guided me along each line. It was short but packed a big punch. The fact that you wrote this from a single photo is a gift all in itself. I only suggest that you write more of where this came from. I will check out your portfolio again soon.
Thank you for sharing this poem. Keeping writing! :)
I just love this song! I loved it the minute it came out and honestly anything with Rascal Flatts has me cheering and inspired.
Your honesty about what this song means to you was touching, to say the least. It seems as though it brought in you the best and gave you hope. Your description of your life was a story all in and of itself and adding the song only made it more gripping. I am happy to hear that you are doing better and shooting for some goals in your life and also in your writing.
Thank you for posting this song, I needed to hear it today (It's Monday here, and ugh not liking rain and wind either) But more importantly thank you for your candidness about your life and what you went through. Everyone has a story and I am so glad you are telling yours.
I found your poem on By Online Authors. I enjoyed reading it and hope you find this feedback useful.
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact:
Loved this. I am sucker for the sea. So this was right up my alley.
Form, Format, Rhyme, and Meter (as applicable):
Very unique format. No need for rhyme it was perfect just the way it is. I have never seen a form like this but it totally worked for this kind of poetry.
Artistic Voice and Imagery:
Very descriptive. Love that the love of the sea came out from the writer as well.
Grammar, Spelling and Mechanics:
I found no grammar, spelling, or mechanical errors.
Suggestions:
Honestly, loved it. Love the whole mermaid thing, the writing on flattened seaweed and references throughout about the sea. :) Can't wait to read more from your portfolio.
WOW! Music and writing. My two very favorite things. Really brilliant idea taking a song and making it into present day material things. Liked your ingenuity. And the camaraderie between these two were great from the start. It was like we were sitting there watching this all occur.
I do love happy endings. Glad they stayed together. :)
Printed from https://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hemmingway
All Writing.Com images are copyrighted and may not be copied / modified in any way. All other brand names & trademarks are owned by their respective companies.
Generated in 0.57 seconds at 5:16pm on Jun 08, 2023 via server web1.
Awards
Badges
Community Newsfeed
General Discussion
Sponsored Items
Auto-Reward Items
Static Items
Books
Groups
Interactive Stories
Audio
Campfire Creatives
Community Notes
Crossword Puzzles
Documents
Folders
Images
In & Outs
Madlibs
Photo Albums
Polls
Product Reviews
Quizzes
Survey Forms
Web Pages
Word Searches
Overall Impression/Emotional Impact: