Hi I am Farooq. I am reviewing the story "Protagonist-Backstory-NaNoWriMo" on behalf of WDC Power Reviewers.
Wishing you a very Happy Account Anniversary. Hope you have many more. Cheers!
I believe this is some sort of prologue or the introductory chapter of a novel. Its basically about a girl Mia who comes home to find hrself in a situation. She learns that her mother has left them for good. It also introduces us to her sister and her father who I believ is a mean character because of the way she backs away from him.
At the end of reading it, I wanted to read more. This is a good introduction, enough to raise the curiosity of the reader. You have done well on that point.
A few suggestions if I may.
>> "Mia came home unexpectedly early the night that everything changed." -->> punctuation is missing here.
>>Consider revising the following sentence. It is too long, wordy and I lost track before I completed reading it. " Peter had cheated (again) and had been caught (again) because he was too stupid to consider going anyplace else besides the food court at Northgate mall to make out with Alice Smithy, even though everyone knew that Shannon’s best friend, Katherine, worked at the mall."
>> try reducing the adverbs. It is advisable to use them sparingly.
>> In the second para she sees her dad in front of the TV. Then later in another line she sees here sister. Was her sister not visible the first time she saw her dad?
The above suggestions are just minor one. other than that the story seems fine.
*** The opinion expressed is purely from the way I saw your story. Please discount anything you feel is inappropriate. Hope I was constructive and have added my bit to help.