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Printed from http://www.writing.com/main/profile/reviews/hikerangel
Review Requests: ON
41 Public Reviews Given
Public Reviews
1
1
Review of Raven Speak  
for entry "The Conflagration
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Wow! This one is truly powerful. A brilliant piece of poetry, Hullabaloo...
2
2
Review of Whisper  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: E | (5.0)
A 55-word story, eh? Not so easy, though you made it work so incredibly nicely. You even managed a beautifully orchestrated twist ending. Truly amazing work! Loved it! :)
3
3
Review of Arrivals  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
What a great idea to set the story at an airport! A perfect place for body language. I love the climactic scene too:

"She was dressed casually and was clearly nervous; she chewed at her bottom lip as she looked around. Her eyes met his and there was a spark of hope, then a realization. They walked slowly towards each other, but as they got nearer their pace quickened. She dropped her bag to the ground and opened her arms towards him, and his own arms enveloped her in a hug."

So perfect! Even that paragraph builds suspense and has perfect pacing. Then, the big payoff. It's a fulfilling story in a single paragraph. You're so great with creating elegance with word economy. I always abuse adjectives... but I'm working on that! :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
4
4
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Really well done! Great choice to open and clothes with the name jokes. And paint pictures with the clothes (or lack thereof). This is a really thoughtful, clever way to pull off this kind of story. LOVED it! :)
5
5
Review of Work of ages.  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: E | (5.0)
I really enjoyed this one. It’s so simple but so vivid and polished—really effective at making its point with great sensory imagery. Loved it!
6
6
Review of In The Cards  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
Nice twist in this one! I wish I'd thought of that... :)
7
7
Review of Me and Marnie  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: ASR | (4.5)
Oooo--nice story! Really enjoyed this one. Bonus points for using the word: "codswollop." :)
8
8
Review of Damage  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
I love the dialog in this one! A great way to make the prompt work too... :)
9
9
Review of Those Misty Eyes  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
A wonderful bit of misdirection and a double twist in the end. I love your minimalist style on this one too. It just paints the canvas with everything you need and let’s the imagination fill the spaces between... :)
10
10
Review of Birds in the Nest  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: E | (4.5)
Love the bird metaphor in this one! Your poetry never disappoints... :)
11
11
Review of Chainsaws  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
I love the idea of the mundane day that suddenly turns horrifying. I’ve attempted to do it a couple of times, but it never turns out well. You seem to pull it off with ease. I really liked this one. Nice work! :)


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
12
12
Review of Forest Sunset  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: E | (5.0)
This is truly excellent. The imagery is so vivid and active. This is my favorite of all the entries on My Word this week. :)
13
13
Review of Faith Healer  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
It's getting readers because it is a freaking amazing story, Bob! :)
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14
Review of The Deadline  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
Ha! I love both the creepy printer and the ending using the image of the newspaper headline... well done! The monster in the shadows is more terrifying than the one in the light. As a writer, losing a 98-page story might be more horrifying still! :)

Here are a couple of things that I think might help make this nicely twisted little tale even better!

1. Joe starts off tired, but he just achieved something great! Maybe tweaking the start to something more dynamic to SHOW a little more and tell a little less. It might also make him more likeable/relatable to the reader. This is what I'm thinking:

"Joe was tired. Very tired. His hands ached from all the keyboarding he had done beginning early in the morning."

...becomes something a little more dynamic/descriptive along the lines of...

"Joe's chin hit the keyboard, shocking him back into consciousness. Even now, however, his eyes drooped and his hands ached from twelve straight hours of keyboarding."

2. Involving more senses makes the writing more dynamic and memorable as well. For example:

"Just as he was about to pour two fingers into a shot glass, he heard a sudden sound. Joe spun around looking for the source of the sound. The bottom of the bourbon bottle knocked the glass onto the floor."

...becomes something more like...

"Just as he was about to pour two fingers, a massive crash rattled the glass on the bar, causing it to clang against the bottle of bourbon. Joe spun, eyes seeking the source of the sound. His elbow caught the bottle, sending the glass rocketing to the ground, shards of glass exploding over the floor like crystalline fireworks.

Anyway, I hope that helps. In extremely short fiction like this, you have only a thousand words to make a real impression on the reader, so you want to make it as dramatic as possible.

Your story itself is great, I love it! If you involve a few more senses and images, I think it will be something really special. I hope this is helpful. I can't wait to read more from you...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
15
15
Review of L'aura del Campo  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 18+ | (5.0)
Nice job! I love the juxtaposition of baking and war, the gradual transition of the poem from peace to violence. Really interesting work...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
16
16
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (5.0)
What a great story! Wonderfully creative on the McGuffin to initiate the transformation, likeable, well-defined characters, and a great teaser ending! I think this is my favorite, so far, of your stories. It’s extremely well-written. Nice work!!!
17
17
Review of Wrecking Ball.  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: ASR | (5.0)
Hullabaloo, you are such a gifted writer. I don't know how you do it! I can come up with ideas, but my execution is always... lacking. Both your prose and poetry have this simple elegance, a feel both raw and polished. Your style is something I aspire to someday approach...


*Gold* My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!.
18
18
Review of The Last Waltz  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: 13+ | (4.5)
A nice twist in this little tale! I love your style--it's subtle and lyrical. You make a club seem practically elegant! I hope that you keep at the contest. It's a fun group of people who regularly participate...

19
19
Review of Taking a Break  
Review by HikerAngel
Rated: E | (4.0)
I really got a kick out of this one! Thank you for sharing it. It was fun to read!
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